To Kill an American (723 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.75 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by oxymoron (View user info) at 2006-01-25 18:49:30 EST
This was emailed to me today, thought it was good, so I'm force feeding it to yous all.
Enjoy peeners
You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was
actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an
offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.
So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let
everyone know what an American is . so they would know when they found one.
(Good one, mate!!!!)
"An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German,
Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian,
Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian,
Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.
An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot,
Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native
Americans.
An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or
Muslim.
In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The
only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them
chooses.
An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will
answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to
speak for the government and for God.
An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the
world.
The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of
Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person to the
pursuit of happiness.
An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every
other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in
return.
When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago,
Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their
country!
As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any
other nation to the poor in Afghanistan. Americans welcome the best of
everything...the best products, the best books, the best music, the best
food, the best services. But they also welcome the least.
The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your
tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the
homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America.
Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September
11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the
World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries,
cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the
terrorists.
So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did
General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants
in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because
Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the
embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that
spirit, everywhere, is an American.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-15 20:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
oh great, ANOTHER fucking douchebag who likes to -2retal....that makes what, 287 now?
Enjoy your banning, assmunch.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-01-26 11:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago,
Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their
country!
----------
Yeah, we came with arms and supplies all right. We trained Osama bin Laden and the Muhajadeen to fight the evil Soviets, not a wise choice in the long run, was it?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 11:03:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post is the gayest thing since Sodom and Gomorrah.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-01-26 10:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you have failed at life, well done
Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2006-01-26 04:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So it might take a while then. Still if the jobs worth doing its worth doing well.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-26 00:52:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Next time, bake a fucking cake
Submitted by Bizantine (user info) at 2006-01-25 23:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
an Australian wrote THAT?
shenanigans
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-01-25 22:34:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I lied the beginning but it got to be a bit much.
Submitted by cdoggown (user info) at 2006-01-25 22:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Why do I hear Hulk Hogan's theme music?
"When the world's crashing down and it hurts inside
dun dun dun dun dundundundun"
Submitted by PoTtY (user info) at 2006-01-25 22:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love America. Agent McKinley, please stop wiring tapping my phone. KThanks.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2006-01-25 21:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:25:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:22:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
patriotism is the embodiment of the spirit of retarded.
====
And the annoying. And the preachy.
------------------------------------------------
now there is nothing wrong with being being proud of your country. you should just try to limit so you dont become retarded annoying or preachy
as for this post. yawn. seen it long ago and a disclaimer will never change that
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-01-25 21:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I believe that I embody the typical American. I swear and masturbate in public, I fuck prostitutes in Intercourse, Pennsylvania, I own a USA Hockey jersey, I represent the Hartford Whalers, I hate baseball, and I have 3rd graders tickle my butthole with their itsy, bitsy, chubby, little sausage fingers when I drop acid while I operate heavy machinery.
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-01-25 21:01:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's funny, I don't feel like the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by seasofseems (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:43:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'll like this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/82890
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:31:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:25:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:22:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
patriotism is the embodiment of the spirit of retarded.
====
And the annoying. And the preachy.
And the gassy.
:'-(
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:22:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
patriotism is the embodiment of the spirit of retarded.
====
And the annoying. And the preachy.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:23:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm soooo sorry. I guess I forgot that some people's brains can't handle seeing two posts by the same author. Again, sorry if I caused any harm to your hair platform.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:23:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
While I agree with sentiment of the post, I also must agree with many reviewers in that this is old, old.
I won't pash you for multiple postings, either. This time.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
patriotism is the embodiment of the spirit of retarded.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:11:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Yee haw, Gawd bless America.
Submitted by seasofseems (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha
Good retort there. Can't argue with that.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:09:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:01:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-25 18:56:08 (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude- this is chain mail from 2001. Check Snopes.
+1 for the sentiment, but I get enough chain mail of my own.
------------------------------------
Read the first line.
-----------------------
Yeah, I did. And he checked his e-mail 4.5 years too late. Just because it says so doesn't excuse it from being a copy/paste of an ancient fwd:fwd:fwd: etc, etc.
I love America. I HATE CHAIN MAIL.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:05:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, puhleeeze.
Everyone knows Americans are white, middle class people with homes, health insurance, two cars and a desk job.
Everybody else....they're just so much shit.
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-25 18:56:08 (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude- this is chain mail from 2001. Check Snopes.
+1 for the sentiment, but I get enough chain mail of my own.
------------------------------------
Read the first line.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-01-25 19:00:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-01-25 18:55:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking right
Submitted by Smack_Fuck (user info) at 2006-01-25 18:57:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
1 a day shit head.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-25 18:56:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude- this is chain mail from 2001. Check Snopes.
+1 for the sentiment, but I get enough chain mail of my own.
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-01-25 18:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
except for Mexicans. they're just lazy.
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-01-25 18:55:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking right