Sonnet 199: This drip will not permit mine nose to blow (930 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryLabels: sonnets
Rating: 1.46 on 56 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-02-01 17:49:22 EST
I hate, hate, HATE getting sick at work.
Hate, I say. No worse feeling.
Coming down with something at home? Fine. Waking up with it? Bring it on, saucepan!
But this...
This little POS below - and masturbating underneath my desk - helped take my mind of the onset of what will surely be tomorrow's cough-heavy and balloon-headed joy.
This drip will not permit mine nose to blow,
O constant unreachable itch, you cur!
These sinuses are rife with pain and woe,
Inside them, growing, enemy snot stirs.
Armed alone with tissue, pill and pillow
I fight; white blood cell, Madmartigan mine,
(Jesus, did I just mention Willow?)
Rid me of this tyranny - right this crime.
Mine head is puff'd: its throbs a pulsing drum,
Rhythmic beats confounding my zoned-out eyes,
I hope the illness will not reach my bum
Or surely will death spit from 'tween my thighs.
When next 'sick sex' is offered, I shall pass:
A head cold's just not worth a piece of ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:41:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HEY YOU SAID TAINT.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-03 09:51:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*crickets*
Get it? Taint me??
My humor is lost on you people.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:59:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:40:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Licious only O-man and I are in DC I believe. There is someone else too...who is it?
=====================
Hell if I know. Like I said, 't'ain't me.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:42:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:32:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking whore.
Guess who is getting Alito-wned?
You. Now here's a cupcake.
=======================================================
HA! Well, the joke is on you and Captain Thorns, because I am in Philly- not DC!!!
----
Licious only O-man and I are in DC I believe. There is someone else too...who is it?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:19:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit. I knew that. And since you aren't yet gone for the weekend, I apparently spoke too soon. *heads to Delaware for the night..regrets saying it out loud*
===========
See you tonight, dearie.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit. I knew that. And since you aren't yet gone for the weekend, I apparently spoke too soon. *heads to Delaware for the night..regrets saying it out loud*
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:00:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:42:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
============
Alas, <Bwhahaah> I am working in Philly RIGHT NOW.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:42:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:32:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking whore.
Guess who is getting Alito-wned?
You. Now here's a cupcake.
=======================================================
HA! Well, the joke is on you and Captain Thorns, because I am in Philly- not DC!!!
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:37:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love, love, LOVE getting dick at work.
Love, I say. No better feeling.
Goin' down on someone at home? Fine. Waking up to it? Bring it on, sauceman!
But this...
====================
Fucking whore.
Guess who is getting Alito-wned?
You. Now here's a cupcake.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEAT BOMB!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:29:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:44:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Good girl.
Hey, everyone, gangbang @ Sacrilicious's office...
----------------------------------------------------------------
That just bumped this up from a +1 to a +2.
*runs off to catch plane to DC*
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good girl.
Hey, everyone, gangbang @ Sacrilicious's office...
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:37:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love, love, LOVE getting dick at work.
Love, I say. No better feeling.
Goin' down on someone at home? Fine. Waking up to it? Bring it on, sauceman!
But this...
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry guys, I'm going for business not pleasure. Somebody's getting Alito-wned.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-02 12:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ooh. DC, eh?
If you find yourself raped on the trip, it was probably me.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 12:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 11:58:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's a cupcake to make it all better.
Coincidentally, I'll be in DC this weekend.
You'd better stay indoors, unless you want a hurtin' ass to match your hurtin' snotty nose.
----
HURRIED UBERCON!
I am free Saturday night if you want to chill. Email me HighVoltage.at.aol.com if you wanna get together for a bit.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 11:58:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's a cupcake to make it all better.
Coincidentally, I'll be in DC this weekend.
You'd better stay indoors, unless you want a hurtin' ass to match your hurtin' snotty nose.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-02-02 11:34:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YES! YES ! YES! on the pic
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-02 10:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Daddy got himself some Sudafed Sleep last night. The world is a better place today.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-02 10:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
raped an emu yet?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-02 09:51:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You've done better. +1 for Willow though.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-02 09:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-02 00:22:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Future project = raping emus, then.
Who knows...could be actually forcing yourself on am emu, could be emus that violate others against their will.
I kind of already covered that: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77239
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-02-02 05:45:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
look dude, a couple of good ol farmer blows strategically aimed at a subordinates desk
or on an office floor will make you feel much better...
i promise
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-02 00:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just imagine: If I'm masturbating to the THOUGHT of that post, just think of what I'll do when I actually see that post!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-02 00:22:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Future project = raping emus, then.
Who knows...could be actually forcing yourself on am emu, could be emus that violate others against their will.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-02 00:20:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, believe me. Deep lyrical content and deep pieces of literary artwork are the last things I come to Uber for. I come here for the rape jokes and the emus.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah but who the hell is really looking for depth and soul touching epiphanies from uber? another assumption, you save your best shit for your gf.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:32:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not a bad complement for me. I want them to be understandable and fairly easy to pick up.
I'm writing for an "OMG~! Poetry suXX!" crowd, after all.
And, honestly, it's pretty difficult to turn a poem about wine bottle induced vaginal mutilation into something that's deep, complex and dripping with artistry.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Inion- I don't know what your poetry's like, but your similes kick ass.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
god i hope no one ever tells me to try my hand at poetry. i blow goats like a mexican hooker at that shit. and, on top of that, i rarely understand ANY of it. i think that's why i like yours, it makes sense to me. but that could be a bad compliment for you. i'm just happy that i even thought of an idea for the title i got given.
if i could goad you into sucking at this contest though i'd try harder. i doubt you'd be all that bad, you seem to have a mostly functional brain.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:24:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Re: anonymous posting - I think it'll be easy for people to spot my submissions for next year's Ubermadness.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:22:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww snap..sounds like a challenge. Question: how can you submit poetry and still remain anonymous? Or wait..is it that this is unofficial, so submissions are not anonymous?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:21:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Trying to goad me into using paragraphs and such, eh?
Again, I don't think this discussion would happen if things were the other way around. I doubt that if I tended to write various types of short stories people would say "you should really try your hand at poetry."
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah but you seem to pull rhyme out of your ass like it was shit and you had chili and some exlax. i'd think it'd be interesting to see what you do with prose. after all the poetry i'm assuming that just plain writing is actually a weakness and you might actually not get a +2 from everyone.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-01 23:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm debating that right now, actually.
Depends on the story that I'll want to tell really. What form the story's going to take.
I've found that's often what gives me the most trouble...determining what structure and/or rhyme scheme to give a particular piece.
If I advance then maybe I'll do a bit of both.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-01 22:56:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
are you gonna write prose or poetry for ubertines O?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-01 22:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A part of it's in the bag. I'll see if I can finish it up amidst this Ubertine competition.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-01 22:41:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Then git up off yer skinny ass and do it!!
I'm gone dude, beddybye time for this old fuck.
<cue Annie> "Tomorrow..."
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-01 22:28:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's nice knowing that someone else besides me is interested in seeing it continue, Bubs.
If it's not up soon I'll send you directions to my house and you can whip me, massa-style.
Part of me is blah about it because it's just the Prologue. I'd rather get to the tales, but I can't - obviously - until I finish the introduction.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-01 22:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen, Gasmo, and listen well: Iffin I doesn't sees the next
installment of Uberbury tales REAL FUCKIN' SOON, I be gwine fly
to DC and whup yer skinny young ass! Better yet, I'll just
call up my old buddy The Greaseman and have him do it.
"It's the Greaseman Rap...Nacho cheese, Nacho cheese,
tear the roof off the sucker..."
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-01 21:38:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, there goes your one post winning streak with Shlongy.
Submitted by Shifty54 (user info) at 2006-02-01 20:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-02-01 20:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Like you even have a job.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-01 19:39:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA,
i empathize or something...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-01 19:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry your sick mate. Here's a "Get well +2".
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-01 19:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well happy groundhog day. i found out i have tonsilitis. they should've removed my tonsils about ten years ago but they won't. at least your throat isn't eating you.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-02-01 19:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'd go nuts living in your head. I think I'd be be'er off dead.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-01 18:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
depends on the ass, i say.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-01 18:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A nice spoonful of "OH MY GOD MY ASS IS BURNING!" always seems to do the trick for me.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-01 18:12:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 for Mad Martigan
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-01 18:08:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This feeling this post evokes is sickeningly contagious.
Try Zicam oral spray. Tastes gross, works awesomely.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-01 18:04:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2006-02-01 17:55:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
I recently bought that movie. It has not aged well.
---
www.Play.com has much to answer for - it makes it too easy to see old shit films.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-01 17:56:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And now off to the embrace of the Drixoral Coma™.
Submitted by Off_The_Wagon (user info) at 2006-02-01 17:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I recently bought that movie. It has not aged well.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-02-01 17:54:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Smoggies, Smoggies,
Smokey, oily, greasy,
Smoggies, Smoggies,
Smokey, oily, greasy,
Have you met the Smoggies?
We love the soot and grime,
We make the whole world dirty,
And we have a real good time.
We love to make things messy,
Just as dirty as can be,
And you can bet we'll mess you up ecologically
Sun-tots, Sun-tots,
Earth and wind and sea and..
Sun-tots, Sun-tots,
Earth and wind and sea and..
Make way for the Sun-tots.
A neat and tidy crew,
We'll stay young forever,
And we want the same for you,
If we get your magic coral,
Then forever young we'll be,
Do you think you'll find it somewhere in the clear blue sea?
Sun-tots, Sun-tots,
Earth and wind and sea and..
Sun-tots, Smoggies - Woh!
We use the water, wind and sun,
To make our homes and gadgets run,
Where else can you have such fun, environmentally.
Come and see our island,
And smell the sweet, sweet breeze,
Where we'll live for ever, just as happy as can be,
With the Sun-tots and the Smoggies,
To the way the world could be,
A messy mess or shiny clear, ecologically.
Sun-tots, Sun-tots,
Earth and wind and sea and..
Smoggies, Smoggies,
Smokey, oily, greasy...
Sun-tots, Sun-tots,
Earth and wind and sea and..
Smoggies, Smoggies,
Smokey, oily, greasy...
[Fade]