Damn Dirty Apes! (1979 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.85 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MickGinny (View user info) at 2006-02-08 10:01:55 EST
December January February and March are slow months for me. Not because I do outside work, because I don't do a whole lot of that. I provide a specialty service that no other contractor offers in my area. So although I am slow for 4 months per year I do an assload of business in the peak season to sustain me comfortably through the off season. The thing is, I need to generate enough business through my off season to sustain the guys that work with me in the peak season.
So I take on business that I would not normally do. I also charge a lot less to make sure I get the contract. As long as my end is enough to cover operating expenses, and my guys make their salary, I am content. Unlike most business owners I consider the people that work with me to be my greatest asset. A lot of companies make that claim because it sounds good but rarely do they actually mean it. I mean it because the nature of my business requires highly skilled craftsmen which are increasingly becoming a rare commodity. So when I find a skilled guy I do what I can to hold on to him.
So like I said I take on work that I would normally refuse and I work for people that I would not normally work for.
I had a meeting with a slumlord on Monday. I met him at a property he owned in one of the worst neighborhoods in the area. A sweet property too. A filthy 7 door rowhouse that he referred to as townhouses. He was obviously Indian from his accent on the phone, but when he showed up, I had serious doubts that he was human. He was one of the ugliest bastards I have ever laid eyes on. Have you ever seen an orange Indian my friend? ORANGE! Orange skin, black eyes and multi colored hair with an orange hue. The first thing I thought was; dear god! It is Dr. Zaius, Defender of the Faith from the planet of the apes.
The work he wanted done was not bad. quite straight forward in fact, but I had to charge him top dollar because of the area. Literally, you were crunching crack vials under foot out on the sidewalk.. It was a job that I would leave up to my guys if they wanted to do. I have no problem working in stab alley, I used to wake up in joints like that, but some people are not comfortable with it.
He wrangled until he realized that I was not about to budge and reluctantly agreed to my price. He signed my contract, but told me quite convincingly that he had left his home without his checks. We agreed that he would meet me in the morning when I showed up with the deposit.
He never showed. You see a lot of these slumlord scumbags count on the honesty and trusting nature of people. His reasoning is that it is a one day job. He knows I have loaded up my equipment and bought materials, when I show up at the job, and the door is conveniently open, he counts on me thinking: "ehh he must be running late" and starting the job. Then he counts on me finishing the job and trying to collect. The thing is, I don't drive one single nail ever until I have a deposit.
fast forward to last night when I called him:
"Shiz, this is Brian, where were you today?"
"What do you mean? I was there ten times."
"No you were not. I was there at 9am. I waited around for a half an hour, I went to the other jobsite, you were not there. I called you, you did not answer. I went back to the other site waited for another twenty minutes, called you again...no answer. So no you were not there. Maybe you were in the Forbidden Zone where artifacts of man's past exist."
"yes I was there"
"Yes you were in the Forbidden Zone where artifacts of man's past exist?"
"What?
"you really wasted my time and you are going to have to compensate me for it"
"I was there, besides my time is more valuable than yours."
"No, no, no. don't lie to me you little fuckin ape"
"You shut up! You don't speak to me that way!"
Listen to me, tomorrow at noon I will be at your fuckin rathole waiting for you. I want 250 dollars for my time"
"I will pay you nothing!"
"You will pay me 250 dollars or it will cost you 100 times that amount"
"are you threatening me"
"Well yes, in a way I guess I am"
"I will call the police!"
"Knock your socks off Dr. Zaius, I already spoke with the chief of police today, he happens to be a friend of mine. Would you like his number?"
It is nearly 10 am. I will take the ride to the rowhouse to see if he is there. Stay tuned to the reviews on this post for an update.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-08 16:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
STOP THE PLANET OF THE APES, I WANT TO GET OFF
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-02-08 15:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good move on grabbing that lumber.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 15:08:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry this is so blatant, but I would like you to read this Mick.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83588
-Dave
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:40:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65607
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:09:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Show the man who's boss!
or ape... whatever
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because Planet of the Apes kicks so much ass.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:22:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, no cnc router. Just panel saws and other basic equipment. I could actually do all my work on site. I did for a long time. And still do with certain jobs. A shop and the equipment is just a convenience to make life a little easier. A truck, hand tools and trailer is all I actually need.
>>>APE UPDATE<<<<
Well, nothing interesting occurred. He never showed up. I was not surprised. So I am out a few bucks. The good news is I nicked some pressure treated lumber he had in the backyard that I need for a project this spring.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:54:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CNC equipment?
If not, you let me know when you need some CNC'd componants, we'll hook you up.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:53:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No we are custom as in.... custom. We cut to size sides shelves etc. make the doors in the shop but then build the cabinets on site.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:31:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:30:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It wasn't a judging type of question, we're open and our main markets are Philly and NY so we battle union issues all the time.
So you 'manufacture' these cabinets or you buyout your components.
I'm feeling inquisitive today.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:28:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i am open. not that i have anything against the union, but honestly most union carpenters or union cabinet makers cant do what we do. its not that it is above their skill level because it is not. it just really takes a jack to do it.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:18:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you Union or Open?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:57:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm wondering what your 'specialty' is, this service you offer that most other contractors do not.
___________________
I build huge custom knockdown cabinets. huge like 9' high 3' depth and runs that have stretched 120'.
i install primarily in commercial buildings but i also customize residential garages. like tricked out monster garage shit.
There are contractors that do vaguely similar work, (the residential garage stuff only. i know of no one in my state that still installs knockdown anywhere near my proportions) but they are located a couple of hours away from me.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:10:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:57:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm wondering what your 'specialty' is, this service you offer that most other contractors do not.
------
"Asbestos removal.
I eat the shit.
I put a little mustard on it and eat the fucking shit."
--The Jerky Boys
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-02-08 11:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what a freaking scumbag
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm wondering what your 'specialty' is, this service you offer that most other contractors do not.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have any work for an illegal immigrant who has no construction skills at all.
Let me know if you do, I can rent a place from Shiz.
-Dave
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope.
I didn't sign the papers yet.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:44:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:42:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm about to buy a rental property that was burnt down. The timbers are solid and the price is dirt cheap.
__________________
Shiz?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm about to buy a rental property that was burnt down. The timbers are solid and the price is dirt cheap.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:38:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I got one fer ya
My dad is a carpenter. When I was somewhere around 11 or 12, I went with my dad to meet with a customer of his. You know, running errands with dear old dad. This particular customer was a divorced woman with 5 kids, maybe she was divorced although now that I think about it, none of the kids had the same daddy so whatever.
The point is that he was just supposed to show up to pick up a check. When we got there, she answered the door in a slinky black negligee and all the kids were in the game room in the basement with strict orders to stay down there. She was actually still going to try to pay off that bill in her own special way and tried to get me to go down to the basement with the other kids, but dad wasn't going for it.
Normally my dad is completely oblivious. He would have thought it was odd that she was already dressed for bed at 5:00 in the afternoon, but maybe she forgot he was stopping by. That time though it was so obvious that even dad knew what was up. Oddly enough, mom didn't think it was quite as funny as dad and I did.
poor dad
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:38:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh oh...not a lot of work to do?
Sitting around, stuffing your face with potato chips and pepperoni?
You'll weigh like, 340lbs by the time the snow melts.
have a nice day.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:36:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
In the trades good owners and bosses are becoming as rare as skilled craftsmen.
Good on you Mick, if I move back up that way can I have a job?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"you were in the forbidden zone"
hahaha
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU KNOW DAMN RIGHT!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:19:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking semi-title thief.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67397
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius
Doc-Doc-ter Zaius
Doctor Zaius, Doctor Zaius
Doc-Doc-ter Zaius
Rock me Doctor Zaius.
Submitted by circadian_mist (user info) at 2006-02-08 10:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poison the fucker with hemlock! Goddamn that really gets my fucking goat.