Smelly People (792 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 48 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spacey (View user info) at 2006-02-01 07:43:21 EST
I don't know if I have abnormally high standards of personal hygiene but recently I have found myself becoming less and less tolerant of people who seem to have a lax attitude towards it.
I wake up every morning and have a shower or a bath, I wash my hair, clean my teeth and do all the things that clean people do. I don't find it difficult, it's just a way of life, it's what normal people do.
My hatred towards smelly people started a few weeks back when my brother in law from hell came to stay for a few days until his new flat was ready. He is a chef at a busy Mexican restaurant in a nearby town, so I half expected him to smell a little bit manky after working a long shift. I was in bed by the time he came home so I didn't see him until the next morning. Nothing could have prepared me for the stench that melted my nostrils when I walked into the lounge to find him on the sofa. Apparently he had gone out after work for a few drinks with friends. He stank. Not only did he smell like a cross between a public toilet and an ash tray, he'd made the entire ground floor of my house smelt like sweat, kebab, stale smoke and alcohol. Convinced that this was a one off I let it go and left for work. That evening he came straight home from work, and he smelt the same. He didn't go straight for a shower, or even a wash, he just sat down and turned the tv on.
How do you tell someone to go and have a wash without sounding offensive? I sat at the opposite side of the room and could still smell him. After an hour of worrying about whether or not I was going to upset him, I came out with "Fucking hell Dave, you stink, go and have a shower". I have never seen anyone look so proud of the fact that their personal hygiene standards equate to that of a tramp. He stood up, smiled at me and gave me a hug. I swear I was on the verge of passing out, I pushed him away and made him wash. Then I had a shower because he made me feel dirty.
Since that day I have noticed an amazing rise in the number of people I see that don't wash. I work in an estate agents in the middle of a big town, I speak to lots of people every day, and I'm pretty sure that at least 45% of them don't make enough effort to hide the fact that they stink.
A man in his 40s came in yesterday, we were chatting about houses and other boring things, he took a seat at my desk and everything was fine. Until he leant forward. He broke my personal space boundary and allowed me not only to see the dreadful state the few teeth he had left were in, but to inhale an entire lungful what I can only imagine to be paramount to smell that the bog of eternal stench from the film Labyrinth. I sat back almost immediately and finished our conversation shortly afterwards.
The stinky mouth man left, and I thought I was safe, I made myself a cup of coffee, sat back in my chair and tried not to think about the inside of that mans mouth any longer. Two minutes later a rotund looking fellow walked in. I smelt him straight away, he smelt like actual poo, and it didn't seem to bother him. It bothered me a lot, so I gave him all the information he wanted in one sentence, desperately trying not to breathe in and ushered him out the door.
I'm dreading the next smelly person that I encounter. I'm scared I might just blurt out the fact that they should try washing or simply creep up behind them and spray as much perfume/body spray/polish/anything that smells better than they do over them. Is that sort of thing frowned upon in modern society? If it is, then it shouldn't be. I may well make myself a pink sparkly cape and mask and smite down the smelly people of this country, armed only with Lacoste red, chanel 5 and some toothpaste.
I'm also dreading the next time Dave comes to stay (probably over the weekend) He'll be in the spare room this time, I wrote him a little poem and framed it on the wall by his bed. It reads:
Dave you're just like family,
But you stink like an arse.
It can't be hard to wash yourself
So this law I have passed:
If at any time you be
Staying at my place
You WILL wash and clean and scrub
Your armpits, for my sake.
Dave, you're like a brother,
But you smell worse than a shit
If you smell like it again
I might just FUCKING CHUCK YOU OUT ON THE STREET WITH ALL THE OTHER TRAMPS.
User Reviews
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-04 05:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
funny stuff, like the way you write/talk.
Submitted by ikillclowns (user info) at 2006-02-04 05:41:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-02-01 13:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What, fuckers?!
I don't have any STD's and my vagina sure smells mighty fine.
I always get the "you smell good" compliments from people. My overall bodily scent is quite nice.
Fuck you.
......................
Myabe it's the old pearl necklace you're wearing.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:00:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:56:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:55:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry Seb, we're only playing. The welsh are great.
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yeah - good music
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They provide us with much in the way of fish as well. And of course the Delorean was made in Wales.
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IT WAS IN EIRE! I'm sure. Wales can't build cars. Look you whatever.
Submitted by ikillclowns (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smelly people are disgusting, there's one guy that works in my office that has a really bad sweat problem. Its just wrong.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:10:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:08:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:05:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
My Grans welsh, she hates me because I didn't stay with my ex who was welsh :(
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I don't believe it, the Welsh are incapable of hatred. That's why they could never defeat the Romans.
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You haven't met my nan...she looks like the queen but she's so so so so so so mean. She's on par with osama and saddam
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Thats a harsh thing to say about the queen. Although she did have her daughter in law killed and she is German.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post. I feel ya.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:44:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:40:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeebus is coming! In my ass! Right now!
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She'd admit to sex with a dead arab but never with a living Welshman
===================
JEEBUS IS A NEGRO.
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:08:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:05:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
My Grans welsh, she hates me because I didn't stay with my ex who was welsh :(
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I don't believe it, the Welsh are incapable of hatred. That's why they could never defeat the Romans.
--------------------------
You haven't met my nan...she looks like the queen but she's so so so so so so mean. She's on par with osama and saddam
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:08:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:05:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
My Grans welsh, she hates me because I didn't stay with my ex who was welsh :(
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I don't believe it, the Welsh are incapable of hatred. That's why they could never defeat the Romans.
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:05:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My Grans welsh, she hates me because I didn't stay with my ex who was welsh :(
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:00:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:56:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:55:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry Seb, we're only playing. The welsh are great.
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yeah - good music
-------------------
They provide us with much in the way of fish as well. And of course the Delorean was made in Wales.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:55:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry Seb, we're only playing. The welsh are great.
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yeah - good music
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry Seb, we're only playing. The welsh are great.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:52:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Steady on Red. I never said the Welsh where into Bestiality or nothing, simply that they're unclean.
May God bless all of the Welsh and take pity on their souls.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:49:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehehe - Tiger has a new post with a piccie of Sebba's lass in it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:41:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:39:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't care if it can be seen from space, it's Welsh. It's just horrible. It's like she had sex with an Arab or something.
____________________________________________________
Now you've gone too far, my friend. C'mon - it can't be that bad. You weren't complaining.
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That wasn't sex Seb. Sex is when two people love each other very much.
Berty could never love a Welshman.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:44:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:40:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeebus is coming! In my ass! Right now!
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She'd admit to sex with a dead arab but never with a living Welshman.
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:41:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:39:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't care if it can be seen from space, it's Welsh. It's just horrible. It's like she had sex with an Arab or something.
____________________________________________________
Now you've gone too far, my friend. C'mon - it can't be that bad. You weren't complaining.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:39:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:37:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't fuck anybody last night.
I change up my scents. Sometimes rose, sometimes lavender. It depends on my mood.
_________________________________________________________________________
But it was so beautiful...how can you deny?
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Probably to avoid being branded unclean.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:31:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:27:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
MistrissFist had sex with a Welshman? Errghhh!
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YES. Everyone wants to have sex with a welshman - even if they don't know it. The truth is, we're hung like fucking horses, man. Horses. Or midgets with enormous 10 inch cocks...whatever it was, but it's HUGE!
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I don't care if it can be seen from space, it's Welsh. It's just horrible. It's like she had sex with an Arab or something.
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:39:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:37:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't fuck anybody last night.
I change up my scents. Sometimes rose, sometimes lavender. It depends on my mood.
_________________________________________________________________________
But it was so beautiful...how can you deny?
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I pity the foo' who don't wash their taint. I do I do. Ain't no way they getting in my van to stank the place us. No sir. The only smell I like is gold. And other black folk.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:37:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't fuck anybody last night.
I change up my scents. Sometimes rose, sometimes lavender. It depends on my mood.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:33:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:31:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:27:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
MistrissFist had sex with a Welshman? Errghhh!
------------------------------------------------------------
YES. Everyone wants to have sex with a welshman - even if they don't know it. The truth is, we're hung like fucking horses, man. Horses. Or midgets with enormous 10 inch cocks...whatever it was, but it's HUGE!
---
you hang about with horses. That's not quite the same thing.
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:31:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:27:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
MistrissFist had sex with a Welshman? Errghhh!
------------------------------------------------------------
YES. Everyone wants to have sex with a welshman - even if they don't know it. The truth is, we're hung like fucking horses, man. Horses. Or midgets with enormous 10 inch cocks...whatever it was, but it's HUGE!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:22:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:41:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
What, fuckers?!
I don't have any STD's and my vagina sure smells mighty fine.
__________________________________________________________________
I must agree - her vagina does smell mighty fine.
Thanks for lastnight...
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Why the fuck would you thank her for sex? BE A FUCKING MAN WITH BALLS! She should be thanking YOU!
MF you are my bitch and I'm going to teabag you in a dark alley.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:22:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:41:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
What, fuckers?!
I don't have any STD's and my vagina sure smells mighty fine.
__________________________________________________________________
I must agree - her vagina does smell mighty fine.
Thanks for lastnight...
--------------------
MistrissFist had sex with a Welshman? Errghhh!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:27:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:22:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:41:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
What, fuckers?!
I don't have any STD's and my vagina sure smells mighty fine.
__________________________________________________________________
I must agree - her vagina does smell mighty fine.
Thanks for lastnight...
---
Shut it Welshy or I'll tell them exactly what animal you were sleeping with last night. Baaare with me... ;)
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:41:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
What, fuckers?!
I don't have any STD's and my vagina sure smells mighty fine.
__________________________________________________________________
I must agree - her vagina does smell mighty fine.
Thanks for lastnight...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:08:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:41:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
What, fuckers?!
I don't have any STD's and my vagina sure smells mighty fine.
I always get the "you smell good" compliments from people. My overall bodily scent is quite nice.
Fuck you.
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For all I know Chlamydia smells of frying bacon and fish and chips.
I've tried to emulate the nuance by sleeping in lard but all I've managed to do was burn the house down. It's a long story.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:03:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ugh, stinky people gross me out too. I can understand if you work in construction or as a vet tech or something and you just got off work - I mean, it happens. But the people who are proud of their stink need to grow up. It just isn't civilized.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
hang on - you naturally smell of rose oil? What the hell is going on there?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 10:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:41:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
What, fuckers?!
I don't have any STD's and my vagina sure smells mighty fine.
I always get the "you smell good" compliments from people. My overall bodily scent is quite nice.
Fuck you.
---
Quite nice? Now I'm intrigued. Is it cinammon and oranges?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:52:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
good question.
in our schooldays, we always knew the one "smelly kid" -- do smelly kids grow up to be smelly adults?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:41:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What, fuckers?!
I don't have any STD's and my vagina sure smells mighty fine.
I always get the "you smell good" compliments from people. My overall bodily scent is quite nice.
Fuck you.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:21:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:16:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:12:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I smell like rose oil and plumeria today
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aka odeur du Chlamydia
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Eau De Vagina.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:16:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:12:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I smell like rose oil and plumeria today
-------------
aka odeur du Chlamydia
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:13:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh for pities sake. Telling someone they smell isn't a big deal. It's not like you're saying "You're eyes are too close together and your mouth looks common" or something. It's like saying to someone "that dress makes you look cheap" or "That shirt reeks of tranny".
It's transient stuff that people can change you see. Just tell him he smells like bacon fried in piss.
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:12:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:04:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Get a can of airspray and whenever someone smelly comes in, just spray. Don't spray them though. Make them feel bad, ask "Do you smell that?" type questions while you are doing it. Even ask them to hold on and walk into the hall and sniff, etc.
--side note-- LaCoste Red is awesome but it's super expensive and hard to find stateside. What do you guys pay for a 1.7oz. bottle there?
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It's £22.50 for 125ml
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm concluded that stinky people cain't smell they own funk.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:12:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I smell like rose oil and plumeria today.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Get a can of airspray and whenever someone smelly comes in, just spray. Don't spray them though. Make them feel bad, ask "Do you smell that?" type questions while you are doing it. Even ask them to hold on and walk into the hall and sniff, etc.
--side note-- LaCoste Red is awesome but it's super expensive and hard to find stateside. What do you guys pay for a 1.7oz. bottle there?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 09:01:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:59:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:35:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
kebab?
*******
Every drunk person in England smells of kebab and the smell doesn't go away for days. Especially if they don't wash....
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I passed out once and had left a kebab in the bin by my bed. In the morning the stench was quite vile. I was displeased.
The smelly do not realise they are smelly. It is your duty to inform them. Or poison. That works too
Submitted by Spacey (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:35:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
kebab?
*******
Every drunk person in England smells of kebab and the smell doesn't go away for days. Especially if they don't wash....
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har Har
Your brother in law stank of filth and made you a mentalist.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:35:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
kebab?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 08:14:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a smelly flatmate once. I poisoned him