Ubertines: Baby, I'm a Lost Cause (1099 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: ubertines
Rating: 1.87 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-02-13 13:32:10 EST
Pardon the ______ lines. Uber won't let me space out certain lines, and I wanted to preserve the structure of the lines. Yes, I know it looks stupid.
Yes, this is 32 minutes late.
It's just one of those days.
Sometimes the night is simply not the night to me:
Sometimes it's a big black fist thrown across the sky,
A sucker punch of God rocking the sunlight back
Across nation and stream, ocean and mountainside
Until it reaches the far side of the world round,
Stretching infinity behind it in its wake.
Sometimes the night is simply not enough for me:
Too short the reign of midnight o'er the city streets
For I require a longer stay of shadowplay,
Daybreak pains me with its dance panoptic, its light
Revealing every missed footstep and each wrong turn,
Every stranger's door approached, every fucking bar
I turn to when thoughts of you flood my weary head,
The day just like the day before - wander, roam, drink,
Flush the pain, kill the pain, catalyze the moment
With ounces bled from bottles crystalline and clear,
Blood of the bull, life from the vinéd hand of Bacchus,
I drown perpetual.
_______________And yet you're always there.
Baby I'm a-lost 'cause I can't find you anywhere.
The memory of the last time I saw you:
Bruises on your skin, deep cuts marring your beauty,
But alive, yes, so alive, and with me, with me,
Hand in mine, running headling down the hallway
Quick flames pouring from the windows beside our heads,
Paint blistering on thinnied walls, thick smoke rising
Like the breath of an enraged titan, hell indeed
This house of fire where he brought you to beat, and take,
And ruin you as a woman.
______________________God help me, he did.
Truly I failed you, for I was late, too late
To stop him from working you over and again,
I can recall the sick smile on his face as I
Charged in, vengeance in my eye and death in my heart,
And how he smiled even after I dragged him to
That back room and made him pay for his transgression -
I walked in with a hammer and nails in my hand,
Returned with just the hammer (and blood on my face)
To find you, rouse you, fold your little hand in mine
Before struggling to be free of these wicked walls,
Groaning in their demise, the very air dying
While I ran ahead, ever forward, ever on,
Hand in yours, fingers locked, your nails deep in my flesh
Out of panic or from love I will never know,
Down the crumbling stairway as the flaming tongues laugh,
Did they know what was to come? Did they know your fate?
Turning burning corners, coursing to the doorway
When from behind me I heard you cough and stumble.
I turned back. I looked. I stopped us and I turned back.
The beam broke,
______________the flaming wood fell,
_______________________________and you were gone.
Baby I'm a-lost 'cause you're not here and I live on.
I write songs about you now. I scribble them down
With broken pens on broken paper, my rhymes
Split, my meter scattershot as windblasted sand
Blown across the windows of a house, I sing them
Wherever I go for it lets me carry you
Through these useless days and nights, these slow, petty hours
That I spend walking, walking, walking, walking on;
I haven't been home in years, I cannot find it,
My blind feet roam only to suffer me a drop
Of something that will burn the memory away,
Which I find appropriate.
____________________I long for death now,
An end to this ceaseless roaming of these cities,
These guitar strings drawing blood from my five fingers,
The guiltless hangovers, the decline of my soul,
And to the way you sing me to sleep in my head.
My end will come soon enough, I fear - the women
Look at me with knowing eyes, daggers in their hearts,
Rebuked and rejected they stir, for I will not
Allow them to touch me, no matter how I drink;
No liquor trick will make me stray from you, my love.
Cast me to the water, ladies - let my slit throat sing.
I'm so tired of walking and not knowing where to go.
Sometimes love is not love - sometimes it's forever,
Greet me on that other shore, mend my ruined rhyme,
Hold me in your arms forever, hold me for all time,
Lay me in a field where forever we will dwell
Save me from this wandering,
________________________save me from this hell.
One day soon we'll meet again, and I will feel your touch,
Baby I'm a-lost...I fear I loved you far too much.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:14:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-03-14 13:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I ran into the same problem with wanting certain spacing for my poem in your contest. Only I'd forgotten how you worked around it until after I hit the 'Submit' button, and coming back to see this post, I can see that you couldn't really do much about it either. Bummer.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-03-03 10:36:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Look what I've made, cried Orpheus, and he plucked a gentle note
Eurydice's eyes popped from her sockets, and her tongue burst through her throat..."
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-14 14:23:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-14 12:03:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HVD, O.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-02-13 23:32:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-13 23:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know some people on the Board. I'll hook you up.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-13 19:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I seriously failed the test for MY poetic license. :(
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-13 19:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I do what I can, Bubs.
I felt like such a dick shifting the title around like that. But hey, that's what poetic license is for, right?
Get it? POETIC? Harharharharharharharharharharpenis.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-13 19:20:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the way you twisted the use of the title for the story.
Have I told you lately that due to severe envy you piss me off? :)
Submitted by gothica (user info) at 2006-02-13 18:34:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that was beautiful
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-13 16:13:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've always been a fan of the Orpheus story.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-13 16:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this was gonna be some Beck- love the song.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-13 15:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like a song by Bread.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this kicked ass
hard
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:51:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty damned solid.
(as a side note, more referring to earlier entries than this, I find it easier to read your stuff when I turn off the music in the background, just thought I would say.)
-Dave
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:46:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's good that it can be read a few ways.
I've always been a fan of the Orpheus story. The only thing I looked up this morning was the name of the guy that tried to rape Eurydice before the snakes got her. I was thinking about incorporating bees into this somehow, but there wasn't enough time. Stupid co-worker changing jobs and forcing me to cover for them...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:43:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:25:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, technically Orph didn't nail Hades to death and Eurydice didn't die in a burning house either.
But, I get your point. Mentioning the she-males would have creepified that section a little, and brought the legend a little closer to the surface.
I consider it a lost opportunity now. Hey, any excuse to write about he-girls, right?
I'm always down...
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Yeah...I didn't read it as Orpheus literally nailing Hades to death, myself. I took that part more figuratively, reading it as Orpheus nailing down his fears and reservations about getting back Eurydice. I didn't interpret it as a burning house either - I took that as a figurative reference to his leading her out of hell, and then looking back on the way out.
But either way, sounds like you either knew the story pretty well, or did your homework this morning on it. Nice job.
If you want to read an interesting play script version of the myth, e-mail me at captainthorns.at.gmail.com with your address and I'll get you a copy.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:25:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, technically Orph didn't nail Hades to death and Eurydice didn't die in a burning house either.
But, I get your point. Mentioning the she-males would have creepified that section a little, and brought the legend a little closer to the surface.
I consider it a lost opportunity now. Hey, any excuse to write about he-girls, right?
I'm always down...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUS FUCKING TWO for recreating the story of Orpheus and Eurydice.
One minor flaw though - the Thracians that tempted, and murdered, Orpheus, were actually bisexual men - not females as your tale tells it.
But that wasn't enough to detract from my rating. As somewhat of a learned expert on the mythology of Orpheus, I applaud your effort. Very nicely done.
And one final question for you, O-Man: Are you a Sinfonian? Give me a buzz on AIM and let me know.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-02-13 14:08:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:57:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:58:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, this beauty is the result of poor circumstances this morning? I wouldn't have guessed.
"That I spend walking, walking, walking, walking on;
I haven't been home in years, I cannot find it"
"I'm so tired of walking and not knowing where to go."
Yes.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's ok O, i'm taking it in the ass on mine.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:55:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:37:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Both you and katy kind of disappointed me today. Maybe I am being more stringent, but you both kind of fell short of what I expect from you.
Still....It's too close to a 2 to give it anything else. Just informing you O-man.
---
I'm not happy with it either, really, considering that I had to pull it out of my hat today at work due to my technological oversight last night/this morning. I fear fate is trying to prevent me from posting prose here.
The only thing that pleases me is that it was done in hexameter, which I believe Orpheus is said to have invented.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:44:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i agree with voltage on all points there. but then again, considering we apparently both just snatched these from the air this morning after running out of time i think we did ok. um. congrats, i think you're gonna win.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:44:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-13 13:37:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Both you and katy kind of disappointed me today. Maybe I am being more stringent, but you both kind of fell short of what I expect from you.
Still....It's too close to a 2 to give it anything else. Just informing you O-man.