Berty proposes a change in the National Anthem (1504 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.75 on 80 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2006-01-26 06:57:58 EST
Hi there
For those of you that don't know, the English national anthem is God Save the Queen. Despite an attempted re-write by the sex pistols, it is a dirge.
It is theorised that the sole reason some countries enter the olympics is to prevent England from winning and thus having to sit through this God awful noise. English atheletes always look so ashamed when they're on the podium whilst the whole world glares at them, with what has got to be the most depressing and boring shit in the background.
God Save the Queen is so bad that Thom Yorke is actually barred from singing it, by law, due to the potential health risks it would incur.
What we need is salvation, something new. Or rather different.
I personally suggest William Blakes 'Jerusalem' because it's mint and I have actual fantasies about singing it and having everyone join in as if it where a musical or something. Picture it with me:
(Two drunk men stumbles out of pub and start singing)
And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen?
(drunk men are joined by more blokes wandering down the street with arms around shoulders. Also they are now singing in tune)
And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
(More people turn up forming a crowd, or a mob depending on whether you're in front of them or behind)
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark Satanic mills?
(The sound is now tuneful and forceful like a full choir (which was sneakily snuck in after "mills")
Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
(crescendo of singing, Tornado's streaming blue, red and white smoke ark through sky, Lord Paddy Ashdown lifts decapitated head of the hated Turk in the air, small children wave small flags, Prince Harry in Hitler costume and arseless leather chaps, animatronic corpse of John Lennon walks again, Terry Gilliam carried on the shoulders of Ghurkas, Fish and Chips all round and a pint of finest Indian Pale Ale.)
I will not cease from mental fight!
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand!
Till we have built Jerusalem!
In England's green and pleasant land!
Now it might be a little sensitive to sing about Jerusalem in these troubled times but it's important to remember that this song is about re-establishing the values of England and forgetting medieval greed that got us into this whole mess. It's about faith without institutions or icons, enlightenment without rigidity and fighting all that is corrupt in both within the hearts of men and upon the earth.
Anyway, that's my suggestion. I dare say others have their own ideas?
User Reviews
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-01-16 20:25:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um... as long as i'm not expected to sing either while drinking.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-16 20:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ah one of the finest examples of a 'brit post'.
I would like to propose we keep the anthem but replace 'Queen' with 'Quim' and also no-one is allowed to call her the Queen she has to be referred to as the Quim.
The power of the monarchy is strong - i felt a little bit guilty writing the above.
Me!
Mr no Filter!
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-01-16 20:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:02:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
The Australians wouldnt stand for a change in the anthem.
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WTF, we have our own anthem, and it kicks ...... er, well, it's okay I guess, and it has the word "girt" in it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-16 05:24:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was like finding a twenty quid note in the back of a pair of jeans I haven't worn in a while.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 07:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reference to tornados. A shit plane compared to the Americans, crap weapons, doesn't look great - but still flying front line service.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-30 07:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's just because I said "the hated turk" isn't it?
Now I'm pigeonholed as a post modern crusader.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 07:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-30 07:13:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
No it isn't. My hilarious ghey marriage post is the best.
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Imagery in this is far far better. Also, my reviews on this post are inspired. I particularly like it when I nominate a song by an American who lives in Germany as a new English anthem.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-30 07:13:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No it isn't. My hilarious ghey marriage post is the best.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 07:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is your best ever post Berty.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-30 06:58:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bought a tear to my eye.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-03-30 06:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HURTY! You are not fucking Scottish! Stop trying to fake it to fit in with your lass's friends and family. Be Proud. You are an Essex boy! It could be worse. You could be Bill Bailey.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-03-30 06:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-27 02:43:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-01-26 12:54:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 10:43:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
The Lightning Seeds? THE FUCKING LIGHTNING SEEDS?
I'll see you in hell first.
I'd rather be Welsh.
___________________________________________________________________
Don't fucking make me come over there..."rather be welsh"...fucking....shit....
Leave the Welsh alone, bitch.
----------------
At last! A welshman on Uber!
Oh I have dreamt of this day for so very very long. You won't understand what's so funny but the thing is that they speak their own inexplicable language and live in little pebbledashed houses. They're magical creatures like trolls! I love the welsh. They're far more entertaining than Scots.
___________________________________________________________________
True about the Scots like, we're too busy drinking Irn Bru, Whisky and beating our wives to be any fun. Or fiercely defending our wee bit hill and glen from the fucking South.
On a side note, the magical creatures comment made me laugh so hard I woke my lass up.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-01-30 22:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Little Brown Jug
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-27 04:16:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welsh posters. I'm gonna stick my neck out and say that Sainty is NOT Welsh. They may have a welsh parent or somesuch - but wont really be Welsh.
It'll be persecution by choice.
It's either that or they're a Lightning Seeds fan - in which case I am going to persecute them.
Welsh phrases akin to 'och crivens?' erm
Look you whatever!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-27 02:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-27 02:53:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hah! I should be so lucky.
There's a loud banging coming from upstairs. Either my housemates have really noisy sex when they don't think I'm here or there smashing the floor with hammers.
`````````````````````
Well now how would you know if someone were hitting on you if you don't answer back?
As for your neighbors, I think you ought to get yourself a nice guitar and practice to the beat of their, uh, beat.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-27 02:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-27 02:35:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-27 00:48:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
.....I'd be interested to see what you pump out.
~~~~~~~~~
OMG I THINK SHE'S HITTING ON YOU
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Hah! I should be so lucky.
There's a loud banging coming from upstairs. Either my housemates have really noisy sex when they don't think I'm here or there smashing the floor with hammers.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-27 02:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-01-26 12:54:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 10:43:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
The Lightning Seeds? THE FUCKING LIGHTNING SEEDS?
I'll see you in hell first.
I'd rather be Welsh.
___________________________________________________________________
Don't fucking make me come over there..."rather be welsh"...fucking....shit....
Leave the Welsh alone, bitch.
----------------
At last! A welshman on Uber!
Oh I have dreamt of this day for so very very long. You won't understand what's so funny but the thing is that they speak their own inexplicable language and live in little pebbledashed houses. They're magical creatures like trolls! I love the welsh. They're far more entertaining than Scots.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-01-27 02:35:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-27 00:48:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
.....I'd be interested to see what you pump out.
~~~~~~~~~
OMG I THINK SHE'S HITTING ON YOU
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2006-01-27 01:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
d00d, Jerusalem is totally, liek, in Saudi Israelia or summink.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-27 00:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like.
Hey Berty,
why don't you try some fiction?
I'd be interested to see what you pump out.
Submitted by darkspoon (user info) at 2006-01-26 16:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an American but I know this song by heart because they used to sing it all the time in Monty Python and I felt compelled to memorize it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 15:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I commend this post.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-01-26 13:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!SOUP'S ON BITCHES!!!
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-01-26 12:54:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 10:43:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
The Lightning Seeds? THE FUCKING LIGHTNING SEEDS?
I'll see you in hell first.
I'd rather be Welsh.
___________________________________________________________________
Don't fucking make me come over there..."rather be welsh"...fucking....shit....
Leave the Welsh alone, bitch.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-26 12:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is, how you say, 'ace'!
Also, the Mexican national anthem sounds like a Saturday morning cartoon show jingle...oh don't worry America, you'll be hearing it soon enough.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-26 12:41:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
god save the queen,
you know she ain't know human being.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-01-26 11:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Every national anthem should be switched to the Soviet Anthem.
I'm no commie, but it's awesome!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-01-26 11:22:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One of my favorite Simpsons moments is when Homer leads everyone at the ball diamond in the Canadian National Anthem.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 10:43:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Lightning Seeds? THE FUCKING LIGHTNING SEEDS?
I'll see you in hell first.
I'd rather be Welsh.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-01-26 10:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THREEEEEEEEEEE LIONS ON A SHIIIIRT.....
BBAAAAAAAAAHHH DE BEEE BAAAA DAAA DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I reckon
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 09:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
An old Kevin Keagnan song. You get no more English than good old KK.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-26 09:36:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You throw an orange soda my way as well and we'll talk.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-26 09:32:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOO FUUUTUUUURE...
NOOOO FUUUTUUUURE...
NOOOO FUUUTUUUURE...
FOR YOOOOOOU.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 09:28:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-26 09:19:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
As an American, I'm afraid i'm going to have to steal your idea for the anthem, give it a different title like "American Jerusalem", have some dumbasses with no talent sing it, tape it, broadcast it on television, hey, now i'm rich. You're a genius, pal.
-------
I want your first born daughter in trade.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-26 09:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As an American, I'm afraid i'm going to have to steal your idea for the anthem, give it a different title like "American Jerusalem", have some dumbasses with no talent sing it, tape it, broadcast it on television, hey, now i'm rich. You're a genius, pal.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:52:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
i disagree. the enlgish anthem, when sung by a big crowd of poms is quite impressive. And it definitely has that 'antthemy' quality that is so hard to fins in mdern music.
Now, to redskies, the australian anthem has nothing to do with shagging a carpet. I believe the song you are referring to is 'waltzing matilda' (not our anthem) which is the story of a thief stealing a sheep, getting caught and committing suicide by jumping in a pond.
our anthem is cool, and has a wicked heroic brass section at the start. It also uses the word 'girt', which is awesome. For the record it is called 'Advance Australia Fair', we mostly only sing the first verse, but maybe the second if the feeling hits us, and it basically points out why this country is so fucking awesome.
Keep God save the queen. Deep down we all know that whatever it is changed to will be boring and 'trendy', such that in 5 years time it will need to be changed again.
---
Cheerfully retracted.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:53:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some people stand in the darkness
Afraid to step into the light
Some people need to help somebody
When the edge of surrender's in sight
Don't you worry
It's gonna be okey
Cause I'm always ready
I won't let you out of my sight.
I'll be ready
I'll be ready
Never you fear
No don't you fear
I'll be ready
Forever and always
I'm always here.
In us we all have the power
But sometimes it's so hard to see
And instinct is stronger than reason
It's just human nature to me
Don't you worry
Its gonna be alright
Cause I'm always ready
I won't let you out of my sight.
I'll be ready
I'll be ready
Never you fear
No don't you fear
I'll be ready
Forever and always
I'm always here.
(Instrumental)
Cause I'm always ready
I won't let you out of my sight
I'll be ready
I'll be ready
Never you fear
No don't you fear
I'll be ready
Forever and always
I'm always here.
Forever and always
I'm always here.
no?
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i disagree. the enlgish anthem, when sung by a big crowd of poms is quite impressive. And it definitely has that 'antthemy' quality that is so hard to fins in mdern music.
Now, to redskies, the australian anthem has nothing to do with shagging a carpet. I believe the song you are referring to is 'waltzing matilda' (not our anthem) which is the story of a thief stealing a sheep, getting caught and committing suicide by jumping in a pond.
our anthem is cool, and has a wicked heroic brass section at the start. It also uses the word 'girt', which is awesome. For the record it is called 'Advance Australia Fair', we mostly only sing the first verse, but maybe the second if the feeling hits us, and it basically points out why this country is so fucking awesome.
Keep God save the queen. Deep down we all know that whatever it is changed to will be boring and 'trendy', such that in 5 years time it will need to be changed again.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:45:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:20:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
>from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying:
Valhalla, I am coming!
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.
Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
>from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green,
Can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war.
We are your overlords.
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.
So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day
Despite of all your losing.
AND IT'S DONE BY A BRUMMY!!! BERTY ALL YOUR DREAMS AND HOPES ARE ANSWERED!!!
-----------
It's about vikings, Red. Thus it is disqualified.
What about Underworld, Born Slippy?
---
I reckon come june/july when the English descend upon Germany it will seem curiously apt.
FURTHERMORE as the vikings invaded and are a large part of English culture and genestock (look at the giant women in Newcastle on a night out, clad in little more than a piece of armour and smelling of the fourth century - with beards)
Lager lager larger. Hmmmmm. Dutch word ofcourse isn't it? Laager. To lay down.
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves.
I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
And this is how it goes...
Brilliant at the Olympics - you can just see the Germans looking all Germanic and grumbling, while the Americans jive away. That's right - Jive. Jive talking mofos.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:48:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:38:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mind you - who actually had a good theme tune?
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Times like this, I wish we could post attachments with comments. BART, TAKE NOTE.
I like Brazil's anthem. It's cheery.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:45:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:20:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
>from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying:
Valhalla, I am coming!
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.
Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
>from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green,
Can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war.
We are your overlords.
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.
So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day
Despite of all your losing.
AND IT'S DONE BY A BRUMMY!!! BERTY ALL YOUR DREAMS AND HOPES ARE ANSWERED!!!
-----------
It's about vikings, Red. Thus it is disqualified.
What about Underworld, Born Slippy?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mind you - who actually had a good theme tune? France's is canny. Catchy and whatnot.
Canada's is plain embarrassing.
And American's has been butchered by too many 'singers' to have any credibility left.
Australia's is about shagging a carpet.
Maybe we should be thankful?
"They come from a land that's long and hilly
welcome to the gallant athletes from Chile!"
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree, our national anthem is the most depressing song in the world (except for "Want you back" by take that, that makes me want to slit my wrists with my own teeth)
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What about something from Iron Maiden?
2 Minutes to midnight maybe? That song kicked ass.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:28:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:17:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Which version?
---
The one with the lift music tune.
Then we could have the video too, would be a great precursor to the Queens speach.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:20:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
>from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands,
To fight the horde, singing and crying:
Valhalla, I am coming!
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.
Ah, ah,
We come from the land of the ice and snow,
>from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.
How soft your fields so green,
Can whisper tales of gore,
Of how we calmed the tides of war.
We are your overlords.
On we sweep with threshing oar,
Our only goal will be the western shore.
So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins,
For peace and trust can win the day
Despite of all your losing.
AND IT'S DONE BY A BRUMMY!!! BERTY ALL YOUR DREAMS AND HOPES ARE ANSWERED!!!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:16:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit Dave! Why the fuck don't we just have fucking MegaDeth or Whitney fucking Houstan compose it? We can't have a non British song! We're the ones that our songwriting on other people, not the other way around.
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I've got it!
http://users.wolfcrews.com/toys/vikings/
It's perfect.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:59:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a staunch royalist and don't want to change it.
Though if we have to, may I be so bold as to add "My Lovely Horse" by Father Ted into the pot?
-------------
Which version?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:16:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dammit Dave! Why the fuck don't we just have fucking MegaDeth or Whitney fucking Houstan compose it? We can't have a non British song! We're the ones that our songwriting on other people, not the other way around.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-01-26 08:06:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ye speaketh the truth.
BUT! And I mean but! How about making the English national anthem "Chim Chiminee" from Mary Poppins, instead?
Think about it:
Chim chiminee
Chim chiminee
Chim chim cher-ee!
A sweep is as lucky
As lucky can be
Chim chiminee
Chim chiminee
Chim chim cher-oo!
Good luck will rub off when
I shake 'ands with you
Or blow me a kiss
And that's lucky too
Now as the ladder of life
'As been strung
You may think a sweep's
On the bottommost rung
Though I spends me time
In the ashes and soot
In this 'ole wide world
There's no 'appier bloke
Up where the smoke is
All billered and curled
'Tween pavement and stars
Is the chimney sweep world
When the's 'ardly no day
Nor 'ardly no night
There's things 'alf in shadow
And 'alf way in light
On the roof tops of London
Coo, what a sight!
I choose me bristles with pride
Yes, I do
A broom for the shaft
And a broom for the flume
Though I'm covered with soot
From me 'ead to me toes
A sweep knows 'e's welcome
Wherever 'e goes
Chim chiminee
Chim chiminee
Chim chim cher-ee!
When you're with a sweep
You're in glad company
Nowhere is there
A more 'appier crew
Than them wot sings
"Chim chim cher-ee
Chim cher-oo!"
On the chim chiminee
Chim chim cher-ee
Chim cher-oo!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:59:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a staunch royalist and don't want to change it.
Though if we have to, may I be so bold as to add "My Lovely Horse" by Father Ted into the pot?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:48:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Any fuckin squaw that can pull a pint wiv whan tit and face dahn Jonny Allen gets my fackin vote.
"Wipes tear from eye."
--------
Barny. that's beautiful.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any fuckin squaw that can pull a pint wiv whan tit and face dahn Jonny Allen gets my fackin vote.
"Wipes tear from eye."
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:47:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just add one of those erm...
You know in guitar shops - they sell a little wind instrument thingy. Usually made of plastic
Kazoo?
Yeah - anyway - play the anthem on kazoo and also keyboard loaded with celebrity voxpops at different pitches. REMIX - RENEW.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:45:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good point Derval. That rules out banging choons and big beats as well.
I really can only think of Jerusalem. It's wicked bad.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:43:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:40:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:37:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well it's either that or Britannia really, isn't it? And you need to be an opera singer to sing the verses...
>>Barbara Windsor to do it. Even her name screams 'ENGLAND' in a used to be german but hiding it in a now we're at war with Fritz manner.
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Ugh... the mere thought of that woman (and I use the term under advisement) makes me want to vomit.
She's an infected pustule on the visage of this great nation and I for one would gladly volunteer to assassinate her.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We are forgetting the obvious "You're going to get your fucking head kicked in."
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:40:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:37:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well it's either that or Britannia really, isn't it? And you need to be an opera singer to sing the verses...
>>Barbara Windsor to do it. Even her name screams 'ENGLAND' in a used to be german but hiding it in a now we're at war with Fritz manner.
they only let the plebs sing the chorus, and it would appear you need to be wearing a Union Flag on your person somewhere
>>Geri Halliwell invented this
- painted on your face is acceptable - be squashed by hundreds of other similarly attired persons in a small space and waving a mini flag with an inane grin on your face...
>>That's patriotism.
I like Jerusalem personally.
Far more majestic than the current dirge. 'Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out this bunch of unelected spongers?' (I am duly crediting Mr Bill of Bailey here... but it needed to be said.)
Or maybe someone could write some lyrics to fit the Eastenders theme? I hate Corrie. I hate Eastenders too mind, but Corrie is worse.
>>Popular tv theme tunes are the way forward for national anthems. Z Cars or The Sweeny. No words needed - just hum along.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've already stated my support for this, I'd even learn the words to a decent national anthem
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:40:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I fully support w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m's (what a fucked up name that one is) suggestion for the French anthem.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:37:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:36:54 (#)
Ranking: 1
It doesnt actually MATTER what a countrys national anthem is since whenever people sing it they inevitably forget the words and itends up sounding like
ner ner ner ner-ner ner
ner-ner ner ner ner-ner
ner ner...the Queen
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And that's why I'm saying if it had regular repetitions of 'JUNGLE IS MASSIVE' then it would be better.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:37:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well it's either that or Britannia really, isn't it? And you need to be an opera singer to sing the verses... they only let the plebs sing the chorus, and it would appear you need to be wearing a Union Flag on your person somewhere - painted on your face is acceptable - be squashed by hundreds of other similarly attired persons in a small space and waving a mini flag with an inane grin on your face...
I like Jerusalem personally.
Far more majestic than the current dirge. 'Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out this bunch of unelected spongers?' (I am duly crediting Mr Bill of Bailey here... but it needed to be said.)
Or maybe someone could write some lyrics to fit the Eastenders theme? I hate Corrie. I hate Eastenders too mind, but Corrie is worse.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It doesnt actually MATTER what a countrys national anthem is since whenever people sing it they inevitably forget the words and itends up sounding like
ner ner ner ner-ner ner
ner-ner ner ner ner-ner
ner ner...the Queen
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank the Lordy and ou Jan Smuts we got our independence. I'll take anything over that ass-numbingly dull marching tune you Brits have.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Crazy talk.
What's the point of being able to dance to the English national anthem?
Not being able to dance is inherent to being English.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:34:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:31:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
All I ask for is a national anthem with a beat you can dance to. None of that rhythem and base nonsense.
Baba O'Rielly would be good, no?
---
Who?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:31:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
All I ask for is a national anthem with a beat you can dance to. None of that rhythem and base nonsense.
Baba O'Rielly would be good, no?
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:27:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've jumped the gun a bit here Berty.
I can tell you for a fact that we will, in the near(ish) future, be replacing the national anthem.
The new song will be called "God save the King". It will be most lovely.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:22:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sound Of The Suburbs"
I saw you the other day
Your head just turned away
You think I'm a stupid punk
Useless and always drunk
Guess what - yeah what!
Your life - the lie!
You keep up all the time
your means - the means!
to an end - the end!
I'll break what you pretend!
Reality in your face!
[Chorus:]
This is the sound of the suburbs of the city
This is the sound of the suburbs on the street
This is the sound of the suburbs of the city
This is the sound of the suburbs on the street
Still looking down on me?
Afraid that you might see
a better man than you;
can't fake what's already true
Guess what - yeah what!
Your life - the lie!
You keep up all the time
your means - the means!
to an end - the end!
I'll break what you pretend!
Reality in your face!
[Chorus]
---
Middle England's anthem
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
La la la -1 because i can!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:14:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Curious choice Barny.
Incidently Mike, I meant an anthem of Engerland and Engerland alone. I'm happy with the Corries as well.
---
Durrrr da der di der durrrrrrrrrrrr
durrrrrrrrr da der di der durrrrrrrrr
durrrrrrrrrrrr di der derrrrrrrrrr
der der derr derrrrrr
Theme from Coronation street
sorry.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:16:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:10:03 (#)
Ranking: 1
'Prince Harry in Hitler costume and arseless leather chaps'
Thanks for that.
I'm now gasping for a pint of IPA. Deuchars, mind. None of that English muck.
---------
I normally drink Burtons but I wanted something people would recognise. I should have gone with Bombardier.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:14:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Curious choice Barny.
Incidently Mike, I meant an anthem of Engerland and Engerland alone. I'm happy with the Corries as well.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I propose,
Heart - Alone
Alone - Heart
I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone
Alone, alone
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:10:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
'Prince Harry in Hitler costume and arseless leather chaps'
Thanks for that.
I'm now gasping for a pint of IPA. Deuchars, mind. None of that English muck.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God save our gracious Queen,
Long live our noble Queen,
God save the Queen!
>>remember she HAS to sleep with Prince Phillip. IT'S THE LAW. God Bless you marm.
Send her victorious,
Happy and Glorious,
Long to reign over us;
God save the Queen!
>>Victorious over all others.
O Lord our God arise,
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall;
Confound their politics,
Frustrate their knavish tricks,
>>Best verse ever.
On Thee our hopes we fix,
Oh, save us all!
Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour;
Long may she reign;
May she defend our laws,
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice,
God save the Queen!
Not in this land alone,
But be God's mercies known,
From shore to shore!
>>i.e. after we crush foreign despots/greeks/etc
Lord make the nations see,
That men should brothers be,
And form one family,
The wide world over
>>as long as they speak English and support the Queen - obviously.
From every latent foe,
From the assassins blow,
God save the Queen!
>>No suicide bomber can get.
O'er her thine arm extend,
For Britain's sake defend,
Our mother, prince, and friend,
God save the Queen!
Lord, grant that Marshal Wade,
May by thy mighty aid,
Victory bring.
May he sedition hush and like a torrent rush,
Rebellious Scots to crush,
God save the King.
>>And it can contain lines about crushing the Scots.
What this song needs is a hip hop or perhaps Jungle remix. A torrent of +2s for the uberer who remixes it thusly.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, your anthem is pretty shit- but are you meaning a new anthem for England or Britain as a whole? I'm quite happy with the Corries, y'see.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:06:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still think we should have Underdose by Inme as the Anthem.
And the french should have Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden. Cheap shot, but I'm too ill to not take it
Submitted by Smack_Fuck (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:05:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No fucking way. That's sickening. Religion, joo worship, fuck-that. God save the queen has ridiculous lyrics but the tune is triumphant and uplifting, it's WAY better than most of the other national anthems which are laughably dreary and uninspiring, I mean how fucking stupid do you have to be to write a "middle of the road" national anthem? Fucking idiots, fuck them.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-01-26 07:02:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Australians wouldnt stand for a change in the anthem.