Is this hell or is it just me??? (1019 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.32 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kthsgoodgrl skeeter-rocky.at.hotmail (View user info) at 2006-01-24 15:56:28 EST
At 49 I consider myself an "elder" uber-addict, as I'm sure the majority of you are much younger. I don't consider myself old. I don't
feel old...I don't act old...and I don't know when or how it happened, but the fact remains, I'm pretty fucking close to a half a century old.
Most of the time I don't give it a second thought. I have a great relationship with a 48 year old guy who stopped maturing at about age 14, he's the most entertaining, fun, happy-go-lucky, spontaneous man on the planet and we have a fantastic sex life. Don't let anyone tell you that
your sex life has to slow down as you get older, it's just not true!! In fact, the reason I chose to call myself Keith's Good Girl is because I love it when he runs his fingers through my hair and says "Good girl" when I suck his dick or when we're having teh buttsecks!
I don't buy into the whole idea that you should "act your age". Fuck that!! Life's too short to take life too seriously. As long as you're taking care of business, (paying your bills, keeping the wolf at bay financially, etc.) then I say go for the gusto! Have some fun. Age is just a a number, it's all about how you feel, and I feel about 25 most of the time. But....Having said that, there is one thing that I want to warn the women of uber (and men with women in their lives) about, and it's not pretty. There is just no escaping it. You'll get your turn, and I just want you to be prepared. FUCKING MENOPAUSE!!!!
There, I said it. There is only one thing to say about menopause...It SUCKS!!! I am of the opinion that all women between the ages of 40 and 55 should just be locked in a room somewhere where they can do themselves or others no harm. Oh, and that room must be equipped with a heater on one side of the room turned up to 90 degrees and an air conditioner on the other side set at about 65. You'll spend all your time just walking from one side of the room to the other because of the damn hot flashes. Just let the woman in question out 3 or 4 times a week to fuck until she gets through it, and the world will be a better place.
This whole process seems to be winding down in my case, so I think I just may survive it, yesterday was the first time in about 6 months that I had to play Russian Roulette with the thermostat, and that's what prompted this post. There is a plus side to this whole thing though, so don't lose heart...As my fiance (11 days until the wedding and counting) says, "Hey, no PMS factor!"
Feel free to ask if you have any questions, I've always heard it's best to get your advice from someone who's "been there"...and I definitely qualify.
User Reviews
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-05-02 13:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-05-05 02:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-04-13 14:09:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
If you're going to have a title like that, might as well have some old people buttsecks. What the fuck is your problem?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-25 10:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Premature menopause is horrible. Hey, at least you stop the bleeding yeah? Actually - do you? Otherwise what's the point?
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-01-25 07:45:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So it's true... As you get older, you lose control of your vowels.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-25 07:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think the post is very good but the obvious distress it caused is funny.
HEY DUDE! YOUR MUM HAS SEX WITH YOUR DAD! BURN!
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-25 02:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Re-posting mine since I saw all the -2s
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-25 02:23:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
You have a great outlook. I had a girlfriend once who had {sp} indometriosis, and had to get injecctions to induce pre-menopause. She started getting hot flashes and all, at 23, we'd have to fan her, she'd get that hot. Also, she grew some strange hairs, in strange places. That's just TMI, i know, but thought you'd be interested. Yooung girls go through menopause too, sometimes!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2006-01-25 02:35:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're older than my mom and that's gross...
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-01-25 02:33:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My girlfriend is of the same age and no, it's not you it's hell!! But from what I read here is that you shouldn't worry too much as you have this great partner. I stopped growing up at 17 myself and that's why I like to read the other kids post on this site. It keeps my young. Go on being a good girl until you're upgraded to being a good wife. G'luck on the marriage thingy.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-01-25 02:23:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You have a great outlook. I had a girlfriend once who had {sp} indometriosis, and had to get injecctions to induce pre-menopause. She started getting hot flashes and all, at 23, we'd have to fan her, she'd get that hot. Also, she grew some strange hairs, in strange places. That's just TMI, i know, but thought you'd be interested. Yooung girls go through menopause too, sometimes!
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-01-25 02:20:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This alternated between disgusting and boring.
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-25 02:10:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
hmm....why am I giving this a -1 you ask?...or not?....i have no idea.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-25 00:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 by the way... 49 isn't old
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-25 00:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this has been done before: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-01-24 19:41:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I barfed halfway through. Sorry, Grandma.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-01-24 19:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes you don't act old. You behave like a tenn in its 15ns...
Way to go moron alter.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-24 18:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Do you let Keith spew his man juices into your gaping bunghole, or is a pullout followed by a back fat dousing required?
Just curious.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-01-24 18:44:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:02:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:12:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shenanigananinaniganinaniganery.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:14:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
but whose alter are you and why?
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:02:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:12:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shenanigananinaniganinaniganery.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kthsgoodgrl (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:27:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
yep, very sad, but true
I am 49
and 3 or 4 times a week IS fantastic at this age, with all the pressures of everyday life
all you under 30's will remember this one day
so say what you will, i've heard it all
oh yeah, i'd show you my tits, but they're old and saggy too!!!
----
No really that's fine. I'm okay without seeing them.
And yeah 3-4 times a week is pretty good at that age. Of course I go 3-4 times in a day when I see my gf, but that makes up for the entire week since I only see her on weekends :-(
Sadness is me.
I still dare someone to beat my record of 8 times in 9 hours WHILE having a cold. Beat that mother fuckers.
Submitted by Tormencha (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When menopause hits is it harder and dryer when you try and shove your "OLD" boyfriend limp rooster into your bunghole?
Good girl.....ummpphh!
Submitted by kthsgoodgrl (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yep, very sad, but true
I am 49
and 3 or 4 times a week IS fantastic at this age, with all the pressures of everyday life
all you under 30's will remember this one day
so say what you will, i've heard it all
oh yeah, i'd show you my tits, but they're old and saggy too!!!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm 63.
Submitted by DeadHorse (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHOW US YOUR TITS!
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:18:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kinda sad that people refuse to accept a 49yr old woman could write such a thing.
Shit I can't beleive I just typed that.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:12:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In fact, the reason I chose to call myself Keith's Good Girl is because I love it when he runs his fingers through my hair and says "Good girl" when I suck his dick or when we're having teh buttsecks!
--------------------
Shenanigananinaniganinaniganery.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:11:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I suspect not an alter.
Then again I'm very gulliable
Submitted by kthsgoodgrl (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not shenanigans
not an alter
pure truth
you'll know when you get there
enjoy being young while it lasts
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:10:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-01-24 15:58:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shenanigans
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
In fact, the reason I chose to call myself Keith's Good Girl is because I love it when he runs his fingers through my hair and says "Good girl" when I suck his dick or when we're having teh buttsecks!
------
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand alter.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:05:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Saggy vaginal lips. Fucking sick.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:03:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:01:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
skeet skeet
===================
Why did this make me laugh?
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
At first I thought you were gay and that this post was going to turn out to be interesting...
Unfortunately for everyone I was wrong on both counts.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:02:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In fact, the reason I chose to call myself Keith's Good Girl is because I love it when he runs his fingers through my hair and says "Good girl" when I suck his dick or when we're having teh buttsecks!
----------------
This creeped me the fuck out.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
In fact, the reason I chose to call myself Keith's Good Girl is because I love it when he runs his fingers through my hair and says "Good girl" when I suck his dick or when we're having teh buttsecks!
--This made me alternately cry, puke and picture lots of wiggling flesh
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:01:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
skeet skeet
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
likley shenanigans yes. a shrewd attempt at most heated perhaps, might work.
Fuck I need to learn how to spell. then again, what for?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-24 15:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Old people sex makes me horny.
NO GRANDMA NO!!! DOWN! BAD GRANDMA! GET OFF OF HIM! NO!!! *sprits with water bottle* BAD!
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-01-24 15:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Just let the woman in question out 3 or 4 times a week to fuck until she gets through it, and the world will be a better place.
==============================
3 or 4 times a week? You consider that a fantastic sex life?
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-01-24 15:58:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shenanigans