The Essence of Uber (Aristocrats Style) - NSFW (982 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.21 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Attemptuous (View user info) at 2006-02-06 14:07:00 EST
A group of people walks into an Internet Service Provider and barges straight into the office of the CEO. The CEO puts down his Starbucks coffee, shoos the secretary out from under his desk, and looks over his glasses at the group.
The head guy, wearing a black T-Shirt emblazoned with the letters "WWBD" says, "I'm sorry to barge in on you like this, but we've got a great web site that you've got to see."
Intrigued, the CEO says, "Ok, what've you got?"
Immediately, Bart Bart drops trou and takes a dump on floor. Mr. T comes up behind him, looks at the pile of shit and smacks Bart Bart upside the head with a bat that is burned with the words, "-2 Die. Sucka"
As Bart Bart is lying on the ground two very hot chicks step over him and start kissing. Their tongues pushing back and forth, TigerLilly moans, "Oh, MistressFist!"
Guessing that's his cue, Flack rushes in, plants his first firmly inside of TigerLilly, as she screams out, "Plus 2, plus 2, ohhhhh......pluuuuusssssssss twwwwwwooooooo."
By now the CEO is beside himself, but before he can say a word, munkeypants dives straight into the pile of shit left by the now unconscious Bart Bart. He's rolling around in the shit, when redskieslookfake drops his pants and begins pissing all over both Bart Bart and the now shit covered munkeypants.
munkeypants begins to masterbate, uttering "har har rabbit" with each stroke, while Sacrilicious begins tossing his salad.
The whole things ends with Davros, Axolotl, HighVoltage900, and Mr. Sparkle ejaculating at interval, in high arcs across the room - framing the entire picture, while Bart Bart regains consciousness, grabs Mr. T, Tiger Lilly, and MistressFist - all catching the arcs of jizz before they hit the ground.
The whole troop then turns, faces the CEO, and with arms extended, cry out, "tada!"
The CEO, with mouth agape, looks at the crew. Then looks around his office at the complete chaos and destruction. Gulping down his last ounce of pride, he looks at Bart Bart and asks, that's quite a website, what do you call it?
Bart Bart steps out, and with a flourish says, "Ubersite!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-21 13:21:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
STFU n00b
Submitted by monkey11 (user info) at 2006-02-07 13:47:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
poor...........would have been better if you'd done this 'aristocats' style.....could've included those siamese cats..
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:51:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what? Don't even FUCKING rate this thing if you've never even heard the Aristocrats joke before. Just don't do it. If you don't know what it is, this won't make sense, and it won't even remotely be funny (or true). So, go to google.com, enter in "Aristocrats" and read about the fucking joke. Then, go rent the new fucking Documentary called, "Aristocrats" and then come back and laugh your ass off. Either that, or, you know, fucking finish that labotomy that nature already began. Cockwhores.
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Heard the original joke. Which is almost as bad as this.
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:54:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:01:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't get mad at us over your own failure.
______________________________________________________
Know what? I'm not pissed at you all because of my failure. I'm pissed at you because of your lack of creative imagination. Ok, you don't like it, but how many people who -2'd it have ever even heard the fucking joke? I'd bet very few. And you know what? But you're right, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how fucking ignorant they are.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2006-02-07 03:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it but the golden rule is that you start off small and finish with the scat. More like a grand finale of poo.
Also if you haven't seen the Aristocrats movie go to Walmart (yes that's right they carry it there) and buy it; I finally did the other day and damn...
Banga
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 03:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not sure whether I should be pissed or happy to be in this.
-Dave
Submitted by LadyJay (user info) at 2006-02-06 23:32:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was quite good actually! There are a huge amount of fantastic thoughts here, I'm often amazed at some of the quality writing here... but more often than not its met with comments about buttsex or ejaculating! Though I havent seen Bart comment along those lines... I must investigate further...
funny though..
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2006-02-06 22:43:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know, I thought this was decent as far as Aristocrats jokes go.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:35:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, thats... um, an active imagination you have there.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:23:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I know the aristocrats joke, and I still hate you and want you to die of som horrible scrotasmic cancer.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:01:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't get mad at us over your own failure.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:40:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Nice try, dingleberry.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
holy moley, this was a piece of crap, dude.
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:51:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what? Don't even FUCKING rate this thing if you've never even heard the Aristocrats joke before. Just don't do it. If you don't know what it is, this won't make sense, and it won't even remotely be funny (or true). So, go to google.com, enter in "Aristocrats" and read about the fucking joke. Then, go rent the new fucking Documentary called, "Aristocrats" and then come back and laugh your ass off. Either that, or, you know, fucking finish that labotomy that nature already began. Cockwhores.
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This was fucking gold, people, fucking gold. It's WAY better than
"The Adventures Of Jeannee The Unicorn Part 1: Racism, Necrophelia, And Narcotics* <-(Lies)"
And way fucking more creative than "Fat America... True American Fashion"
Jeez. What's your fucking criteria anyway?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:46:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Terrible.
Submitted by saint_sebastian (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
All right...that's it. I retire.
You know, the joke's not supposed to be funny. The joke IS the joke. Shit man, where's your fucking sense of irony?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:38:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Douglas (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:16:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:12:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
No.
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Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:10:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
The Aristocrats style of joke does not work in text form. Also, munkeypants is a girl. Also, this sucked.
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Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:09:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
i wouldnt wish reading this on a broke dick dog
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Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:07:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
There really is no need for this shit.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:14:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow...I think we genuinely may have Worst Post Ever here - or failing that, Stupidest Post Ever.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:14:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just because I want to make out with TL does not mean that I'm a lesbian. I think.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:12:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:10:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The Aristocrats style of joke does not work in text form. Also, munkeypants is a girl. Also, this sucked.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i wouldnt wish reading this on a broke dick dog
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-06 14:07:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
There really is no need for this shit.