I had a dream + Camwhore apalooza and my mighty man beard (295 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mbstateside (View user info) at 2006-02-17 12:59:41 EST
I had a dream
That we as a people will make it to the promised lane. Well ok it wasn't that kind of dream but was pretty strange not in a Goblins wearing dresses and dancing the Hoki Koki kind of way but in a disjointed why the hell is my brain throwing these random things together way and it happened last night. I almost never dream sorry I should say I almost never remember my dreams (FYI this is true of almost all people who say they don't dream) I've been wondering if it's somehow significant, if it holds the key to unlock my future. Or if it's just the inane jumblings of a warped mind.
Well I could go to a rather expensive dream therapist to find out or I could go 1 better and open it out to the uneducated masses that is uber and let you give my diagnoses. As I think you can guess I choose the second.
So here it is..........................................
I'm on a bus/coach on my way to an away Rugby game. On the coach are players from random times in my past. There's my back row buddy from school. A couple of guys from my early teens 1 guy who I barely knew but whose sister I banged in an alley way at 17 (the good ol' days) and various other guys floating in and out as it is with dreams. The only consistent person there is Lawrence Dallaglio who I'm sitting next to. (For the Americans and Unenlightened English Dallaglio is a total Psycho Badass Rugby player. He used to be captain of England until he got caught by the press dealing coke for which he lost the captaincy but continued to play and in the words of Guy Ritchie he's harder than a coffin nail. Think Brian Urlacher after he just found out you shot his dad, gave his mom a Cleveland Steamer, Ass raped his wife before getting his 5 year daughter to lick your member clean and stole his award winning tropical fish on the way out) ok so we're clear he's a pretty tough guy and one of my hero's to boot.
Anyway on with the story.
I'm on the bus we're laughing talking etc...... when my old primary school teacher Mr Condon (yes I did say Condon you can imagine what fun I had with that as a 9 year old) who seams to be the team coach stands up and begins telling us to be quite we all carry on ignoring him until he asks again more forcibly this time everyone but me shuts the hell up. I don't remember the conversation but IU do know I manage to loudly pronounce FUCK to the now silent bus. I get pulled up to front and it's like I'm 9 again but with the knowledge and vocab' I have now. I remember this conversation completely
"I'm sorry sir it's just that I'm so pumped up for this fucking game" I say through clenched teeth as I'm in the middle of psyching myself up " were gonna kill these mother fuckers!"
With a smile that tell's me he understands but can do nothing for me he tells me that he wont stand that kind of language and all of a sudden he's holding some industrial strength tape which is promptly put over my mouth. I walk back to my seat to the jeers and Cat calls of my so called buddies. Lawrence looks at my and gives and rueful shake of the head as I sit down. The next thing I know I'm in a big ass house. Some how I know that we're only here for a piss stop and that the house is haunted. There is no one else around and I'm on a stairwell landing. Wanting to get the hell out as quickly as possible I pull out my member holding it's considerable girth in my left hand while leaning against the wall and begin to pee in the corner where I'm standing. All of a sudden I get afraid. REALY AFRAID and I have no idea why just that I have to go. So I'm running down the stars through the doors in the bottom where I find a perfectly ordinary bathroom with all my team mates taking care of there business without a care in the world. I've managed to avoid peeing all over myself but I still think washing my hands might not be a bad idea so I walk over to the sink and there's Loz again taking an assorted mixture of 'go faster' pills I ask him want they are and what he's doing and he tells me that these things will make run all day and have the strength to lift a train.
"Great!" says I "gimme a couple"
After telling me in no uncertain terms that one will be more than enough he leaves to get back on the coach not noticing that he's left a plethora (Do you know what a plethora is? - Yes El Guapo!)
Of assorted pills lying in the sink. Wolfing these down without a moments hesitation I follow and return to the coach. As you would expect it doesn't take long for me to start acting like the Great Cornholio on 'roids and before I know it I'm fighting people left right and center again it's random people from my past. There's a kid who beat me up when I was around 13 my best friend from when I was in Scouts (yes I was a scout my mom forced me ok!) and so on anyway I'm doing well until another buddy of mine Mr Will picks me up bodily and throws me out of the Window with my huge kit back coming out right behind me.
Picking myself up of the ground I find I'm outside a newsagents in London I decide to walk in and get a drink. When I come out I stand there trying to remember where the game is and how to get there when a dirty stinking Rasta (not that I think all Rasta's are dirty and stink but this one was ok) walks up to me asking me if I'm a musician because somehow my kit bag has turned into a guitar case. I don't know how or why because I remember feeling revulsion at the guy but we end up getting into a conversation. At some point in the conversation we go from standing to sitting cross legged opposite each other in the middle of the street with people all walking past ignoring and us them. And we talk about everything! Love's won and lost, my dreams and regrets, religion, Life on other planets, you name it we talk it out and set it to rights. Then as suddenly as it began the conversation stops when El Rasta looks at his watch and says man you better be going your gonna be late for your game. As soon as he says it the knowledge of where the game is springs into my head. It's not far just a couple of miles so I swing my kit bag over my shoulder (yes it's a kit bag again not a guitar) and start to run. I haven't gone far when I start to get tired and slow down but at that point I remember that I should still have my crazy drug induced Cornholio super strength and with the memory comes the Energy and I speed of to the game.
Arriving at the pitch I see game after game of Women's sports going on and it's all sorts, there's Football, Rugby, Hockey, Athletics, everything and they all have two things in common they're all hot and they're all in some form of undress be it be topless bottomless shoeless or just totally naked. None of them are familiar but I take a good look around just in case there's someone I recognize (I wouldn't want to be rude by not saying hi now would I?) but nope there all strangers.
And that's about it. I go into the changing room and again there's all the random people I have played with at some time in the past plus a few famous people. I get a quick "why the hell are you late? Get your kit on we kick off in 5 minutes" from the captain I change and run onto the pitch and while we're line up listening to the National anthem (why that was playing don't know) my alarm goes of and I wake up.
So any idea's anyone? Did any of you even bother to read this far? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have read all that if this was done one of you fuckers and if I'd've realised it was going to be this long I probably wouldn't have bothered. But done is done. Am I crazy? Are the secrets to my future or past for that matter locked within? Or was this just another perfectly normal random dream. Uber you decide.
Here are some pic's of the people in my dream. And my hairy faced Camwhore
User Reviews
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-17 13:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
quick repost, the Americans are going to bash you for NSFW
+2 for those asses
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-02-17 13:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh for Fuck sake it didn't resize!
Hold on to your potatoes I'm doing it now