The Anorexic Tale of Mary Therese (1224 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.96 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-02-22 09:23:50 EST
Mary Therese was a fine looking gal
Skinny and blonde, indeed a cheerleader
Prom queen and drama queen, rather good pal
Very in love with her boyfriend Peter
She was always relaxed, and never fail
A smile on her face continually beamed
Until the day that she stood on the scale
And Mary Therese, that poor girl, she screamed
"Sweet Jesus! So now I'm really that wide?
Look at this! The scale reads one twenty-two
That's fat-people weight!" the prommie-queen cried
I've gotta lose some more, this cannot do."
She looked "weight" up on Wikipedia
Admittedly though, badly could she read
Having failed English. "Anorexia!"
Said she. "That sounds like just what I need!"
She had been dropped off society's teat
So she had failed reading since second grade
"Screw it, I just will not eat any meat,"
"Can't read a word of this," dear Mary said
For a whole week Mary T. did abstain
From meat of pig, cow, horse, emu or duck
Though want of sweet emu meat caused her pain
She got on the scale and cursed her bad luck
"I cannot believe how fat I've become!
Look at the scale! One twenty pounds heavy!
Look at the layers of flab on my bum!
My buttons break like New Orleans's levies!
I must drop at least thirty-five more pounds
Or fat I shall remain for all my life
Let me vomit all this stomach juice down
The toilet, that I perhaps be a wife."
She tried to throw up, but she got afraid
In miserable vanquish, left the bathroom
"What's that in the closet?" sweet Mary said
Aha! Indeed she had seen the vacuum!
"Can't go down my throat, my finger could not,
So what can I do with this nozzle here..."
Said Mary. "Hey, wait, I know just the spot!"
She inched the vacuum's nozzle toward her rear
Alas! But as she turned on the cleaner
Peter, her boyfriend, walked in. What he saw
The sight verily shriveled his peener
He shat his pants, bent his knees, dropped his jaw
The suction suck, as it often will do
It sucked out Mary's intestines and spleen
Heart, lungs, pancreas, a great deal of poo
And at last Mary was skinny and lean
The vacuum's suckage continued right on
Through her eso-phag-us, on to her brain
It gobbled up every last tiny blond
Hair on her head, and her white skull the same
Peter went running fast out the door
Choking and weeping from the grisly sight
The moral of this, I've said once before
Don't think you're fat when you're really all right!
User Reviews
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-07-19 14:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just puked up my lunch
OMG IM AN ANOREXIC!!! Someone get me to a meeting!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-07-19 13:56:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GAH!!!
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-02-23 12:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-02-23 00:23:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
she's fat
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-22 21:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mom??
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-22 21:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I've seriously seen that lady before! Even if I'm thinking of someone else, she's still got to be from Southern California. Most likely Orange County.
What do you think about the way her fake boobies weigh more than the rest of her?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-22 19:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where'd you get that picture, Playboy's 'Girls of Auschwitz'??
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the picture made my soul hurt.
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-02-22 14:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That woman scares me a little.
Good poem too
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-02-22 13:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:44:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FILENAME
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:36:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
jigga jigga wop wop
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 11:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:54:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:12:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:07:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Like how John Lennon used the word "clown" in damn near every fucking song he ever wrote, O uses a lot of the same turns of phrase and the same words.
---
This is because I'm unoriginal.
That, and my rhyming dictionary has a LOT of pages missing from it.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84295#1848537
=====
That's not really where I was going. I was thinking more along the lines of the style than word usage.
For example, if someone set a ghola post in front of me I'd know it was hers without looking. Same goes for a few other people around here, including yourself. Some people just have a distinctive style.
---
Fair enough. I imagine I'll be easy to pick out of the crowd during Ubermadness.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:54:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:12:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:07:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Like how John Lennon used the word "clown" in damn near every fucking song he ever wrote, O uses a lot of the same turns of phrase and the same words.
---
This is because I'm unoriginal.
That, and my rhyming dictionary has a LOT of pages missing from it.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84295#1848537
=====
That's not really where I was going. I was thinking more along the lines of the style than word usage.
For example, if someone set a ghola post in front of me I'd know it was hers without looking. Same goes for a few other people around here, including yourself. Some people just have a distinctive style.
This guy/girl is getting better at this, but still didn't quite catch that personal note.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anna wrecks your life....
I sense a theme with this user.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw this and thought "Orgasmatron entered something NOT for the contest? Is he forfeiting?"
Then I checked the User Info.
Beeb you sly dog you.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:15:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not really. As soon as I rated, I check user info...
...and I was RAPED!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, it fooled me.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:12:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:59:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:52:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wooo! Good job, Orgasmatron, this is your greatest poem ever!
-------
That made me laugh like a dumbass.
-----
Of course you're a dumbas...
YOU'RE BRITISH WOO WOO WOO WOO
DERP DERP
----------------
NO. NO I'M NOT DERP DERP
DERKA DERKA JIHAD
BOOPADOOP.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:07:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Like how John Lennon used the word "clown" in damn near every fucking song he ever wrote, O uses a lot of the same turns of phrase and the same words.
---
This is because I'm unoriginal.
That, and my rhyming dictionary has a LOT of pages missing from it.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84295#1848537
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:10:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:07:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a much better match than the Caul one you did last. Still didn't ring quite true as being his though. I knew something was up because he hadn't posted his Shamrock deal yet, but that's not all of it...
Something about the specific words you chose and the style.
Like how John Lennon used the word "clown" in damn near every fucking song he ever wrote, O uses a lot of the same turns of phrase and the same words. Plus there is that certain...I don't know. Can't quite put my finger on it, but he just has a feel to what he writes that makes his work unmistakably his.
BAH, who cares. This was pretty damn good. If not for the Shamrock contest I would have been fooled.
------------
The Caul one was a bit of a shitpost, but yeah, Orgasmatron uses certain keywords...I tried to emulate his general style of iambic penameter rhymed in a certain sequence, and made it tasteless...eh, still good.
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:07:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Giving grief. Again.
So cut it out. Chin up, laddie. Or lassie.
God knows anymore...
It was plenty tasteless.
Now I don't want breakfast. How's that? DOES THAT SATISFY YOU LIKE A TASTY SNICKERS??
------------
FUCK U ORGASMATRON YOU SMELL OF PISS AND VULGARLY WASHED GYM SOCKS. GOOD, DON'T EAT BREAKFAST YOU FAT MAN, GO BE ANOREXIC SOMEWHERE ELSE
weeps
weeps
dies
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:08:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and I made this joke on the link you left me the link on, but I'll make it here because it stands repeating:
Today is Mutliple Orgasmatron™ day.
Multiple O's: they're not just for you womenz anymore.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:07:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a much better match than the Caul one you did last. Still didn't ring quite true as being his though. I knew something was up because he hadn't posted his Shamrock deal yet, but that's not all of it...
Something about the specific words you chose and the style.
Like how John Lennon used the word "clown" in damn near every fucking song he ever wrote, O uses a lot of the same turns of phrase and the same words. Plus there is that certain...I don't know. Can't quite put my finger on it, but he just has a feel to what he writes that makes his work unmistakably his.
BAH, who cares. This was pretty damn good. If not for the Shamrock contest I would have been fooled.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Giving grief. Again.
So cut it out. Chin up, laddie. Or lassie.
God knows anymore...
It was plenty tasteless.
Now I don't want breakfast. How's that? DOES THAT SATISFY YOU LIKE A TASTY SNICKERS??
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:03:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just giving grief is all. It'll be nice to see my name on the front page twice.
Oh, and if you REALLY wanted to make it sound like something of mine the boyfriend would have totally rubbed one out after the suction incident...
Good job, though.
-------
I was trying to make it crude and crass, but I didn't think of that.
Wow...I posted a poem mocking anorexics, and I wasn't tasteless ENOUGH. Go figure.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just giving grief is all. It'll be nice to see my name on the front page twice.
Oh, and if you REALLY wanted to make it sound like something of mine the boyfriend would have totally rubbed one out after the suction incident...
Good job, though.
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:01:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:59:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:52:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wooo! Good job, Orgasmatron, this is your greatest poem ever!
-------
That made me laugh like a dumbass.
-----
Of course you're a dumbas...
YOU'RE BRITISH WOO WOO WOO WOO
DERP DERP
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:01:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone needs to throw that woman (if she's still alive) a steak.
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:00:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:56:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha...this better not lead to "WTF man, no double posting!" later today when I share my Shamrock Open love with the masses.
Good of you to stick with a structure. Don't think I didn't count and check.
--------
But both of these posts will show up on the same page...if you get any -2s from asshole noobs, I'll beat them up, and drain their fluids. and then +2 you.
Oh, I had to make sure the structure was all right, just to completely blend in with you.
Let's see...who's next on the list? Axolotl, Habeeb, Caulaincourt, Orgasmatron...hmm.....
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:52:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wooo! Good job, Orgasmatron, this is your greatest poem ever!
-------
That made me laugh like a dumbass.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha...this better not lead to "WTF man, no double posting!" later today when I share my Shamrock Open love with the masses.
Good of you to stick with a structure. Don't think I didn't count and check.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:55:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
EWWWWWW
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:53:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, that lady is scary.
Leilani - that lady has to have implants. Her tits would be non-existant without them. Who can say they've seen huge, perky tits on a skeleton? I can't.
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wooo! Good job, Orgasmatron, this is your greatest poem ever!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:50:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:49:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm confused.
----
So am I. There's too much MORPHING in this poem if you know what I mean...yes...a bit much morphing.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:49:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm confused.
Submitted by dove666 (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:48:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice!
Poor woman needs a sammich!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOO it's not...
...
...I'll keep my mouth shut. (Thorpe's gonna have a heart attack when he sees this...)
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:46:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm Free Freefalling!!
Tom Petty-esque strangely.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:42:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
that's a person?
i thought it was a zoombie!!!
zoombies, twice the 'o'!
------
Zombies? Where?
Damn.
I just got a new idea...After the Pandemic: Anorexia.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:42:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that's a person?
i thought it was a zoombie!!!
zoombies, twice the 'o'!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'My buttons break like New Orleans's levies!'
The real Orgasmatron could never have come up with that. Well done.
P.S. WTF is going on with that lady?!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:41:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nature of the breast. hehe. i'm hilarious.
And that rexic chick is just plain fucked up. Or had a really upset stomach. Potato, potato.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
on a side note do you think that chick has implants? because generally when you lose weight the boobs disappear too. they are just fat, albeit nicely shaped and aesthetically pleasing fat. it's the nature of the beast.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:36:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good day for beebing i see.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:28:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
anorexia sucks.