Ronnie Raindrop and the Puppy Island Disaster (522 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mister Fahrenheit (View user info) at 2006-02-22 00:31:02 EST
Ronnie Raindrop was a very heroic man. He often battled with homeless men for their secret jewels. He was well respected among the oriental women for his stance on homosexuality. He also had a personal relationship with Tarzan. The only person in the entire world who hated Ronnie Raindrop was Teddy Wilson, the evil king of Puppy Island.
Teddy Wilson hated Ronnie Raindrop ever since the 9th grade when Ronnie beat him in the talent show by singing "The Man That Got Away" by Judy Garland. Teddy was furious! He went straight home to build a sail boat so he could sail away to Puppy Island and become its ruler. He got there just in time for the election to be King for Life of Puppy Island. He was running against Malcolm X. The polls showed Malcolm X had a 100% lead over him. This didn't please Teddy at all so he pulled out a shot gun and threatened to shoot everyone in the face if they didn't vote for him. This worked very well and after he won the election, to show there were no hard feelings, he made Malcolm X Secretary of the Department of Arts and Crafts.
For the next fifty years, all the puppy citizens on Puppy Island agreed Teddy Wilson was the scariest king they had ever had. Teddy made the puppies do things they didn't want to do such as participating in Halloween activities, chase kittens, and, worst of all, cry. One day, a puppy named Scooby Doo, sent out an urgent message to the President of the United States detailing the horrible things King Teddy was doing to them. Scooby requested that he be assassinated immediately. Immediately.
Ronnie Raindrop was recovering from a bout of hepatitis-B he contracted by accidentally eating an old man's tooth when he heard the phone ringing. Ronnie got up to answer the phone but not before doing a silly little dance. On the phone was the president who sounded grumpy but a little amused. He explained how he had just gotten a fax from Puppy Island. The President liked the idea of a puppy sending a fax. He thought it was cute. Suddenly the president got serious, "My intelligence shows that the crimes by King Teddy are genocide." But then the president started to laugh again because he couldn't stop picturing a puppy jumping on a fax machine trying to make it work. It was much too funny.
Ronnie Raindrop didn't respond at all to the phone call and quietly hung up the phone. He put on his jet pack and religious clothes and headed to Puppy Island. On the way he saw the president still laughing and they waved at each other and exchanged awkward looks. After a few hours, he finally arrived at Puppy Island. He knocked on the door and waited silently.
After a few minutes the door began to slowly open. Ronnie wasn't expecting this at all so he freaked out and pulled out his gun and fired it off twelve times. The door stopped opening and there was blood everywhere. Teddy Wilson lay dead in front of him. All of the puppies cheered. Except for Scooby Doo. Ronnie got really angry and upset. "Why aren't you happy you dumb moron!?" Ronnie screamed at the puppy while rubbing its nose in Teddy Wilson's pool of blood. "Isn't this what you wanted!?"
Scooby Doo cried even harder. Ronnie pulled out his gun and pointed it at the puppy's head. "You better explain yourself before I do something crazy." Ronnie muttered while taking a swig of tequila. Scooby Doo calmed took a few pills of amphetamines to calm himself down and began to explain. "You see Mr. Raindrop, Teddy Wilson was my mother. And now that he's dead, I don't have anyone to take care of me." Ronnie Raindrop laughed and told the puppy that he would gladly take the position of being his mother.
Scooby Doo jumped up and down with joy. "Oh boy! This is gonna be so much fun! But you look a little too pretty to be my mother. You'll have to put on a few pounds, dress a littler nicer, wear more silk—not that you'll need much in the way of clothes when you're giving me a bath. Don't be afraid to scrub too hard." Ronnie laughed and said he would do all of the silly things on one condition. Scooby Doo looked worried. "What's that?" he asked fearfully. Ronnie Raindrop got on all fours and said softly "That you'll always be my cute little puppy." They both laughed and Scooby said triumphantly "You got yourself a deal!"
User Reviews
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:37:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
trying way too hard
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you are a nut
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-02-22 01:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It had its moments.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-02-22 01:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
^^
Submitted by stupiddummy (user info) at 2006-02-22 00:53:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have a very firm grip on insanity. Good stuff.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-02-22 00:49:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not going to read it, but I read the title and pictured a Chernobyl type of thing at an island full of puppies. Giant monster puppies running around everywhere.
It made me happy in the pants.