Hi, I'm Forensic Girl and I'm the parent of a fat child. *Hi, Forensic Girl!* (2008 hits)
Category: GraphicsRating: 1.68 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Forensic (they made me this way) Girl (View user info) at 2006-02-08 22:00:23 EST
After my first year of haunting this site, I've noticed a few hot buttons that usually spawn heated debates, or at the very least, bounteous internet insults designed to call the sexual orientation of someone into question, question intelligence or moral fiber, or, as in the case of Camwhores, destroying someone's self-esteem via attacks on personal appearances.
And God help you if you have some extra pounds!
Now, without attempting to justify myself (as I really have no excuse other than an occasionally bitchy and misanthropic attitude), I have hit below the belt from time to time with the weight issue. I figure if you insult anything about my appearance, and you haven't stepped of the cover of Vogue/GQ yourself, then you have no room to cast dispersions on someone else's beauty (or lack thereof), and all bets are off.
Meaning, if you dish out insults on someone's appearance, expect the same in return.
So, I've slung a few fat comments in response to a smart assed comment on my size, age, and my now infamous bony "death" fingers.
I dunno, I guess "death finger" means to imply that my fingers are skeletal or something.
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Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-01-12 07:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
you...you...you keep your Death Finger away from me!
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Hahahaha, BadAss just wanted me to stay away him and his family even though I have some fresh, hot pink Play-Dough for his daughter.
Although I wouldn't say skeletal; I just have skinny, long fingers. Sometimes they come in handy like when I have to jab someone in the ribs. I can also fish things out of the garbage disposal, crevices, and jars without the aid of a stick or a hook.
So what does this have to do with anything you may be wondering at this point?
Well Uber, it appears that I'm a hypocrite. I was reviewing some of my photos this last weekend and I came across some pictures that drove home how much I apply the double standard.
I'm quick to notice obesity in others but ignore it when it is right under my own nose.
I....I don't know what to say. I'm just a hypocrite through and through!
I can quote all the health risks for being overweight but.......
I guess I'm blind to it when it comes to a member of my own family. I'm truly ashamed.
I should work on this. I must be less judgmental; after all, how can I judge others when I have my own house to clean so to speak?
So now I present the evidence of my hypocrisy.
Meet Tabitha, my 14 pound Seal-Point Siamese. 4 pounds overweight, which to humans would be like 50 or 60 pounds.
The ideal weight of a Siamese is anywhere from 4-10 pounds depending of the breed specifics (Seal-Point, Chocolate-Point, etc.).
Damn!
Yes, I'm too much of a softie and far too generous with the 'good girl' treats. But in my defense, it isn't just me! My father will come over to my apartment when I'm at work to play on my high speed internet and watch HBO (instead of obtaining these things for himself) and feed my cat whatever he's eating which includes burgers, fries, chicken sandwiches, and God only knows what else.
Shameless and disgusting.
I should have the ASPCA called on me.
I tried putting her on a diet about a month ago. I have just now have finished repairing my apartment from the bezerker rage she went into from having her food portioned.
I'm a failure.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2007-10-09 11:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome ... that first picture is priceless.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-09 11:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-09 11:08:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to keep at least one pet obese. That way, if food ever becomes scarce I still have a reserve stock of fresh meat.
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This reminds me of a story Orson Scott Card wrote about.
Once upon a time there was a chap who owned a dog. He was a married chap who, much like our own Shandythedog, was not entirely happily married. His wife would nag at him and vent the frustration of a hundred and one unfulfilled dreams into his unhappy ears. The man sought solace in the love of his hound and they would go on long walks together where the man would smile upon his silent companian and revel in the peace of the great outdoors.
The wife did not like the dog. "That's no hound, it is a wolf!" she would say, but her husband's ears had grown numb to her words long ago.
One day the man and his dog were walking a particularly treachorous trail besides a waterfall. Our chap fell, somewhat predictably, into the river and was carried over the crest of the waterfall. He bobbed up to the surface, his body battered and broken, to see his much loved dog springting along the riverbank as he was tossed hither and tither by the current. Finally he became caught on a outstretched branch and, using the last of his strength, heaved himself onto dry land.
As he lay on his back slowly drifting out of consiousness in the middle of nowhere he spied his dog approaching. The dog sniffed its fallen master, lowered its head to his belly and tore him open with his powerful jaws. As the dog feasted upon his entrails the man allowed his head to fall back against the dirt and he smiled up at the sky.
"I am glad", he said, "for now at least one of us shall live."
Submitted by dronebee (user info) at 2007-10-09 11:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-09 11:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I live to inspire
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-09 11:08:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like to keep at least one pet obese. That way, if food ever becomes scarce I still have a reserve stock of fresh meat.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2007-02-09 03:16:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:14:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wrightcopy (user info) at 2006-08-04 13:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My parents have a similar problem with their cat. She isn't so much fat all over, just in her belly that hangs down. She has this trail of black hair that goes down the middle of it and if she's walking just right, it looks like a set of balls.
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2006-08-04 00:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a cat like yours...
He could breast feed.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Show me your pussy.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-03 18:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:57:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sam's cat is fat. There is this piece of Boo belly that swings back and forth when she walks. By the way if you grab it and say "belly belly belly" you'll get bit.
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One of our cats has this swinging belly as well. We named the belly Tom.
Submitted by paulblakeford (user info) at 2006-04-26 14:10:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:57:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm torn between my hatred for cats and my secret adoration of you. Dilemas, Dilemas, Dilemas.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:57:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sam's cat is fat. There is this piece of Boo belly that swings back and forth when she walks. By the way if you grab it and say "belly belly belly" you'll get bit.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:44:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my tubby cat could whoop your tubby cat's ass.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:37:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-02-09 10:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I normally hate cats...but fat bastards of cats are the exception that proves the rule, fat cats are awesome.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2006-02-09 10:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
where my epehdra?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-02-09 10:42:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I normally hate cats...but fat bastards of cats are the exception that proves the rule, fat cats are awesome.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-09 10:36:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs less babbling and more tits and ass.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-09 10:04:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha! She's so adorable. My cat doesn't have a weight problem, but she could use some Paxil or some Xanax. She's a little crazy.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-02-09 09:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Werd.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-09 09:46:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny how different cats are. Our cat is 9 years old and 7 lbs. She's a little bitty. She gets a little wet food in the am, and we keep her kibble out all day, and she casually munches. She only eats the following human food: milk, coconut popsicles, turkey, chicken, and will lick the occasional strawberry.
Cats are so looney. You might want to try the treat called Greenies. They are healthier than regular treats and they help with what I call "Urbane breath of death".
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-02-09 09:18:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Eat the fucker. It'd be tasty and ironic.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-09 09:11:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well if I can't get a hate post I suppose a name drop will have to suffice.
I hate cats.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-09 08:57:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like your cat.
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2006-02-09 08:38:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
last cat I heard, that crazy foo' Face was talking to it back in his room. He sure do love the pussy.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-09 08:34:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
More cushion for the pushin'
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-09 07:57:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well, she is a chunk but.... more to love i guess!
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-02-09 06:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-09 06:21:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fine. I'll say it.
"Man. That's a big pussy."
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-02-09 05:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
People always tell me they've seen a dude around that looks just like me.
I'd like to meet this mysterious doppelganger
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-09 05:20:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-02-09 05:17:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm growing my hair out.
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With hair you look like my best mates ex drug dealer. Without hair you look generic.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-02-09 05:17:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm growing my hair out.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-02-09 05:16:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how about a short term fling?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-09 04:53:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First things first; Bonnie, your cat is not a child. To refer to it as such is weird and scary.
Secondly I think you should adopt a real baby, I reckon you'd make a good mother.
Thirdly I think you should either marry or initiate a long term relationship with a fat bloke.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2006-02-09 04:45:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-02-09 02:32:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I was looking through my medicine cabinet and guess what I found.
guess.
three full bottles of original TrimSpa.
guess what the main ingredient is.
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Cat sperm?
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-02-09 04:02:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:42:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously, I am getting really fucking bored of all the cat posts on here. Felines abound on Uber. They are evil soulless monsters who will happily EAT YOUR EYEBALLS if you were paralysed. They smirk at you all of the time. Let them earn their food, evil shits need to learn some tricks.
**********
Hahaha!
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:54:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Five pounds over is obese for a cat but at least you recognize it so you can fix it.
In regards to this:
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Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:24:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
My cat is 23 pounds.
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Fuck, I hope you're joking. If not, you need to put that bastard on a diet before you kill him. I'm assuming he's just an average sized house cat so unless there's a medical condition causing it or he's freakishly huge, no pet cat should be that fat. You're lucky if he's not a diabetic and his joints aren't shot to hell.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously, I am getting really fucking bored of all the cat posts on here. Felines abound on Uber. They are evil soulless monsters who will happily EAT YOUR EYEBALLS if you were paralysed. They smirk at you all of the time. Let them earn their food, evil shits need to learn some tricks.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:05:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
automatic pet +2
My cat is fat. He looks like someone stuck a face-shaped potato on a big black mattress.
Yours is fatter though.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-02-09 02:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was looking through my medicine cabinet and guess what I found.
guess.
three full bottles of original TrimSpa.
guess what the main ingredient is.
Submitted by Psycosis (user info) at 2006-02-09 00:54:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:23:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhhhhhhh. . . The term is 'cast aspersions', not 'dispersions'.....
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
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Bubba, you're so smart.
I admire your huge lexicon.
Not really. I think you're a loser.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-09 00:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, I thought you literally had a kid you sent to McDonalds with a $20 in her hand.
So where's the camwhore of YOU?
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
plus motherfucking two, just for this:
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:18:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
This post should give Jack McCallum a hard-on. {He'll see it when he gets home from selling pencils.}
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:54:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Deal with the crying and get the cat off the godamn treats, and keep it on iams or some other cat food and water, that's it. Treat it like a person. It's a person, it's a cat. BOOM. Done. Your cat is dating hot chicks in three months. You want a banana? MMMMMM.....
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:50:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whichever pleases you most, my dear
and don't forget the high-heels
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The mega shield gown? Open in the front or back?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:25:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i wanna see you wearing an open Mega Shield gown and nothing else
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post should give Jack McCallum a hard-on. {He'll see it when he gets home from selling pencils.}
Submitted by full_frontal (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83513 <------ FAT AMERICA
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I AM ashamed. Deeply.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww, poor little fat cat.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:58:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY SHIT!
Your cat can shoot lasers from its eyes!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Submitted by ScottPeterson (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...hot...pink...play...
doh!
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:53:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wtf?
"we put it outside because it used our whole house as a little box."
little box meaning litter box
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
my family had a cat that greatly resembled that. its belly wabbled back and forth as it paced across the floor for its food. its fat hung off the side of the chairs it would sleep on. it sat on the other cats instead of fought with them.
all it did was sleep, sit on cats, eat, and poop.
we put it outside because it used our whole house as a little box. a few weeks and 8+ pounds later it pulled an "exorcist", as my little brother calls it. it twitched, jerked and rolled. then died.
it freaked him out.
it made me happy.
life is a better place without that thing around.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot to say that when I smell it, it reminds me of Vacation Bible School. God I love smelling Play-Doh {VBS, tho, sucked mule balls.}
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:43:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have some fresh, hot pink Play-Dough for his daughter.
*********
Great post. Strange you mentioned hot pink Play-Doh, I have some I play with, always the pink. Just looked closer at the label, beneath Play-Doh it says in tiny words "modeling compound". I don't think it'd have sold as much if called that.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:24:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My cat is 23 pounds.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:23:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhhhhhhh. . . The term is 'cast aspersions', not 'dispersions'.....
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
kill it. problem solved! :-D
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:13:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for a pet lover.
More pictures of you, less of your cat. I want to actually enjoy your posts Forensic. :)
Don't read my new post btw. Whatever you do. It has nothing to do with body parts or crazy serial madness. Seriously.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:02:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I went straight to the pictures.
+2 Laser-eye cat.