Ubertines 06: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me (644 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ahumblefool (View user info) at 2006-02-02 14:03:35 EST
(This is all I have right now, just received a call for a Search and Rescue and might not be back before the due date, so I apologize that I did not have enough time to clean it up as much as I wanted.)
Valentines Day, dumbest fucking holiday of the year. Sure, many women crave the attention, the gifts, the adoration from love sick men with no balls. Personally, I find it offensive. It is a holiday that leaves most of us out, those of us that have been unlucky in relationships. It is a chance for others to ridicule us as they take their loved ones up in their arms and hold them tight, kissing on the waterfront, faking an everlasting idolization that in reality will end when the first opportunity for fresh tail walks by. It literally makes me sick.
I guess that is why I find myself in a 5 x 5 cell waiting for midnight. I find it rather appropriate that I will be executed on February 14th at 12:01 am. My only regret is that I was caught. That's right, I have no regrets, I loved each of them. I gave them what they wanted on Valentine's Day, I gave them love, and I suppose that is why they call me Casanova. Ridiculous name, I just did what they asked, no more no less. I am aware that if I had not used the same message board for over the last three years I would never have been caught. But, if you had read the love starved messages of the women on this board, could you have blamed me? And, to read the commentaries after each murder, heartless bastards one and all, I fit in as one of them, I was family there, Ubersite was home. Three murders, three years, three wonderful women that I added to my long list of loves.
I met Krissi at one of these meetings that the board called Ubercon's. She was young and attractive. We sat at the lodge discussing trivial things, family, friends, and loved ones. But in the end, as with all women that have someone they can confide in, she began to discuss her relationships. I have a big shoulder, and so I listened to her as she talked about loves lost and the need in her life, for just once, to be held and to feel like she was being held. Strong arms to embrace her; protect and shelter her from the worries of the world. I sat and listened, and as she talked, I absorbed her pain, nodded appropriately and made my decision to help Krissi find what she needed. We kept in close contact over the next two months, our emails becoming more intimate, our relationship growing. I asked her if I could come see her on Valentines Day, and she eagerly agreed telling me she would make up some excuse for her boyfriend. I told her that I did not want to cause a problem, but she just laughed.
I held Krissi. I held her close. I held her face into my chest, gently stroking her hair as she struggled to breathe. Her arms beat at my sides and her legs kicked in vain. The whole time I cooed her name and whispered words of admiration into her ear. Her struggles weakened and I knew she had finally giving herself to me, respected the love that I gave her and was grateful that I had fulfilled a need she had wanted for so long. To remember her, as I did with all my past loves, I removed her heart and ate it, slowly, so that I could savor the love that she had for me, taste the final fleeting moment of true bliss that Krissi had felt in the end.
I met Jeanneee a year later at an Ubercon in Chicago. Her comments online were often bitter retorts at those around her. Hell, I liked her from the start. A no bullshit person who told it like it was. We hit it off after a few well poured drinks and a few comments that almost came to fisticuffs. I found after our three day festival, that what she truly wanted was a bad ass man that enjoyed the thrill in life. High adventure, danger, anything on the edge. Her life was sheltered growing up and it was time to find what life had to offer. I told her that sometimes a sheltered life was a good life, adventure could get you killed. She called me another one of those "Pussified" men, and I was a shining example of the problems with males in our society. I asked her if she had ever been skydiving, she said no and so I made her a wager, I would fly out and meet her Valentines Day, and do a couples dive. She just laughed, but accepted the bet thinking I would never do it.
Boy did that bitch scream when I cut her parachute ropes. I suppose it was more thrill than she wanted, but I tend to overcompensate for my ladies. We had reached about 1000 feet when I had sailed in close and withdrew my knife. At first she thought I was joking around, but her laughter changed when I brought my chute directly towards her and sliced the lines. When I landed by her body it was a damn mess, hard to tell what anything was, but I did locate her heart. The thrill added just a touch of terror to the taste, irony.
I knew that to find a third lost soul on Ubersite was a problem. It was already well accepted that the killer was trolling the message boards, taking advantage of lonely hearts. Uberites were already making bets who the next victim would be. Stories, poems and comments flowed. I even added a few myself, I could not help myself. It was through these comments that I discovered Mistress Fist. She was feisty. Talk of rape and cupcakes; she had the power to make me laugh at the dumbest remarks. Men and boys made rude comments to her; she sloughed them off, retaliating with witticisms unbecoming a lady. I tried to start conversations with her, but she just brushed me off. If I had just let her go I would not have been caught, but instead I hunted her down. Her comments online told me that she was in need of something.
She fought. But the kiss of chocolate on her lips slowed her down. I laughed when I saw the look on her face as I opened a box of freshly made cupcakes for her. Each one with pink hearts that adorned chocolate icing. I shoved the first one deep into her throat, watching as she choked. I then pushed a second and a third in. After each one I gently kissed her lips, tasting fear and chocolate. I never knew that the throat and mouth could fit a bakers dozen, amazing what the body is capable of doing.
It was only a matter of time. I had made it easy for them to find me. My deeds were posted for everyone to see, my inner desires on a message board called Ubersite.
User Reviews
Submitted by sweetcheebs (user info) at 2007-01-22 13:46:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Resurrection
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For God so loved the world, he gave us his one and only humblefool.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-03 01:01:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Boy did that bitch scream when I cut her parachute ropes."
BAH HA HA HA HA HAAA!!
This was great. And clever. I liked how each portion of the title belonged to a portion of your story. Best entry I've read so far.
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-02-02 19:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.8
It needed something else... But it was great anyway. Pity you didn't have more time.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2006-02-02 17:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-02-02 17:38:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sublime.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I kinda think what scourge said down below sums it up.
+1.5 from me.
-Dave
Submitted by krissi (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:35:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
... me likey.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-02-02 16:06:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck with the rescuage... Try not to die too much, mmmkay?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:40:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:09:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:04:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
The thing is, he is 100% true. The taste of chocolate would slow me down. I'd be in the middle of krav maga and simultaneous jihad of his scrotal area, but a taste of sweet belgian chocolate would give anyone the advantage, even an austistic retarded ghey midget.
----
scourge?
====
monkey boy, your antics grow tiresome. Wait until Monday, my hatey hate post is half done.
ahumblefool- during Ubermas I didn't want to rate my opponents piece. McCallum won. I was thinking about refraining from reviewing here, but wanted to after reading this.
I could see where you were going with this, I think. For my tastes it could have been expanded upon a good deal.
I really liked how the three part title was broken into three sections of the story. Using three "loves" for the three pieces was an interesting touch.
Using Uber as a piece of the story was good. I feel you should have tied back to the interchanges between the lead and the three victims a little, flesh out that aspect of the story, how he drew them in etc.
Overall I liked it. What shortcomings I felt it had were overcome by the approach itself. I'd like to see a version of this when you have time to flesh it out.
Not a +2 piece of work to me, but I'd call it something like a 1.75 or 1.8
I don't think you can round that out with the Cilfone rating system, so have a +2
Good luck on this one fool
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:31:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh* I meant the ghey retarded midget.
===========
Scourge doesn't own the market on clowns and other circus fodder. There are plenty of retards and canadians to go around for all of us to share.
Caul should drop in any second now.....
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:23:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aha I'm still alive :-P
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:10:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:09:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
==============
No Silly Boy. It's still me.
What, do you don't believe me about the krav maga and scrotal jihad?
-----
*sigh* I meant the ghey retarded midget.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This should be made into a movie starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:13:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yet no rape. yeah happy valentines' day.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:09:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
==============
No Silly Boy. It's still me.
What, do you don't believe me about the krav maga and scrotal jihad?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:09:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:04:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
The thing is, he is 100% true. The taste of chocolate would slow me down. I'd be in the middle of krav maga and simultaneous jihad of his scrotal area, but a taste of sweet belgian chocolate would give anyone the advantage, even an austistic retarded ghey midget.
----
scourge?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 15:04:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The thing is, he is 100% true. The taste of chocolate would slow me down. I'd be in the middle of krav maga and simultaneous jihad of his scrotal area, but a taste of sweet belgian chocolate would give anyone the advantage, even an austistic retarded ghey midget.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome.
Way to take it like a trooper MF.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehehehe...pretty clever.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahha death by cupcakes! How divine! How Ironic! How True!
+2, my sweet Valentine!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:35:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well this was just damn terrific. I would have NEVER thought of using your title that way. Great job.
The only thing that would've added more would have been making Fat Tony or nitty your prison bitch.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not too shabby. missing something.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Me like.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Short but sweet!! there were a few minor problems but the story, the way you melded the title and occasion into such a story, is quite awsome.
Good luck on the rescue.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-02 14:05:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
sorry you didn't have more time, excellent idea.