The Rain Came Down (753 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CookieLass (View user info) at 2006-01-27 11:38:30 EST
It was sticky, muggy, suppressive. All these days clouds hung low in the sky, refusing to let loose their liquid glory, taunting the dried-out life below them. Fields once verdant and green looked miserably brown and wasted beneath the eeyore-grey sky. Haze mixed with fog laying a thick, smelly mist over anything with an altitude more than 10 feet high. Trees were black instead of green. Flowers had lost the will to put for scent. Bees didn't buzz and ants didn't march.
The lack of rain was hurting more than just the landscape. People lurched through life, casting damning glances at the sky that refused to let go. "Why won't it just *unleash*?" they all wondered. The tension was palpable. Cars went unwashed and trundled down the motorways, gritty monsters whose once-colorful hides were now crusted with a fine layer of grime and soot. Mother Nature was making a point, and her children were less than happy with her. It felt as though something very bad were about to happen.
A woman, in her coveted window-view cubicle, looked out over what would normally be green trees and hills as far as her eyes could see. For the last week or so, nothing had been visible but the parking lot, the road, and a line of thicker bare branches of the maple trees planted in lines to mark the edge of the company campus. The full green cedar and live oak trees lurked menacingly in the near-distance, blobs of various shades of grey on the horizon. Mist swirled around the poles of the parking-lot lights. To her eyes, everything was sinister and up-to-no-good. Her mood had been horrible without the sky, and she'd caught herself snapping at her husband and friends for no good reason. Tense.
An old man walking down main street tapped his umbrella thoughtfully on the sidewalk. For almost a month now he'd resisted carrying it with him, superstition teaching him that it could only rain when he was completely unprepared for it. So he'd wandered the streets in sandals and t-shirts, hatless, umbrella-free, every day. Eventually the lethargy set in and he capitulated to bringing an umbrella to work that day. Now he tapped the sidewalk with it, the staccato *tink tink tink* making a voice for his frustration. Everything felt wrong to him. A thin film of oil and street-grime seemed to cling to every surface he encountered. Even the air was heavy with it.
Even the animals knew something was wrong. They paced and stared at the sky. Farmers became concerned over more than just their dying crops. The threat of stampede was growing with each rainless day that passed. You could feel it. Something was just wrong. Dreadfully wrong. It almost made your body ache to look at the menacing sky. Something had to give, and everyone hoped it would be the clouds and not their own sanity.
A child gazed down at her hand. Had Tommy just spit on her? She looked at the wet spot on the back of her arm and then over at Tommy. He didn't look guilty. And spitting was far beneath a third grader. Maybe a kindergarten baby would spit on girls, but not a third grader. They knew better. Then she felt another wet sploosh on the top of her head. She looked up into the branches of the tree she was seated beneath. Had she just been pooped on? She raised a frantic hand to her head, praying silently that it would come away clean. But before she could inspect it, there were more wet spots on her arms, her clothes, her face. Children all over the playground began to shriek and run for cover. But not the little girl. She sat back, raised her face to the sky, and smiled.
Finally.
The world was washed clean in the sparkling moisture. Everything sparkled as though it were outlined in fairy-lights. The air was heavy with the scent of ozone and flowers, mixing together to smell exactly like fresh honey. Strangers smiled at each other and shared their umbrellas. Birds chirped and gratefully bathed themselves in the forming puddles. Everything was new. The rain had come.
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-01-28 16:29:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-27 11:56:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
this was great. but i laughed at the let loose the liquid glory part. sorry.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-27 20:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story. Note the +2.
I think the writing was a little over-the-top,
what we English majors and teachers call "purple prose."
Regardless, it had all the earmarks of an excellent piece
of writing.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2006-01-27 16:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
does if you're a little kid that hasn't seen rain in 71 consecutive days, and the skies have been cloudy for the last 32.
Being british, you wouldn't know a drought if it bit you in the face. I wish it would.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-01-27 16:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A child gazed down at her hand. Had Tommy just spit on her? She looked at the wet spot on the back of her arm and then over at Tommy. He didn't look guilty. And spitting was far beneath a third grader. Maybe a kindergarten baby would spit on girls, but not a third grader. They knew better. Then she felt another wet sploosh on the top of her head. She looked up into the branches of the tree she was seated beneath. Had she just been pooped on? She raised a frantic hand to her head, praying silently that it would come away clean. But before she could inspect it, there were more wet spots on her arms, her clothes, her face. Children all over the playground began to shriek and run for cover. But not the little girl. She sat back, raised her face to the sky, and smiled. ""
good apart from that paragraph.
why would someone think of spit and poop before rain.
doesn't happen.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-01-27 14:50:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-27 13:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-01-27 12:50:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-01-27 12:17:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty damn sweet.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-27 11:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was great. but i laughed at the let loose the liquid glory part. sorry.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-01-27 11:54:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that was really good, chick.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-01-27 11:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cookielass whoops the llama's ass.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-27 11:45:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty picture and a skim read have determined this rating.
Sorry not to put my full effort into your work but it's a quarter to five and I'm gasping for a beer.
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2006-01-27 11:42:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment