Ubertines: Be Mine (897 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: ubertines
Rating: 1.98 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-02-03 12:02:40 EST
I made it easy for her, this I'll swear,
Gave her time, and space, to show me she cared,
But received neither confirmation nor
Rejection. So, tonight I to her door
Approached, only to find it locked to me.
I knocked and waited, knelt and found the key,
Unearthed from where I'd watched her hide it once,
And calmly entered. Minutes, hours, days, weeks, months
Spent waiting for this moment: With delight
I paced her floors to find alive with light
Her living space, open and waiting, the mantle
Holding picture frames between the candles,
Each one a testament to her beauty,
Each possessed an instance of her duty
To me - here a laugh, there a tender look.
I ran my fingers 'long pages of books
She'd touched in hopes of finding fingerprints.
Past countertop and icebox door I passed,
Drawing a beer and savoring at last
The feeling of a kept man, each pull deeper
Than the one before as eyes her freezer
And refrigerator shelves scanned for signs
Of what she often snacked on, lunched or dined.
Up the stairs, each step ascended bringing
Me closer, closer yet, fingers clinging
To the rail to steady their shaking while
All around me I felt her presence, smile
Breaking my lips as her bedroom door swayed
Open at my behest. Yes. Bare hands made
Motion towards her dresser: her silk, cotton
Panties each, my nose, so long forgotten
The scent of a woman, pressed into them
And savored her musk; her nylon, her hose,
These slender snakes that hide her legs and toes,
My tongue caressed, but ever so slightly;
Here, the sundress she would wear in our house
There, the folded form of her favorite blouse
That she would wear at my request if asked.
From bedroom through the bathroom door I passed,
Perfume on the counter, makeup, lipstick,
Trappings of vanity that made me sick
For my love required no artistry,
No lie of line to look her best for me.
Together we would add a second sink
To accomodate my needs. Then, a clink,
A rattle, the turn of a knob downstairs.
She'd returned! I got myself prepared,
Hair smoothed, card at the ready when soft I
Heard a foreign sound, thought my ears a lie
Had told my wily little brain. Then
it came, a masculine voice, persistent,
Low in timbre, yet from her drew laughter,
I descended the stairs only after
Scissors from her cabinet I had removed,
Took with me, down, down, down, I disappproved
Of his very presence, hated him all
The more as I spied them against a wall
Kissing, she, flowers in hand, he her hair
Entangled with greedy fingers. My hair.
I made no noise. Her closed eyes witnessed not
My approach, nor his ears my footfalls caught
Until I had him by his thieving nape
He struggled, but it was much, much too late
For in his throat I'd forced the silver shears,
She screamed, his blood upon her face, from fear.
His body dropped. I tried to ease her mind,
To comfort, and explain that I was kind,
I was hers, I was the one she wanted
And that my very beating heart she haunted.
Clearly overcome, her poor mind sputtered
As from her mouth "Help!" and "Stranger!" stuttered.
Hysterics consumed her. I am no friend
Of violence, but brought to her an end
Of sobs and shrieks - one blow to her sweet head
With my fist - and she reclined as if dead
Against the wall. In her bedroom I took
Pains to undress her carefully, to look
To her wound with tender attention while
I quickly drew a bath. Blood on the tile
From her suitor's drippings on my sweater:
He'd tainted her - I would make her better.
I sat beside her, afraid to touch skin
Unpure, befouled and ruined so by him,
But oh how my eyes roved over her form:
Her skin no tax of time or age had worn,
Arched feet perched below tender, supple calves,
Twin breasts splayed out perfectly, each a half
To her body, the trimmed hair between thighs,
I lifted lids to see her pale, blue eyes
Look back at my own in their perfection;
As I did I saw in them affection
That struck me to the soul, love that mended
The broken rhyme and harmonies that till
Now had been deemed quite irreparable
Until, yes, now, she, I, together, we,
An end to this discordant melody
Have brought. My spirit electric pulsed, hummed,
Her weight beneath my hands again succumbed
And I laid her in the bathtub. I washed
her, removing every touch of him, watched
Beauty overtake her, overpower
Each inch of her form. In about an hour
She came to, reclined and wet, again she
Screamed at my presence, again denied me.
I showed her my card. She did not read it.
I teared and told her that I would commit
To her and her alone. I watched her rise,
The terror and disgust deep in her eyes,
But caught her by the neck and held her still,
I whispered "Please don't do this, baby, will
You be my one, my true, my Valentine?
Will you admit your love and please be mine?"
She fought me, tried my patience as I cried,
Regrettably I had to purify
Her again, submerged completely. Water flew,
Crashed as waves against the rocks, her untrue
Sentiments lost, cast to the rolling tide.
I brought her up again, once more she lied,
So down she went again. I hold her still,
She thrashes as she kicks against her will,
My will, my way. The harmony shall not
Be broken again - the choice is hers: rot
Away to a sailor's death, or choose me,
My love, to be my one true Valentine.
She will be no one else's if not mine.
And I await her decision.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:15:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww..your notes had butterfly kisses. So sweet.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 12:54:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:15:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
No. I did this this morning, though I did scribble out a few lines last night before falling asleep on the couch.
Had I continued with the false starts I'd made, this would have been completely different.
I can post the notes and attempts I made after the first round's over, if anyone cares.
---
I thought I had submitted this a few minutes ago. Hopefully I didn't put it in someone else's post. It'll make no sense, and it'll be quite rude of me if that's the case.
All apologies if that's the case, however.
Anyway, here are a few of the things that I jotted down before heading off to sleep in the wee hours of Friday morning.
The card, given, read "please be mine"
She'd smiled and sighed and turned away,
My token scorned, my Valentined,
Dismissed as a student free to play,
Set my blood afire with shame. They
-
Lips failing to hide her eyes, both lying,
To me with
-
Spent waiting for this moment. With delight
I paced her floors to find alive with light
Her bedroom, with its treasures begging for
My touch, their calling too great to ignore
-
The dinner, well prepared and served, her home
Opened to me in friendship, both alone
On this day when Cupid binds lovers with
Dart and dose; discussions of love as myth,
She, jaded, I, playing the advocatte,
Tilting wine, measuring servings adequate
Until I felt she was properly plied.
Dishes, retired. I washed, watched her slide
Onto a stool. She laughed and gave a wink,
"This is a first - there's a man at my sink...
Dishing dooes." Giggling at her fumble
She lost herself, fell, took a tumble,
Potted on the tile like a human plant.
I knelt to help her up, "Miss, would you grant
Me this dance?" She lingered long in my grasp,
Heavy head resting on my shoulder, her hands' clasp
Soft and tight. I stabled her, tipped her chin
With a finger and flashed a winning grin.
Close now. Breath in my face. Lashes touching
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (user info) at 2006-02-04 14:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-04 01:40:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Still say it needs more emu rape.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-02-03 20:05:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:15:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Had I continued with the false starts I'd made, this would have been completely different.
I can post the notes and attempts I made after the first round's over, if anyone cares
---
take a +4... two now and two later
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-03 19:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was excellent, as usual.
I say, I say, Boy, ya piss me off....
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-03 17:32:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i had to see how this one was still going. ya know method didn't rate mine and someone told me i'd get an auto +2 from him. now i feel neglected. i'll go emo myself to death.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-03 16:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
needs more rape
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
grammar, doh.
i suck at life.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:42:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
glah, i your rating a bit more.
that wasn't quite what i meant, but you get my point right?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:27:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just to be clear...it's not prose with line breaks. At least it wasn't written as such.
Not trying to change your rating or opinion of it, just telling you how it was composed.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
1.5
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:16:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm really apphrehensive about breaking your +2 streak, but I'm going to do it.
This should have either been prose or poetry, but prose with line breaks? I'm not sure how I feel about it. It just felt very awkward and I think the breaks took away from what might have been a very tight story.
It was good though, and for that I give you a +1.5.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:15:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-03 14:07:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that a picture of you at 3am this morning?
-----
No. I did this this morning, though I did scribble out a few lines last night before falling asleep on the couch.
Had I continued with the false starts I'd made, this would have been completely different.
I can post the notes and attempts I made after the first round's over, if anyone cares.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-03 14:07:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that a picture of you at 3am this morning?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:58:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:03:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
PANTYSNIFFER/MURDERER
==============
I want that job.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey...she still has a choice.
She's not dead yet.
But we both know she'll wind up that way.
Death at the hands of a lover - what better way to kick off a writing comp, right?
And it's not always the woman that dies. Sometimes it's a husband and kids *cough*BeforeTheHill*cough*
But we both know it's mostly women.
Savages, really. The lot of them.
Love you, ladies.
:)
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:36:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmo, you creepy fucker. How did I know this was going to end badly for some poor, ficticious girl?
Well done, making the speaker look like a friggin' psycho. This really did creep me out.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it weird that I started having light flash in my vision while reading this?
Memories man. Memories.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:17:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Agent_Smith (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PANTYSNIFFER/MURDERER
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"one for the lady down at the laundry mat,
she goes through my dryer taking one sock out,
yeah she goes through my dryer taking one sock out."
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:35:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fine, fine. I'm yours.
This thrilled me!
The unusual meter added to it for me; sometimes in poetry it's easy to neglect the story by focusing too much on meter and rushing to the end of the line. This was a bit of a departure from some of your other stuff I've read- in an awesome way. Mahogany.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no thank you. i actually read poetry by punctuation anyway because for some reason that's how i was taught. haha i read it as metered and spaced paragraphs really. ee cummings really fucked with my head. and i had to give you another +2 cuz i can't fuck your rating cuz this counts.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:20:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more emu rape.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:16:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I find with something like this it's easier just to read it in a conversatinal manner, and not in an 'each line is a beginning and end to itself' way. I wanted to go for a presentation that sounded like someone talking, instead of the dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun flow of something with a tighter structure.
inion, I can repost it in a review in paragraph form if you'd like.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:12:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really struggled with following the meter on this poem, for some reason.
But I still liked it a hell of a lot.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha. Death.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
does your girlfriend fear dating you ever? of course great though. i was still hoping for paragraphs. silly me. the rhythm seemed a little funny in spots though, but maybe i was just reading it a little funny.