The RockSchach Test – Uncovering Your Own Psychosis Through the Majesty of Nature (1282 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: UberPlanet
Rating: 1.24 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <> (View user info) at 2006-01-31 22:34:04 EST
Disclaimer: In all likelihood, you're going to have to scroll here, so either man up and do it with good grace, or go straight for the back button. It only requires a slight swish of the wrist and god knows you've all had enough practice with that.
Last week when I was playing at being a housewife, I managed to tear myself away from the horrifying televisual spectacle that is 'The 700 Club' long enough to get out into the mean streets of the American heartland.
There were less streets and more big fucking rocks than I had anticipated.
Inspired by the unexpected entertainment of sitting on a rock with a redneck deep in discussion of whether a particular formation looked more like Mufasa from the Lion King or Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I'm going to throw the opportunity out to you, gentle uber.
Below is a cropped and gently shrunk picture I took of the Garden of the Gods, Illinois, and a crib sheet of the faces that I think are there. Once you find Jabba, I think you'll have to agree that it's uncanny enough to be frightening.
How many can you spot? And, more importantly, how many did we miss? Become one with the rock and speak out about the pile of little dead girls that your subconscious superimposes onto the cracks and the crevices so that we may all avoid you at parties.
Best answer wins either as many meaningless +2s as I can bothered to give you, or something unusual in the mail - your choice.
Go to it, and may the god-endowed glory of Pat Robertson's shaking and wobbling go with you.
User Reviews
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 15:45:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I SEE ROCKS.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 15:41:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's a bit all along the top that really looks like a selection of trees.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-02-01 15:35:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea, that Neandertal could also be a big sea turtle! The whole cliff behind him is the shell, and he even has flippers.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 15:22:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Answers: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v169/filthyassistant/ChallengeAnswers.jpg
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-02-01 15:09:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought I'd spotted the mutant turtle, but I guess thats Neadertahl as the turtle one should be a pink blob.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-02-01 15:06:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the upper left part is one of the evil mushrooms from Super Mario Bros.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
There's one to the bottom right of the big tree that almost looks like a fat cartoon elvis.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:50:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:41:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:36:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
I still see Mufasa looking left a little more than Krang.
But Mufasa has an oversized chin in this one. (The gods are shitty artists.)
I love this post.
===
Nope, I still can't see it.
You're going to need to start recording the 700 club for me - I miss it already. There was a hilarious one where they made this chinese woman thrown all her false idols in the bin and then SUDDENLY AND MIRACULOUSLY she got a job sewing shit that she'd applied for the week before.
You just can't argue with that kind of coincidence.
---------------------
You can't question the all-powerful miracle of cause and effect.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:49:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Krang is reminding me more and more of that face in the rock from 'Return to Oz'...the one that told the Gnome King Dorothy had brought "A CHICKEN!"
http://www.ice.org/unzipped/2004/photo-09/olympics0054.jpg
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:41:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:36:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
I still see Mufasa looking left a little more than Krang.
But Mufasa has an oversized chin in this one. (The gods are shitty artists.)
I love this post.
===
Nope, I still can't see it.
You're going to need to start recording the 700 club for me - I miss it already. There was a hilarious one where they made this chinese woman thrown all her false idols in the bin and then SUDDENLY AND MIRACULOUSLY she got a job sewing shit that she'd applied for the week before.
You just can't argue with that kind of coincidence.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:36:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:52:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:49:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mr. Burns is subtle. I can't find Krang or Cookie Monster.
===
Krang is a tricky one so I'll give you a clue - top third of the picture.
--------------------------
I still see Mufasa looking left a little more than Krang.
But Mufasa has an oversized chin in this one. (The gods are shitty artists.)
I love this post.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:31:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:26:54 (#)
Ranking: 1
I've been to the Garden of the Gods, but I'll never go back. I'm not proud of it, but my friends and I pushed this kid in a wheelchair off the bridge and he drowned. Years later when we went back, I heard the squeak of a wheel, and awoke to his white face and red eyes and got the fuck out of there. We call him 'the boy from the lake'
true story
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
You've got some issues, boy.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:11:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you going to re-post with the circled answers at some point? I see a few.
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Here you go: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v169/filthyassistant/ChallengeAnswers.jpg
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:26:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
jabba is just off from the center at 2 o clock.
I've been to the Garden of the Gods, but I'll never go back. I'm not proud of it, but my friends and I pushed this kid in a wheelchair off the bridge and he drowned. Years later when we went back, I heard the squeak of a wheel, and awoke to his white face and red eyes and got the fuck out of there. We call him 'the boy from the lake'
true story
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you going to re-post with the circled answers at some point? I see a few.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
somehow I see Jabba all over this
I'm into BBW
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:20:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-02-01 00:48:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
But is that an outhouse betwixt the trees in the upper-center of the picture?
===
Yep, I believe so.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-01 00:34:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
Popeye the sailor man.
Whatever the red thing is there in the pic, that's his pipe.
===
The red thing is a person. There's a little green person next to them too.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:27:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
OK, there's Madonna's headless and legless torso, inverted, between the Neanderthal and Cookie Monster. Maybe it's not Madonna, but it's someone without tremendous tits but a penchant for wearing very well-defined/angular bras.
There's the upper half of a dismembered hiker stuck in a tree off to the left.
There's a Shoggoth in the foreground just right of center.
Richard Nixon in profile-- looking right, just to the right and behind Jabba.
There's some kind of sauropod craning its neck down from around Burnsie, with an ironic little smirk.
=====
Ahahahahahaha. You're good at this dude.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:18:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:35:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Although Filthy, I have to say, your picture is very similar to the one on this website: http://www.backpackcamp.com/GardenOfGodsGallery.html
Incidentally, you live in Illinois? Thought I was one of the only few (besides bart and habeeb).
===
The pictures are similar because they're both of the same thing dude. I have plenty of pictures that do not look like the one on that website, mainly because Brad is in them pulling a jesus pose.
And no, I live just outside london. I'm just a frequent flyer.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:53:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see limestone, millions of years of erosion, some conifers, possibly an ash or aspen and definitely several red oaks in the background.
I'm no fun.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:48:54 (#)
Ranking: -1
Garden of the Gods? Bullshit. There is only one,
and it is in Colorado Springs, CO.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Bubba, yes, THE most well-known Garden of the Gods is in Co Spgs...but there are several other lesser known ones in other states. This one's in Shawnee Natural Forest, in southern Illinois.
Although Filthy, I have to say, your picture is very similar to the one on this website: http://www.backpackcamp.com/GardenOfGodsGallery.html
Incidentally, you live in Illinois? Thought I was one of the only few (besides bart and habeeb).
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 05:36:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
I liked the wrist comment too.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-02-01 00:57:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i was...counting rocks, but i got a migraine when i saw the hills in the background
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2006-02-01 00:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A camel is not a face.
But is that an outhouse betwixt the trees in the upper-center of the picture?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-01 00:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Popeye the sailor man.
Whatever the red thing is there in the pic, that's his pipe.
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-02-01 00:07:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for finding a picture of the inside of my colon.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
jack bauer?
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OK, there's Madonna's headless and legless torso, inverted, between the Neanderthal and Cookie Monster. Maybe it's not Madonna, but it's someone without tremendous tits but a penchant for wearing very well-defined/angular bras.
There's the upper half of a dismembered hiker stuck in a tree off to the left.
There's a Shoggoth in the foreground just right of center.
Richard Nixon in profile-- looking right, just to the right and behind Jabba.
There's some kind of sauropod craning its neck down from around Burnsie, with an ironic little smirk.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
That was one of my locations but I couldn't have put it anywhere nearly as eloquently.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:17:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:13:45 (#)
Ranking: 1
Jabba's centered over the second L in skull, with a wussy pine growing out of his forehead and another one aimed at his smirking lips like a photsynthesizing, coniferous cock.
====
Huzzah!
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:13:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Found 'em all... too bad I can't post the marked-up version of Challenge.jpg here.
Jabba's centered over the second L in skull, with a wussy pine growing out of his forehead and another one aimed at his smirking lips like a photsynthesizing, coniferous cock.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
I see Pyornkrachzark
===
Heheh. The fact that I know who that is says something very sad about my life.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:10:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jabba's elusive.
I've narrowed him down to two possible options.
Neither is "clearcut" or "set in stone," though.
HAHAHAHA
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:10:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see Pyornkrachzark
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:02:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Found him.
===
Did you get Jabba? He's my favourite. Probably for reasons that we don't need to go into here.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I see moses
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Found him.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 23:01:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:53:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
HOLD THE TELEGRAM THIS IS DEROGATORY TO NATURE!!!
YOU INSENSITIVE BITCH, DO YOU THINK THEY CHOSE TO LOOK LIKE THAT?!
JESUS WOULDN'T LIKE YOU!!
====
Hahahahahahahahahahah.
Oh come on. Do you think everyone trudged to the sermon on the mount to witness jesus' sparkling personality in action? He wasn't doing stand-up, dude - it was hair-care secrets and fashion tips all the way. Check out how the people flanking jesus at the last supper have their hands under the table - that man was sexified.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:57:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v345/fjook/jesuswouldntlarge.jpg
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:57:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:54:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:53:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
HOLD THE TELEGRAM THIS IS DEROGATORY TO NATURE!!!
YOU INSENSITIVE BITCH, DO YOU THINK THEY CHOSE TO LOOK LIKE THAT?!
JESUS WOULDN'T LIKE YOU!!
_________
?
--------
??
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:54:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:53:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
HOLD THE TELEGRAM THIS IS DEROGATORY TO NATURE!!!
YOU INSENSITIVE BITCH, DO YOU THINK THEY CHOSE TO LOOK LIKE THAT?!
JESUS WOULDN'T LIKE YOU!!
_________
?
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:53:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
HOLD THE TELEGRAM THIS IS DEROGATORY TO NATURE!!!
YOU INSENSITIVE BITCH, DO YOU THINK THEY CHOSE TO LOOK LIKE THAT?!
JESUS WOULDN'T LIKE YOU!!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:49:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mr. Burns is subtle. I can't find Krang or Cookie Monster.
===
Krang is a tricky one so I'll give you a clue - top third of the picture.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:49:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:48:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't see anything!
Now I feel like that guy from mallrats that couldn't see the goddamn sailboat.
===
You must be able to see the camel, dude. Left hand side of the picture - he's facing left and you can see the side profile of his head, neck and hump
----
I just meant I couldn't find a new one.
Glah.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:51:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:48:54 (#)
Ranking: -1
Garden of the Gods? Bullshit. There is only one,
and it is in Colorado Springs, CO.
===
How many people do you know named Brian?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:47:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
"Quick Ma, I dun seen me a nigger!"
=========
Hey. I have black frie....
Fuck I'm bored. Pat Robertson can blow me. So can bush for that matter.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:49:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:48:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't see anything!
Now I feel like that guy from mallrats that couldn't see the goddamn sailboat.
===
You must be able to see the camel, dude. Left hand side of the picture - he's facing left and you can see the side profile of his head, neck and hump
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:49:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mr. Burns is subtle. I can't find Krang or Cookie Monster.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:43:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Heh. I was going with cookie monster for that one but now that you mention it...
_____
Cookie's got googly eyes; that eye just reeks of down syndrome.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:48:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Garden of the Gods? Bullshit. There is only one,
and it is in Colorado Springs, CO.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't see anything!
Now I feel like that guy from mallrats that couldn't see the goddamn sailboat.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:45:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have said Zulu warrior where you've got neanderthal man, but that is probably better, and more politically correct. Way to go, you over-sensitive skank.
====
"Quick Ma, I dun seen me a nigger!"
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have said Zulu warrior where you've got neanderthal man, but that is probably better, and more politically correct. Way to go, you over-sensitive skank.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:45:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stuff for work... hrmph.
Now to do the contest.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:43:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:42:07 (#)
Ranking: 0
Far right, half way down appears to look like the eye and mouth of the internet's favourite running champ: http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~pdang/AA/Retard.jpg
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Heh. I was going with cookie monster for that one but now that you mention it...
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I see Hitchcock. Alfred, that is.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-01-31 22:42:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Far right, half way down appears to look like the eye and mouth of the internet's favourite running champ: http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~pdang/AA/Retard.jpg