happy v-day, broke-ass (612 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.81 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (View user info) at 2006-02-08 13:24:18 EST
Valentine's Day. What. The. Fuck. Not as lame as sweetest day, but close. The only difference is I think sweetest day was just cooked up in the past few decades, V-day has been around a lot longer.
I started to share these thoughts in a review, but they seem to go better in a post.
I started to hate V-day in 8th grade(I'm 28 now). Back then, I had a crush I was working on for months. Her best friend told me that if I could pull off something fantastic for V-day, I would be in. So I dumped off mucho dinero on flowers and candy, and I even had my poet friend write a poem for her that I forged my name to, then waited. And waited. And waited. Good investment of time and money.Wrong. It didn't work.
Since then, I've had my share of girlfriends during V-day, and it just turns into and obligatory night of spending tons of cash just to not end the night in an arugument.
I don't have a problem spending money, being romantic, and going out of my way to make the lady I'm with happy. It's just a very contrived holiday/date night. I like to be spontaneous, and forced date holidays are not my style.
Fast forward to last year. I was dating a girl for about a month and a half when V-day rolled around. A little background on her.. she is like me; a hippy, who wears sandals, fleece, and artsy jewelry. By V-day, I had already spent a load of cash on her, and decided to be creative. I took up the task of making her a beaded necklace and a matching bracelet. Apparently, this was no good.
She broke up with me mid-March. Here's the proof:
Sex with her Jan 1-Feb 14: Sex with her Feb 14-Breakup:
Every night Never again
So much for being creative.
Present day: I'm currently dating someone new. My folks bought me tickets to see George Carlin Feb. 11 for Christmas. I decided to invite her as my date, sort of a V-day date if you will, and she understands this. She also knows that I was just cut back to 4 days at my job, so money will be tight for a while. So she shouln't have been suprised when she asked me what we were going to do on V-day, she gets...
"V-day? That's a tuesday, right? That my bowling night, biotch!"
Happy 'Don't make me anything cute, just give me a garbage bag full of money. Oh and chocolates!" day Uber!
User Reviews
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-14 12:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ToastEatingBastard (user info) at 2006-02-14 12:07:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
17 years for me without a girlfriend on Valentines day. Which would be worse: me being 17, or me being in my thirties? Just a thought.
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Sounds like the best 17 VD's in a row!
Submitted by ToastEatingBastard (user info) at 2006-02-14 12:07:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
17 years for me without a girlfriend on Valentines day. Which would be worse: me being 17, or me being in my thirties? Just a thought.
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-14 11:59:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-08 15:28:57 (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate Valentine's Day.
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It's finally here, and I still hate it.
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2006-02-09 08:31:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mr T gonna break YO ass!
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-09 08:19:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-09 01:01:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Here you go. Be sure to read this aloud to your date:
My love hates cards and Valentines and chocolates wrapped in foil
The sight of Cupid, hearts and candy makes her red blood boil
My love detests the holiday where Hallmark makes a mint
I have no love for V-Day, so with her I'm in like Flynt
My love mocks illness carried, passed, by sickly peens and boxes
By unprotected lovers making fuck while dressed in socks...es
Be it clap or gonorrhea, syphilis or AIDS
She's got but one emotion, and it's pure, unbridled hate
We diddle and we rut for we have wicked large libidos
We both like eating corn dogs...man, those bitches sure are neato
I couldn't find a greater mate, not even if I tried
Too bad this darling love of mine exists inside my mind
My hand, my dearest love, will bring me no hint of disease
It works my chaffed, abuséd knob and brings me to my knees
I owe no gift of fealty, no presents it demands
So happy anti-Valentines to you, my love, my hand
Yeah, I call my hand "she" - big whoop, wanna fight about it?
~fin~
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OMFG hilarious! Thx O!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-09 01:01:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Here you go. Be sure to read this aloud to your date:
My love hates cards and Valentines and chocolates wrapped in foil
The sight of Cupid, hearts and candy makes her red blood boil
My love detests the holiday where Hallmark makes a mint
I have no love for V-Day, so with her I'm in like Flynt
My love mocks illness carried, passed, by sickly peens and boxes
By unprotected lovers making fuck while dressed in socks...es
Be it clap or gonorrhea, syphilis or AIDS
She's got but one emotion, and it's pure, unbridled hate
We diddle and we rut for we have wicked large libidos
We both like eating corn dogs...man, those bitches sure are neato
I couldn't find a greater mate, not even if I tried
Too bad this darling love of mine exists inside my mind
My hand, my dearest love, will bring me no hint of disease
It works my chaffed, abuséd knob and brings me to my knees
I owe no gift of fealty, no presents it demands
So happy anti-Valentines to you, my love, my hand
Yeah, I call my hand "she" - big whoop, wanna fight about it?
~fin~
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-08 17:21:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He who cares least, wins.
Another tip from Shlongy.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-02-08 16:25:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I've never heard of sweetest day either.
I think that the only people who really get into Valentines Day are under the age of 10 or in a new relationship where they are still trying to impress each other.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-08 15:28:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate Valentine's Day.
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-08 15:14:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-02-08 15:07:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
What the fuck is sweetest day??
never heard of it
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I've heard it said that sweetest day is a Michigan-only thing, but I'm not sure.
Sweetest day is in October, always a saturday, probably the 14th or 21st.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-08 15:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:32:14 (#)
Ranking: -1
Valentine's Day isn't for 6 more days. I don't know if I can take 6 more days worth of semi-literate pissing and moaning from guys who don't appreciate how good they have it.
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what do you mean, 'how good they have it'? Is that because they don't have to buy a gift for Rosie Palms?
Submitted by sl4tt3ry (user info) at 2006-02-08 15:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What the fuck is sweetest day??
never heard of it
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:38:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:34:00 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll see what I can do if/when I ever finish this Ubertine entry of mine.
O out.
---------------
Good deal!
Happy anti VD week O!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:34:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'll see what I can do if/when I ever finish this Ubertine entry of mine.
O out.
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:29:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:20:40 (#)
Ranking: 1
Just give me a few details about the recipient and we're good to go.
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Well, she is a cat person, she hates VD, and hopelfully doesn't have any VD, either. All good traits in my book.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:20:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just give me a few details about the recipient and we're good to go.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:12:45 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:11:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:08:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww...he's already trying to get in your pants, G-knee.
Iddn'tat sweet?
------------------
Someone must have tipped him off that I'm an easy lay.
---
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80686
_______________________
Or was it this one?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83376 <----NSFW
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:15:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:08:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww...he's already trying to get in your pants, G-knee.
Iddn'tat sweet?
-------------------
Alright, I need you to write one I can put my name on. I need it yesterday, I'm all about the caked blood.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:12:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:11:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:08:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww...he's already trying to get in your pants, G-knee.
Iddn'tat sweet?
------------------
Someone must have tipped him off that I'm an easy lay.
---
http://www.ubersite.com/m/80686
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:08:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww...he's already trying to get in your pants, G-knee.
Iddn'tat sweet?
------------------
Someone must have tipped him off that I'm an easy lay.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:09:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Valentines is a hallmark holiday designed to make those in relationships feel guilty and those that are single feel lonely".
-Dave
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:08:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww...he's already trying to get in your pants, G-knee.
Iddn'tat sweet?
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:55:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh, forgive me for being such a nasty bitch.
I just hate Valentines Day, or VD as I like to call it, with a passion... and I just know that everyone on Uber is going to do a post with their own oh-so-original take on it sometime in the next six days.
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No, not a nasty bitch.
You even said I was kinda cute on my last post...
Wanna be my anti-VD date for the next week?
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-02-08 14:06:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A little less conversation, a little more action please.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh, forgive me for being such a nasty bitch.
I just hate Valentines Day, or VD as I like to call it, with a passion... and I just know that everyone on Uber is going to do a post with their own oh-so-original take on it sometime in the next six days.
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:50:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:32:14 (#)
Ranking: -1
Valentine's Day isn't for 6 more days. I don't know if I can take 6 more days worth of semi-literate pissing and moaning from guys who don't appreciate how good they have it.
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I do have it good, and I appreciate it. She has it good, too, and I hope she appreciates it. I'm just saying that one day of not doing something special shouldn't take away from that.
And sorry about the preemptive strike.
Submitted by sleepingmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:39:19 (#)
Ranking: 1
So I dumped off mucho dinero on flowers and candy, and I even had my poet friend write a poem for her that I forged my name to, then waited. And waited. And waited. Good investment of time and money.Wrong. It didn't work.
---
You clearly asked the wrong guy. I do pity work like this for people, and they always come in the next day with scabs on their backs from nail scratches, teeth impressions around their tenderized nipples, and caked lipstick around the base of their hangdowns.
Though now that I think about it, maybe it was caked blood.
No matter...
---
Hmmm, where were you 15 years ago, pal?
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:47:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83641
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:40:31 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:32:14 (#)
Ranking: -1
Valentine's Day isn't for 6 more days. I don't know if I can take 6 more days worth of semi-literate pissing and moaning from guys who don't appreciate how good they have it.
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Just asking if you're the type of girl to date a ______________ guy and think he's a loser later because he ____________________
1.Alcoholic, threw up on the carpet or pissed in the corner of the living room.
2.Abusive, hit you.
3.Lazy, hasn't shaved in weeks and let shit pile up everywhere.
4.Stupid, can't fill out his tax returns.
___________________________________
Maybe. What's it to you?
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:32:14 (#)
Ranking: -1
Valentine's Day isn't for 6 more days. I don't know if I can take 6 more days worth of semi-literate pissing and moaning from guys who don't appreciate how good they have it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just asking if you're the type of girl to date a ______________ guy and think he's a loser later because he ____________________
1.Alcoholic, threw up on the carpet or pissed in the corner of the living room.
2.Abusive, hit you.
3.Lazy, hasn't shaved in weeks and let shit pile up everywhere.
4.Stupid, can't fill out his tax returns.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:39:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So I dumped off mucho dinero on flowers and candy, and I even had my poet friend write a poem for her that I forged my name to, then waited. And waited. And waited. Good investment of time and money.Wrong. It didn't work.
---
You clearly asked the wrong guy. I do pity work like this for people, and they always come in the next day with scabs on their backs from nail scratches, teeth impressions around their tenderized nipples, and caked lipstick around the base of their hangdowns.
Though now that I think about it, maybe it was caked blood.
No matter...
Submitted by Misanthropic (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Happy 'Don't make me anything cute, just give me a garbage bag full of money. Oh and chocolates!" day Uber!
--------------------------
Yup!!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think that my wife would piss herself laughing at me if I gave her a beaded necklace for Valentines Day.
Submitted by userpete86 (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
There's a big difference between not spending a bunch of money on the day and "V-day? That's a tuesday, right? That my bowling night, biotch!"
Just sayin'...
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:32:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Valentine's Day isn't for 6 more days. I don't know if I can take 6 more days worth of semi-literate pissing and moaning from guys who don't appreciate how good they have it.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for spontaneous fun filled days...
I hate V-day because it is always way over hyped and usually a let down.
I would much rather have my boyfriend bring me something any day of the year, not on a specific day set up by Hallmark!!
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-08 13:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to feel that way, but since I was 19, V-day has been pretty decent to me. You just have to find the chicks that really get into the "holiday".