A Hell Job (281 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -2 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris Wright <badlydrawnchris.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-02-07 07:19:31 EST
This day was not like any other; I was knocked over by a car and killed. What sucked the most was that I was on way to my shitty job. I spent 25 years in that dingy little office and the job kills me in the end!
I lived what 'Christians' would call a bad life. I had lots of drugs, drink, and promiscuous sex. I listened to rock, and a few times I stole from the collection plate when I was in Church. I revelled in many more vile and wicked deeds, which are all too corrupt to talk about. Needless to say it wasn't St Peter I saw when I died.
Satan greeted me at the entrance of hell; "I have some good news and some bad news" spoke Satan in a surprisingly gentle voice. The bad news was that I would have to spend the whole of eternity in horrific torment; the good news was that I had three choices of eternal terror.
I was grabbed by Satan's evil hand and guided to the most evil door I have ever seen. The door opened. Inside I saw a group of men doing handstands on a hard wooden floor while foul creatures of horrific demeanour bit their ear lobes, tickled their feet and rubbed cheese graters over their sore testicles. Satan looked at me with his big red eyes and gestured whether I wanted to join the men "Erm, what else have you got?" I swiftly replied.
He then guided me to the second room. We past many men being baptised in lakes of fire and many naked women being pushed down hills made out of sandpaper.
Finally we got to the second door. I felt a lot better as this door was a lot less scary. Satan kicked open the door. Inside were men and women with wild staring eyes, watching the same episode of 'Oprah' over and over again while little orange imps dangled remote controls inches from their reach. "Hmmm, could you show me the last choice?" I asked. "Sure." Said Satan.
I was led to the third and final room. Inside was a group of people standing knee deep in excrement drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. "Hey, this is the one for me." I said. Satan smiled and ushered me into the room, then he said, "OK folks, smoking break is over - get back on your heads!"
And you will never guess who Satan looked like
User Reviews
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
<sigh>
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:48:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:38:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
dear lord.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-07 07:24:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Finally. Original humour on uber