Ubertine '06: Sugar Sweet (855 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.42 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by simple_catalyst (View user info) at 2006-02-03 12:56:47 EST
He puts his hand out just in time to keep himself from bumping into the doorframe. He didn't even see it coming, his gaze locked against her sea formed hair and sky line eyes. She puts her hand over her mouth as she smiles and glances away trying to keep the man talking to her from noticing her eyes on the stranger. Carefully, her eyes return to him, still standing in the doorway and he jerks his head and grins to indicate that they should escape the doldrums of the party.
They stand together in a side room, the buzz of drunken strangers float into the room, dead background noise.
"Hey."
"Hi," she admires his facial features, the smooth curves, the sharp angles that give the admirable human complexion.
"You look amazing tonight."
She raises her eyebrow in disdain against the petty comment. They begin the classic dance of small talk and she finds herself giggling at his off mark comments and playful expressions.
"I'm Carrie."
"Carrie, you are the highest apple in the tree."
She cocks her head at him and deliberately taps her foot. He chuckles at her attempt at condescension.
"Right. I'm Jonathon."
They talk for hours about his paintings, his childhood, his travels in Europe, her music career, her dog, her semi-psychotic family. The night comes to a close, leaving them both inspired and captivated.
The room leads out onto the balcony, reminiscent of the Victorian era. The moon broadcast silver-white light to cloak the lovers moving in slow rhythmic motions across the stone. They say little, enjoying the comfort of the other's body against their own. It is their third date, and both appear aware, yet natural about the slow manipulation of their emotional machinery.
Periodically, they stop so that he can change the album, playing on an old record player. The night is more than half gone when he finally runs his hand under her jaw to bring her lips up to his. Their slow flowing movements continue until the sky become a canvass of silk, red and sugar sweet over their shoulders.
The water pushes them along and down the slide; her hand in his and their laughter brightens the golden light that flows across the water park. They share an ice-cream cone and hold hands, their image bringing a smile to the people passing by, the thought that two thirty-some year olds can look as though they're sixteen a comforting blanket across the mind.
She turns toward him her wet hair hanging in front of her face.
"Jonathon?"
"Yes," his eyes lock with hers and the slow flow of electricity begins between them feeding their intimacy, oxygen particles on a breeze through bright orange tongues.
"I love you."
He leans forward kissing her on her lips.
"I love you, Carrie."
"What are you looking at?"
"The light pouring from you," he runs his hand across her face. "You?"
"The man you are," she answers grinning and leans her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes savoring the pulse of light against her lids.
The phone rings. Jonathon drops his brush and sighs, walking into his kitchen to retrieve the annoyance.
"Hello, is this Mr. Caldwell?"
The voice reeks of telemarketer and he instantly begins his attack against the horrific entity on the line.
"Mr. Caldwell, please sir, calm down. I'm not trying to sell you anything. You had entered into a drawing for a free vacation to Aruba and I'm just calling to let you know you won. You already filled out the forms, and I just trying to tell you your tickets should arrive in a week."
There's more, but he isn't listening any more. Carrie had signed them up at some restaurant or another. He falls on the couch laughing until he is gasping for air.
The smooth sand pulsates against their feet and the salty wind blows through their hair and caresses Carrie's skirt.
"I really like when we're set to music."
Jonathon stares at her and looks down to the boom box in his hand.
"What do we need music for, love? Our life is a symphony."
He lifts the box over his head, and they both watch as it splashes, floats and sinks into the turquoise turmoil. She places her arms around his neck and pulls him to her, their kiss creating a crescendo that radiates out and sails over the waves.
They stand beneath the cotton wood, gathering flowers and weeds for something to do. Jonathon pauses and looks at her, his dream; a golden moment sung over the harmony of joy that his life has been for the past three years. He traces the edge of the ring in his pocket, and worries that it's too sappy, that it won't be the right time, that she'll say no. Valentines Day is a lame time to propose a voice mocks in his head. She stops and looks at him, her smile washing away his fears.
"What is it Jon?"
"Carrie..."
Her eyes move behind him and horror grips her beautiful visage.
She holds his hand, her eyes are sunk and joy is a memory. The ache in her insides copulates with her fears and hollows the once radiating soul that she was.
"His coma is deep. There is simply no way to tell when, if ever, he'll come out."
"It's been six months Carrie, you can't just sit here for Christ sake."
"Carrie, dear, you have to move on."
She nods, but she doesn't hear the words. How many people have advised her this way? She returns to her apartment and grabs the sheets of music that he admired so much and tears them to pieces, until her floor is carpeted with shredded paper. The orchestra is quit.
Jon gazes off his porch and watches his chocolate lab run across the field. He walks over to the truck and reverently places his hand where the metal is bent. He remembers the party where he first met her, the beautiful days and perfect nights they shared together. He remembers the music that had graced his life and the agony that had descended upon him when he awoke. He wonders why he bothers to paint anymore and despairs at the absurdity of life.
The sky is an eternal grey blanket, the grass a sea of dying green, and his tears bitter stains across a canvas of sugar sweet.
User Reviews
Submitted by carbon (user info) at 2007-06-21 22:53:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gwenwyvar (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dirty_Girl (user info) at 2007-06-21 10:22:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by gothica (user info) at 2006-02-12 15:58:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ya it was pretty good
Submitted by Embryo (user info) at 2006-02-07 04:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this, yes, very much.
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (user info) at 2006-02-04 14:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great story, well written
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-03 18:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not completely understanding why he was in a coma, i thought they were walking around somewhere. what happened? other than that confusion, i liked this.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-03 16:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like a Little River Band song there, for a bit.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:44:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-03 14:57:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
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I fucking hate it when people do that.
This deserved a +1, but i'm giving a 2 to even it out a bit.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-03 14:57:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
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Weak. At least leave a comment to justify this, given that it's being judged.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:19:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Liked it
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-03 14:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-03 14:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know, I know. And I understand why people do it sometimes- humility (often feigned), regret or disappointment in the post, or just to make fun of themselves. But there's no reason whatsoever to do it to this post.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 14:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:40:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stop -2ing yourself, asshole.
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It's not like it effects the rating.
Though I don't understand why people -2 themselves either. It's more work to do that. Why not just leave it at 0? It shows a level of assumption that you are either trying to be humble, or you hate yourself.
Maybe I read into ratings too much.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:40:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stop -2ing yourself, asshole.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
ummm... she married a banker and moved to oklahoma?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:30:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It is their third date, and both appear aware, yet natural about the slow manipulation of their emotional machinery."
NICE line.
I liked this a lot. A couple of parts seemed a little cheesy to me, but it was really well done, and you got the loving mood across very well, without making me gag.
BUT -- what the hell happened at the end there? He comes out of his coma and...what? She's married? She killed herself? What's the dilly-o?
I NEED TO KNOW!!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:24:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*cries*
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:22:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:20:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
eh, it was okay.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:13:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. Beautiful.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved the imagery; really great description. It was a kind of classic story with a bit of an edge. I thought this was written beautifully.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:07:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are you sighing?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 13:07:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa.
I love you simple *hugs*
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-03 12:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*sigh*