A "Queen" Dies, a President Addresses the Nation and I Don't Give a Shit About Either. (916 hits)
Category: NewsLabels: random_post
Rating: 1 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by RyuFu (View user info) at 2006-02-01 11:12:23 EST
Take a deep breath.
<SNIIIIIFFF>
Mmmmm mm--smells like Black History Month! Why do they get a whole month? Why do they cram a few weeks at the end of September and beginning of October for Hispanic Awareness? Are Irish folk really proud that their only day of recognition is one plagued with drunken stereotypes and short mythical creatures?
Whoa, I've veered off into several tangents. The correct answers to all those questions is I don't care. Except for St. Patty's. I'm down with beer.
But yesterday, I was...not necessarily shocked...not really surprised...well, I guess the correct word is "amused." Yes, I was "amused" with myself when I retrieved my mail late yesterday. I'm pretty sure Coletta King's passing was the dominating headline for most of the day--but I was too busy taking care of my band's press info to care. Later in the day, it was all about some address by some nation's president about some country's current state. I was too busy helping my gal pay off a BSNYC (that's "Bullshit New York City" aka "standard") parking ticket to care. That, and I was pretty damn sure I would get a decent synopsis of it from pseudopolitical commentary on my friends' AIM profiles. I was correct.
Needless to say, I was unphased by anything the whole day yesterday. That is, until I approached my mailbox at about 10:00 PM. I normally receive about 3 bills and 5 credit card offers, with the occasional student loan consolidation offer mixed in. Last night, there was something extra thrown in. It was so conspicuous I thought it was a bomb at first. An orange, rectangular, paper bomb.
It was a Gilette Fusion. Huh? My head tilted to the side like a curious dog. I felt very much like a curious dog, as a matter of fact, so the action stands to reason. A closer inspection of the box confirmed that there was "a free razor inside."
"How could this be?" I thought to myself. Are they allowed to send razors in the mail? Then my memory kicked in. I had seen a commercial for this. The end of the commercial explicitly stated that the product would not be available until February. Was I a preferred customer? Was I part of a select group as the packaging indicated?
Nah, it's a marketing ploy. A really effective one if the product performs anywhere near as well as it says it does. But I have to be honest with you, oh anonymous Uber users. Inside, I felt a nice tingle. Something in between that pre-climax tingle and the itchy asshole tingle. Something pleasant enough to make me smile. I got a razor I had a mild interest in trying out--for FREE!
Deep inside, I knew I could barely wait until the morning to try out this innovative piece of grooming technology. I ripped open the box and read all the new features and enhancements of this razor over my old and faithful Mach 3's...5 blades! Holy shit!! Take that, Schick! Quattro nothin'! A single "trimming" blade on the back? What?! For those hard-to-reach hairs under my nose and for perfectly trimmed sideburns. YES!!!
Oddly enough, this is what I truly felt inside. I can honestly tell you, I never heard of Coletta King before yesterday. I mean, I assumed MLK left behind a widow, but I never really thought much of her influence. Whether I'm just a sociopolitically ignorant asshole or not, the bottom line is I can't feel the great loss the media wants me to feel if I've never heard of this woman before. I did the obligatory headline story reading and realized she had some impact on the black community and yadda yadda. I called my token black friend and asked him if he had heard of Coletta King.
TBF: "Who the fuck is that? Is that even a real name?"
I didn't feel bad. I felt a lot worse that my Knicks got <insert anal rapage comment> by Kobe Bryant and the...well, by Kobe Bryant.
President Bush...look, I'm not gonna get into a "He's a Moron!" vs. "He Rocks!" debate. I just his State of the Union addresses to be pointless and boring, since it's generally the same stuff that I'll be reading about and seeing spoofed by Jon Stewart for days. I stay relatively informed and vote--that's about the extent of my political interests. To reiterate my previous point--I didn't watch and didn't intend to. It had no influence on my yesterday.
But my brand-spankin-new FREE razor had me enthralled. ENTHRALLED!! Interesting how my mind works. Is it the free aspect or the razor aspect that does it for me? Both, probably. Maybe more on the free side. Meh. I figured I'd share my day with you.
Oh, and for the record, the Fusion is the BEST...RAZOR...EVER. Ever. You could play air hockey off my smooth face.
User Reviews
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-02-01 21:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I remember getting a free Mach 3 razor in the mail when they first came out. I loved it and used the product faithfully for about a year. Then one day in a pinch I had to use one of my dads disposables, and realized how much money I was wasting. Now I am a Gillette blue disposable razor guy. That being said the free razor in the mail campaign is sheer marketing brilliance.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-01 21:26:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
b@w
Submitted by Paddles (user info) at 2006-02-01 21:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:55:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, I just read through this and realized how full of typos it was, not even including the "Coletta" twist. There's too many Asians around me at work.
---------------------------------------------------------
There are*
Gahhhh, sorry, couldn't resist.
Good post, though.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:55:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, I just read through this and realized how full of typos it was, not even including the "Coletta" twist. There's too many Asians around me at work.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:28:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You know why black people have nightmares? We killed the only one to ever have a dream!
Oh fuck...I'm going to hell.
Anyway, thanks for the report on the new razor. I was curious. I hope I get a free razor. I got the Mach 3 when I turned 18 and thought it was the greatest razor ever, but you couldn't play air hockey on my face.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Short-n-Sweet
User id: 23354
Registered on or around: 2005-11-16 13:41:41
# Messages posted: 4
# Reviews written: 40
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 89
# Hits: 1566
Average rating of all messages: -1.42
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow, a whole 391.5 hits per post? Good job of trying to get people to respond to you. No really, keep up the good work.
Submitted by Short-n-Sweet (user info) at 2006-02-01 14:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-01 13:50:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shave your cat.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-01 13:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It amuses me when they add extra blades for a closer shave and then put little wires over them for safety.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-02-01 13:09:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who wants to play air hockey on their face?
Shave the taint with that?
20 cent Gillette tossaways do the trick.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-01 13:04:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:48:19 (#)
Ranking: 1
MLK, a womanizer and an alcoholic, has to be one of the most over-pimped icons in modern Western history. His assassination and the inevitable conspiracy myths were probably the only factors that saved his legacy from fading into obscurity and ruin. After all, god forbid treat a negro - especially a dead one - with anything that could resemble criticism, journalistic integrity, or fact.
==================
We have teh winnar!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:54:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
coRetta Scott King
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:48:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
MLK, a womanizer and an alcoholic, has to be one of the most over-pimped icons in modern Western history. His assassination and the inevitable conspiracy myths were probably the only factors that saved his legacy from fading into obscurity and ruin. After all, god forbid treat a negro - especially a dead one - with anything that could resemble criticism, journalistic integrity, or fact.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:25:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUSION
FUSION
FUSION
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-02-01 12:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:35:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Everytime a new razor with more blades comes out I can't help but think of a SNL skit where Will Farrell is doing a commercial for a 20 blade razor.
and $13 for a box of 4 blades? What a bunch of bull shit
--------------------------------
YES on both points.
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everytime a new razor with more blades comes out I can't help but think of a SNL skit where Will Farrell is doing a commercial for a 20 blade razor.
and $13 for a box of 4 blades? What a bunch of bull shit
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:31:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Coletta King
___________
Try "Coretta," Mr. Reverse-Engrish.
I can't believe none of you have made an effort to keep this off a solid -2! I guess I'll be the one to sacrifice my real feelings this time.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i got a few fusions for christmas.
they're pretty much the best razor in the history of mank ind
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:15:43 (#)
Ranking: -2
Coretta. Dumbass.
------------------------------
Wow...I feel very much like an Asian right now. Yeah, any instance of Coletta above should be replaced with Coretta. That....doesn't really do anything to take away from the point of my post, though.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Coretta. Dumbass.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-01 11:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I stopped by a Duane Reade pharmacy this morning and saw a huge Fusion display. 13 bucks for 4 cartridges. Yikes.