Thank You G.I. Joe. (615 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.81 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by D0S (View user info) at 2006-01-26 00:55:18 EST
"It's your turn to pick one, dad"
The battle lines had been drawn. For the first time in my feeble existence, I sided with the Cobras. Well, I kind of got screwed into siding with the Cobras, simply because my dad had won the coin toss, and decided to sucker punch my 9 year old balls by picking Duke, the leader of the GI Joes. So naturally my first draft pick is Cobra Commander; if the name hasn't already given it away, he is the leader of the villainous Cobras.
"This time, pick three"
I was getting anxious to start the battle. Oh what a glorious battle it shall be. If memory serves me correctly, this would be World War 4; World War 3 was last Tuesday. I cautiously watched my dad eyeing the toy box, and I immediately knew what soldiers he was going to draft next. His hands were dirty, especially his fingernails. I noticed them as he dug deep into the toy box, and produced his next three GIs. He probably had a long day at work, at least, that's what mom always says when he comes home and doesn't want to be bothered. Such things were of no concern to me at this point, especially after seeing his new recruits.
"Lets see here, we got Stalker, Rock n' Roll and Snake Eyes"
Snake Eyes. Motherfucker. At the time I did not know what the word meant, but I felt like saying it anyway. Just like how mom and dad would say it, when they'd get mad at things. I figured I could snatch Snake Eyes from him, seeing as how he was my favorite GI Joe to play with. Only problem was that he was in fact, a GI Joe and not a Cobra, and my father knew this.
"That's how we're gonna play, huh?"
I devilishly reached into the toy box and produced Zartan, Destro and Storm Shadow. I could tell my dad was mildly upset, because as far as we were concerned, Storm Shadow was on the fence. He had been with the Cobras and the GI Joes before, so we figured he was fair game for any faction to pick up. Luckily, that little rule was in my favor.
After we rounded out the odds and ends, our rosters were ready for battle. The only thing left to do was set up the battlefield. The GI Joes were fortunate enough to have in their possession a Tank, a Jeep with mounted rocket launchers, and bitchin' tiger striped bomber. I didn't feel any pressure. My Cobras were outfitted with a Tank of their own, a helicopter with working wench and a Battle Boat. We both noticed that there was not a definite water source present in my bedroom, so dad said the Boat could be used as another Tank. I didn't argue and agreed to use it as another Tank.
The name of the game today was assault. The toy box served as the GI Joe's main base of operations, whereas the shoe box and stack of comic books where their heavily fortified defenses. The dirty socks to my left served as the hedge grove for my Cobra units to hide and plan their method of attack. The lunch box was Cobra Commander' main chamber, where he could survey the battle from a safe and secure location. After a few minutes of setting up or soldiers, it was time to begin.
My dad looked at me and smiled. I didn't know what for. If it was his way of trying to inspire sympathy out of me, it will certainly get him no where. When it came to playing GI Joes vs. Cobra, my motto was and always will be Ruthless Aggression.
"You ready, son?"
"Yeah, lets make this quick. Hopefully by the time my medics clear your soldiers dead bodies off the field, it'll be time for dinner"
My dad chuckled, and then put his game face on. Seeing as how my goal was to assault and capture the toy box, I made the first move. I glanced over his front line. I could see a few GI Joes whose names I don't recall, and then I could see the replacements. Each of our teams had a number of replacements. My dad had chosen Spider Man, Wolverine and the Blue Power Ranger. My replacements consisted of Venom, Darth vader and Spawn. Sure, they were a lot bigger than the GI Joes were, plus they didn't fit into any of the vehicles, but they mattered nonetheless.
The battle began with a missile attack from my Cobra Tank. It managed to hit the stack of comic books, and fall to the floor. I commanded my front lines to charge, moving numerous GI Joes and the replacements onto the battlefield; the floor of my bedroom. Soon enough, my dad's GI Joes were on red alert, and he strategically stationed his Tank in front of the toy box; sort of a last defense of his Alamo. The first of casualties was met when Spawn succumbed to a shot gun wound to the chest, courtesy of Stalker. That son of a bitch I thought to myself, I couldn't just let him go down that easy. Venom came to Spawn's aid, unleashing a devastating web attack on Stalker, then removing his head with his claws.
It was chaotic. Dying men screaming, missiles flying, shoeboxes getting carpet-bombed. My dad's Tiger Bomber had already decimated the hedge grove, leaving my troops out in the open. At this point, I had Cobra Commander um, command the troops to start a guerilla war. The blue power ranger was helpless to avoid the onslaught of my Boat-turned-Tank's battering ram, and soon felt the sweet release of death. Not before my dad's Jeep could punish Zartan and Destro with a 2-for-1 rocket blast kill.
At first I thought, that's not fair. But what is fair, on the battlefield? There's no Geneva Convention in this bedroom. As soon as I noticed my numbers where thinning, I decided to do something I normally wouldn't during battle. I suicide bombed my dad's Tank using my own tank, piloted by none other than Darth Vader himself. It was a mighty loss, but such a noble sacrifice. With both tanks now reduced to scrap piles, it was up to me to stage a united offensive. I got up as quick as I could and ran to my closet. When I returned, my dad knew that this battle would soon be decided.
I returned from the closet, hands full of stormtroopers ready to deploy death wherever it was needed. My 5-man stormtrooper death squad annihilated the remaining GI Joes guarding the toy box. At this point, my dad saw fit to deploy any methods to survive and with that, suicide bombed my boat-turned-tank with his Tiger striped Bomber. I was stunned. The chaos had reached a crucial choke point. All that remained on the battlefield were the bodies of the fallen, the toy box, and our remaining heroes.
"I want to negotiate a truce...." Dad said.
"I see you've had enough of this bloodshed as I have. Very well, send out your leader so that he may meet mine on the battlefield to negotiate".
Amidst the overturned tanks, socks, shoes and boxes, Duke and Cobra Commander stood face to face. My dad managed to raise Duke's hand, suggesting a handshake to end the war. I accepted and both men shook hands. Once the handshake commenced, I realized that we both had one soldier left on our teams. Apparently, so did my dad.
Snake eyes sprung fourth out of my dad's left hand, and sliced Cobra Commander right down his chest. It was a mortal wound. My leader was killed, assassinated; and he fell on the same field as the rest of his men, my team. I instinctively reached for my ace-in-the-hole, Storm Shadow, who was sitting comfortably in the Cobra Helicopter my dad had all but forgotten. With the one and only remaining missile, I deployed a payload of death onto Duke, the likes of which he had never seen.
The day was monumental; it has seen the deaths of great soldiers, as well as their Leaders. All that was left was the war between the 2 ninjas. Somehow, my dad and I both knew it would come down to this. Without having to be challenged to do so, I landed the helicopter and removed Storm Shadow from the cockpit. From there we both had our heroes draw their collective swords. Upon a battlefield of blood, smoke and tragedy, the final war would be a war for honor.
My dad struck first, thrusting close to my hero's chest. But the ending would not come that quick. Lying on our bellys and facing each other, the sword fight took place on top of the toy box, the last stand for all GI Joes and the holy trinity for all Cobra soldiers.
Intense and awe inspiring, the swordplay was unbelievable. Counters abound; both soldiers seemed exhausted from battle. And I'd have to admit, my hands were cramping. The two ninja warrior's swords locked up, and both were left in a fierce test of strength to see who would break, and who would deliver the killing blow. Just as I was about to have Storm Shadow break free and swipe Snake eye's head clean from his shoulders, the bedroom door had swung open.
"Its dinner time, kids" mom exclaimed.
"ahhh...already?" I heavily sighed with relief.
I looked at my dad. His face told me he had had enough of war, and thankfully, so had I.
"Truce?"
"Yeah, truce. Good war though. You really surprised me with the whole suicide bombing. But that was a good idea, I liked it."
"Yeah, you liked it enough to steal it, dad" I laughed.
I didn't play too much with my dad after that. I guess we just grew apart the more I grew up. But I'll never forget WWIV, the day two teams, two factions came to terms and settled their differences. The day a father and son bonded, which will remain one of my greatest memories for the rest of my life.
User Reviews
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:42:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're welcome, tron.
by the way, do you remember the name of that huge ass tank the GI Joes had? the one that shot nerf missiles? i always wanted that tank, but it was like $100. and to a 9 year old, that might as well have been $1,000,000.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:26:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Makes me think back to when I was six and we had to move from Texas to Virginia.
My dad had moved up there before my mom and I to get his job at the Pentagon arranged and get the house settled, etc. When we arrived about a week later, he gave me a tour of the new house and saved my room for last. In it he'd set up that gigantic GI Joe aircraft carrier to-do, and decked it out with a few guys to add to my collection. Even threw in an F-14.
Mind you, I was six, so this thing was bigger than I was.
Sure, ultimately it was a means to buy my compliance with the move, but damned if my little first-grade self didn't have a price.
We had a lot of fun with that carrier in my childhood.
I'd kind of set that memory in the back of my head for a while. This brought it back.
Thanks for that.
Submitted by jagmcmanus (user info) at 2006-01-26 06:23:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm glad you could bond while g.i joes were being fatally wounded,
so many cobras and g.i joes will never see their sons or fathers again did you ever stop to think about that?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 06:08:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's got everything except meatballs.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-01-26 05:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah, a good warm-fuzzy feeling. there as a time in my life, where i was actually innocent and child-like. sometime there after, satan took over.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 05:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Transformers were better. Except when Bruticus' chest plate fell off AGAIN, and Devastator's leg fell off AGAIN, and Galvertron never really looked to scale. I mean he was nearly as tall as Superion. That's just wrong.
Superion's voice was homo in the cartoons.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-01-26 04:59:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your dad was a goddamn geek
Also, Nellypaal makes a good point.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-26 04:50:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'a helicopter with working wench'
I'm sorry, but I stopped reading here 'cause it simply wasn't going to get any better than that.
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-01-26 04:23:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-01-26 03:53:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
with your usage of the words: Joe, GI and especially Cobra(when used as a moniker for a
patrol, mission, asset or matériel) comes a +2 ranking, if only for the; "I remember when"
memories they invoke for me
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-01-26 02:40:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was so cute. I liked it. Your dad sounds like he was awesome!
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-01-26 01:09:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed reading this.