Staying Orange (833 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.66 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jinky Williams (View user info) at 2006-02-20 17:58:27 EST
How can one stay orange? What does it mean to be orange? Can one achieve a perpetual state of orangeness? Only the most wise have an answer. Since the dawn of time, many have devoted their entire lives to the pursuit of this unknowable knowledge at the cost of everything else. Including food. And water. As a result, they died rather soon after they started their pursuit, which would explain why not much headway has been made so far.
I have scaled the peaks of the highest mountains, braved the lashing winds, the bitter cold, the endless desolation with nary a soul to provide to me company or relief from my bitter travels. Yet in the end I prevailed and reached the summit of The Most Large Pile of Earth and, once there, studied under the tutelage of Sage Green. It was during this time that wise words, the like of which cannot be uttered here, which only few mortal men (and women) throughout the history of time and space have known, was bestowed upon me.
However, with great power comes great responsibility. In addition to this enlightened prose I was given a soverign commandment. I remember his words as if I had heard them but an hour ago:
[WAVY-RIPPLE FLASHBACK EFFECT]
"Young Jink, my disciple, most highly-blessed and gifted are you among those who have passed this way! No one under my hand has ever sought so lofty a goal and attained it!"
"But I thought you said I was the only person who'd ever been here and--"
"Yes, yes, most blessed are you. And from this day hence, I give you a most important name. You shall be known as "He who stays orange." In the old tongue, it is rendered thusly: 'S'tei Orange.' Which is perfect because it has the same phonetics as "Stay orange". An artful play on words, if I do say so myself.
But now listen carefully, for I will now tell you what it is to be that which I have commanded you to be.
Staying orange is a state of mind, not dependant on the world around you. It is finding within oneself the state of chilled funkiness, laid back but always ready to party, should the occasion necessitate partying. Yet as orange is vibrant, so shall you be. It should be able to be said of one who is orange, 'Behold! Indeed and verily I see before me a cat who would surely be able to get down with his groovy self, should the need arise.' That, and basically the idea that you try to enjoy life and don't be a jerk to people."
"I see. But that last part kinda feels tacked on to the end."
"What do you want? I'm making this up as I go. But I think it pretty well fits with what I'm trying to say."
"Agreed. So I am orange, now?"
"Yes. And you must persuade others to take upon themselves the path of orangeness. And you see, the beauty of it is that it is transparent, meaning it can be applied to any situation. You can always be orange."
"I bet you're pleased with yourself for that last statement. You're finally making it cohesive."
"Yes, I didn't think it was too bad mysel--WHAT?! Who are you to lecture me on orangeness? Um... whatever. You can. We're pretty tight like that now, right?"
"Yes. And thank you."
"So now, sally forth into the world again, and forget not what has transpired between us. Except for that time that you beat me in chess like 23 times in a row. Strike that from your recollection. Or at least don't tell anyone else."
"I'll do my best. Thank you for your time and agreeing to teach that which you have taught."
"Go now, and stay orange! And no, I didn't just make up that part about 'S'tei Orange'"
So there you have it.
Do your part. Stay orange. And pass the banner along.
And if the image doesn't show, go here: http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a8/jinkywilliams/stay-orange-ribbon_150.jpg
User Reviews
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-02-21 23:25:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-20 22:01:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:02:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Those Arctic Orange shakes, that McDonalds has, is fucking godly.
=================
I'm holding out for the Shamrock Shake, due back sometime around St Pat's.
FUCK YES
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-21 07:43:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Go hug an orange tree.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2006-02-20 22:01:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:02:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Those Arctic Orange shakes, that McDonalds has, is fucking godly.
=================
I'm holding out for the Shamrock Shake, due back sometime around St Pat's.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-20 21:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-20 20:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Let's raise a glass and toats the gayest catch phrase in Uber - hell in ALL - of the history of mankind.
-2.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-20 19:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks for esplaining your presonal philosophy.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If an American Indian gets jaundice, he will be orange!
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/28199#434925
Thought I remembered you, stay orange. ;)
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
is/are...whatever.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:02:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:02:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Those Arctic Orange shakes, that McDonalds has, is fucking godly.
Submitted by evesapple (user info) at 2006-02-20 18:00:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"How can one stay orange?"
eat carrots.
it works