Going Fucking Yourself (1124 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.76 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by rollerboognish (View user info) at 2006-02-13 17:53:46 EST
A guy comes up to me and says, "Hey, how about selling me those shoes?" I reply, brilliantly, "How about going fucking yourself?" What? I think he was too confused to be offended, but still, I got out of there pretty fast.
What is the correct gerund form of that quintessential insult, "Go fuck yourself"? The obvious answer is "going and fucking yourself," but then why do you need the "and" in one phrase and not the other? You COULD say "Go and fuck yourself," but that takes all the force out of it and makes it sound quasi-polite. "Please, sir, go and fuck thyself." No, there should be a way of combining the two verbs, like you do in the imperative. "How about gofucking yourself?"
Things like this bother me.
Before this gets to be a big academic rant, here's a list of things I could have said that would have been even more embarrassing.
"How about a good fuck? Wi... with yourself?"
"How's about you and me go fuck yourself?"
"Your self looks like it could use some fucking."
"You wanna fuck?" (five minutes later, mid-thrust): "...yourself?"
"Goat fuck yourself."
"You know where you should go? Fuck yourself."
"Fuck nerds, jocks get what they want because they earned it."
"Please to be going fucking self."
"Go fuck your cellphone."
"Chim chim-a-nee, chim chim-a-nee, chim chim cha-roo, I'd go and fuck meself if I were you."
"Touch my balls and ass."
"Next time you see that self of yours, tell him I said fuck you."
Moral of the story: Next time you want someone to fuck off, don't try any fancy conjugations and shit. Stick to plain old caveman English and finger language.
Man, it's not like I was even that attached to the shoes. I just refuse to be solicited right in the middle of fucking myself.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-10-16 12:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by weather (user info) at 2008-10-16 11:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed pretty haughtily at this.
Sleet!
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-26 23:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2006-08-26 23:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-20 22:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY SHIT I MISSED THIS?
RBG, where ya been???
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-04-20 22:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Chim chim-a-nee, chim chim-a-nee, chim chim cha-roo, I'd go and fuck meself if I were you."
If you actually SING this, it is beyond hilarious.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-04-20 22:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you had better not just disappear
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-14 12:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The english language at its finest.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-14 08:37:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ROLLERBOOGNISH!
Where've you been, fucker?
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-14 08:30:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2006-02-14 05:17:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckings to everyone!
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-02-14 07:30:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
go fuck your arse
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2006-02-14 05:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckings to everyone!
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-02-13 22:57:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry. My mother says I ruin things too.
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2006-02-13 22:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-13 21:19:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT?!?! do you have glasses, no chin, beady eyes and are you a wee bit fat? The obvious answer is "How about you go fuck yerself."
Problem INSTANTLY solved. No need to even argue it.
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*sigh* goddamn you just destroyed my entire post.
How about you go die in a fucking-yourself-related accident?
Yeah, fine, you're right. That's what i'll say next time. Assfuck.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-02-13 21:25:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-13 21:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT?!?! do you have glasses, no chin, beady eyes and are you a wee bit fat? The obvious answer is "How about you go fuck yerself."
Problem INSTANTLY solved. No need to even argue it.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2006-02-13 21:15:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rollerboognish (user info) at 2006-02-13 20:29:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-02-13 20:16:28 (#)
Ranking: 1
Why not just say "How bout you go fuck yourself?"
Seems simple enough
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J... F... Wh.... GODDAMN YOU JUST DESTROYED MY ENTIRE POST!!!
How about you go die in a fucking-yourself-related accident?
Yeah, fine, you're right. That's what i'll say next time. Fucker.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-02-13 20:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Why not just say "How bout you go fuck yourself?"
Seems simple enough.
Submitted by weasul (user info) at 2006-02-13 20:05:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm a big fan of saving my breath for things other than words. Like for inhaling cigarettes, for example. That's why I say "Son of bitch!" instead of "Son of a bitch!"
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-02-13 19:52:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Your self looks like it could use some fucking." Know what I mean, wink, wink, say no more!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-13 19:34:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"You know where you should go? Fuck yourself."
Who am I kidding? I can't choose a favorite. I'm going to make it a point to try them all this week.
Submitted by Dreg (user info) at 2006-02-13 18:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Fuck nerds, jocks get what they want because they earned it."