Absolute Fucking Nonsense (672 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.5 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rawrg (View user info) at 2006-02-08 22:26:46 EST
I get calls almost every night from the same friend wanting to hang out, and nine times out of ten, I tell him I'm busy, or that I'm working late and later I have to rewire my breaker box and it'll take all night... And wouldn't you know it, the one night I really have to get out of the house before I club myself like a baby seal, his phone's turned off. Then, my ex who I end up having sex with almost every time I see her said we should do something today, well, her phone's disconnected. The worst part is, I don't even feel like jerking off, so I really have nothing to do but take my frustration out on you poor bastards. Tonight's rant? Ah fuck it, I'll wing it.
So I'm eating breakfast with my father this morning at some overpriced yuppie breakfast joint that pride's itself in being so elite you can't get a refill on your damn drink because people of status don't drink more than an 8 ounce glass of fluid with their meals. Just now I've decided I'm going to write a poem instead,
Brooding hatred,
Fear of love,
Black skies a poisonous blanket smothering my obsequious ineptitude,
Daddy doesn't love me,
Mom's dead,
I live in a cage,
Dammit. I wish they'd given me syrup instead of f$#%ing blueberries with my waffles,
Damn yuppies,
I will kill you all,
Grr...
The pentameter's a bit off, but that only adds to the artistic value. The first rule of modern art is: if it looks deep, complex and like it took some effort to make, it's probably garbage.
The only time of day I send text message on my phone is when I'm on the can. It gives me something to do after I've read through the stall's private message board, but I can't ever think of anything useful to say in a 255 character text message that I can't just phone in. So, I send messages like, "My soul is lonely and I pity my next victim." and "If you do not serve me well, I will banish you to a place called Gulag and you will spend eternity at the helm of an impossible rubix cube puzzle". Because things like that just can't be said aloud and sound as good as the voice in your head. Really, it's quite empowering, almost like repeating a maxim. These are my 'power messages' that I derive confidence from... or I just drive myself further from reality into belligerence with.
The truth is, if I had a soul, it'd be lonely, and even I am laughing in denial at it. The only way to deal with something you don't have much control over is to just accept it and move forward. My life is the impossible rubix cube puzzle. I have 10 green squares, so I never quite fall into place. But then again, so does everyone else. The only reason do people like my bitter, petty and often times, immature writing, is because it reflects that side of us all so well.
It's assholes like me that make everyone else feel better. You can poke fun at me and tell me I need to do something about it, and that makes you feel better because you suddenly feel like you're not the out of control asshole, I am. You ought to be thankful pricks like me that don't have their shit together and leave the top job slots open. Besides, we end up taking out your trash, building your world and making over your kitchen with a heated tile floor because slippers are an inconvenience.
Don't pity us, be glad we're here. We don't ask for anything but our smokes and a barbecue every now and then. Some of us are a lot smarter than the people at the top, but somehow, we never figured out how to help ourselves. Maybe secretly we didn't want to. I'm starting to wonder, will I ever get my heated tile floor? Do I even want a heated tile floor? I don't know. I waited too long? Sometimes when you're the last one to the table and you don't get any cookies.
...
So anyways, I've been waiting for my cookie damn it, and all I got this morning was some blueberry waffles and 8 ounces of Mr. Pibb.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-02-09 23:22:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like your randomness.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2006-02-09 09:19:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:09:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're an annoying, boring, bullshit-regurgitating little pussy. Do something about it. Wow, I feel better.
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You know what's really sad? Taking into account all the lonely morons on this site that will bandwagon anything by a female with +2s for a chance to get the girl to say something nice about them, my average rating is still double yours. By the way, trolling is really unbecoming of anyone over 13, kind of like being a talentless attention whore.
That's just my opinion though, I'm sure you're respected by all around here. I mean, come on, you've got tits, why shouldn't they?
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-02-09 08:56:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You should have gotten the pancakes instead
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-09 05:24:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-09 05:16:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:09:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're an annoying, boring, bullshit-regurgitating little pussy. Do something about it. Wow, I feel better.
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I so wish I could put that in the corporate induction paypers.
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Your bitterness amuses me Berty. I have spent the last 30 minutes sending people sarcastic emails.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-09 05:16:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:09:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
You're an annoying, boring, bullshit-regurgitating little pussy. Do something about it. Wow, I feel better.
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I so wish I could put that in the corporate induction paypers.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-02-09 04:48:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CJRipley (user info) at 2006-02-09 04:12:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-02-09 03:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You're an annoying, boring, bullshit-regurgitating little pussy. Do something about it. Wow, I feel better.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2006-02-09 02:42:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
God damn I wish I could edit simply to unfuck the typos that make me sound like a French Canadian or something...
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-02-08 23:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's the truth.
Submitted by AlexorGM (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:43:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love you
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:32:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for your poem. I laughed out loud.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2006-02-08 22:27:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
... I got nothing.