ubertines '06- a stare like hers. (879 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: fiction
Rating: 1.47 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2006-02-08 17:50:51 EST
It saw through me from beginning to end, taking everything in its path, analyzing and cataloguing everything as it went. Clear cutting the build up, the useless bits that had stayed around, searing shut the wounds it found...
With every situation they would change, her eyes that is.
The color of the normally bright blue eyes ranging from the palest silver blue to the colors of the deepest depths of the ocean, grabbing greens and golds as they changed.
The color may have fluctuated, but never the intensity, never the soul that drove them or the wisdom that fueled her being.
That stare.
That stare that mirrored the depth of your own being and sent a palpable feeling of connection, of belonging to her and owning her at the same time.
The biggest fear became one of not being included, not being assimilated into her world and becoming part of the reality that she seemed to create just by looking upon it.
That stare is where I found myself.
-------------
When she would play with Jacob, our son, they'd turn almost green, bursting with the color of life and vibrancy.
There was an openness. No preconceptions or outside influences or judgments to color and mar the interaction between them. As his eyes would light up in amazement or awe at something he learned so would hers, as if she too was experiencing it for the first time.
He could sense her strength.
He took to looking to her first asking for her interpretation before ever looking to me. Once he found his answer in her look in the way she reacted, he'd look to me, but not before.
This still doesn't bother me.
I did the same thing myself.
-------------
When I couldn't sleep I would turn to my side facing her, over the gap that was between us filled only by the crumpled sheets. In my dreams they became a void, uncrossable, and I'd see her on the other side, eyes down turned, unwilling to see me.
My look, my inquiring search over her slumbering form never failed to draw her eyes open. Her still sleepy eyes a different color again, grey and soft, muted and waiting. This the only time when they would hold a question rather than the answer that could usually be found there. Her look asking me what it was that I needed.
The search for my answer, the key to my searching, my quest...
Her open heart the only answer I needed.
Sometimes it would just end with a smile. An outstretched arm so I could place my hand on her hip, or her shoulder, against her cheek. The contact alone was enough to ease the mental acrobatics. The engine spinning out random and fleeting thoughts that assailed me would slow and gradually come to a stop.
I could smile.
I could sleep.
Other times she would reach out and take me in her arms whispering nothing to me. Soft sounds, nearly inaudible, that drew me in.
Our eyes would stay on one another's. To look away would be a small death.
She would draw me in, tightly, surface to surface so I could feel her heart beat. Slowly. Serenely.
I would lose my eyes and put my head to her chest as she began to whisper again.
After centering myself in her heart beat finally I could look again, and through the closed lids of her eyes see the movement still. Still searching still seeking, even while momentarily blind.
All it took at that point was a simple movement, a slight touch or the expulsion of a breath held in anticipation...
The same way every time. It would always end the same way. The fingers of both our hands interwoven, hands pushed above her head. It would have been a gesture of submission if only...
Between her legs, holding myself upright muscles tensed and ready but mentally loose..
At the end, before any release, before her envelopment of me became even tighter, pulsing and cycling rhythmically- looser and tighter against me, as if to draw me in deeper.
Her throat making low, almost guttural sounds.
She would open her eyes. Staring deep into mine. Staring at my soul, eyes glowing the color of cold steel, like knowing it for what it was. Never condemning, never approving, and simply accepting it for its own sake.
The eyes of an animal. Only observing, drawing everything in to become a part of her. Internalizing everything they saw and claiming them for herself.
The eyes of god.
It would be a gesture of submission if only it wasn't for this.
-------------
When she was lying in the bed at the end it was the same.
Through the pain, through the drugs she had finally consented to take, it was the same.
Her voice was gone, but the stare remained the same.
Always the same...
As the breath came slower, she fixed her eyes to mine. One last shallow intake, and she was gone.
And with her went the fire, the mirror and placeholder for my soul.
I had found myself in her stare.
And when it was gone I followed her into oblivion.
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-02-18 20:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and +0ing ALL of your posts!
Submitted by Levity (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:42:53 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:35:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
stop using oathmeal to +2 yourself
--
Stop telling people what to do
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:35:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
stop using oathmeal to +2 yourself
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE MYSELF!!
SIGNED,
SCOURGEY
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-17 16:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Come play with us: http://www.ubersite.com/m/84210
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-11 23:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not credible that they can be nurturing and strong with a son, like an animal
in another circumstance, and yet also be God like?
The emotion of the "love" segment is a bit unconvincing and seems not to flow from
the narrative that preceeds it.
I think you should have concentrated more on just one, of the "eyes"
==============
Why isn't it credible in the first case above? People can't show strong tendencies in different directions under different circumstances?
OK on part two. That's your take, I can't argue with it. I agree with the transition bit of it, not so much the other part.
On the last point I toyed with that idea, even had a bit written in that direction. It just wasn't feeling right. I had about four different starts on this and this was the one that stuck. I could have turned this into swomething a lot longer than it is, but Uber doesn't always have a long attention span. Oh well...
Thanks for the honest criticism, I do appreciate it.
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2006-02-11 01:31:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And don't get me wrong,
You have talent.
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2006-02-11 01:29:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You've got to be kidding?
ok, that just represents a style preference on my part...and a +1.75???????
^^
However...there are too many ideas in this story;
The "eyes" have too many, and conflicting, sentiments.
It's not credible that they can be nurturing and strong with a son, like an animal
in another circumstance, and yet also be God like?
The emotion of the "love" segment is a bit unconvincing and seems not to flow from
the narrative that preceeds it.
I think you should have concentrated more on just one, of the "eyes"
Also, as another famous person once said; you are right on the edge of:
Becoming/"Being the enemy of the noun"
0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-09 10:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ya know here's another +2 cuz i woulda had a perfect score too if it weren't for method.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-09 08:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:28:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-08 21:03:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-08 18:20:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm dropping my keyboard on the floor, and whatever keys get hit will be your review.
Here it goes:
uyjhfasx
Yeah. That's it. Constructive criticism at it's finest, I must say.
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ghyt` nmjkmjknh
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vg6h5r
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ojksdnp dfl;jko[df
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-09 08:25:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It got kind of wandering-ish in the middle, which pegs it around a 1.5, but I'll round up to +2 to help counteract the fucktard's score.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, Solid
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-09 01:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tis ultraviolet...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:09:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I found the middle to draw on for a bit, but the beginning and ending were sol-LID.
And I can't very well complain about going on for too long, because I'm a victim of that myself, really.
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
here
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-08 21:03:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-08 18:20:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm dropping my keyboard on the floor, and whatever keys get hit will be your review.
Here it goes:
uyjhfasx
Yeah. That's it. Constructive criticism at it's finest, I must say.
----------
ghyt` nmjkmjknh
----------
vg6h5r
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-08 21:03:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-08 18:20:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm dropping my keyboard on the floor, and whatever keys get hit will be your review.
Here it goes:
uyjhfasx
Yeah. That's it. Constructive criticism at it's finest, I must say.
----------
ghyt` nmjkmjknh
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-02-08 20:30:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-08 20:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't think enough people have read this. but i agree with caes on the stare thing. understandable though.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-08 19:13:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks 'caes.
I tend to agree with you, but I flipped a coin in my mind and decided that the way it stands was better. I didn't want to stray too far away from the title either and without the last bit I felt it didn't really touch back enough...
Sacrilicious- Right you are on both points my good lass. mrs. scourge was indeed my muse AND she's still kicking.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-08 19:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, though it came reeeeeally close to overdoing it with the staring and the what not, by the last third of it.
Submitted by bryanfiji (user info) at 2006-02-08 19:05:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-08 18:53:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not sure how to comment.
'Awwwwwwww' is trite and girlish, but it's what I kept thinking to myself.
I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say this is somewhat autobiographical (aside from the dying part), which confirms my contention that you're a good man, a lucky man. I'll take another, and predict that when your wife reads it, you are SO getting laid. This was lovely, Scourge.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-08 18:20:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm dropping my keyboard on the floor, and whatever keys get hit will be your review.
Here it goes:
uyjhfasx
Yeah. That's it. Constructive criticism at it's finest, I must say.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-08 18:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-08 17:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
she musta had awesome Kegel muscles...