My housemate is a tool (866 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.38 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DrBenway (View user info) at 2006-01-31 01:44:18 EST
About 8 months ago my landlords, who are family friends, doubled my disturbingly cheap rent, forcing me to go from solitary bliss to needing a housemate urgently. A family friend, who I'd always thought was a bit odd, put up his hand. At first it seemed perfect. He worked nights and I worked days so there would be no bathroom issues, and we wouldn't even really see each other. We both had semi-professional jobs and wouldn't be having any crazy mid week bong-fests.
But he was a strange one. This was first manifested in him asking me how to operate the vacuum cleaner. Considering there are only two buttons on it, and one results in the rather rapid retraction of the power cord, I thought it was a no-brainer, but hey... He was also stumped by the operation of the clothes washing machine, his mother having done his washing until now - did I mention he is 31 and has never lived out of home before?
Anyway, I could handle his quirks - the fact that he only ate baked beans for breakfast, very day, the fact that he made me close the bathroom window because he had a spider phobia and was convinced a female spider would climb in and spawn in the house, the fact that he recycled his mother's 20 year old padded vinyl toilet seat to our house. Ugghhh.
Then, after months of pretty much ignoring each other, something odd happened. I came home to find all of my dirty dishes piled on top of all of my clean dishes on one side of the sink. This was odd. I'm not super clean, but I'm no slob, and it was frankly pretty rude to pile all that shit up like that. I cleaned it up and forgot about it. Two days later it happened again. I decided to test a theory by putting my unwashed breakfast bowl on the squeaky clean left hand side of the sink. Sure enough, the next afternoon it was piled on top of my dishes on the right hand side. Wanker, I thought, while being vaguely amused.
Then I came home and found a note which said this:
Hey dude, I don't want you to get pissed off (not that you have any right too (sic)...) but from now on one half of the kitchen sink and stove will be exclusively mine. Any mess will be moved to your side of your bedroom floor if theres (sic) no room. I'm sorry its (sic) come to this but your (sic) showing me a total lack of respect by not allowing me to use the kitchen I am paying rent for. Oh yeah, forgot to mention that we need to sit down and discuss a shared cleaning routine coz this house is absolutely filthy!! Let me know when your (sic) free.
To put this is context, this guy does not even know how to cook, has cleaned the house maybe once (compared to my probably zero times) and has never complained to me about the state of the house or the kitchen - that he is paying rent for.
I wrote back to express my belief that he was being a mite childish, and he responded: "I don't want this to get into a note war, because that would be childish". I thought we were well past that by now. Anyhow, we have a "house meeting'' scheduled for tonight. I'll keep you posted.
User Reviews
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-01-31 18:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KingDowdy (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:01:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
(sic)?? whats that?! confused me a tad...but year roomates suck ass dude. unless there chicks. my brother has a chick for a roomate, lucky bastard.
Good luck man.
-----------------------------------
OH MY GOD, THE ROOMMATE FOUND UBER. KingDowdy, you suck. Dr, you have my sympathy.
Submitted by DrBenway0 (user info) at 2006-01-31 18:31:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, I live in Aus, not Atlanta. SIC is used to indicate you are reproducing someone's grammatical mistakes, as in a written statement etc. Douchetromitor = funny.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2006-01-31 13:06:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh come on pussy, now's when the fun begins. You need to drive him out, not ask him to leave. Nobody shoud get away with being such a douchetromitor.
Destroy all the lightbulbs except one, which you carry with you and plug in where apropriate.
Only urinate in a gallon milkjug. Every time it gets full, leave it where he will find it. DO NOT EMPTY IT! This is his job, and start calling him urine boy.
Finally, break his shit. Not everything at once, and whatever you do, don't destroy anything. Just maim it so it's a light annoyance.
He'll be gone in no time.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-31 11:50:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If it's got an anus, you can fuck it!
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-01-31 11:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Send him back to his mommy and get a new roommate. Are you in the Atlanta metro area? I'm looking for a new place to live.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-01-31 11:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so when he puts any of his dirty stuff anywhere near your shit make sure you put his dirty dishes in his bed. also, get a new roommate.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-01-31 11:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Do your fucking dishes and clean up after yourself....what the fuck are you bitching about?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-31 09:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She told me to never have any friends up, ever again.
What?
---
She's jealous. You have some.
Submitted by Orla (user info) at 2006-01-31 09:19:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:52:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:46:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
House sharing is the devil.
-Dave
----------------
I'm going through a similar situation with a flat mate of mine. Except, she is a total and complete slob. *shudder*
And yes, we've regressed to note wars on our little whiteboard on the fridge.
She told me to never have any friends up, ever again.
What?
Submitted by thinning_temples (user info) at 2006-01-31 08:05:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Go into kill mode.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-01-31 06:30:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Serve him notice and get someone decent in.
Submitted by sweet_nothings (user info) at 2006-01-31 06:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If there's one thing I hate about living in a house share situation...
...it's living in a house share situation.
I feel for ya man.
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2006-01-31 05:45:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That crazy fool Murdoch shared my house. So I tossed his ass out the window! Toss your flatmate!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-31 05:39:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82178
Link to a far worse housemate..
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-01-31 05:21:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:52:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:46:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
House sharing is the devil.
-Dave
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-01-31 05:07:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sadly I have a friend who is going through almost the exact same situation.
What is wrong with people?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:46:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
House sharing is the devil.
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
House sharing is the devil.
-Dave
Submitted by KingDowdy (user info) at 2006-01-31 04:01:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
(sic)?? whats that?! confused me a tad...but year roomates suck ass dude. unless there chicks. my brother has a chick for a roomate, lucky bastard.
Good luck man.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-01-31 03:53:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Having had many housemates in the past - I sympathise.
What an ass.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-01-31 03:10:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kick the fucker out and be done with it. Or make his life hell until he decides to move out on his own so it won't be your fault and you won't seem like a dick. You could always get a new roomie.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2006-01-31 02:43:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever the fuck happens, don't introduce that cunt to Ubersite.
For the love of God.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-01-31 02:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just punch him in the throat.
Not that it would help, it just sounds fun.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-01-31 02:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That would piss me off.