Valentine's Day - This is how to be "un-romantic" (plus camwhore of a never-seen before) (844 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.62 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by calbearspolo (View user info) at 2006-02-14 17:22:24 EST
So it is Valentine's Day--the day for all the lost souls of the world to cry in unison while the happy couples of the world tell us all about how fantastic relationships really are. Oh yeah, and then Hallmark sells a lot of stuff too.
For the last 4 years, I have gone to the gun-range to celebrate my various states of single-hood in the least romantic manner I could think of. It has been a wildly good time, and those that have joined in the fun either are also single, or part of nihilistically doomed couple-hood. Either way, a good time is had by all.
But then, I started thinking... Maybe there are OTHER things to do on Valentine's Day that would be un-romantic/loser lonely as well. I came up with a list, and much like my other posts, feel welcome to contribute ideas to the cause, because more is ALWAYS better:
1. Buttsecks - Honestly, you've been meaning to do it for a while, and if she doesn't put out tonight, you know it's not going to happen. Ever. Go for it. This is, of course, only eclipsed by Ghey Buttsecks.
2. Bowling - It's not quite as blatantly un-romantic as shooting a gun, but it has that lonely and sad quality that nothing else does. Bonus for dressing up in awful 70s garb.
3. Shave your balls - There is nothing more beautiful than a freshly shorn scrotum, or so said Dr. Evil. Really, if you are at home alone shaving your balls on Valentine's Day, you might win some sort of lonely prize. Not to mention the discomfort that will occur upon stubble grow-back.
4. A-Team reruns - Watch them alone in a dark room. While masturbating. Take a drink every time Mr. T makes that "OOoooohhhwww" sound he likes. Now you are drunk, masturbating, and staring at a bunch of dudes in gold chains... [applause]
5. Clog your toilet - Nothing fancy, just go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, and then go home and let loose on the can. When you are forced to tell co-workers and family what you did all night, you can honestly say you were elbow deep in shit with a plunger.
6. Karaoke, alone - If you can belt out a few Barbara Streisand tunes with nobody listening and still show your face the next day, you are going to impress anyone who asks.
Oh, and now my damn camwhore:
User Reviews
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-02-15 14:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-14 21:02:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:32:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Summer Catalogue - 1999
--------------
I KNEW you looked familiar. My gay best friend had your ass plastered all over his dorm room walls that fall. HOT HOT HOT
________________________________________________________________
Now that is a scary thought.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-15 09:54:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Doesn't the hollow wind-tunnel between your ears get annoying every now and then?
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-15 08:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yer kinda hot.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-14 21:02:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:32:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Summer Catalogue - 1999
--------------
I KNEW you looked familiar. My gay best friend had your ass plastered all over his dorm room walls that fall. HOT HOT HOT
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-14 20:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Too bad there's not a -3 button for this fucking mess...
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-14 20:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
There is nothing more beautiful than a freshly shorn scrotum, or so said Dr. Evil.
_________________________
Well sure, that's what he SAID. What he MEANT is that there's nothing more irritated.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-02-14 20:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG SOMEBODY ELSE ON UBER THAT LIKE KARAOKE!!!!!
*dies*
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-14 19:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because you have the big-toothed stupid Mick smile. Like me.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-02-14 19:32:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And nobody has commented that I am wearing a WAKA shirt yet, I am so dissapointed.
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-02-14 19:31:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a "Pete" or "Peter," so I guess I dashed everyone's hopes.
And I am sure I am as much a dick as the next guy, but most of my friends see me as a rather kind person. Not that it matters. Ghey Menz away uber, I knew the camwhore would do this.
Submitted by CrazyHorse (user info) at 2006-02-14 18:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was thinking a Steve or perhaps a Christopher
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-02-14 18:37:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I was thinking "Corey"
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-14 18:35:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you a 'Tad', or a 'Josh'?
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-02-14 18:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ATTN GHEY MENZ
Submitted by Doberish (user info) at 2006-02-14 18:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
. A-Team reruns - Watch them alone in a dark room. While masturbating. Take a drink every time Mr. T makes that "OOoooohhhwww" sound he likes. Now you are drunk, masturbating, and staring at a bunch of dudes in gold chains... [applause]
Also, if I were female, you'd be cute...but you'd still look like you have a dick of a personality.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stabby, please forgive me, for I am weak and know not what I do...
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That there is a man's arm around you so I guess we know which option you'll be taking: ghey buttsecks.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A -2 by zakalwe earns a +2 by me. You have done something right, no doubt.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:34:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*silently kicks bowling ball further under the desk*
ow! that hurt!
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:33:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:30:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought people like you were extinct.
__________________________________________________________
Not yet, but I am slowly working on it by drinking myself stupid until I get hit by a bus.
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:32:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You look exactly like some dude i know.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought people like you were extinct.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-14 17:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't read it, but I'd really like to see you sans shirt in one of those Abercrombie-style layouts.