The Tragickal Hatery of Scourge and Voltage (3124 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.83 on 151 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-02-06 15:32:43 EST
The Tragickal Hatery of Scourge and Voltage
Dramatis Personae
THE POPE.
THE CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY.
SCOURGE.
VOLTAGE.
SACRILICIOUS, friend to SCOURGE.
INION_DE_TRUA, friend to VOLTAGE.
MEPHISHLONGALYS
Devils.
Chorus.
---
~ CHORUS ~
Come, Mars, upon your speeding chariot,
Blood dripping from your streaking, gilded helm,
Come and announce the coming of the war
To this land, this folded field where men
Chance to live and die as their forefathers,
Each tied inextricably to his fate
Here beneath the blind eyes of the heavens,
Gods' gazes, just as unaware of acts
Performed by their clay creations, rib-born,
And laughing as the world around them dies.
Come now, warman, and look upon these two
Unique in their divinity, study,
Employ, in touches of love and in youth;
Men sparring solely to better himself
And cast headlong into the void, so black,
His opponent, to beat his chest and shout
Songs of victory from the highest peak.
A savage scene of hate and rivalry
We beg you witness. Come, Mars, look and see.
SCOURGE and VOLTAGE discovered on the streetcorner.
~ SCOURGE ~
Settle thy stomach, Voltage and begin
To sound as if you have wit in your mind
Instead of the queef-breath you've spewed of late.
Tell me, hast thou kissed your mother's nethers
Again, and is this her thick residue?
I spy a riddled pube upon your lip.
Methinks you are a cunny-lick.
~ VOLTAGE ~
Asshole!
Funny that thou shouldst mention a mouth hole
For it baffles me that yours is cock-free;
Should not there be a penis tween thy lips,
Or, at the very least, a teste
Resting comfortably in your fleshy cheek?
I say, friend, you remind me of a man
Met once in distant Carthage a year hence,
A funny fellow, befuddled by the
Simplest sleight of hand or work of palmed coin,
To say he was retarded would be to
Pay him a complement and honor him.
This is how I espy you - I say true.
Here, take a ducat and purchase for you
A helmet, lest you fall down and injure
Your oversized, hydrocephalic skull.
~ SCOURGE ~
Money for mine purse? How quaint an offer!
Poletage, you should know better than to think
My pockets so thin as to need your dime.
Take back your asspenny, return it home,
For thou shall soon needst it more than ever
Once your prescription for Zithromax comes
Up for refilling and proves expensive.
Mustn't let teh gay AIDS hoist your petard,
Mustn't let the immune system suffer.
[Aside] Look how he stews! Members Only jacket
Dampening at the pits in fear of me!
~ VOLTAGE ~
Would that I had AIDS, for then I could spread
It to thy sister, mother, wife and child
Since, admittedly, I am already
Boning them - each and every one - shooting
My pearls of jettisoned sperm into holes
Opened only for me. Tell me something,
Have you noticed your son carries my face?
This is no chance mistake, believe you me.
~ SCOURGE ~
Your hangdown is quite miniscule, sirrah,
I wonder how the ladies...forgive me,
Men...suffer to find, let alone engage,
The flapping Tom Thumb of a cock between
Your legs. Surely you must be the catcher,
For it will not satisfy a butthole.
~ VOLTAGE ~
The pimples on your chin belie the nuts
That have oft-slapped it while giving a beej.
~ SCOURGE ~
You smell of potatoes and garlic, twat.
~ VOLTAGE ~
I have it on authority you pee
Sitting down.
~ SCOURGE ~
Canst thou go more than an hour
Before you feel the need masturbate?
The chaff-scabs on your knob are plentiful.
~ VOLTAGE ~
You're bound to know, since you like to blow me.
Would that Satan himself were here, he would
Tell how he has a room reserved in hell
For you!
~ CLOUD OF BRIMSTONE ~
POOT!
MEPHISHLONALYS appears, dressed in a skin-tight red
satin catsuit. DEVILS surround him, wearing Rancid
hats.
~ MEPHISH. ~
Greetings, salutations, dipshits!
Did somebody say my name?
~ VOLTAGE ~
Oh!
~ SCOURGE ~
Noes!
~ CHORUS ~
Damnit...
The CHORUS slaps its collective head.
~ MEPHISH. ~
Yes, yes, t'is I, Herbert J. Lucifer,
Though likely you know me by other names.
No matter. You bitches need to learn how
To properly insult one another,
For, honestly, this slap-fest makes me long
To go through the Fall all over again.
I'll be simple: you're both trying too hard.
~ SCOURGE ~
Speak you so, Prince of Darkness, but I fear
In this particular undertaking
You are quite limited in your knowledge.
Perchance your skivvies have been bound too tight:
I fear I see a cameltoe. My, my.
~ VOLTAGE ~
Verily, Scourge! His codpiece is indeed
Flapped about the front, frankly middle-split,
I should produce my hankey to wipe juice
From between the heaving vag-lips of yours.
Thou art no devil! This is trickery!
Any fool can wear red and bring midgets
Crowned with thorns and butted with tails to streets
And play a trick on gentlmen sparring.
~ MEPHISH. ~
You would put me to the test, then, dear sir?
~ VOLTAGE ~
Indeed I would, asshat.
~ SCOURGE ~
As would I, douche.
~ MEPHISH. ~
So be it. I understand you both have
Ladies fairer than double-malted scotch,
More supple than a band elastic and
Hungry for your loins as fat girls on cake?
Behold then, now, your women fair! SOUP'S ON!
SACRILICIOUS and INION_DE_TRUA appear, shackled and nude, sharing a double-ended dildo. They share a deep kiss, and take turns spanking each other.
See now, the women of your lives, and how
They writhe with each other, pleasuring holes
Long left unsatisfied by both your snakes,
See how they squirm for me, souls rapt with bliss,
Preparing their cunnies for my Shlongmeat
And my devilry. Do you believe now?
~ VOLTAGE ~
Cruel trickster, what illusion have you spun?
Yes, this is my love, my lusty wanton!
Hear the squishing between her splayéd legs,
Squishing not for me, but for a femme.
~ MEPHISH. ~
Oh, fear not, you were femme enough for her;
She has moved on to a better vintage.
~ SCOURGE ~
And here, my love most true! Oh fie, fie, fie!
Has it come to this? Oh cruel Satanas!
[Aside] I will admit, she looks hot in bondage.
~ MEPHISH. ~
The women are now mine, all mine, and shall
Soon be bent over my leather couch to serve
My every need and horny desire;
Were only either of you to focus
Your hate enough to prove capable of
Slander and resentment the likes of which
Rival that of my own, were that the truth,
Not this bitter reality of yours,
The women may want to stay and be spread
Open for plundering like treasure chests.
~ VOLTAGE ~
Teach us how to trip the hate fantastic,
To hiss villainy from our mortal mouths
So that we may be served heaping dishes
Of poontang pie!
~ SCOURGE ~
It is so like you to kiss up, fagbean.
I recall you once propositioning
A shemale in Brazil after he laughed
At your pick-up line.
~ VOLTAGE ~
I DIDN'T KNOW, MAN!
THERE WAS TERRIBLE LIGHTING IN THAT BAR!
Anyway, it's not like you're such a prince
Mr. 'I Hope No One Sees My Shitstains.'
Wash thine undies more than once a month, k?
~ SCOURGE ~
After you stop drinking vaginal blood.
~ VOLTAGE ~
After you stop breast feeding, mamma's boy.
~ MEPHISH. ~
ENOUGH! SILENCE, DIPSHITS! This I command!
Truth be told, you both bother me in ways
I have not felt since that irritation
From the infection that Nitty gave me.
My patience grows thinner than my hairline:
I believe I have seen and heard enough.
~ SCOURGE ~
So what now?
~ VOLTAGE ~
Yeah, what now O Prince of Piss?
~ MEPHISH. ~
Like your women, I shall take you both home,
You can amuse me in your agony
For I shall find a punishment to fit
The crime against humanity you've made.
~ CLOUD OF BRIMSTONE ~
QUEEF!
~ SCOURGE/VOLTAGE ~
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEESS!
~ CHORUS ~
Mephishlongalys took them both to hell,
Where he cast them in pits of smoke and fire
For eternity, each sixty nineing
The other, each with teeth removed so gums
Are all that graced the throbbing poles of flesh
Bounding in and out of mouths forever
Open, forever willing for the load
That never will be shot from aching nuts,
Each one anally serviced by demons
Bearing oversized penises, thorn-crowned,
"A fitting tribute to their cockeat ways"
Mephishongalys was heard to say to
His two new she-partners, hungry for love,
Reclined and waiting for his hearty treat
That both, forever more, shall lick and eat.
Learn from Scourge and Voltage, don't tempt Satan,
Or soon in hell you'll go, a man fellatin'.
~ * fin * ~
~ THE POPE ~
I say, what a ridiculous to-do!
~ THE CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY ~
Huzzah! What stupid act of wordplay, this?
~ THE POPE ~
Sally forth, Bismark, and service my hole
Most holy and purified!
~ THE CHANCELLOR OF GERMANY ~
Ahoy, pope!
~ * ~ * fin, for reals * ~ * ~
User Reviews
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2008-03-12 13:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MEPHISHLONGALYS!
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-03-12 12:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think Shakespeare would have been proud.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-05 17:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's like Shakespeare!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-23 14:56:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
PREPARE FOR THE SECOND COMING OF SCOURGE AND VOLTAGE
8.24.06
By the way, what do you suppose the first thing you see when you do a Google search for "tragickal" is?
BLING BLING BITCHES
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-21 15:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
[Aside] Look how he stews! Members Only jacket
Dampening at the pits in fear of me!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:14:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-06-14 16:00:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-05-31 17:30:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes I read these things and forget that I ever wrote them.
And then I float between being somewhat impressed with myself and really worried for my mental well-being.
========
Sometimes I read these things and forget that you ever wrote them. Even when they feature me. And then I float between being somewhat impressed with you and really worried for your mental well-being.
OK, I lied. I don't forget.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88572
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-05-31 17:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sometimes I read these things and forget that I ever wrote them.
And then I float between being somewhat impressed with myself and really worried for my mental well-being.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-05-31 15:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
STILL the best - pwnage at its finest
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-29 00:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Needs more Stagger Lee.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-09 11:53:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LOOK, WHENEVER YOU TWO REFERENCE YOUR LITTLE SCHOOLGIRLS-WITH-SKINNED-KNEES-A-THON YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY INESCAPABLE LINKWHORE. DEAL WITH IT, FAUNTLEROY.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-03-09 11:44:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-09 11:36:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
GOD DAMN IT QUIT LINKING THIS TO EVERYTHING! I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW I LIKE SUCKING DICK!
Oh wait...I'm HighVoltage...Not scourge.
Nevermind.
===========
GOD DAMN IT QUIT LINKING THIS TO EVERYTHING! I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW I LIKE DOUBLE-ENDED DILDOS!
Oh wait...I couldn't care less if they know. And I shall never tire of this post. So nevermind.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-03-09 11:36:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GOD DAMN IT QUIT LINKING THIS TO EVERYTHING! I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW I LIKE SUCKING DICK!
Oh wait...I'm HighVoltage...Not scourge.
Nevermind.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-21 17:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS POST IS THE GOLD STANDARD BY WHICH ALL POSTS MUST BE MEASURED. THIS I DEMAND.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-10 07:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I'm not 80...yet.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-09 21:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FINALLY you appear. Always difficult to conjure when really wanted around. Like an erection in an 80 year old man's pants.
And yes, that's exactly what it was. Two 'mos pissing in the wind until the devil owns them both.
Maybe I'll do a Cliff's Notes version for you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-09 20:46:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Herbert J Lucifer but I gotta be honest here: I didn't understand a word of the play, musical, opera or whatever the fuck this was.
If it was taking a shot at the two mos who've been waging a battle by striking each other with their purses and sticking each other with their broaches, then I'm all for it.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 19:50:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I want to physical fight him.
I feel all empty inside because I'm still at work. I'm going to sit here and think violent thoughts about my boss.
------
Bring it on buddy. Bring. It. On. While. I. Pause. Dramatically. After. Every. Word. To. Emphasize. A. Threatening. Manner. Bitch.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 19:43:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Now, now...this was no mere shitty, effortless post. This was measured out, line by line, for your entertainment. This has singlepostedly brougth about an end to the growing 'Turkish restaurant owners vs. paralyzed USPS workers' feud that's been brewing in Oscaloosa. This post cast the deciding vote in this week's Kraplakistani presidential elections.
I'd be proud to be a part of this if I were you.
Aside from the whole 'ending up in hell blowing Voltage for eternity while being rectally serviced by demons' thing. But that'll teach you two for slap fighting in pubic. Or public even.
-----
As long as scourge is blowing ME! Cause you know. I'm not gay.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 19:50:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I want to physical fight him.
I feel all empty inside because I'm still at work. I'm going to sit here and think violent thoughts about my boss.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 19:43:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now, now...this was no mere shitty, effortless post. This was measured out, line by line, for your entertainment. This has singlepostedly brougth about an end to the growing 'Turkish restaurant owners vs. paralyzed USPS workers' feud that's been brewing in Oscaloosa. This post cast the deciding vote in this week's Kraplakistani presidential elections.
I'd be proud to be a part of this if I were you.
Aside from the whole 'ending up in hell blowing Voltage for eternity while being rectally serviced by demons' thing. But that'll teach you two for slap fighting in pubic. Or public even.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 19:37:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate this post and love it at the same time.
My name is on the heated list for the first time ever in connection with this? That makes me feel angry.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-07 19:26:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:12:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, now it's a bandwagon.
I cannot resist this tide of opinion. I fear I shall soon be drownéd.
A geek's death, to be certain.
------
obviously.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 17:35:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's why I have options. It's good to have options.
Roll away the breakables and prepare to worship.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-02-07 17:24:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I get on my knees for NO man.
The dining room table on the other hand......
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 13:45:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was posted on a Monday, after all.
The weekend drained everything of its heat.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-07 13:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Only 87 heat and THIS is most heated?
Sad.
Submitted by silent_brook (user info) at 2006-02-07 13:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 13:06:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:23:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I know Thorns, I'm just fucking around.
==============================================================
As long as we're both fucking around then, I'll go grab some K-Y.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:40:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:36:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:09:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're little, but you're powerful, DT
-------------
so now you've abbreviated my abbreviation?
---
DT saves me the trouble of typing out 'deepthroat.' The intended meaning's still there, though.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:32:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
The old formula holds true: Want hits? Confuse the fuck outta people.
---
I hope it wasn't that confusing.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:36:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:09:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're little, but you're powerful, DT
-------------
so now you've abbreviated my abbreviation?
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:32:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The old formula holds true: Want hits? Confuse the fuck outta people.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know Thorns, I'm just fucking around.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:12:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, now it's a bandwagon.
I cannot resist this tide of opinion. I fear I shall soon be drownéd.
A geek's death, to be certain.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:11:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:17:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:04:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a GOD, Orgasmatron. And I rarely use that term in conjunction with anybody on this site.
---
Took you long enough to figure that out. I prefer if my ladysubjects worship on their knees. Or standing, braced against a wall, dining room table, or washing machine.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you* Thorns. I'm no Geek. YOU'RE the one who writes songs about Uber...
---
So do I. Am I a geek, too?
=============================================================================
Yup. We're all geeks. Take it easy, scourge...I wasn't pointing a finger at anyone specific...
...but I'll be happy to assume the title of Chief UberGeek, if that's so desired.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:19:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fine, spaz.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
NO ONE'S ASKING YOU, SHE-DEVIL.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:19:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:17:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:04:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a GOD, Orgasmatron. And I rarely use that term in conjunction with anybody on this site.
---
Took you long enough to figure that out. I prefer if my ladysubjects worship on their knees. Or standing, braced against a wall, dining room table, or washing machine.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you* Thorns. I'm no Geek. YOU'RE the one who writes songs about Uber...
---
So do I. Am I a geek, too?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:14:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But manic, you did you the term "tool..." or maybe it was "jackass" in context to me.
And that is where the love is.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:04:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here have another.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-02-07 11:04:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a GOD, Orgasmatron. And I rarely use that term in conjunction with anybody on this site.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you* Thorns. I'm no Geek. YOU'RE the one who writes songs about Uber...
*I meant that fuck you in the kindest and gentlest way possible, of course.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:28:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL....
...um, yeah, I'll read all of that.
Good ol' classic Greek tragedy.
Or, "Geek" tragedy, as the case may be here.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:28:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Truly ridiculous.
Fun, though.
Work blows.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:18:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JUST the same.
I can't be this incompetent this early in the day...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:18:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sure you're not the only one, Maddog. Thanks for stopping by the same.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:13:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, just couldn't care less about this dreck.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:09:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're little, but you're powerful, DT.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is utter crap.
I hate it.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:07:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay! O-man now has 100 reviews on this.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
apparently it takes almost 100 reviews to nearly negate one errant 0 rating.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-07 10:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ridiculous.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-07 09:37:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The women may want to stay and be spread
Open for plundering like treasure chests.
==========================================
I came back for this. 1001th hit WOO
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2006-02-07 08:10:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny that thou shouldst mention a mouth hole
For it baffles me that yours is cock-free;
Should not there be a penis tween thy lips,
Or, at the very least, a teste
Resting comfortably in your fleshy cheek?
*weeps now finally knowing true beauty*
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:12:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:00:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:46:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Relax.. and check my rating.
I just figured if a guy busts his ass to do an awesome parody of Marlowe's DOCTOR Faustus,
one of these reviews should recognize it.
----------
You've lost me.
I liked that line.
The post was genius.
You're weird.
---------
Shit, sorry... didn't see single quotes and read it as a reply.... pleads nolo contendere to weird.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:46:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Relax.. and check my rating.
I just figured if a guy busts his ass to do an awesome parody of Marlowe's DOCTOR Faustus,
one of these reviews should recognize it.
----------
You've lost me.
I liked that line.
The post was genius.
You're weird.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:28:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
'You smell of potatoes and garlic, twat.'
This is pure, unbridled genius
----
Relax.. and check my rating.
I just figured if a guy busts his ass to do an awesome parody of Marlowe's DOCTOR Faustus,
one of these reviews should recognize it.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-07 06:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'You smell of potatoes and garlic, twat.'
This is pure, unbridled genius.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2006-02-07 05:41:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:38:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Or Christopher Marlowe, really.
-----
The doctor will see you now.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-07 04:00:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Always a pleasure
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-07 01:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you realize this post is going down under 'Best Evar'
...
*sigh*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 23:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
he's probably playing with his own baton.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 22:59:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd say as long as no one's bleeding or dead before, during or after the sex, I'm down with anything.
I'm amazed Shlongy hasn't chimed in with anything yet.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 22:35:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:33:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:36:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
and i fucked your rating now... fuck, now i feel like a total cuntstain.
------
send him some porn to atone for your sins, Katy
--------------
he'd hafta give me an address and then a list of things he'd like to see.
nice joke hv. if i was a cop i'd so sodomize all of ya with my baton.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-06 21:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 20:50:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The trouble is that there really wouldn't be a 'part 2' so much as a completely extended version of the above.
:(
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 20:12:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:57:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Decon...don't have this post worry you about cliques.
To be honest, it's about a third of the length I orignially wanted it to be (stupid work forced me to cut it short).
I had a whole sub-plot where Mephishlongalys conjured Caulaincort and TigerLilly to show scourge and Voltage what a real back-and-forth is supposed to look like.
A whole bit with good and evil angels.
The spirits of Richard Simmons, his paramour, the Marquis de Sade, and Rasputin were set to make an appearance too.
The cast of characters was much larger. Who knows...you may have made an appearance.
-----------
<chanting crowd in crowded arena>
PART....TWO
PART....TWO
PART....TWO
PART....TWO
PART....TWO
PART....TWO
PART....TWO
PART....TWO
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:33:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You'd be correct, Bubs.
And underpaid.
Maybe theatre will see a revival of drama written in this fashion, and I will make my millions in that fashion.
And perhaps it'll be proven that Angelina Jolie's a man.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:24:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
O-Man, it's a horrible thing that modern man has been jaded
where poetry is concerned. When it comes to the verbal
section of IQ tests your's must be off the scale.
I don't know what your job is, but I imagine you are
sorely misplaced.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:02:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:57:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
...
You think I'm kidding...but no.
________________________________________
Sadly, I DON'T think you're kidding.
That's why I get sweaty and nervous everytime I listen to Motorhead.
Your name makes me bleed with fear
For the record I couldn't be Less upset about not being "in the clique". It was a joke.
WUBBY TUBBY GRUBBY.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 19:01:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd love to read the uncut version. I'm just glad I'm home now so I can do what I wanted to do the first time I read it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:57:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Decon...don't have this post worry you about cliques.
To be honest, it's about a third of the length I orignially wanted it to be (stupid work forced me to cut it short).
I had a whole sub-plot where Mephishlongalys conjured Caulaincort and TigerLilly to show scourge and Voltage what a real back-and-forth is supposed to look like.
A whole bit with good and evil angels.
The spirits of Richard Simmons, his paramour, the Marquis de Sade, and Rasputin were set to make an appearance too.
The cast of characters was much larger. Who knows...you may have made an appearance.
You think I'm kidding...but no.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:44:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
---> If that doesn't make you part of the clique son, then I don't know what does.
__________
I'm accepted.
Life can finally begin.
I love how you put it as "You died right on top of me".
Oh how well you read into things, Sack.
HARHAR SACK.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scourge- Be sure to let me know when and where you'll be. I'll ply you with alcohol and regale you with tales. I'll start making them up now.
And Decon- on the UberGraveyard post, you died right on top of me, by drink..after I died of bukkake. Coincidence? If that doesn't make you part of the clique son, then I don't know what does.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:42:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you ever have a post not on Heated these days?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Depends where I'm going.
I've been in spitting distance of Philly about five times in the last two years. Had a convention there in the city two years ago. Not sure when I'll be there next, but due to work it'll probably be sometime this summer.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:30:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Where are you in Pa. Lish? I travel cross country through your Amishy state occasionally.
=========================
I'm just outside Philly- a train ride or 20 minute drive from Center City (though train is my choice). I'm over an hour away from Amish Country. Where do you tend to pass through?
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:31:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was insanely awesome.
I'm not a member of your clique though, so I'm going to cry myself to sleep like I did when I wasn't a member of all the cool kids clique's when I was in high school. Sad emoticon.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where are you in Pa. Lish? I travel cross country through your Amishy state occasionally.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are my favorite troubadour.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 18:08:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:30:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
The Cabernet was my dessert. With lunch I had iced tea.
You are officially my interweb favorite. If I'm ever in your area of this country we're going to hang out.
================================
Hell yeah, we are.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:57:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
posts like this make me wish i had more time to sit on uber during the day.
instead of doing actual work and going to class.
note* this semester is KILLING me.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:33:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:36:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
and i fucked your rating now... fuck, now i feel like a total cuntstain.
------
send him some porn to atone for your sins, Katy
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No no...I meant it made it all the more ridiculous and enjoyable.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:32:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:30:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
The flat delivery that text provides killed me on this.
----
Agreed. Writing it I realized how much of it was tone and gestures. I tried to add a little extra to make it more life like but not too much because that kills the flow and takes attention away from the actual joke.
GOING HOME BITCHES!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The flat delivery that text provides killed me on this.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:30:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Cabernet was my dessert. With lunch I had iced tea.
You are officially my interweb favorite. If I'm ever in your area of this country we're going to hang out.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay... As I do not like to blow myself I will include O-man though normally I have myself as the driver...
So Orgasmatron, scourge, and zakalwe are driving in a car. They are coming home from a super bowl party and are all fairly hammered. Scourge (who is driving) has had quite a few beers and is speeding while weaving around on the road. All of a sudden flashing blue lights turn on behind them. A bike cop!
"Fuck me!" Scourge yells out as he pulls over. He rolls down his window as officer Inion walks up to the car.
"Hey officer. What's up?" Scourge asks.
"Well you were speeding, and I bet you're drunk as well. That's a 10 year sentence buddy with our no tolerance policy." Inion says as she pulls out her handcuffs.
"WAIT WAIT! Hold on. Isn't there something we could do to get out of this?" Scourge asks.
Inion stands there for a moment and thinks.
"Okay." She said finally. "I'll make you a deal. If all three of you have dicks equaling 22 inches in length, I'll let you go with just a warning."
Scourge, Orgasmatron, and zakalwe think about this. It's certainly better than prison so they agree.
Scourge pulls out a 10 inch long dick.
Orgasmatron pulls out a 10 inch long dick.
Zakalwe pulls out a 2 inch long dick.
Inion is shocked and surprised but a deal is a deal.
"Alright boys go home. Drive safe." She says and scourge speeds off. While they are driving scourge turns to the back seat.
"Man. I am glad my dick is 10 inches long!" He says. Orgasmatron nods and chimes in:
"Yeah. I'm really glad MY dick is 10 inches long."
Zakalwe looks up with a big grin on his face and says....
"Yeah. It's lucky I had an erection!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's funny cause zakalwe sucks at life.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:12:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious- please recall and post these soothing words.
Orgasmatron- eh, maybe.
==================================
Ahem- I don't know the nature of what may have happened family wise (hope it was nothing serious) but at the very least it sounds like you're experiencing a bit of chaos at work. It's understandable that even a little internet drama could sour you a bit. But at the end of the day, you are a good writer who can afford a nice lunch with good wine (though cabernet paired with salad and pasta? interesting), you have a hot wife with cool tattoos, and your baby is so cute he makes my cheeks hurt when I see his picture. The only one of these I have is wine, and plenty of it. Things sound good to me, man. Smile for us. Who internet loves ya? (I do).
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:09:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
define know. do you "know" uberers in the biblical sense? is that how you can make jokes about their dicks.
eh, whatever, fire away. dicks ahoy.
----
Ah fuck me. I have actual work I have to do. I will post my favorite dick joke when I get back.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:13:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You fuckers' hate war shall now be thrust upon the masses via heated-status.
I'll give credit where credit is due:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83510
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83541
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:12:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious- please recall and post these soothing words.
Orgasmatron- eh, maybe.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:11:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#10 most heated.
!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:10:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:06:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't put my finger on what exactly it was that rang untrue about this work to me. I realize now it's that I could never make an appearance in which I actually keep my mouth shut.
---
Oh your mouth wasn't shut in this, dear. Far from it.
However, much like the Elizabethan drama it was inspired by, a lot of the stage direction and action isn't spelled out in the text. You simply have to use your imagination.
At least, it wasn't shut in the version that I played out in my mind.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:09:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
define know. do you "know" uberers in the biblical sense? is that how you can make jokes about their dicks.
eh, whatever, fire away. dicks ahoy.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*looks around* Might as well knock it to Most Heated #1. No reason not to.
inion I have great dick jokes if you wanna hear them. We can even make fun of Uberer's we know!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*observes the gradual breakdown of scourge's psyche*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:06:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NSFW image below!
Scourge- hope your week gets better. I had a nice little comment all typed out for you and our network went down.
I couldn't put my finger on what exactly it was that rang untrue about this work to me. I realize now it's that I could never make an appearance in which I actually keep my mouth shut.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:05:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i think he shit himself in ecstasy.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:04:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to try and throw this to the top of the most heated list!!!
Really?
Yeah, really!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:04:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
See how I'm trying to show optimistic enthusiasm by using exclamation points?
I think it's working!!!
Hooray for dick jokes and cheerleader vagina!!!
Kitties are the fucking shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well those were great!
Hey everyone number 2 link below is NSFW. But still yummy.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:01:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
dicks jokes all around!!!
Wildcat McGee? Eat shit!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:00:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Uber ghey?
Come now...surely being a part of this "ripped from the headlines" goodness must bring a smile to your face?
How about these image search results for 'cheer up?'
http://img75.photobucket.com/albums/v228/clichekitty/kittenlives.jpg
http://mitglied.lycos.de/loser96/cheer-up.jpg
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 17:00:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey well i like dick jokes, i'll be appreciative. only reason i glance through playboy.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:57:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bah. I'm just having a shit day. I'll probably post a bunch of dick jokes tomorrow.
Still, all the Uber ghey has made me even more sour today.
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:50:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit man, this could be my favorite post of all time
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG THIS IS TEH LONG!!11!!!
Submitted by belowground (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I only had to read down to this:
"The pimples on your chin belie the nuts
That have oft-slapped it while giving a beej."
You'd give the Bard a run for his money.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh no, not my rating! Take anything else you want...even my gumdrop buttons.
I agree, deepthroat...the sticky grenades are fantastic. Get a four player king of the hill pistols-only round with grenades aplenty and watch the corpses fly.
scourge - I'm not exactly sure that it's good for anything, really. I think you should post whatever it is you feel like posting for however long you want to. I'll still read you if you're just fiction-only for a while. No complaints here.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:44:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's ok scourge. i have weird dreams about uber people too. it doesn't help with some of these camwhores either. christ they get alot weirder then.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Inion said it. Halo spans all boundaries for it's coolness.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:39:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmmm.
Very well.
I grow weary of Uber. All the weirdness has gotten to me. I have little guest appearances in my mind from some of the shit here whilst dreaming.
I think I should only write fiction and story type posts for a bit.
I'm going to go out like the next badassmofo. Hateful and bitter and insulting towards all the ass grabbery around here.
Or maybe not.
Great writing as usual Mr Poet. You have some sort of gift. Not sure what it's good for....
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:38:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...just...wow.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:36:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and i fucked your rating now... fuck, now i feel like a total cuntstain.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:36:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:31:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:08:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
let's all have a round of hunter with energy swords, invisibility, and no motion detectors. or rocket launchers, those are usually good for oh shit game moments.
---
A porny job AND a gamer? Be still the hearts of overweight, live-at-home thirtysomethings everywhere.
=========
you suck for that remark.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:41:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
goddamnit, I can't even begin to explain how many vectors of awesome this contained...O-tron, you are the wind beneath my wings, I really mean that...
---
I'm your Huckleberry.
===========
but i fucking love tombstone so that makes up for being a buttmunch above. i'm not a gamer, i just like first person shooters that have weird weapons, and grenades that when you stick them to aliens they run around screaming before sploding.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:31:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:12:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually got a perfect score in slayer about 2 months ago. 50 kills, 0 deaths. Everyone thought I cheated though... :-(
---
Nerd.
-
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:08:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
let's all have a round of hunter with energy swords, invisibility, and no motion detectors. or rocket launchers, those are usually good for oh shit game moments.
---
A porny job AND a gamer? Be still the hearts of overweight, live-at-home thirtysomethings everywhere.
-
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:58:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ dude, I mean WTF. How do you do it man!
---
Beans. Lots and lots of baked beans.
-
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:57:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo. This was...I love...if you were a chick, I'd hope you'd abort my next baby
---
Would you prefer I do the procedure myself, or have someone in a back alley take care of it for me? Coat hanger? Flight of stairs? Vacuum?
-
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:41:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
goddamnit, I can't even begin to explain how many vectors of awesome this contained...O-tron, you are the wind beneath my wings, I really mean that...
---
I'm your Huckleberry.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:12:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
O-man if there is one thing I am good at, it's Halo. Believe me, you would not escape my destruction.
I actually got a perfect score in slayer about 2 months ago. 50 kills, 0 deaths. Everyone thought I cheated though... :-(
And before you ask no I don't camp. Actually I am like the opposite of a camper, I'm a Leroy Jenkins.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:03:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
BED, BED. But bed is where the behind is.
---
And sometimes it's poking out of the dryer while its owner is fishing around for that other sock.
And then it's easy access to Happyland for daddy....
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:06:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
There is no Halo 2 for PC. A fact that has NOT escaped my notice.
---
Too bad. I was thinking there was a chance I'd be able to kick your ass on Live.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:08:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
let's all have a round of hunter with energy swords, invisibility, and no motion detectors. or rocket launchers, those are usually good for oh shit game moments.
i think i'm spending my enlistment bonus on an xbox and some games when i go...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:08:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SACRILICIOUS and INION_DE_TRUA appear, shackled and nude, sharing a double-ended dildo
-----
worth repeating.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:06:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:02:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Or I'll let video games wash me into a world of fantasy and thoughtless action and forget the whole damn thing....
*inserts Halo disc into computer*
---
Halo or Halo 2?
I should really fire up my XBox again at some point.
----
There is no Halo 2 for PC. A fact that has NOT escaped my notice.
FUCK YOU BUNGIE! I WILL NOT BUY AN XBOX JUST FOR YOUR GAME!
.....I'LL GET A 360 FOR IT!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:03:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BED, BED. But bed is where the behind is.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:03:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:55:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
The rating is because you're you.
---
Funny.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:57:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Or I'll let video games wash me into a world of fantasy and thoughtless action and forget the whole damn thing....
*inserts Halo disc into computer*
---
Halo or Halo 2?
I should really fire up my XBox again at some point.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 16:01:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You want to live in my behind, Lish?
Just make sure you're gentle.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:59:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You never cease to amaze me. I just..
I even got some hot Inion & Shlong action to boot.
I wish I could live in your be...head for a day.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:58:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ dude, I mean WTF. How do you do it man!
Game Over. Orgasmatron, tey winner
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:57:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll get to you O-man. We both know scourge couldn't hate a terrorist.
But I will have to build it up, perfect it. Hone my hate to a fine point.
Or I'll let video games wash me into a world of fantasy and thoughtless action and forget the whole damn thing....
*inserts Halo disc into computer*
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bravo. This was...I love...if you were a chick, I'd hope you'd abort my next baby
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:55:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The rating is because you're you.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:55:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF I'M NOT READING ALL THAT
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey, they can have their competition.
Me? I'm just happy to use it as inspiration.
Though you can both feel free to rim me whenever you're done with your hate war.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:48:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
The contest is now over. The winner: Orgasmatron.
----
Why do you think scourge challenged me and not O-man?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:53:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
super
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I debated posting this as a .jpeg and composing it in word, powerpoint or paint or something so as to properly space the broken lines that didn't have ten syllables (and have them pick up where the one before them left off). However, that would have required far too much work...you're just going to have to assume that they're spaced correctly.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The contest is now over. The winner: Orgasmatron.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This...
you....
cabbage....
&@)%&@%*
+2 forever and ever amen.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:45:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i laughed so hard i cried at "POOT!" it's hard to stifle laughter that hard. yeah reallly we don't give you +2's just because you are who you are, we give them because shit like this would make shakespeare proud. i really wish highschool drama had included pieces like this, doubly so since i went to catholic school.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:43:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tragikal indeed.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, fear not, you were femme enough for her;
She has moved on to a better vintage.
------
but this is a good place to start...
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"From the infection that Nitty gave me."
SNAP
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:41:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
goddamnit, I can't even begin to explain how many vectors of awesome this contained...O-tron, you are the wind beneath my wings, I really mean that...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:39:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I DIDN'T KNOW, MAN!
THERE WAS TERRIBLE LIGHTING IN THAT BAR!"
Ahem....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
~ VOLTAGE ~
The pimples on your chin belie the nuts
That have oft-slapped it while giving a beej.
~ SCOURGE ~
You smell of potatoes and garlic, twat.
~ VOLTAGE ~
I have it on authority you pee
Sitting down.
I may never make it to the end.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:38:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Or Christopher Marlowe, really.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:38:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bill Shakespeare'd be proud.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 queef breath.
I'll go read the rest now.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-06 15:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to read this in two parts. I got to "you sit down when you pee" and began sniggering uncontrollably. People are beginning to look. Okay....*deep breath* I'm going back to finish it.