I Was Sexually Assaulted by a Chav on the Night Bus and it Made Me Happy in my Special Place. (63944 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.83 on 127 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Davros (View user info) at 2006-02-06 09:38:15 EST
Friday night is the highlight of my week, not because it is the start of the weekend, more because it is the one night of the week that I go out, work permitting.
Last Friday I had headed up to my semi-regular poker game at a small private members club.
*At this point I would love to regale you with an account of my fabulous run of cards and the vast quantities of money I won, but I can't. It just didn't happen that way. At some point the consumption of Guinness overtook me and I bust out.*
It is just a small stakes game, more of a social occasion than a serious competition, but that is not really important. What needs to be noted is that in recent weeks, the number of people playing has swelled considerably, meaning that the game is finishing later, meaning that I am forced to take the Night Bus home.
For those of you that have never experienced this peculiar London phenomenon, be thankful. It is a truly strange experience and not for the faint hearted. There is a strange etiquette involved in this kind of travel. The most important rule is not to make eye contact, ever. The next thing is to just ignore whatever is going on, no matter how strange and wonderful it may appear, it is usually best to pretend you can't see it, in the interest of leaving the bus with all your major organs intact.
*Some things I have seen include a man defecating in the stairwell, couples having sex, guys shooting up smack*
I think it is safe to say that I approach the Night Bus with a degree of trepidation. However, this night saw myself and many other people broke all of the advised guidelines.
I got lucky and managed to get a seat downstairs, (did I mention that upstairs on a night bus is not the best place to be?), and settled down for the 30 minute journey home.
Two stops along the road a couple get on. Young, probably in their late teens. A quick analysis of the situation and I observed the requisite sportswear and cheap gold jewellery, Chavs. The guy had skin which looked grey, (dirt or lack of sunlight), and the girl was wearing too much make-up and had a months worth of "product" in her hair. Nonetheless I noticed that she was reasonably attractive despite her choice of appearance and mate.
Little did I know that things were about to turn seriously surreal.
Mr. Chav took up a standing position directly opposite me and Mrs. Chav stood with her back to me. They were talking loudly about one of their "friends" who had just had a baby. (I know this despite the fact that I was plugged into my iPod).
Without warning Mrs. Chav decides to sit down on my lap. I do mean in my lap, not on my knee.
I was somewhat taken aback by this but decided in the best tradition of the night bus, to grin and bear it. She smelled rather strongly of cheap perfume and even cheaper cider, but her other half could have done some serious damage with the sovereign rings adorning his fingers, so I dealt with it.
She then began to move.
Actually move is the wrong word. Grind would be more accurate. She was not being gentle. I was about to complain when she seemed to find her rhythm. She eased up on the pressure and used the rhythm of the bus to time her movement.
By this time people on the bus had begun to notice what was going on and had started staring at the scene unfolding in front of their eyes.
I was busy trying to come to terms with the fact that I was getting dry-humped on a bus full of people. I was finding it difficult to believe that this was happening to me and I am sure that I had a look of utter confusion bordering on disgust on my face. Other parts of my body had different ideas.
Little Dave had, by this point decided that he was enjoying the attention, having had to deal in recent times with only Mr .Right for company. I wish I could tell you that the expression on my face remained the same, but I suspect it changed to one of bemusement (I hope) or enjoyment (more likely).
I began to be aware that all conversation on the bus had stopped. In fact every person was staring directly at me.
The whole time she had maintained a constant conversation with her boyfriend, at high volume, who seemed strangely oblivious to what was going on.
This carried on for another ten minutes until she abruptly jumped up and dragged her, obviously incapable, sexual partner off the bus. The whole time, she had never even looked at me.
As we pulled away, the laughter and conversation resumed. I distinctly heard one "What the fuck was that all about?" type comment, but I was still too stunned to reply.
I got off the bus soon after and began the short walk to my house.
I guess I should have been embarrassed, or angry at being used, but the only thought going through my head was that if she had only travelled two more stops I could have had result.
-Dave
User Reviews
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-19 13:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this post. Reading it as a lurker on of the many reasons I kept coming back.
Submitted by anunusualyetwittyname (user info) at 2007-09-19 13:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111836
was this her?
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-03-27 17:53:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like a good time....
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2007-01-18 08:43:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was the first post I ever read, but I didn't bother rating it.
+2 for getting me hooked.
Gotta love those chavs!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 17:40:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-03-22 15:29:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
So is this a chav?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6937861398276200744&q=devvo v
----------
AHAHAHHHHAHHAAHA
that is the greatest video i've ever seen.
Studio, it's not spelled with a fooking o, innit??
Submitted by nephilim (user info) at 2006-06-09 22:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
how was this on B@W?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-03-23 02:45:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-03-22 15:29:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
So is this a chav?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6937861398276200744&q=devvo
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Yup.
-Dave
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-03-22 15:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So is this a chav?
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6937861398276200744&q=devvo
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-16 13:17:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where'd you get all the hits? B @ W???
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2006-03-16 13:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was brilliant. (even though I needed research to understand your limey english)
Right on man!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-02-24 17:29:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-02-23 22:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
a chav is a wigger?
I'm confused.
Submitted by angel_2k01 (user info) at 2006-02-21 10:08:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ha ha - what a strange thing to happen!! what i cant understand is why you sat there and took it!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-20 06:20:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What do you call a chav in a box?
Innit.
And a chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted.
AHAHAHAHHAAHAH HA ah haha he. hee. woo. um....
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2006-02-20 05:54:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-02-14 22:16:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna be molested...
=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ubercon at Danger_Ranger's House?
Submitted by claymation_dude (user info) at 2006-02-20 05:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once rode the night bus from Brent Cross to Ladbroke Grove, there were three chav lads with those big paint pens sitting near me at the back scrawling their "tags" all over the windows and seats whenever they thought the driver was concentrating.
We wnet round a corner and one dropped his pen which instantly rolled to my feet, I had two choices 1 - pretend it didn't happen and just stare out of the window
2 - pick it up and give it back
I chose the latter believing it to be the safest, I got a sly nod and a whisper of "safe bruv".
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-02-14 22:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna be molested...
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-02-14 22:15:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:41:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:34:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Apologies Sully, I haven't really been around too much the last few days.
I believe I was listening to the Dropkick Murphys at the time.
Surprisingly I missed that Smufs post, but there are some slight similarities granted.
-Dave
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2006-02-12 23:45:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Alas, no response.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-02-11 23:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment, really.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2006-02-10 19:54:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
This reminds me of http://www.ubersite.com/m/41257 except it replaces a subway with a night bus and a sexual predator with some chavs. Were you listening to Franz Ferdinand too?
Submitted by Sicknote (user info) at 2006-02-10 16:25:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
N47? N47, right?! Cunting hell, any bus that stops in St. Mary Cray...
But since I moved up North (Manchester), I have discovered scallies up here that would eat those Southern chavs for breakfast.
And there's the image I'll be going with tonight...
If it's so wrong, why does it feel so right?
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-02-10 07:39:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dave wore a rubber.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-10 06:53:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dropping to your knees, and thinking of England? Ja, Fabit told me about that thing you guys tried.
Didn't it hurt?
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-10 06:13:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-10 06:02:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 05:09:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ultimate showdown lack one massive element.
Although I feel I don't need to say it, I must:
PAC-MAN
-------
Sorry to break it to you Nath, but I'm pretty sure I saw Pac-Man's bloodied, vanquished head in the aftermath towards the end.
I guess he ain't all that...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm going to check it again, and if you are right I'll drop to my knees and think of England. But if you're wrong...
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-10 06:02:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 05:09:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ultimate showdown lack one massive element.
Although I feel I don't need to say it, I must:
PAC-MAN
-------
Sorry to break it to you Nath, but I'm pretty sure I saw Pac-Man's bloodied, vanquished head in the aftermath towards the end.
I guess he ain't all that...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-09 20:28:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOHOO! DAVE ON B@W!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-09 14:43:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats B@W
Submitted by BurnTheHobo (user info) at 2006-02-09 04:31:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2006-02-08 17:16:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I know how you feel. The bus is wank.
Don't you hate the way you always get a boner when your stop is coming up?!
Thank fuck it doesnt just happen to me. What the hell is with that, doesnt help i work in brighton where all the hotties live.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:44:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
clearly youre gay, evidenced by the fact that you call your wank-hand 'MISTER right'.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2006-02-08 17:16:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know how you feel. The bus is wank.
Don't you hate the way you always get a boner when your stop is coming up?!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-08 16:45:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W. Good job.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:36:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on the B@W.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Only two more stops." Brilliant.
That's the way life seems, isn't it?
Submitted by deepmichael (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by MavisMing (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awsome
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:59:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Blimey Guvnah! Bling bling, eh?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:29:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:24:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 08:54:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
And you didn't take me on the night bus while I was over there?
For shame. :)
-------------
Actually Thorns I did.
It is just the South London night bus experience is somewhat more intense than in the north.
-Dave
==============================================================================================
Oh. Well in that case...huzzah!
And congrats on the B@W, too.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-08 07:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Doih. My bad. Sorry boss. Well done bugga!
Submitted by BurnTheHobo (user info) at 2006-02-08 05:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate chavs, as does everyone in my office. It just happens that we have a floor full of them doing tele-marketing or some shit upstairs. And we get frequent overheard conversations relayed over email.
Still, I bet you looked a right fool. You should have hit off a 1 liner for impact.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 05:09:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ultimate showdown lack one massive element.
Although I feel I don't need to say it, I must:
PAC-MAN
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 05:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yup, it is there.
Right above "Ultimate Showdown" which made me choke on my coffee.
-Dave
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:55:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Might need to refresh it, mate. Definitly there
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:51:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhhh... Not to piss on yer batteries, but I checked, it aint on there...
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:50:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:49:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:36:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. The only thing I've ever nominated to actually get put there!
Well done mate
--------------
I guess I owe you a thankyou.
Still got a way to go before I catch you though.
-Dave
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think I've peaked mate. Want to take the briefly held torch?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:49:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:36:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. The only thing I've ever nominated to actually get put there!
Well done mate
--------------
I guess I owe you a thankyou.
Still got a way to go before I catch you though.
-Dave
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-08 04:36:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. The only thing I've ever nominated to actually get put there!
Well done mate
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-08 03:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GO DAVE!!!!
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 03:47:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy Buggering Hell.
B@W?
-Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-08 03:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W!!! Played!
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-02-08 02:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The buses here in America are worse crime wise...but weird shit happens over there. I am also happy to note that I am in fact also a British Citizen. England is a great country.
Submitted by punkerrjess (user info) at 2006-02-07 13:30:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:52:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:35:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
For the Brits among us that have been to the U.S. for any lengthy amount of time, is there an American equivalent of a chav? I have a mental image of a downtrodden redneck / white trash sort of individual, but it's probably not accurate.
Inquiring minds want to know.
-=-=-=-
they are called Federlines.
--------------
I was going to say wiggers, but I can't beat that answer.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:35:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
For the Brits among us that have been to the U.S. for any lengthy amount of time, is there an American equivalent of a chav? I have a mental image of a downtrodden redneck / white trash sort of individual, but it's probably not accurate.
Inquiring minds want to know.
-=-=-=-
they are called Federlines.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chav is a slang term which has been in wide use throughout the United Kingdom since 2004. It refers to a subcultural stereotype of a person with fashions such as flashy "bling" jewellery and counterfeit designer clothes, an uneducated, impoverished background, a tendency to congregate around places such as fast-food outlets or other shopping areas, and a culture of antisocial behaviour.
In the past such people have been called yobs. Response to the term has ranged from amusement to criticism that it is a new manifestation of classism.
B@W
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:36:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by remote_narcotic (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:36:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stroke it off.
----------
hehe
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 08:54:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
And you didn't take me on the night bus while I was over there?
For shame. :)
-------------
Actually Thorns I did.
It is just the South London night bus experience is somewhat more intense than in the north.
-Dave
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 08:54:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And you didn't take me on the night bus while I was over there?
For shame. :)
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I was you, I'd make damn sure I'm on that very same bus next week.
Hell. Go tomorrow.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When I become overall Mistress of the Universe, chavs will be the first things to be shot into the sun
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:48:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Random acts are always interesting. Did you grab her hips or anything like that? Did you touch her at all besides the obvious? I might have been burning my pants when I got home, based on your description of her.
----------------
Mike, I was trying my hardest to pretend that nothing was happening so I made no contact other than in the areas described. I wouldn't dream of burning my pants, that is the most action I have had in months. They have now been declared my "Lucky" pants.
-Dave
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:57:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty Funny +1
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Random acts are always interesting. Did you grab her hips or anything like that? Did you touch her at all besides the obvious? I might have been burning my pants when I got home, based on your description of her.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:43:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They're not as cheap as they used to be though. It is a shame.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:32:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The Southerners do a reasonable job of the WMC, but nothing compares to the Northern version.
-Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Working man's clubs are great - because of the fights over who didn't give who the change from the last packet of crisps. Last time I was in I honestly saw someone get headbutted because they had forgotten to put someone's 50p worth of change on the table.
I want crisps now.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:32:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:28:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
if you're gambling at private gentlemen's clubs, shouldn't you have a driver or a butler or someone to pick you up in the rover??
------------
Submitted by MisterBadger (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:17:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
That is probably more action than you have had in the last year.
Sympathy +2
------------
Badger, you don't have to come here to insult me.
Shandy, not a "gentlemen's club" just a private members club. A "Social" or "Working mens" club.
-Dave
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
if you're gambling at private gentlemen's clubs, shouldn't you have a driver or a butler or someone to pick you up in the rover??
Submitted by MisterBadger (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:17:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is probably more action than you have had in the last year.
Sympathy +2
Submitted by remote_narcotic (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:36:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Stroke it off.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:19:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for night buses and their obscurity
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:10:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EvilGav (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent.
We have night buses here in Edinburgh, but the bizzarro-ville bus start in early afternoon (4pm onwards), all thanks to our liberal licencing laws here in Scotland.
Was on the 5pm bus home from work and the guy behind me upstairs was chasing the dragon. Some people may think "fair enough, ignore him", but he was on the back-seat which was completely full. He made no bones about just sparking up and snorting away. Fucking smack head.
Oh the sights i've seen on pub(l)ic transport.
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:35:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For the Brits among us that have been to the U.S. for any lengthy amount of time, is there an American equivalent of a chav? I have a mental image of a downtrodden redneck / white trash sort of individual, but it's probably not accurate.
Inquiring minds want to know.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:28:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:16:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
is it wrong that this gave me a stiffy?
---
Yes it is. Go and look at my post on music.
Submitted by Astropath (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shamefull sexual fantasies.
==============================
Bullshit. Hot goth chicks are the source of torrid sexual fantasies for any red-blooded male with a pulse, full stop.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is it wrong that this gave me a stiffy?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:35:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That sounds hot.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have result? That sounds so clinically British. But a good story indeed. Glad to see that American girls aren't the only ones acting like pigs.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe you and Berty could tag-team them next time, eh?
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:32:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That is the wierdest night bus story I have ever heard.
See probably had itchy herpes.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Trouser tents are fun.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2006-02-06 13:40:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 12:46:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-02-06 12:31:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I got wood.
-------------
I'm not really sure whether this should worry me.
-Dave
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-02-06 12:31:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got wood.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 12:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:59:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
remind me to take cabs home whenever i get manage to get over there. and, uh, what's a chav? and hey can i molest you?
---------
You just read this and you need to ask?
-Dave
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 12:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:44:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse my rich, white, suburbian American upbrining...but what is "smack"?
---------
Heroin, Junk, Whateveryouwannacallit.
-Dave
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 12:00:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oooooh. saw the link, right, gutter trash. k.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
remind me to take cabs home whenever i get manage to get over there. and, uh, what's a chav? and hey can i molest you?
side note: i got a banana that i thought was going to be really thick and fulfilling. i opened it up and it was like finding out that hot guy were staring at all night is hung like a cricket. very disappointing.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:51:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
funny shit
Submitted by Technoboy (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:47:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chavs: Always good for some amusement
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excuse my rich, white, suburbian American upbrining...but what is "smack"?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:36:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:34:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus christ baldy, when you get sexual contact you scream it from the hilltops dontcha?
-but Ive seen your pic and i dont blame ya.
BTW, i dont live in london but we've got a place in Primrose Hill, and i dont care who you are, walking through Camden at night is SCARY.
-----------
Primrose Hill? And you are associating with the commoners on Uber?
I gots to get it where I can Iago, sad but true.
-Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:36:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:29:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
How horrible and brilliant.
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An apt description of Davros me thinks!
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus christ baldy, when you get sexual contact you scream it from the hilltops dontcha?
-but Ive seen your pic and i dont blame ya.
BTW, i dont live in london but we've got a place in Primrose Hill, and i dont care who you are, walking through Camden at night is SCARY.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-02-06 11:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How horrible and brilliant.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:51:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Well did you cum or what?
JESUS CHRIST MAN! THERE'S JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT IN PUBLIC!
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MALLRATS.
-Dave
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"...if she had only travelled two more stops I could have had result."
Jeebus Dave. That's flippin brilliant.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:51:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well did you cum or what?
JESUS CHRIST MAN! THERE'S JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT IN PUBLIC!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:31:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:30:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:11:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shameful sexual fantasies.
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uh huh. And now you have to go into detail Nelly old son.
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No chance. Suffice to say that my utter lack of respect for both those social groups would lead to some very selfish deviancy.
---
By extrapolating I guess it was teabagging.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:11:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shameful sexual fantasies.
---
uh huh. And now you have to go into detail Nelly old son.
---
No chance. Suffice to say that my utter lack of respect for both those social groups would lead to some very selfish deviancy.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:11:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shameful sexual fantasies.
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uh huh. And now you have to go into detail Nelly old son.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shameful sexual fantasies.
---
uh huh. And now you have to go into detail Nelly old son.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh night buses, they are certainly an experience.
When I lived in west London, the 207 used to be a fun one. Drunk Aussies spewing up, drunk Polish guys shouting and singing in Polish, insomniacs muttering to themselves and rocking gently in their seats.
I once had a drunk chavette start punching my arm and screeching at me uncontrollably because I'd supposedly stolen the camera she found in her pocket 30 seconds later.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:06:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chavs and goths are the sources of some of my most shamefull sexual fantasies.
Submitted by DarkDante (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chavtastic!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah. That is awesome. No matter what happens on the Night Bus, no one ever 'notices'. It's so British...
oh, and...
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Route, time and stop please?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:58:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What in the name of fuck is wrong with people?!?!?!?!?!?
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:57:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:51:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Route, time and stop please?
-------------
No chance. She is mine, MINE I tells ya.
-Dave
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I challenge thou to Tekken at next Ubercon for the hand/rump of mistress chav!
Submitted by Sparxicus (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:51:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-------------------------
http://www.chavscum.co.uk/
-------------------------
Was anyone else expecting a Chavs Cum site? I'd give you a -2 for a dissapointing link, but this story was just too good.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
night bus folk are a different breed.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:51:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Route, time and stop please?
-------------
No chance. She is mine, MINE I tells ya.
-Dave
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Youve just made my upcoming post all the more pertinant
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:48:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See, what if you were half asleep and a dog started licking your nuts - and then you noticed the dog when you were nearly at the point of no return - do you push the dog off and tell it to get the fuck off the bus the whore?
erm... I lost my train of thought there
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:48:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
From what I gather, Chavs are the British equivalent of Eminem-wannabe, white trash?
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Got it in one Bob.
-Dave
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Route, time and stop please?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is just dripping in English spek.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
From what I gather, Chavs are the British equivalent of Eminem-wannabe, white trash?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:45:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FROTTAGE!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you didn't finish yourself off once you got home with the last vestiages of her chavfume in your nostrils and the vague recollection of her three striped clothes running through your mind.
Poor old Davros
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Why didn't my link appear?
http://www.chavscum.co.uk/
-Dave
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe.
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:39:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What this 'Chav' thing Foo'?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-06 09:38:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Chavs?
Chavs?
"ENGLISH?"