Things NOT to do while high. (2758 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.52 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Toast Eating Bastard (Big Bear) (View user info) at 2006-02-09 11:32:03 EST
Guess who's sexy? Me. Wow, that was irrelevant.
I was hittin on some good ole Mother Nature a few days ago and became decidedly bored. I tried my fantastic trick of rambling on about nothing to myself loud enough so that the person next to me could hear, and even participate if they so wished, but I could only bring the conversation to something about jetpacks and Chinese drug runners. My friend and I tried to go on the internet to find one of those ever popular "Things to do while high" lists, but we just ended up watching a movie. I thought to myself that there was a (if anyone bothered to watch the American democratic response to the State of the Union) 'better way'. Wow again. I rambled. I COULD go back and just delete some of that. I really could. Anyhoo, THINGS NOT TO DO WHILE HIGH:
Don't stand up. Don't even bother.
Don't try to put your/your friend's mom in less rage by laughing at her while she's looking for the bong. That ends the party real quick.
Don't eat Peanut Butter. It might seem fun, but it'll lock your face shut if the cotton mout gets crazy.
Don't draw attention to yourself. You never end up being as interesting as you'd hoped.
Don't suggest making a batch of special brownies if you're poor. You'll end up making the brownies, but the dimebag will only go through two or three squares if you're lucky.
Don't call your girlfriend and tell her that you fell in love with another girl named 'Mary'. On second thought, go ahead and do that one. The conversation the next day will be priceless. Not for you, but it'll be good nonetheless.
Don't smoke alone with someone out of your immediate age if you're near 18. The younger one will be infatuated with licking their lips, get the bong wet, or make ridiculously obvious comments. (Hey man. I'm really high. Ha ha= lame assed) Put don't worry, us newbies know how to roll dem fatties.
Don't get high if anyone else is getting drunk. Thet will kill your buzz, but their buzz cannot be stopped.
Don't call ANY 1-800 numbers. Prank calling those Christians in Africa is not funny. It is, but what would you say?
Don't put on full costume. Bear suits, no. Cowboy hats, O.K.
Don't skip out on a chance to go to Chuckie-Cheese's. If someone clean can drive, there's no excuse not to go.
Don't get high, then go to the zoo. Go to the zoo, THEN get high.
Don't succumb to the munchies. Just kidding. Unless you plan on using the stove. You'll just burn whatever you're making. Unless you're melting gummy bears. Those things are fucking DELICIOUS!
Don't try using a coloring book. It's pot, not LSD.
Don't talk religion. You'll end up finding that you make friends with fucktard Wicca-worshipers, Satanists, and animal rights activists. Noone is ever Buddhist.
Don't get greedy. It might be fun at the time, but you won't get invited to the next session if you bogart it all.
Don't visit Ubersite and post comments. You might stumble on a Method post and cry.
Don't suck off monkeys. That's only a good memory for the monkey.
Don't forget that 'Only you can prevent forest fires.'
Don't eat hard candy. You'll want to chew real hard, but you'll just break you're teeth.
Don't go to work.
Don't spontaneously rub on your nipples. Unless you've got great tits. But otherwise, it's sort of creepy.
Don't light candles. If you get up to adjust one, the next candle lit will be your house.
Don't resist the urge to go to Wendy's and order yourself some greasy heaven on a bun.
Don't think that everyone who listens to Raggae is pretending to be someone they're not. Red Stripe knows where it's at, and using the word 'Ganja' (or is it Ghan'dja?) is damn cool.
Don't support the communists.
Don't make lists.
And lastly, don't forget to throw an invite my way next time, alright? Awesome.
User Reviews
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-10 12:06:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This could have been done really well but I believe you to be a simple minded jackass with a very immature habit. Grow up and do something instead of forgetting what you forgot to forget.
Blah.
The only reason I say this is that you will save yourself 5-10 years.
Trust me, I've been there and I might assume that the majority of the others have too.
Submitted by Audioslave (user info) at 2006-02-09 23:34:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, i agree with Jonny.
YOU SUCK
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-09 15:52:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't smoke marijuana, you forgot that one, dumb ass.
Submitted by Aztune (user info) at 2006-02-09 13:33:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice list. Highly accurate.
You forgot this one:
Don't hit on your sister. She may be hot, but that doesn't mean she'll want to fuck you.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-02-09 13:16:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I started reading this trash, but I kept getinng dummer Oh noes da stoopid geto speek is kill brane...
<Foolproof slumps over, drooling from the lobotomy this drivel caused>
Submitted by sinna (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:33:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:22:20 (#)
Ranking: -1
Cowboy hats; not OK
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I spent the whole of Australia day wondering round the pubs with a fosters cowboy style hat on. How I didn't wake up with a sore ring I'll never know.
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You make a bad name for us herbsmen.
Heres something for your list:
Sprinkle cyanide rat poison, and diarrhea on a nice green bowl. Then smoke it. To your dome.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:22:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Cowboy hats; not OK
Submitted by G-prime (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I support the communists.
Submitted by Drone_of_Industry (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:16:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't listen to Van Halen with Sammy Hagar. It might seem like a funny, hokey thing to do at first, but then you're buzz will disintergrate immediately.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-09 12:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I've had some deep, meaningful conversations about religion while being stoned off my ass. I just wish I could remember what they were about.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
when shitfuck simply calls this boring and doesnt even insult you or give you a -2 you KNOW you have failed, big time.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:34:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Little story for you. I never smoke pot but did a couple of weeks ago at a party after about 8 cocktails. I puked three times.
Moral of that story: I suck.
......................................
The key, as I remember it from my youth, is to smoke first then imbibe in the cocktails. Cocktails first produces the whirlies..........
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:49:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
are you for real?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:48:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Boring
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:41:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bah
Submitted by matchstickman (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:40:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:34:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Post complete shit like this should be added to your list, Tardo.
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way to be a dick... oh wait, you're shlongy... sorry. slipped my mind.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:40:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
OH MY GOD YOU GET HIGH WHAT'S THAT LIKE WOWZERS
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Little story for you. I never smoke pot but did a couple of weeks ago at a party after about 8 cocktails. I puked three times.
Moral of that story: I suck.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:34:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Post complete shit like this should be added to your list, Tardo.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-09 11:33:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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