Ubertines '06: My Funny Valentine (728 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.95 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2006-02-08 09:08:05 EST
"My funny valentine...sweet comic valentine...you make me smile with my heart..."
He whisks her across the floor in a gracefully fluid manner. A single turn and she stands in front of him. Two steps to the left, plant the right foot, pivot, and now she is at his side. Her surreal attempt at a laugh holds him in rapt attention, and the gaze he returns in reply momentarily immobilizes her.
Seconds later, she snaps out of it and breathes a sigh of complete submission as they continue to move together. She knows that he will always be her master, and she surrenders herself to following his lead.
Tilting his head, he smiles in longing at her, and she slowly blinks her eyes in response. Quietly, without a word being spoken, they glide onward, almost tethered to one another.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Your looks are laughable...unphotographable...yet you're my favourite work of art..."
It's true, he said to himself. She's nothing special to behold. Certainly not the kind that would stop traffic. But he was able to see through her modest looks and find her true, inner beauty. "Beauty is only skin deep," the saying goes. Bollocks, he thought. Every bone in her body, every muscle on her frame, emanated raw, uninhibited love for herself and, just as equally, for him. He had wanted her since the day they met, and nothing could separate them now.
Her value to him at this moment was nearly immeasurable. Running a hand through her curly, silken hair, he smiled in self-approval of his chosen one. She moaned in acceptance from the stimulus of his touch on her hair and skin. After a moment's pause, seemingly contemplating his next move, he resumed motion and continued to sway her on the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Is your figure less than Greek?...Is your mouth a little weak?...When you open it to speak are you smart?"
Despite the admonitions and warnings from the others, he didn't care that her lineage wasn't Grecian. So what if she wasn't from his native land? The journey to the hills of Italy had been well worth it to find her. She was one of a kind, the kind that he knew would elude him in the crowds of Athens and could only be found living in the remote mountain towns, pure and untainted by the heathens of the cities.
Yes, she was special to him. And no one could take her away from him now. Smiling in contentment, his hand falls on her rear end as they reach the opposite end of the room and he gently pushes her through the doorway. She makes no effort to resist the passive force flowing from his guiding fingers.
Stepping into the adjoining room, her mouth opens as if to speak, but remains silent, stunned by the extravagant scene of his steadfast devotion now manifest in front of her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"But don't change a hair for me...not if you care for me...stay little valentine stay, each day is Valentine's Day..."
She jumped in shock from the sound of the door slamming shut behind her. The noise was more frightening to her than the fact that she now found herself standing in a pool of blood. Before she could turn her head to investigate the source of the sound, a firm hand grasped her by the neck and forced her to stare straight ahead. Struggling for a few seconds, she soon felt a cold prick on her thigh and collapsed almost immediately from the powerful anesthetic coursing through her veins.
Moments later, her eyes glazed from the agent rapidly winding through her veins and arteries, the man appeared by her side, with clippers and scissors in his hands. "Don't move, my funny little Valentine," he said, grinning. "This won't hurt a bit. But it has to be done. Just stay right here." And with that, he set about trimming and shaving her, until all of her hair lay in a pile on the floor. When he had finished, he smiled at her again and whispered, "There, now, that's much better, isn't it?" She uttered a feeble whimper in reply.
"Well, I'm sorry, Valentine," he responded. "You've been very faithful to me for the past several years, and I've taken care of every one of your needs. But the time has come for you to serve my needs. And my wife's. After all, today IS Valentine's Day...rather fitting, don't you think?...and we deserve what we've nurtured you to provide us with today."
And with that, the man removed the knife from his boot and slit Valentine's throat, her blood pouring onto the floor.
User Reviews
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-10 16:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i still love how disturbed you are.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm STILL pissed at myself.
EEEEEEEdiot.
Well, looks like your rating is pretty solid anyway.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:08:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-08 20:52:03 (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. that actually made me laugh after the picture. doubt that was your intention, but all i could think of was greek sheep fucker.
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Did somebody say "Method?"
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:06:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 21:51:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-02-08 20:00:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 19:42:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have read this story five times and I'm still not sure what happened. Hopefully I'm not just being retarded.
====================
It's not a girl, it's a sheep.
*****************************************
GAH!!
Oh for FUCK'S sake, I AM retarded!!
I was wondering why the "girl" was making all those weird noises.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I am stupid.
Terribly sorry.
===========================================================
That's okay. Makes me realize that the story should have been able to stand on its own without the picture. But I'm naturally inclined to deliver a visual punchline to a story...
...however, after reading katy's masterpiece, that will be a tough act to beat.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 21:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is more of a +1 story, but it's a +2 because I fucked you over by accident.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 21:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-02-08 20:00:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 19:42:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have read this story five times and I'm still not sure what happened. Hopefully I'm not just being retarded.
====================
It's not a girl, it's a sheep.
*****************************************
GAH!!
Oh for FUCK'S sake, I AM retarded!!
I was wondering why the "girl" was making all those weird noises.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I am stupid.
Terribly sorry.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-08 21:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting concept. you're sick.
good.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-08 20:52:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. that actually made me laugh after the picture. doubt that was your intention, but all i could think of was greek sheep fucker. nice.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-02-08 20:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 19:42:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
I have read this story five times and I'm still not sure what happened. Hopefully I'm not just being retarded.
====================
It's not a girl, it's a sheep.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 19:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have read this story five times and I'm still not sure what happened. Hopefully I'm not just being retarded.
Okay, here's the thing: I have no idea why your story ended the way it did. He chose this girl so he could take her hair for his wife? Is that right or did I misunderstand (serious question)? If all he wanted was her hair, why did he kill her? Why was there already blood on the floor when she was guided into the room? Why drug her and wake her up only to kill her?
I have no idea what this story is about. Sorry, man.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ditka (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:08:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmmm, blooood....
Submitted by MisterBadger (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:47:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 for whoever is facing Davros.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-02-08 12:37:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Where to hide?" was Ovinia's only thought as she raced madly across the field outside Aberdeen and up a grassy incline, frantically seeking escape from the man who was hell-bent on possessing her, on making her his and his alone, having succumbed to her beauty, drawn into near madness by the watery depths of her brown eyes and lured by the exotic perfume of lanolin and newly-mown hay which wafted from her thick coat as she grazed.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:58:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:32:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
gross
I think that picture made me throw up a little in my mouth. I think more than anything it's the dismembered head that does it.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:32:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gross
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-08 09:08:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Link to the Round Two entries: http://www.ubersite.com/m/83523