The Dawn Of An Era: The End Of The End Of An Era And The Dawn Of An Era (998 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: 1.88 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (View user info) at 2006-01-30 08:32:56 EST
I refuse to move on to the next phase of my life. That war was cancerous, man. I'm infected by the pure, golden light that was shone upon me and those...I forget who was involved. I was in it. I'm not dead or anything so I suppose that I won. It's party time.
HEY! The party officially started when I went to my drug dealer and asked what would be the best possible route for me to travel down, and I decided that route would be for me to go to Mexico you know, buy myself a donkey. Not just one, but a seven-headed donkey with beer shooting out of it's sultry nipples. It can read Japanese and teach children how to play kickball. Ever heard of a little thing called a jacuzzi? He invented the jets that shoot out waaaay too fucking hard for me or any other human being to consider it comfortable. I also like to throw apples at his head and ass for entertainment purposes. Sometimes I'll buy the green apples, and maybe a baseball bat if I'm at Wal-Mart, and then that's fun.
So anyways, the point is that I want you guys to date each other. I'm not getting involved, this is god's plan. You believe in god, right? I talked to him for over an hour yesterday around the crack of dawn this morning. It was good times, because he's really an asshole and I can relate to that. I'm all like "You are the meanest person I've ever met, why with all the stuff right?", he's all like "brain tumor at 30 and now you're a midget and extremely retarded", then I'm all like "hand hand hand hand hand" and he's all like "now make people date each other"; I'm still going on about the hand thing because it's fucking beyond my comprehension how I can move it and speak at the same time, then he just leaves me in the streets to die like the stupid, small retard that I am. I turned back to normal after I took a shower. You can wash off that stuff with water, you know. Read it in that natural cure book thing. Can you believe that Coke cleans pennies? I only use fives and pennies to represent my dedication to Lincoln and his cause. That is dedication.
This plan that god gave me is written in black marker all over my back, and it's in some weird type of hieroglyphic language that consists of mostly penises and insanely large testicles. I can't decipher all of it, but I got a rough idea of what he's trying to formulate. You see, the three penises that are drawn pointing towards my ass means that the key to a good relationship is not talking to each other. The penis inserting some sort of can on my neck says that we need to kill brown skin? What? What does that mean? That's either a dirty joke or blatant racism, I can't decide which.
Frankly, I don't care what it all says because when I used to pray for video games as a child, did I get Super Mario 3? Eventually, but like two months later, which is weak response time if you ask me, god. I know enough about dating, and I know that you guys are going to need my help opening up to each other. I have drawn up a chart, and on that chart is a selected group of people that will alternate on dates each week.. That's right, the Civil War of power and hate might be finished, but the war of love and actual physical confrontation has just begun.......
You will post about your dates on wednesday, and the delegates will select a winner based on the amount of alcohol consumed, how good looking you are, and maybe they will be biased for all I know. Who cares? Method is banned and my life is dark. Without his participation, I am sure that I'm going to lose my will to live...
Actually, fuck it. I was going to have guys trying to buttsex each other anyways, get everyone all jacked up on energy drinks and whatever, and that's totally sickening that I would automatically assume you would be open to it. I shouldn't try to support that, and I'm sorry I was thinking of taking advantage of you guys. You see, I like to be in control. I see god one day, next thing you know I feel like Sampsonite or whoever the guy with the hair was. Love cannot be forced, and actually, it's not even real because I just made that word up. Wait...............whatever.
Anyways, I'm sure that a few of you are still intrigued by this idea, so I've decided to go ahead and post a copy of the chart. I think it's going to be pretty easy to see that its very rock-solid and if there's enough interest, maybe I could convince Bart to let Method reclaim his role as Robert E. Lee until this thing is done. After this is over you can re-ban him for all I care. He dresses up as a woman and charges Marines 59 dollars per hour to hang out with him as he claims he's Joan Rivers with that stupid fucking greek accent of his. I don't want that freak around my children.
Other Installments of The Dawn Of An Era:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80993 - Door #1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81046 - Door #2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81205 - Wall #3
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81292 - 69!!!!!!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-02-01 13:40:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAYGAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAYGAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAYGAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY 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GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-01-31 03:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand
hahaha thats fuckin bosh
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-01-31 03:10:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet lord
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-01-31 02:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel left out. Do I get to be an Uber whore too?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-01-30 19:10:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is GLALL off his meds again?
That's the GLALL I like...
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2006-01-30 18:35:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can see up your nose, i think i saw some ilegal immigrants.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-01-30 16:48:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Insanity is such a beautiful thing.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-01-30 14:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
W
O
W
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 14:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so you mean when i gave out my first and middle name all over some other post and you told me you'd gotten my social security number and credit rating and address and had like geographically pinpointed me with some crazy gps that you didn't notice my email address is plastered all over everything??? and yet i get no spam there. and now someone's going to sign me up for martha stewart spam since i said that. fuck you!!!!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 13:57:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-30 13:27:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cos I think you may be having a nervous breakdown
----------------------------------------------------
You're just mad because you don't see yourself on the chart. Be honest with me c1ndy, please.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-01-30 13:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cos I think you may be having a nervous breakdown
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-01-30 13:26:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 buttsex
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 13:15:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
From looking at the chart, Voltage, it's obvious to see that you are the one being videotaped with MistressFist by Method. I was going to add a cupcake in her hand but hey, I fucking hate how she's turned something that was once so precious to me into a punchline for every godamn comment that she makes.
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-01-30 13:13:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oniontooth, may I please have your email address so that I can send you the tax info you requested, you filthy little minx?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 13:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like the little shlongy stick figure. he's got a big fat head.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-30 12:12:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The AIM convo is another reason why I love Method.
I MEAN GLALL! I AM A LOYAL GENERAL! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!
And hook me up with an Ubergirl. NOT URBANE!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
irish, pity's daughter. good ole northern irish catholic stock here. this is what happens when we're allowed to breed in america. we send guns home, and praise jesus and the bullet.
method - send me your income tax return and i'll process it.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
training? What part of that chart can't you read? It's a pretty simple layout if you ask me...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, can you set up a training class to go over the chart? I want to make sure I don't blow the wrong guy.
Method's AIM conversation made me laugh until I cried.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:30:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hey injun of truth or whatever, what's that name supposed to fucking mean anyways? Is it latin or something? I bet it's latin.
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:23:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oniontooth, please send me an application to become one of your "fuckbuddies" asap.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:22:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
First I would like to address the fact that Method has insanely gay AIM convo's with Sideburns and thinks they are interesting. You need to take your little gay pride parade off my post, maybe go find a hammer and hit yourself with it in the nuts. Your sperm is retarded anyways, just kill your balls, man. Hit 'em with a hammer and kill your balls for the good of man.
Secondly, Berty, hey I got hair that's been seen, you just don't know where. Actually my hair is thin and I think i'm balding, but I prefer it over your black, long girly locks. I bet when you walk down the street guys make a grab for your ass. Then you like it and you go the YMCA and wear spandex, getting all grabbed by everyone because you have firm buttocks. What exercises are you using to stay so firm?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
um... do fuckbuddies count as boyfriends? i think i have a nondisclosure agreement with them anyway.
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
By meaningful I mean would you let me ravage you and never tell your boyfriend about it?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
define meaningful.
i want hello kitty socks.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-30 11:09:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No-one has seen your hair, ever.
I win by default.
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:58:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey inion, are you currently in a meaningful relationship? More importantly, are you a pig? Because if you're not, I want to abuse you.
NotSideBurns: let's have cyber sex
NotSideBurns: ok... i'm taking my pants off
NotMethod: i cast level 3 eroticism
NotMethod: im taking my hello kitty socks off
NotSideBurns: i'm removing my skirt
NotSideBurns: and my rainbow toe socks
NotMethod: im clipping my toenails
NotMethod: ooooooooh
NotMethod: mmmmmmmm
NotSideBurns: oh god
NotSideBurns: this is too hot for me
NotMethod: im smearing mustard all over my face and neck area
NotSideBurns: you tease.
NotSideBurns: do something with sour cream and onion chips
NotSideBurns: that's HOT
NotMethod: i arrange my army men in battle positions on your stomach
NotSideBurns: oh god.. please be gettysburg
NotMethod: four score
NotSideBurns: please be battle of gettysburg
NotMethod: waterloo bitch
NotSideBurns: bastard. waterloo lasted like 15 minutes.
NotMethod: you sank my battleship
NotSideBurns: my battleship's up your butt
NotSideBurns: oh wait..... we're being subtle
NotMethod: youre ruining the fantasy
NotMethod: i shove large furnitures up my butt, you watch
NotSideBurns: i masturbate with your hello kity socks
NotMethod: I crack a bottle of Smirnoff over my head
NotMethod: the confederates are retreating to your crotch
NotSideBurns: i lick the contents of the smirnoff from your body
NotSideBurns: and i get mad-drunk
NotMethod: thats hot stuff right there
NotSideBurns: ok i'm piercing your bellybutton
NotMethod: BALL HAIR BALL HAIR
NotMethod: my belly button is already pierced
NotSideBurns: balls too?
NotMethod: im stapling my ass cheeks together for you
NotSideBurns: I WAS GONNA DO THAT
NotSideBurns: OMG
NotSideBurns: WE'RE SOO ALIKE
NotSideBurns: LOLL
NotMethod: OMG LOLOLWTF
NotMethod: !!!!!!
NotSideBurns: 1111
NotMethod: :-*
NotSideBurns: =-O
NotSideBurns: you cyber-kissed me.
NotSideBurns: i think we should be online BF
NotMethod: k
NotMethod: totally
NotSideBurns: omg
NotMethod: a/s/l
NotSideBurns: 14.f.sc u
NotMethod: 12/yes/NY OMG I SED YES FOR SEX!!!1!!!
NotSideBurns: NY
NotSideBurns: wats that?
NotMethod: umm
NotMethod: lol
NotMethod: LOL
NotMethod: i fergot
NotSideBurns: omg u dont know either
NotSideBurns: OMG WERE SO ALIKE
NotMethod: OMG!
NotSideBurns: we should be online gfs
NotMethod: but
NotMethod: lance would b mad @ me
NotMethod: he said were going stedy and stuff
NotSideBurns: omgg you know lance?
NotSideBurns: lance iz my haxxor BF
NotSideBurns: he can kick peepz off y ahoo
NotMethod: hes the most populer guy at skool!
NotMethod: hes so hot
NotSideBurns: yaaa
NotMethod: he 1ce kiked out an entire chat room so he could be in there alone!!!11!!
NotSideBurns: OMGGGG
NotSideBurns: thats so funnnny
NotMethod: what are u wering
NotSideBurns: clothes LOLOL
NotMethod: besides my hello kitty socks LOLOLOL
NotSideBurns: omg thats right
NotSideBurns: you have a good mem
NotSideBurns: me
NotSideBurns: m3memr
NotSideBurns: uh
NotSideBurns: BRAIN
NotMethod: omg brainfart i get those too!
NotMethod: werre like purrrrrrfect for eachother
NotSideBurns: LOL BRAINFART
NotMethod: RAWR!
NotSideBurns: i like kitties
NotMethod: RAWR @ U!!!!
NotSideBurns: mrowwww
NotMethod: i have a kitty, his name is whiskers omg cuz he has whiskers!!!!
NotSideBurns: I HAVE A DOGGY
NotSideBurns: HIS NAME IS KITTY
NotSideBurns: CUZ HE'S NOT AK ITTY
NotSideBurns: *KIDDY
NotMethod: lol yer funny i liek u
NotSideBurns: this conversation must be posted for all of uber to see.
NotMethod: you wanna do the honors?
NotSideBurns: getting flamed isn't for me.
NotMethod: ok ill do it
NotSideBurns: sweet.
NotMethod: i get flamed regularly
NotSideBurns: i won't flame you
NotMethod: This is pretty gay though....
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:49:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
just don't get an asphalt on my tits.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:43:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ace!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:39:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hear that Snark's a biter and he likes his penis to be drenched in heated tar before he does any ass spellunking of the sort. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:22:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No, no...
That pretty much sums up dating. I'll take the little inion, she's Irishy, and I like that. I just hope that Snark has a smallish penis.
I'll report back here later with any orifice violation updates that may need to be shared with everyone...
Copious bleeding, or the elasticity factor and what it means to the average penised man. Things of that nature.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:13:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:08:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid I left my glasses at home. I'm having trouble deciphering the chart.
Whom do I get to date and why?
---------------------------------------
Let's look at the chart...........let's see.......scourge......okay. You are lined up to recieve anal from Snark, after which you will have a three-minute orifice party courtesy of inion and her titties. That's not so much "dating" per se but still, hey, everybody has a good time now.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:08:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid I left my glasses at home. I'm having trouble deciphering the chart.
Whom do I get to date and why?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:01:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
me and jeanneee were whores. that's all i know.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-30 10:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 09:51:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-30 09:14:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
We have the same 'beard'. My hair is better than yours though.
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So who's fucking in this whole thing? Berty, I assume you noticed that you are the one with the really cool hat, you gonna go to town on Lisa like I proposed in the chart? Come on people! Sexy town U.S.A. baby! I have better hair!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-30 09:36:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i had to read that title three times before my dyslexic self could sort all the words out into the right order.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-01-30 09:31:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what the fuck is that blurred thing?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-01-30 09:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Kick.
Punch.
It's all in the mind.
If you wanna test me,
I'm sure you'll find
The things I'll teach ya
is sure to beat ya
But nevertheless,
you'll get a lesson from teacher.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-30 09:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We have the same 'beard'. My hair is better than yours though.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 09:08:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever Method, I totally own your ass now. Go sell your stick porn for 9.99 so I can buy it because that chick LOOKS TOTALLY SMOKIN IN THAT PIC.
Queer!
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-30 09:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There are recently surfaced photographs of Marlon Brando having oral sex with another man.
"I coulda been somebody! I coulda been a cocksucker!"
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:54:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The war is far from over, my friend. You may have pulled a few strings and gotten me banned, but I'll be back! DO YOU HEAR ME? I'LL BE BAAAAACK!!!!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:53:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like cake.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No doubt, Teeph. I heard that Lincoln was actually a homosexual. Can anyone confirm this? Not that I'm a homosexual for loving Abe Lincoln I just, dear lord i'm in a tizzy. I need to go have a piece of some carrot cake and calm down...
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:44:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice beard man. You weren't kidding about the dedication to Lincoln thing, were ya?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:35:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Godamn, I look amazing.
~~~
Godamn, you do.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hidden gives me that sweet stick ass like it was a bag of jolly ranchers. This could possibly be the greatest series of all-time.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hidden.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Title.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-01-30 08:35:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Godamn, I look amazing.