Missing in action. (782 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (View user info) at 2006-02-09 09:36:29 EST
I've been thinking.. I'm not sure why, as in the how or when or why did you think of this, the impetus is not the reason...
I work in retail, a department store. I've gone from store lacky to floor manager to auditor to group op's operation guy which is not too dissimilar to the secret police to second from god. Years of working on 'the floor' gave me access to complete fucksticks and genuine people.
The genuine people, I've discovered, through the process of elimination, have typically been from the blue-rinse set..
PETER:- that's how I know him - surnameless. A Brit ex-pat who at 80 odd couldn't see 2 feet in front of him and waxed lyrical about how he screwed his way from Lybia to Paris. He was S.A.S. and damned proud of it, and spoke like a sailor that would embarrass a sailor.
GILL K (who's name has been abbreviated to protect his innocence):- I remember telling Circe about this guy, a Dutchman who never bought anything and would only come in to compare prices, but he had a heart of gold, would talk my ear off about football (soccer) and how Ruud van Nistelrooy was this year's Marco van Basten. He came back from a vacation in Holland and presented me with a ball signed by Frank Rijkaard. I said I couldn't possibly accept it and he said something I couldn't quite decipher and that was that. About a year later I caught my kids kicking it around and nearly did the Homer choking Bart thing - apparently their mother gave it to them.
FRANK H:- another pom, who came in one day asking about flight sims.
"You need to play European Air War", I said.
"No, son, I don't. I flew Lancasters in the war, I don't need reminding.."
"Sorry... you're a pom?"
"I'm English, yes, and please don't call me that, you know it's an acronym of 'prisoner of mother england'? I find it kind of offensive.."
"oh.."
"I just want to fly a cessna or something.."
When I first met Frank he was with his wife. He was looking for computer games and she was shopping for vases and toasters. She rolled her eyes and I remember thinking, "fuck, I finally get it, we (men) never grow up.. or 'they' never stop wanting to make us.."
As time went on he started to appear without her. When I got my promotion he would still visit the office and we would talk for an eternity about the weather, politics, rugger, flight sims and he would always ask about my kids. I never asked about her..
.. the last time I saw him, he told me he'd moved into a retirement villiage, she was still conspicuous in her absense, and he again enquired after my children..
GARY:- gary was the same but different somehow. Not an aged pensioner , a disabled one. A department manager appeared at my door one day -
"hey, remember that guy with the hump? The crippled guy? You used to talk to him all the time..."
"Yeah, what about him?"
"He's dead."
"What?"
"Yeah, his sister was just in, came in to clear up his finance.."
I ran down the stairs to the finance counter.
"Was a woman just here paying her brother's account??"
"Yeah, [pointing], that's her heading out the doors.."
I caught up with her in the underground carpark..
"Excuse me?"
"Yes?"
"i.... ah... are you Gary's sister?"
"y-yes.."
"I 'knew' him... I'm sorry.."
"You're d_r?"
"u-uh, yeah.."
"He spoke about you.."
"oh.... I'm really sorry... [frowns], 'how', if you don't mind me asking.."
"He had a heart attack, I just came in to clean some things up, the funeral's on friday.."
I've spent the better part of today dealing with complete arseholes, who never seem to go away, it's only the nice ones who one day never come back.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-30 16:13:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it's my turn. I don't care, I'm bored, suck it up. Look at it this way; therapy is expensive and if I can help you discomfit your OCD enough that it leaves, you should be grateful.
I've been reflecting on this http://www.ubersite.com/m/110487#2538204 and I must say your masterful (if somewhat skewed) portrayal of the salt of the earth, hardworking kiwi accent does deserve some kind of special mention. So, consider it mentioned specially, I'll have a certificate made up which you can take home to mummy to hang on the fridge.
I'd be tempted to do something similar, phonetically illustrating the apalling, nasal braying which is the Australian accent at its "finest", but I'm afraid my keyboard isn't equipped with the dipthongs and mutations required. And also, I don't like it when my eyes bleed, as they would be sure to do as a direct consequence of gazing upon your foul dialect.
Another reason is that I am actually incapable of remembering exactly what you people sound like, as my brain is attempting to protect me from the mental and aural trauma and works hard at repressing the memories.
How are you planning to adress the minor inconvenience that I am not in the NZ white pages? Does this mean I miss out on being insulted? Because that would grieve me deeply.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-05-16 04:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope we can hang when I get over there.
Send me again if you feel like it and I'll reply before deleting.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-05-16 03:20:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
porn king below
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-05-16 01:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn.
Cheerio.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-04-28 07:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just a quick update on a thoroughly uninteresting post.
I'm quite sure Peter's dead. Probably a car accident, he drove everywhere, even though he'd swear in his tourettes syndrome way that he shouldn't. "I'M FUCKING OLD AND CAN'T SEE SHIT FUCKING HELL. PEOPLE WANT ME TO GET OUT OF THEIR FUCKING WAY WELL FUCK THEM SHOW SOME FUCKING HAZARD LIGHTS YOU FUCKING CUNTS AND MAKE THEM VERY LIGHTS LIKE BACK IN LYBIA WHAT A BUNCH OF FUCKED UP FUCKING CUNTS. FUCKING WHORES. THERE'S WHORES RIGHT ACROSS THE MIDDLE EAST AND THEY FUCKING DON'T STOP RIGHT UP UNTIL PARIS. WHERE THERE'S WHORES." rest in peace you crazy old badarse.
Gill I'm not too sure about but I know he's not spent any of his kids inheritance, nor will he let them spend it.
Frank I saw only last week, and his wife is still around, just not visiting anymore. I've moved store and he still took the time to come and see me. He appeared at my office door, lazy smile and a new shake from a recent stroke, but like we'd just met yesterday.
"Mr H.."
"Hey." Too polite to walk through the doorway.
[gets up from chair] "Come on in.. wow, it's good to see you.." [shakes frail hand]"How have you been?"
Hears about stroke, wife, and crappy dvd media that doesn't work in his burner...
There is something life affirming about walking an old man, a really *nice* old man, to the sales floor and helping him out.
"So they don't work? How old's your burner? New? Shit, that should burn something onto a crumpet.."
And it works both ways. He's genuinely friendly, asks about my kids and punches my shoulder when I say 'crumpet'.
him: "I had my system, what do you call it? Mainboard and chip thing updated. Anyway it is all new."
me: "Well I don't understand it, this media should work Mr. H.."
him: "Oh the burner is still old, but I've had everything updated."
me again: <blinks> "Except the burner?"
him:"Oh yeah that's still as old as I am. chuckle"
annnnnnd me: "ohhhhkay well we'll try some plus media. I'll walk you to the cashier." [walking]"Do this at staff. Hopefully I won't see you next week Mr. H."
Shakes hand again. "Thanks Danger, take care of yourself."
Watches him walk away. "Mr. H?"
turns. "It's 'Frank', Brian."
"yeah.. I meant hopefully I won't see you next week because those cd's work, not I won't see you next week.."
"I know." smiles.
Gary is still most certainly dead, but it doesn't escape me that he was a very good person, and probably wasn't given the time of day by most people because he was 'odd' looking. Where's the sense in that? We talk to hidden right? (hidden read my Diana posts you cunt).
Okay I'm off uber. Cheerio, it's been swell. I can't come here anymore. I have one last review to post because I've been itching to for a month. PFF I haven't forgotten your music, and you and thorpe should go outside, there's a weird blanket of white stuff blotting out the stars and it's even spitting out some weird kind of moisture. Anyhoo's I'm off to take a 30 minute shower.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-03-30 05:58:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't tell you, Merlina, it's top secret.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-03-30 05:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How goes it Ranger?
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2006-03-22 23:45:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Memories are like hair on your head, the older you get the less you have.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-09 19:36:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awww!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-02-09 17:40:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
bummerooney
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-09 14:47:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Depressing.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-09 14:15:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-02-09 14:09:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YAY Ranger!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-09 10:00:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It never fails to amuse me that the PoMs are your ancestors, not ours.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-09 09:46:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Going to the funeral?
Submitted by Demos74 (user info) at 2006-02-09 09:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Its wierd how people you know, just sorta drop out of your life.