Ubertines '06-- I want to know what love is... (898 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.87 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2006-02-03 22:48:20 EST
I really do.
Because I'm just not sure anymore...
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Remember when we first met each other?
At the game, that stupid, stupid game they always played. We always got dragged along because it was important to go. Important to make sure that our brothers, my brother, your brother, had the support system. That they knew that someone was there to cheer their effort. Stupid game.
You wouldn't call me Matt.
"My brother is Matt, you're gonna be Jack."
We'd play along the train tracks, laying rocks down on the long steel, hiding in the scrub weeds, a few weeks later fumbling little kisses. They'd always find us and drag us back to the game.
You always got in trouble for cheering against his team after that.
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After the infatuation with baseball wore off, for older brothers and for fathers, I didn't see you again for so long. You were a memory, someone who came and whispered to me in my dreams. You promised to find me again. You told me secrets about myself. They all came true
You made promises to me in my sleep.
-To help me.
-To be there for me.
That was the one that stuck later...You SAID you'd be there. You said you knew I needed you. You said you'd be there.
Those secrets, the ones about me? I told you later that they came true.
I told you that later though, on the couch, on the porch, that porch that your dad was so proud of.
"I built it myself. Me and Matt. Seamless, ties right into the house. You can't tell it's not original can you?"
Sure couldn't.
He had an obsession with relationships, with boundary lines, puzzles and how things fit and with things that should go together. What things shouldn't go together seemed to escape him.
Remember how you whispered in my ear, after that first time, that he couldn't tell. Couldn't tell how we had tied into each other, for the first time, right there on his porch. My first time anyway, not yours...I didn't know then. You could share that with me but not the other...
You laughed after we were done. When I was leaving, you held my hand against your leg, where what I had left in you had started to trickle out, run in a thin rivulet down your thigh.
"That's real warmth. Not seamless either was it?"
You kept laughing as I walked away, backwards, smiling at you, uncertain about your reaction except that there was no malice in it for me
-------------
When we found each other again the first thing you said was that you had dreamed about me all those years. That you had told me all my own secrets because I wouldn't tell them to myself.
When it started, I was a whole person. Someone else's person, but whole.
You took me apart and made me put myself together in the shape I should have been in. There were pieces left over when I was done and you told me to throw them away, that there was too much of me.
You always told me I was too big for you.
Always together, we found each other tapping at windows late at night, just to see the other, inhale their smell and see the ease that didn't exist anywhere else but together.
We'd sleep in the attic, to hide from your dad. He never looked though.
You hated him more than I knew. Everything about him. How he hid in the bathroom for hours at a time with the Gameboy and Tetris, more little interlocking boundaries, and the newspaper. How he let us drink his liquor without saying anything. You hated him for giving you money, for buying the car, for not speaking to you except over the top of a book and his glasses at the same time, a little double wall...
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"Pass the pepper dad."
nothing
"Father please pass the pepper."
nothing
"Dad, would you pass the pepper to me, your daughter. I desire some for the potatoes that your wife has prepared for our evening meal."
Nothing
"Hey you stupid fucking sack of shit, give me the pepper before I jam this fork in the side of your neck. How's that sound you pathetic waste of breath?"
nothing
I was there for that interchange. I had only halfway believed the stories before.
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You laughed at your brother's funeral. Looked me in the eye and laughed. No tears, no sorrow, and no pain. Joyful, gleeful laughter.
-------------
It was that night, under the cypress tree that you had strung the lights in, that you told me.
Write it on a Post-It note, pass it across the table, take a big drink and smile.
Sixteen ounce glasses of Tanqueray burned the bottle out pretty rapidly, and the second one too.
We sometimes communicated in that way when drinking, or smoking, or with mass quantities of hallucinogen running through our blood stream.
Little thoughts. Big thoughts. Questions. Answers. Just don't tell lies. Never lies.
Write it on the Post-It, pass it across the table, take a big drink and smile. Smile because it was gone. The little yellow square took it away and made it a problem or a thought for the air, we didn't own them anymore after that.
Post-It
*I read your note, and while I was looking at it, it was the only tangible piece of you.*
Post-It
*Sensory dictation of reality is horseshit. I'm larger than life..*
Post-It
*He fucked me almost every night between the time I was thirteen and seventeen*
No more notes.
"Who? What the hell are you talking about?"
"My brother...He fucked me."
You took a big drink, scribbled on a yellow square, passed it to me and smiled.
Post-It
*I'm glad he's dead!*
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It was a year later that you left.
Your broken father brought you to my house in that German thing he drove.
When I answered the door you smiled and grabbed me. Squeezed me until I couldn't breathe, let go and pushed the little yellow square into my hand.
*You're too big for me to love again. If you need me, I'm yours. I love you Jack.*
You must have ran, because when I looked you were in the car, looking at your lap.
All our interaction was on paper after that. We were used to it. Grab a bottle of gin and read. Smile. Write a note. Sign off on them- Love, Jack
-------------
My brother died while you were gone.
When I told your dad, he said you knew but that you couldn't come back, that you were busy and wanted him to let me know that you loved me.
The last letter I sent was signed Matt
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We lost each other again for so long.
I dreamt about you still. You still told me my own secrets.
I decided not to find you when I heard you had moved back to the city.
-------------
I saw you again today. I knew about your child. That you had given him my name. The name I shared with him, your brother.
I didn't know you'd whisper in my ear that you wished he shared my blood. That he should look like me, and sometimes you dream that he does and you tell him our secrets.
I guess this is what it is...
Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make music that will melt the stars.
--Gustave Flaubert 1857
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:35:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
weeeeeps
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WTF!? Why can I only give +0s and not -0s? BART I DEMAND YOU FIX THIS IMMEDIATELY!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:35:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Let me try that again.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and -0ing ALL of your posts!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE MYSELF!!
SIGNED,
SCOURGEY
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-06 08:48:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-05 23:09:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fucking solid:
and incest is best.
that is all.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-02-05 16:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brian, I'm pretty sure that's not love.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-02-05 15:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The story was good. The dialogue a little strange.
I'll round it up to a +2!
Good job!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-04 22:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-04 17:40:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, i reread this, and it was really good.
sorry for the drunk review and all.
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2006-02-04 21:26:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FINALLY!!!! I have evidence that you like me. I got you now asshole.
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Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-04 17:52:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
Quite alright little ghola.
I like drunken ninjas.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-04 17:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Quite alright little ghola.
I like drunken ninjas.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-04 17:40:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, i reread this, and it was really good.
sorry for the drunk review and all.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-04 07:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, I think you deserve a +2 for making a good post out of a shitty Foreigner lyric.
"I want you to show meeeee!"
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-04 07:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You laughed after we were done. When I was leaving, you held my hand against your leg, where what I had left in you had started to trickle out, run in a thin rivulet down your thigh.
"That's real warmth. Not seamless either was it?"
You kept laughing as I walked away, backwards, smiling at you, uncertain about your reaction except that there was no malice in it for me
**********************
No malice or not, that's fucked up.
I've gone back and forth on this, but decided to give it a +2. I can't really explain my hesitation.
I just woke up.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-04 04:31:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Chilling stuff.
-Dave
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-04 02:39:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scourgey- I don't mean to disrespect your post with a drunk review in any way, shape, or form. It's just that it's the first post that caught my eye, and my attention span is fairly short right now. Yet, from what I've read so far, which is about 80%, I'm in love with this post. And also, I have a huge crush on heffe weissen; it's a lot like you. It's refreshing, flavorful, and fruity. That's not to say I'm not in love with a lot of things right now, but instead, to reiterate my original thought which was that I'm drunk reviewing. Oh, and that your story made me almost cry emo tears of nostalgia what with the tapping on windows and post-its. What I'm trying to say is, +2. And that I hope you'll allow me to defer my further analysis of said post until I exhibit the respectability of sobriety, without losing grasp of the initial response I had to your heartwarming love stor..wait. I should just go for the other 20%. I mean, why not?
OK, I'm back. I wasn't expecting THAT twist at the end. Incest is the suxx0rs. But somehow, you managed to approach it with a modicum of dignity on behalf of your feminine character. So, before I get all 'Flowers in the Attic' on you, I'll leave you the only way I know how. +2. Fin.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-04 00:16:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's one thing ghola taught us. Pixies can't hold their liquor.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-04 00:00:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ghola said thong in a review on my post. I think it means she wants me.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:54:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know i read this even thong i'm really drunk.
and it was gooood.
i'll prob appreciate it more tomoorwo when im sobe.r
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:37:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually scourge Uber is on Eastern standard, so he has 30 minutes.
Unless it's based on every individual computer for time...
========
True, but the deadline was 12 CST.
And he just posted.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:41:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He made it either way.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83445
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:37:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually scourge Uber is on Eastern standard, so he has 30 minutes.
Unless it's based on every individual computer for time...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:23:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
do you have tonsilitis too, or are you afraid of the night? i'm realizing as i write this that it'd be a bad idea to start a convo on this being one of the competition's posts. i'm also realizing badass has not posted yet. wtf, that was supposed to be my opponent for round one. ok guess i'm auto in...
==================
He's got an hour and a half sweetheart.
I haven't read your post yet, sorry I had an unexpected thing that kept me away for a while. If it's as good as all your previous stuff, you'll do just fine. I'll get to it next...
You guys feel free to talk on my post, it'll draw people in to review. Just don't forget mr. ratey scrolley thing in your haste to impress her with the size of your member HV.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:28:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
inion me? No I was always the good bigger brother. But that's why I feel such a burning hatred for other big brothers and the like who abuse the trust of younger family members. I can't stand it. And I don't think I, or anyone else, should have to. Ever seen Boondock Saints?
"You watch on tv as murderers, and rapist get arrested. Get out on bail. Same FUCKING day. And you think to yourself, 'I wish someone would kill them. Kill them all.' Admit it. Even YOU've thought about it."
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
do you have tonsilitis too, or are you afraid of the night? i'm realizing as i write this that it'd be a bad idea to start a convo on this being one of the competition's posts. i'm also realizing badass has not posted yet. wtf, that was supposed to be my opponent for round one. ok guess i'm auto in...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
inion. Far too many. That's not me joking, that's me being disgusted with humanity.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-03 23:18:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sometimes with all the incest posts that float around i wonder how many people on this site have been molested. kinda scary. i got chills.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-03 22:57:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lemme be the first to say....
What the fuck is this crap man? Come on dude. He bones the fucking chick and she tries to give him her baggage? Dump that bitch! She's an incestual whore that's what she is and ya shouldn't tap that shit with a 10 foot pool cause all them bitchs got issues!
Kidding. Very good. Very good.