Billy Boy Rides Again! YEEEEHAAAWW! (711 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Good
Rating: 1.75 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by That Is My Stapler (View user info) at 2006-02-07 12:32:58 EST
Dear Mr. William Jefferson Clinton. I always thought you were a good president, and I always voted for you. I thought you were cool. I mean come on. Blow jobs. Cigars. Saxaphones. You rocked.
And now, you've done it again.
You've taught my cat right from wrong.
Somebody recently gave me a copy of your book "My Life," (which, may I say, is an incredibly self-indulgent, unbelievably long-winded piece of shit). The father of the Anti-Christ, George Herbert Walker Bush, had the right idea when he said he would write no memoirs, but leave his legacy to the historians. You would have done well to follow that sage creedo, but whatever. I still love ya.
However, I breathlessly (not) finished it, and left it on the floor of my home.
Now, the point is, my kitty has been acting up lately. I fear he spends too much time alone. What can I do though? I am a divorced man who lives alone and I have to leave in order to make a living, naturally.
Well, poor old Riley (that's my cat) has been doing some rather uncouth things, like scratching my bed with his claws, or pooping in places other than his litter box, or attacking my leg as I sleep, or walk through the house.
It's not a pleasant situation, and all my efforts, including a squirt gun, TLC, scolding, and so forth have failed. Cats are very uppity you see, and are only nice to you when they want a scratch, or some food.
However, Mr. Clinton, you have solved all my problems. Man, you know, you were such a good leader that even now, years after your time in office is over, you're still fixing up my life! What a guy!
Yes, in an effort to bribe my cat into good behavior, I put some kitty treats on the cover of your book, or on your face, in essence. What came next I could hardly believe, or explain.
Riley doesn't like your face. Not one bit. There is some strange quality in your dopey grin that either terrifies, horrifies or mystifies my poor kitten. Whatever it is, whenever he misbehaves now, I simply grab my copy of your book (you REALLY needed that dough, didn't ya?) and wield it before me, perhaps as one would do a cross before Dracula.
The cat literally shrinks into himself, and scampers away to the safety of the dark corners under my bed.
I've used your face to prevent him from scratching, biting, clawing, pooping, jumping on the counter, and jumping into the bathtub.
Thank you Mr. President! You're a great man! You still got tons of ass (nasty, but ass just the same), even with a face like that!
You, sir, are my hero. Salud!
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-11 19:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tee hee
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-08-11 19:20:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Most underrated user ever, this fellow.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:48:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh heh. Legend.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-08 07:18:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You yanks would do well to get Bill back into office. The man is an absolute legend.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-08 07:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just in case the book loses its desired effect, I remembered a post I found funny....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83238
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-02-07 18:48:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Right, he does sound British. I wondered if it was you or the computer.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 14:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:51:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Dave. Pretty funny. Is that your real voice?
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I believe it was refferred to as "Simon" on the Text to voice option.
I picked it at random and then laughed because it sounded kinda english.
-Dave
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-07 13:08:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
strange people, you.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2006-02-07 13:05:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
head is head...but lewinsky is pushing it. aw fuck it, i'm sure i'd have done the exact same thing.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:56:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i can't believe you made it all the way through it..
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:51:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Dave. Pretty funny. Is that your real voice?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:49:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/?mid=3079107
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:44:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Did you photoshop the pic?
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-07 12:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Har har. Kitties are good judges of character.