You Piss Me Off (Rant Notice.) (799 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.06 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JTC (View user info) at 2006-02-01 00:36:29 EST
It wasn't too long ago that I got a new phone, and at that time, functional Bluetooth on phones was just becoming mainstream. Needless to say, mine had it, and this particular model happened to become quite popular in the business arena. A Bluetooth device was developed for it, and subsequently almost every model that is Bluetooth capable, a combination earpiece/microphone. At first I thought that this was a great idea--in fact, I still think its a great idea. If you can make something that used to have wires wireless, you're going to boost its sales.
But some of you people who've acquired one of these really piss me off. You know who you are. You don't own a business. You aren't waiting on some mission-critical call for the company you work for. You can't even legally drink yet. However, you know very well that by wearing one of the earpieces FUCKING EVERYWHERE, you too can be as trendy as those high class corporate employees. If you've got one of those sticking out of your ear, everybody knows you're important. You are *somebody,* and you don't have to take shit from anybody. Why even bother to look around you--you've got a _wireless_ earpiece. You're hip, you know what's hot shit and you wouldn't be caught dead without it.
It doesn't matter that you drive a 1992 piece of shit, your phone has Bluetooth and you'll be damned if you're not gonna show it off. You probably payed good money for that phone, and by good money, I mean forty bucks at Circuit City's after Thanksgiving sale. Prior to that they'd been two or three hundred, and God knows it wasn't worth four shirts at that time. As if you weren't already a shit-eating, dick-lipped, poop-tossing primate. You're as bad as the iPod people. Which brings me to my next point.
Out of the 17 people I talk to on a regular basis, I would say that 16 of them have some kind of mp3 player. No, not all of them are made by Apple, and they don't all have classy white headphones, and I know a lot of you probably don't have the classy white headphones either. So maybe the rest of you can explain this to me: Is wearing your headphones EVERYWHERE some kind of status symbol? Why the FUCK are you wearing them during lectures? You're not even listening to anything, how much effort does it take to pull that fucking thing out of your ear for a single hour?! What are you trying to say, what are you trying to get across to everybody who sees you? Are we supposed to think, "Oh hey, that guy is somebody, check out that iPod, he's the pimpmotherfuckingshit. ANYBODY who has an iPod must be LOADED! He probably has EVERYTHING going for him!" Because if that's the idea...that's not the response it gets from me. It's more like, "Oh, got your fly rap music there huh? Oh, its country today? Sorry, I just thougtht that maybe you'd stick loosely to one or two genres, not listen to something because its the flavor of the week. I thought maybe you'd have some sliver of individuality, but then it hit me: the iPod, the headphones everywhere...pfft, total square." That's when the zombie killing starts.
On a totally unrelated note, people who are under the impression that they are talented athletes piss me off. As a lifeguard at a not-so-happenin college, I see a lot of these. Running is pretty easy. I've seen a few faggots in my day, the kind of people who run with their arms straight down, legs straight...but that's because the only time they've ever run is when they are late for class, and you can NEVER be late for class! Lifting can be picked up in a relatively short time, but when you're benching 125 you kind of look like a pussy. (You piss me off too. Get out of my way.) But swimming, contrary to what you may believe, actually takes months of practice to learn, and years to become "good" at. I'm all for learning, but I think it would be best if you didn't walk into the pool acting like a badass, then jump in and proceed to swim a total of 200 in increments of 25 in a total time of 15 minutes.
There's a fat guy that wears a Speedo, and he's way too cool to even acknowledge the lifeguards. I understand that some of you may not want to talk to people, but when we say "Have a nice day/evening," "Thanks for coming," something like that, unless you're banging out hundreds on the minute, it'd be nice of you to at least say something. Not this guy. Let me try to explain his swimming. First, if you're not familiar with swimming, find some short videos and watch some freestyle/front crawl. Note the relaxed arms on the recovery, then the extension as they start to enter the water. That's good. This guy does one arm fine, then THROWS the other arm, completely straight, from his waist all the way around until it slaps the water, in the process turning about 110degrees and taking a breath with his entire fat face. Then he does it again. And again. And again. For almost an hour. It makes my soul hurt.
And like I said before, we have the guys who think they're badasses. If there's a female lifeguard on duty--look out! They'll show their shit as best they can, then hop in and go for it! We also get assholes who come in in pairs--swimming buddies or something--who come in and, if the pool is full, will both jump in the same lane, instead of going into lanes next to each other, effectively driving the previous occupant out. They piss me off, because they always suck. Makes me want to get in with them and force them out. But of course, I have to conduct myself appropriately while in employment.
People who like soap operas piss me off too.
And people who can't find the humor in rape. Like women.
User Reviews
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-02-15 02:31:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The first cut is the deepest????????? ha ha ha ha
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-02-14 03:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
agreed with the ipod thing.
doesn't anybody listen to tapes anymore?
jesus, next thing you know they'll be putting movies on disc.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-02-14 03:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny, but...
honestly. i'm saying this for your own good. i'm not trying to be insulting. but honestly: complaining about how other men SWIM... kinda gay...
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:45:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
So much text...so little point.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:31:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think i agree with most of your points. i don't however, agree with the "get out of my way if you are benching 125 lbs so i can beat my chest and club some woman over the head and drag her back to my cave" mentality. if 125 is all someone can/chooses to lift, so be it. at least they are exercising and not being lazy.
Submitted by Broken_Bird (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:18:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Didnt get an Ipod for Christmas huh?? Yeah that sucks.......
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Get over it dude, all this senseless anger is going to put you in an early grave.
This was pretty funny though.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate that everyfucking one in new jersey drives around with that ghey piece of shit attached to their ear like a robot.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:00:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was only marginally interested....
Till this:
"And people who can't find the humor in rape. Like women."
That made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:48:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<weeps>
. . . it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen . . .
GO SWIMMING ELITISTS WOO!!!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:19:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't own any of those products but you just sound like a pathetic pussy. Put a cock in it. You probably like that kind of thing.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-02-01 07:51:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Niceish rant.
The only people who think Bluetooth 'phones makes you look important are those that buy them. Everyone else just thinks "technofag". Do you see world leaders, cultural icons, role models, anyone you'd like to emulate wearing a cheesy plastic Borg implant on their skull? No, you don't. The people who have power these days do not have a cell 'phone on their head all the time. They have people who handle their calls. Those people in turn have lackeys to do the actual voice communication. Bluetooth = lackey or technofag.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 05:31:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've got an iPod and I like it. However, if you saw me wearing them when I wasn't listening to music - you have my full authority to bitchslap the shit out of me.
Although - I don't entirely agree that you have to stick to only one kind of music and not listen to new stuff. That sounds like something old people would do.
Pissy smelling grumblers
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-02-01 05:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAARRRRRGGGHHHH, I fucking hate Ipods, apple and everything the disgusting money grabbing, user raping, cash sucking company stands for!
When I see white Headphones I think firstly "TWAT" then I'm comforted that said TWAT's non removable Ipod battery will only last 30 mins after 12 months! "whats that? outside the guarantee? Unlucky you cock sukcing wannabe!"
Submitted by junyer (user info) at 2006-02-01 04:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by junyer (user info) at 2006-02-01 04:07:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7868/286/1600/ipod.jpg
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7868/286/1600/ipod2.jpg
