Life as He knows it, Episode I - Spaghettios and a Goat Named Dugan (550 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by lungbutter (View user info) at 2006-01-24 16:11:33 EST
I received the below email excerpt from an estranged friend I thought lost in the desert somewhere outside of Vegas. It seems he got out, a very "Cheeeee-eeze"-esque manuever, worthy of praise and celebratory shots, for good measure and times.
Sadly, the desert has had quite an effect on his young mind, an effect greatly exacerbated by his chronic alcoholism and thirst for acceptance, knowledge, and a working "Shift" key.
It seems that my friend's lonesome path has led him to university, where he seeks dictionary and grammar. This is His story. His words.
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after a late night of drinking last night i had to be up at 7 this morning. so when i finally woke up at 8:15 after a good hour of walking around my room every three minutes to hit the snooze button on one of the three alarms that attempt to wake me every morning i finally woke up not feeling my best.
I had no breakfast food here so i had to stop and get mcdonalds on the way to class which i soon realized th dumb window bitch did not put the sausage, egg, or cheese in my sausage egg and cheese mcmuffin, thus making my breakfast a dry piece of bread. oh but she will soon get hers when she opens her little window tomorrow morning to a face full of a warm piss balloon.
so i go to class in the same jacket i had on last night which i didnt realize due to my bad sinusis that the jacket reaked of smoke and booze from the night prior, i could barely stand my own smell so i feel sorry for stevo who sat next to me.
so my day started off in a pretty shitty way to say the least so you can imagine my suprise when one of the greatest ideas popped into my mind...i want to get a goat for a pet.
you be thinking thats not a great idea but wait think again yea its pretty good.
see you could keep in you back yard or in the front yard on a leash (just until you could trust him not to run away) and you would never have to mow your lawn again. plus you would never have to bay the damn city for trash removal because you could just throw your trash outside and he would eat it.
what a drinking buddy you drink the beer he eats the can, its win- win. and every now and then the goat would get tired off eating your trash you would just throw him a can of spaghettios (a,b,c's and 1, 2, 3 preferably with meatballs) unopened and the goat (which i just named Dugan its an irish name i dont know why i just see my goat being irish, yours can be whatever you want) anyway back to the unopened can.
so dugan the goat would get this trash and be bored until he started eating and he realized this wasnt a regular trash day it was a full can of spaghettios that he had just gotten and it would be and this would be equivelnt to one of us winning the lottery for little Dugan.
he would just munch and munch on that can of spaghettios till they were all gone and he would be so happy he would go lay under the tree in the shade and take a nap and dream of the day he gets more spaghettios.
and now Dugan would really love me for what i had given him and he would stop eatting my flowers and other plants and just eat the grass and trash he was supposed to eat. plus now he wouldnt want to leave you cause he would miss spaghettio day so you could take off his leash that Dugan hates so much and this would make him love me even more.
so now you see that this really is a good idea.
i think me and Dugan are going to be grat friends.
Derrick
User Reviews
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-25 01:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
right...a goat
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:42:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know it seems like a fun idea but believe me, goats do not make good pets. They are mean and nasty and smelly.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-24 16:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
take a nap and dream of the day he gets more spaghettios.
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ahh, paradise