...and now a random fact about Jack Bauer: (801 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: -0.64 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Strider <jesseisquite.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-01-24 17:25:45 EST
After a half year hiatus I bring you 30 facts about Jack Bauer (sourced from http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/).
Original: NO
Funny: Yes
Some of these blow, I'm sure my fellow Uberites can come up with some better ones...and finally the list:
1. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
2. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
3. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
4. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
5. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
6. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
7. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
8. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
9. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
10. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
11. Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
12. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
13. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
14. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
15. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
16. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
17. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
18. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
19. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
20. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
21. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
22. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
23. Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
24. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
25. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
26. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.
27. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
28. The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
29. If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.
30. Jack Bauer can beat the gay out of Elton John.
Lastly, one of the better terrorists from the whole series...
User Reviews
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-01-25 16:29:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sydney Bristow is much cooler, ace.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-25 10:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-25 10:47:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
----
bart is my almighty leader.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-25 10:47:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2006-01-25 01:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh poopy, I guess they already did this with Chuck Norris, now I get the comments being left, apparently I've been gone too long, sheesh
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-01-25 00:27:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
wait for it....wait for it....ahhhh....-1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-01-24 20:47:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Never watched the show in my life.
Didn't know who the fuck you were talking about until I read one review.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-01-24 19:26:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh nononononono!
You did that.
You clever little bastard...
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-01-24 18:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Bauering. Er, I mean, 'boring'.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-01-24 18:31:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2006-01-24 18:03:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because 24 is awesome.
However, if Jack Bauer ever found out you were talking about him you'd be dead before you were born.
_________
Jack Bauer knows all
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-24 18:07:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this has been done before: http://www.ubersite.com/m/81177
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2006-01-24 18:03:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because 24 is awesome.
However, if Jack Bauer ever found out you were talking about him you'd be dead before you were born.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:59:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
well...this went over like a lead...well, you know.
Apparently many people view '24' as warmed-over Chuck Norris and I would whole-heartedly agree. Coupled with Dave Barry's running commentary the show has turned into more of a comedy. Please, go and enjoy his stuff more than this:
http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2006/01/24.html
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:39:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Blah.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
eh.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
blah blah Chuck Norris blah blah
*hand on the side of my face, elbow resting on the desk - finger tips tapping on side of head at the tedium*
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks for the constructive criticism echo!
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:31:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
CHUCK NORRIS IS LOOKING FOR YOU AND BOY IS HE EVER PISSED
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:30:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh. It was kind of funny with Chuck Norris. It sure doesn't take long for things to get played out.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-24 17:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't watch this show, so that's -2.
I really like these types of lists, so that's +2.
Evens out.