Guilt Birds (1089 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Truth
Rating: 2 on 39 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2006-02-03 15:04:06 EST
The Guilt Birds are singing.
Their song is a gentle reminder that I've just shot 24 hours of my life to hell.
I'm sitting in an apartment in the student ghetto near McGill University in Montreal and I'm thankful that can't hear the blood in my head so much anymore. Half an hour ago, it was so loud that I couldn't hear my roommate say good night before he shuffled exhaustedly off to bed.
He'll sleep the day away and eventually I will too, but not yet.
Nope, as much as I feel like I need to, as much as every molecule in my body is begging me to slip away, I can't. The drug won't let me yet.
This is the worst part of the high. This is the immediate price to pay for escaping reality for a full day. The other price will come at some inopportune time in the distant future, or so I'm told.
Yeah, I'm mostly back in my own skin again. There's still the occasional shimmer in the increasingly dull reality closing in around me, but for the most part, I am me and it is it.
We stayed in the apartment the whole trip and it shows. The place is a mess of tapes, books, and bodies. Someone's removed the Zeppelin poster from the wall above the raggedy brown couch and written Zoso with mustard. I know we thought it was hilariously profound at the time, but I don't remember why exactly, and tomorrow we'll laugh our asses off about it... well those of us who don't have to clean it up will anyways.
I feel light. Like I'm hollow and made out of cardboard. My spine feels like it's aged prematurely and my mouth has that annoying chemical taste in it. I suppose I should be hungry, ravenous even, but LSD doesn't mix well with food. It heightens every sense you have but taste, and the feeling of any kind of solid food sliding down your throat is unnervingly magnified, or so we convinced each other every time we tried.
God I hate this part; this grey area between sleep and something else entirely. I hate the teasing, fading, glimpse of the euphoria that washed over me in warm waves only an hour earlier.
I hate the dryness in my mouth and the inability to concentrate on a singular thought for longer than a minute or two.
I'm restless and burnt out at the same time.
Pauline's sprawled on the couch under an old wool blanket. Her eyes are open and she's looking at me with through unnaturally wide pupils. It's still dark enough that I can't completely make out her face and I'm kind of grateful, because my pupils are still dilated as well, and nothing is uglier to look at than someone else's face when you're tripping.
I want to know what she's thinking but I don't have the energy to ask and my mind is still reeling from answers to questions that should have never been born.
Tomorrow morning, when we wake up, she'll leave and we'll go back to disliking each other. I'll call her plastic and neurotic and she'll call me narcissistic and childish. We won't have the profound drug induced connection that brought us together tonight.
Yeah, we'll go back to the way things were - except - maybe the next time she tells me what she thinks about me, I won't argue.
We are opposites - her and I - but when the drug has you, it connects you to anyone else who's feeling what you feel.
It makes you co-conspirators more than brother and sister. It makes you partners more than family, but regardless the connection is awesome in its intensity.
I know every pore on her body now. I know every blemish, curve, and strand of hair on her, as she does me.
We sat for hours, eyes closed, and ran our hands over each other's bodies, our faces masks of curiosity and joy, like children in the midst of discovery, until the pleasure of our mutual touches lured us into deeper explorations.
We grabbed, stroked, and coupled for what may have been hours... or minutes, and then we started to peak, and that frantic, amazing, piece of heavenly warped paranoid consciousness settled over us.
We moved from sex to other discoveries as our minds bounced from one abstract notion to another in unified chaos.
We spent 2 hours emptying my closet, then another 3 analyzing the contents while other partners went about their own adventures, elsewhere in this place that was transformed from apartment to alien world.
We talked and laughed and promised our love to each other, then faded to our own separate corners of sureality as the peak became a slow decline.
I wonder what she sees...
Lover?
Liar?
Something in between?
Liar... yeah, that's probably it. The drug is a lie, as is most of what it shows us. It is a euphoria filled untruth, and so, our actions while under it's influence must be lies as well.
Mutual lies, forgotten and forgiven by the morning light; washed away by guilt bird song.
User Reviews
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-02-25 13:24:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-02-07 01:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good attitude.
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:34:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-06 13:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy Fuck!
I just re-read this and YEAH it does look like I'm talking about screwing my sister while I'm high.
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
Thank God I don't have a sister.
Submitted by Technophobe (user info) at 2006-02-06 05:12:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Profound, insightful and I 'aint ever going to try acid. No Fu**in' way!!
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-02-04 20:37:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for Acid.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-02-04 14:55:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-04 00:03:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't do acid again if ya paid me, but I don't regret the experience once bit.
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Ahh. I remember my trips very fondly. Loved it more than any other drug.
Haven't done it in a while.
Kinda glad it's difficult to find around here these days.
I think I would have a problem with it like a heroin addict.
Submitted by parzival (user info) at 2006-02-04 14:47:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-02-04 12:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I totally know what you mean. The other day I finished a project I'd been working on for a month. My boss loved it and implied that I may get a raise.
Then I went home and played my XBox 360 in 1080i and the colors were intense and really changed my outlook. Like I can't believe I ever played that thing on a regular tv....
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-04 05:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-04 00:03:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't do acid again if ya paid me, but I don't regret the experience once bit.
I'm with you here. I did experiment as well......25 years ago. I guess the experience was good because I learned from it. Some people don't.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-02-04 00:13:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Big Mike is as square as (a) windowpane
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-04 00:03:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bigmike,
This happened in 89. I stopped experimenting a long time ago.
And yes chemicals are bad, but they do change your perspective, there's absolutely no arguing that.
There's good and bad in everything to some degree, it's just usually heavily skewed towards the bad where drugs are concerned.
I wouldn't do acid again if ya paid me, but I don't regret the experience once bit.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:26:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:41:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't eat the brown acid.
Nice Woodstock reference Bob. Very nice.
LSD is bad for you. I know I'm gonna sound like the party pooper here, and the reason this is a 2 is because it is pretty well written, but I don't think that dropping acid is enlightening or mind expanding or any of those things. It's just plain bad for you. I wish I could convince you not to do it anymore.
All chemicals serve to do is fuck you up.
I know, go ahead and say it. Bigmike is a square. (That would be token sixties/seventies lingo in honor of the Woodstock reference mentioned above).
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-02-03 21:30:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
While drug posts generally make me want to smack the author sharply on the back of the head and ground him for a week, this was good.
Now go to your room.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-03 20:54:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No...like they had sex with an UGLY cat.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-03 20:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know why, but the expression 'guilt birds' makes me chuckle. I know what they are, but my mind conjures up images of birds looking ashamed, no matter what I do. It's like they had sex with a cat or something.
Anyhoo, interesting look at a strange world, man.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-02-03 18:26:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've reread that one line a bunch of times and it still sounds like you fucked your sister.
I guess if that's not +2-worthy, than nothing is!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-02-03 18:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:33:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, I never could understand how people could have sex while tripping. I tried a couple of times and it was just...not good.
Just the thought of it freaks me out.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-02-03 17:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup... the worst part is when you notice the blue/grey light outside warning you the sun is about to return.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/76895
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-03 17:46:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-03 17:33:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Teach me how to write.
=====================
I will just as soon as I learn how.
We'll have to discuss payment options of course.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-03 17:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-03 17:33:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Teach me how to write.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-02-03 16:07:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:29:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more Bat Country.
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Awesome song.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:41:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't eat the brown acid.
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:38:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, on one hand it can bring out deep feelings of empathy and all that. On the other hand, it can cause people's faces to look like they are melting.
No doubt that would kill anyone's wood.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:36:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Before it does though, that incredible sense of touch is incredible"
DURRRRR
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The trick is to do it before the peak hits you, cuz once it does, you can't concentrate on any one thing for very long.
Before it does though, that incredible sense of touch is incredible.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:33:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, I never could understand how people could have sex while tripping. I tried a couple of times and it was just...not good.
Just the thought of it freaks me out.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It gladdens me to see today's youth getting high and fucking, as opposed to getting and shooting people.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:33:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:32:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
goddamn it's so very hot
supposed to come a rain but it's not
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
spiral down those hateful dears
between our skins and burning spheres
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
goddamn it's so very hot/spiral down those hateful dears
supposed to come a rain but it's not/between our skins and burning spheres
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
====================
Perfect
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:32:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
goddamn it's so very hot
supposed to come a rain but it's not
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
spiral down those hateful dears
between our skins and burning spheres
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
goddamn it's so very hot/spiral down those hateful dears
supposed to come a rain but it's not/between our skins and burning spheres
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
here come the painbirds
oh yeah
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more Bat Country.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was a long time ago for me as well.
Been thinking about those Montreal days alot lately.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice job
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
needs more +2.... this brought me back to a very unsettling time in my life
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:11:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this kicked ass.
this is why leilani does not trip anymore.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:10:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once asked my boyfriend what doing acid was like, he didn't give me much of an answer. This has explained it in great detail. Thank you.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-03 15:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very accurate depiction.
easy to relate to.
few very excellent lines in there.
too many to list.