If you were a crackpot Aussie wheat farmer running your own country, what would you do? (746 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ozzy (View user info) at 2006-02-08 07:43:13 EST
The world can be a funny place. Throughout history, scores of new nations have been discovered or conquered, and international borders have often been the subject of conflict.
And then there are crackpot Aussie wheat farmers like Leonard Casley, who simply decide one day to start their own sovereign state. ( http://www.hutt-river-province.com )If you're too lazy to click on the link, I'll give you the story in a nutshell.
Basically, back in the 70's this Leonard Casley guy was upset with the Australian Government for changing the amount of wheat they offered to purchase from Western Australian wheat farmers.
The government was concerned that the farmers might over-produce, and if the export trade did not take up this surplus, then the government would, under the "Guarantee Price"**, have to be paying for this surplus.
** The "guarantee price" was a predetermined, guaranteed minimum purchase price offered by the government to Aussie wheat farmers at the time.
After some fancy legal footwork on behalf of both Mr Casley and the Australian government, the loony wheat farmer decided the best solution for everyone would be if he declared his property a separate country to Australia.
The sad part is, there were so many loopholes in Australian law which meant that this was possible.
Eventually, the wheat farmer got his way, and he called his newly created country "The Principality of Hutt River Province."
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Now I know what you're thinking. "Stupid crazy Aussies. First they steal a generation of aboriginal kids, then they allow some nutter to start up a new country in the middle of the west Australian desert."
Well that's probably fair enough, but buried deep in the Australian psyche is what we call tall poppy syndrome. We simply love to see an underdog win. Maybe it comes from the pride we have in the legend of the ANZAC soldiers in Gallipoli ?
Wherever it comes from, we love seeing some labourer with 6 kids and a fat frumpy wife winning the lottery. We loved watching Steven Bradbury skate around slowly at the tail of the speed skating race, and then win our first ever winter Olympic gold medal after everyone else fell over.
And we especially love it when the little guy gets one over those "arseholes from the government in their fancy offices."
If you needed any further evidence, google search a movie called "The Castle." It's a very similar story, the little man fighting the government over the compulsory acquisition of his property, and winning. Needless to say, it became a cult classic.
What I want to know is if you had your own country, what would you do?
Here it is Ozzy style.
Country Name:
Now like all the residents of my fledgling nation, I'm a lazy fuck, so here's how it would work. If my micro nation was near a mountain, I'd call it Mt Mee. (he he mount me). Near a lake = Lake Tittyphuck. Near the coastline = Secksonda Beach. You get the idea.
Currency:
The local currency would be called the Bloejob, mostly for entertainment purposes:
"How much did you pay for that digital camera Bob?"
"It was only a hundred and two Bloejobs!"
<Blank "what-the-fuck expression">
Coat of Arms:
Two penguins shagging doggy style. Both wearing sunglasses.
Flag:
Simple. A skull and crossbones, signalling that for pirates, my nation is a safe haven.
Local Customs and laws:
Women to wear soaking wet white t-shirts at all times. With no bra. ESPECIALLY in winter. Muslim women would be welcome as tourists, but on the strict proviso they hand in their burqas at customs and adopt the dress of the locals.
There'd be a television channel dedicated to women's beach volleyball. TV would have no ads. Ever.
Rape, marijuana and bestiality (for porn filming purposes) would all be legal. On a side note, I have to say I'm surprised that the Welsh haven't been more active in the race to clone a lamb. Only I think they'd fuck it up on purpose and give the lamb an extra arsehole.
The working class to be offered public holidays every Monday, and unlimited sick (i.e. hangover) days.
"Fuck off then" would replace goodbye.
Convicted felons would be forced to perform in Romanesque gladiator games every Sunday afternoon, where minimal armour would be allowed. I.e. thimbles used to protect nipples and fuck all else. Padding is for sissies. Just ask the American NFL.
The following groups of people would be caged and put on public display for the amusement of others:
The mentally ill, freakishly fat women with yeast infections, lesbian Siamese twins who are joined at the clitoris, and a bucket of stones next to 10 extremist young men aged 18-40 of middle eastern appearance.
To help cut extortionate fees, the passport would be made by stapling together several Guinness coasters stolen from the local. The mug shot you got for the DUI would be an acceptable photo.
For the ladies, all seats on public transport would vibrate vigorously, which would mean a faint whiff of that lovely fishy, ocean smell all over town.
The national sport would be midget tossing.
I've thought about this way too much. Fuck Disney Land, Ozzy-ville would be the new happiest place on earth.
And so I ask you. What would you do if you ran your own country?
User Reviews
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Fuck off then" would replace goodbye.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:18:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:48:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that Eric Bana?
This really needed a pic of the coat of arms to finish.
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Yes that's Eric Bana. Have you seen him in Chopper? It's an awsome movie and one of the best performances of a real life charcter I've ever seen. Fuck Jamiee Fox as Ray Charles or Tom Hanks as Forest Gump. His portrail of Mark Branden Read was first class.
Oh as for the country thing. I used to think about this all the time my soveriegn state would be called Beerlandia and it would Rock!
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I agree with everything you've said there. I think Chopper was the movie that got Eric Bana on the map. He's a superstar now, but I still remember him most as "Poida" the yobbo in the comedy show Full Frontal.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it just me or is the young chick in the pic bulemic?
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:18:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:48:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that Eric Bana?
This really needed a pic of the coat of arms to finish.
-------------------------------------
Yes that's Eric Bana. Have you seen him in Chopper? It's an awsome movie and one of the best performances of a real life charcter I've ever seen. Fuck Jamiee Fox as Ray Charles or Tom Hanks as Forest Gump. His portrail of Mark Branden Read was first class.
Oh as for the country thing. I used to think about this all the time my soveriegn state would be called Beerlandia and it would Rock!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:48:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that Eric Bana?
This really needed a pic of the coat of arms to finish.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I be the secretary of treasury?
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:36:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:25:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you might be a little confused about tall poppy syndrome
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I am?
eg AFL supporters as a whole. When the Lions won 3 premierships in a row, they wanted the tall poppy (the Lions) to be cut down and to lose.
I'd love to hear your version of it is different to mine Hairycoo.
Submitted by Misanthropic (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:34:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't Western Australia as a state try to become a seperate country?? I thought Lang Hancock had something to do with it?
Submitted by circadian_mist (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus fucking Christ on a stick, those pictures and going to give me the mother of all nightmares. I bet there will be goats with big teeth chasing me all night long.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:25:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think you might be a little confused about tall poppy syndrome
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:16:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"On a side note, I have to say I'm surprised that the Welsh haven't been more active in the race to clone a lamb. Only I think they'd fuck it up on purpose and give the lamb an extra arsehole."
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some guy did that over here with an old WW2 outpost off the Isle of Man (I think).
I apply to be the Barman in Ozzy-ville.
Not much of a position You may think, but I am sure I would never tire of telling the wet t-shirt clad ladies that it is "2 Bloejobs for a beer".
-Dave
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 08:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No problem, I have a very intricate yet productive testing system wherein we take some sample product and then we smoke it and then...well that's really it but it works, I'm telling you it does.
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-08 07:58:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 07:52:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
The only flaw I see is that with rape, drugs, and sodomy being legal the pool of convicted felons we get to use for the games will be traffic violators, tax evaders, and bad check writers...not a great talent pool for gladiotoresque battle.
Other than that, can I get a cabinet position, say Head of Cannibis Agriculture or something of equal standing?
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Hmmm, you're right, I didn't think that through very well.
In regards to your position, consider it done BAMF. Although I must insist on helping with quality control.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 07:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only flaw I see is that with rape, drugs, and sodomy being legal the pool of convicted felons we get to use for the games will be traffic violators, tax evaders, and bad check writers...not a great talent pool for gladiotoresque battle.
Other than that, can I get a cabinet position, say Head of Cannibis Agriculture or something of equal standing?
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-08 07:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. You have thought about this WAAAAY too much.
That picture's fucking funny though.