The Crestfallen Sigh that Signaled the End for Earth’s Inhabitants (473 hits)
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Submitted by NerfHerder <NerfHerder.at.comic.com> (View user info) at 2006-02-21 11:02:12 EST
"I just don't know what to do with them anymore, Buddha," God said as he lowered his head and stroked his beard in hopes he would find an answer in the form of an errant hair.
"Well what are your options," asked Buddha, settling back into his comfortable bean bag.
"That's what I'm wondering. I mean, I created them in my own image. I thought that I could just let them go with a touch-up here or there so I pretty much let them do their own thing. It was a nice thought to give them free will, or at least the illusion of it."
"What is wrong with free will?"
"There's nothing wrong with the principle at all, Buddha. It's the practice that bothers me. It's no problem letting people use their free will until they do something you don't want them to. Then you start thinking about punishing them for something that you basically let them do in the first place."
"What have they done wrong?"
"I set down extremely easy to follow rules. I made, like, 10 or 11 simple rules to follow. In the beginning, you should've seen how strictly these rules were followed. The li'l guys even made different rules to make sure the original ones were obeyed. Those were proud days. I felt like an awesome God. But now..." God stared at Buddha for a couple seconds and then plopped himself down in a bean bag opposite his good friend.
"But now nothing! You're still awesome."
"Thanks, Buddha, but I don't know if I can be cheered up right now. My followers are alienating other followers and I'm still pissed at Allah."
"You still haven't spoken to him? Maybe it's time..."
"NO!"
Buddha recoiled from his friend and sought solace in the deeper folds of the bean bag, shocked with the anger that seethed through his veins, arteries and eyeballs that were glaring menacingly at him.
"Look," Buddha said, "I wasn't trying to get you to do anything you don't want to do. I'm just saying that it's been years since you two last talked. You used to be so good for each other. Hell, maybe he'll even know what to do about this little creation problem."
God sighed.
"Thanks, Buddha, you always know what to say. I'll go talk to Allah tomorrow."
"Do you want me to come with," Buddha asked as he stood up and placed a hand on God's shoulder.
"No," God said as he brushed Buddha's hand away, "I have to do this myself."
--
"Allah...Allah are you here? It's God. I want to talk," God sheepishly said as he stepped into Allah's cloud.
"Come crawling back so soon, eh? Just as I expected. I knew your weak, pitying self would come back asking for forgiveness," sneered Allah as he saw God sneaking and stumbling toward his mighty figure.
"Allah, it's been four years. I'm ready to move past what happened between us. Aren't you?"
"Hey, if you're cool with it then so am I," Allah said.
God stood up and moved towards Allah, holding out his arms to embrace his renewed friendship with Allah.
"Allah, it means a lot to me for you to say those words," God said.
"What the hell? Are you gay or something?" Allah stumbled away from God with a look of resentment in his eyes. "Why did you come up here anyway?"
"Me and Buddha were talking," God said, "and I've got this problem..."
"Let me guess," Allah said, "it's with your little creation."
"It is," God said, turning his eyes downward.
"You know my solution to the problem," Allah said. "If you're looking for answers to a problem you're going to get the exact same response from me."
"No," God said, his frustration and annoyance wearing deep furrows into God's forehead. "You of all people know how hard I've worked on this. I can't just start all over again. It...It would be too much."
"No," Allah said with a devilish smile, "I think it would be just right."
God perked up his head, cocked it and looked at Allah in a different light.
"You're right," he said. "God can giveth! But not only that...he can taketh away!"
"That's the spirit, my lad," Allah said.
God strode over to the edge of Allah's cliff with the determination that one can only gain from deciding to do something and doing it right away, without any judgment or thinking before carrying out the plan.
God pointed his fingertips down at the beautiful blue and green globe that he had created in just seven short days. A look of love flashed in God's right eye but a flash of malice flashed in the other.
God slowly closed both his love and malice and tilted back his head ever so slightly. Behind him, Allah stood erect and with tented palms, waiting to see what destruction befell the unlucky inhabitants of God's creation.
At once, meteors appeared out of nowhere, all seemingly heading towards Earth. God peeked open his eyes to see if the balls of death were on their path and upon seeing that they were, closed his eyes again, shunning all that he created.
--
"Another lovely day on Earth, isn't it dear," asked Milton the tyrannosaurus to his picturesque wife Mildred.
"Of course it is," pertly spoke Mildred. "But with your giant brain and huge forearms, how could it not be?"
"How 'bout we skip the sarcasm today, dear. I've just got a feeling that today isn't going to be a very good day and I could use a little down time."
"Well you're not skipping work again. Bob the stegosaurus told me that if you miss just a couple more days at the quarry that you may have to be fired. So just go to work and do your job."
"You know, I don't trust that stegosaurus anyway," Milton said. "He's always hanging around the Pterodactyls and you know what kind of a bunch they can be."
Milton stepped outside his lovely home just in time to see the first of the meteors enter the Earth's atmosphere.
Milton stood dumbfounded, dropping his lunch pail and spilling the contents.
"Oh shit," Milton barely squeaked out as one of the thundering asteroids slapped the ground close to Milton, sending a shock wave through him, his wife and the other surrounding families of triceratops and brachiosaurs.
--
God reopened his eyes to examine his dirty work and sighed for the second time that day.
"It's done," God said in a tone that hinted at exhaustion.
Allah, no longer smiling, was joined now by Buddha as well.
"I...can't believe you just did that," Allah said. "I mean I knew it was always possible. But to actually do it... And so quickly...You were ruthless. Just..."
"What about the rest of the planet," asked Buddha. "It still looks so lovely, hovering out there in space with all the other planets."
"It does, doesn't it," said God in a tone that suggested he agreed but did not take the compliment as such. "But I don't want to see it ever again. Just get rid of it. Get rid of the greens and the blues. Make them brown and browner. I want Earth to become the wasteland of the universe. I'm going to my cloud."
God seemed more weighed down than ever as he left the room, leaving Allah and Buddha alone with each other.
"How are we supposed to do that," asked Allah.
"Let's just put a few humans on the planet," Buddha said. "They'll trash the hell out of the place and we'll get to sneak home early without God around."
"Buddha, I like the way you think," Allah said.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-21 17:02:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YABBA DABBA DOOOOOO
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-02-21 16:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S. I'm going to a concert!!!! TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-02-21 16:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, I do talk to myself quite a bit.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-02-21 16:41:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking hate this place.
Submitted by Phyllis (user info) at 2006-02-21 13:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love dinosaurs.
<3
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-21 12:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
allah is the arabic word for god, is he talking to himself?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:28:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:26:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:24:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:17:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
I am getting bored of all the God posts. Nath - I blame you.
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What the crap??
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You made the genre popular with your God cheated at Tekken, and the whole 'mythical blokey comes and kicks ass at poker/pro evolution soccer or tennis' is strongly associated with yourself. Deny it if you want.
Submitted by claymation_dude (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Buddha was born approximately 560 B.C. in the land of Northern India.
ref - http://www.cosmicharmony.com/Av/Buddha/Buddha.htm
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:20:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83594
My retort for all the God posts.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you quickly threw an ending together.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:11:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ended a bit poorly I thought.