How to Make a Monster Out of Nothing (573 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.54 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Drone of Industry (View user info) at 2006-02-15 16:33:41 EST
The pressure has been building.
Sometimes I wonder why more people don't go AWOL in this life. Maybe it's that we all have enough excuses/outlets for our frustration. Like when I come home from work and vent that my home is a complete shithole, the shower is not working, or that I'm a horrible
human being.
There is hole in my head somewhere that is letting the bad stuff in. It feels like a self inflicted wound, but I can't quite pinpoint the origin.
Maybe it's the giant mechanical monster killing, breeding, and shitting all over this planet. As my eyes have opened to adulthood, its omnipresence has become apparent, as well as my dependence on it. It filters into nearly everything I am a part of, and it's got me and everyone else cornered.
My mom warned me that I would have to 'give in' eventually. The compromise is shifting heavy in its favor. By way of my current job, I am feeding from this host so that once I am mentally prepared, it may give me a boost into the unknown, but I have grown fat, lethargic, numb, guilty, fearful to thrust wayward from it.
My art director pulled me aside and gave me a quick pep talk yesterday. He claims my internet usage is losing control and therefore my productivity is low.
"The BIG BOSS and the BIG BIG BOSS have been monitoring your traffic on the web," he says, "so I'm just giving you a warning that you're being watched."
I think this is a bluff, as he is a very passive authoritarian, and doesn't want to ever look like the bad guy, but I respond accordingly...
"You're right. I won't surf the internet so much anymore."
I suppose I can't really complain, cause all I am required to do these days is watch television! We are basing a slot machine on The Munsters sitcom.
I don't know if any of you remember this show. I didn't. It's basically a funny spin on the average, ordinary, suburban family, but they are monsters, completely oblivious of their handicap in a normal society.
I don't laugh at it anymore. But it's very strange that watching it every day has almost made me believe that a world like this actually exists. A world where every problem is solved in 25 minutes without commercials, a world where good and evil is as plain as black and white, a world with no real repercussions.
With my headphones on, I scan the room to see the smiling, chattering teeth of my coworkers. Many of them young, getting their 'life' started if they haven't started already. The one that is buying his first house with his 'Bath and Body Works' girlfriend of eight years. It must be perfect! The guy that is hastily preparing for his 40,000 dollar wedding. He claims the price is due to their parents' affixation. It must be perfect! The guys that go to the gym during or after work and talk about their workout strategies. It must be perfect!
I've become so jaded. All of these activities they pursue in innocence repulse me! My disdain has become sickening even unto myself.
A little baby was brought into the office yesterday. All of my coworkers stopped in their tracks to focus all of their attention to the child. I wasn't even aware of its presence, until I turned around and saw everyone staring at this kid but me. I watched it for about 30 seconds, but realized I didn't really care about it and went back to my work. I was overcome with guilt upon abandoning my attention to the baby, so like it was a chore, I resumed my mindless gawking.
The kid didn't do anything. He was just standing there content. It seemed it was the adults that needed stimulus! So they started shoving toys in his face... Superman, Star Wars, Lost in Space
merchandise... whatever. I was instantly overcome with bitterness and went back to work.
My oversensitivity has reduced the work environment and its inherent inhabitants to null and void.
These days though, the workplace seems to be where I feel most sane! I have no responsibility in anything except what is expected from me for some dumb slot machine.
Then when I clock out and take the hour long drive home, I'm back in civilization, the real world, where my actions really count. And for some reason, all of the actions that I take make a complete ass out of me!
Of course, these words are no different. Let's look at what I just wrote.
Hmmm... From the looks of it John, it's on the record that you HATE you mother, you HATE your bosses, you HATE people that buy houses, you HATE people that spend alot of money on their wedding, you HATE people that workout, you HATE babies, you HATE people that buy toys for babies, and you HATE your friends! If I didn't know any better John, it looks to me like if there is anyone you should be hating, it would be your SELF!
"Your right. I'm a horrible person."
It's really hard to believe that we are all living this same life! I can't believe you guys are going through this thing too! I don't know how you all do it! There is a wall between me and the world. OH SHIT That's what that movie was talking about! Whatever... I still don't like it.
All I'm doing is repeating myself anymore. There's something stuck in the gears. It keeps reprinting the same information in some other ambiguous language... the endless spew of garblety goop that is written into the plans of this giant machine that we live in... whether it be god, work, money, relationships, or some other staple of modern society. I can't focus on the detail while yet still stepping back to see the grand scheme of things. I am totally lost in this exact
moment in time!
Except that I am at work. I know that if I keep watching The Munsters and documenting the funny things that happen, I'll be ok for the next several hours. I should stop writing anyway, my bosses are back from lunch.
User Reviews
Submitted by GuinnessSince1759 (user info) at 2006-02-16 03:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84024
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-02-15 23:40:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+3 Hating babies in the workplace and The Munsters
-1 Overexessive exclamation marks.
Overall kick ass.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-15 23:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck i loved this
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-02-15 23:17:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-15 22:26:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
i used to be like this.
Then I stopped smoking weed and started playing football again.
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Me too. Seriously, become physically active. It will help push your attitude towards the positive. Oh, and quitting your job to do something you really enjoy helps, too. I quit my job to go to law school. Not that I particularly enjoy law school, but it beats the hell out of working for somebody else.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-15 22:49:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel like a bad person for wanting to see the kid in the picture get punched in the face several times.
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-02-15 22:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone is on the fast track to "Fight Club"
and really, is that such a bad thing?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-15 22:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i used to be like this.
Then I stopped smoking weed and started playing football again.
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-02-15 17:59:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That red-headed child makes me want to kill.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-15 17:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I hadn't.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-02-15 17:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Apparently no-one is reading this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-15 17:05:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I made a monster out of a molehill once.
I called it "dirtman".
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-15 16:46:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The one that is buying his first house with his 'Bath and Body Works' girlfriend of eight years.
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i want one of those
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-15 16:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Then when I clock out and take the hour long drive home, I'm back in civilization, the real world, where my actions really count.
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you would be wrong - your actions don't count.