Films I would have been better IN THAN THOSE OTHER RUBBISH ACTORS!!! (764 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: -0.3 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BRIAN BLESSED (View user info) at 2006-02-22 09:36:09 EST
HELLO ALL! YOUR BESTEST PAL BRIAN BLESSED HERE!! YOU ARE ALL MY DEAREST FANS - PLEASE KEEP WRITING TO ALL YOUR MOVIE COMPANIES INSISTING THAT I GET THE PARTS I AM WORTHY OF!! I'LL GET YOU ROLLING WITH A FEW OF MY VERY FAVOURITE FILMS, ALL OF WHICH HAVE BEEN RUINED BY ME NOT BEING IN THEM!!
I'LL TRY AND KEEP THE NOISE DOWN CHAPS!
Highlander. A great film about the princes of the universe. I always love working to a Queen soundtrack, and this film would have been excellent. Now it's mainly set in Scotland - which would be ideal for me down in Yorkshire - I could commute up the jolly old A1 in my Blessedmobile!!
What ruined it was the casting of that Scottish felon Connery as Ramirez. It's a film set mainly in bonny Scotland, so I can understand choosing him - but then MAKING HIM BE AN EGYPTIAN WHO USED TO LIVE IN JAPAN AND SPAIN IS JUST PLAIN WRONG!!! IF I'D BEEN IN THAT FILM IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FAR FAR SUPERIOR!!! I BRING GRAVITAS - I SHALL DEMONSTRATE MY AD LIBBING NOW!!
Connor MacLeod: Tell me how'd it happen for God's sake.
Ramirez: WHY DOES THE SUN COME UP CHAPPIE? ARE THE STARS JUST PIN HOLES IN THE TENT THAT YOU ERECTED ON MOUNT EVEREST AFTER STOPPING FOR THE THIRD TIME THAT HOUR??! WHO KNOWS MY DEAR BOY!! WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE BORN WITH A LOUDER VOICE THAN OTHERS - AND A BEARD, THE OTHERS WILL ENVY YOU AND SAY YOU CAN'T ACT!!! THEY WILL DRIVE YOU AWAY FROM YOUR VILLAGE AND FORCE YOU TO WEAR A MUZZLE TO SILENCE YOU DULCET TONES!!
[MacLeod turns his back as my voice deadens his nerves]
Ramirez: YOU MUST LEARN TO CONCEAL YOUR LOUD VOICE AND HARNESS IT UNTIL THE TIME OF THE SHOUTING!!
Connor MacLeod: What shouting you loud oaf?
Ramirez: WHEN ONLY A FEW OF US ARE LEFT, YOU WILL HEAR MY CLARION CALL ACROSS THE FAR AWAY LANDS... TO FIGHT FOR THE HONOUR OF BEING THE LOUDEST OF THE LOUD!!!!!
[Macleod starts running away - his kilt akimbo as the truth (and volume) drives him mad with envy!]
The next FILM which was truly ruined by the lack of YOURS TRULY is The Great Escape. I would have been IDEAL playing the American Officer - I am, after all, a master of accents!!
Hilts:HOW MANY DO YOU INTEND TO TAKE OUT BRITISH CHAPPIE UNLIKE MYSELF WITH MY BROAD AMERICAN ACCENT!!!
Bartlett: Two hundred and fifty.
Hilts: WHAT!!!! TWO HUNDREDS AND FIFTIES?!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS BRITISH CHAP WITH A TOTALLY DIFFERENT ACCENT FROM ME - I AM A DAMN FINE ACTOR AREN'T I?!!
Bartlett: Yeh.
Hilts: You're crazy. You oughta be locked up. You, too. Two hundred and fifty guys just walkin' down the road, just like that?
YOU'RE CRAZY MY GOOD FELLOW!! YOU OUGHT TO BE LOCKED UP IN THE GAOL! YOU, TOOO!! TWO HUNDREDS AND FIFTIES GUYS JUST STRIDING DOWN THE ROAD WHAT? JUST LIKE THAT? THEY'RE NOT BRIAN BLESSED YOU KNOW - ABLE TO LEAP HIGH MOUNTAINS WITH A SINGLE BOUND!!! WHAT??!!!
I SUGGEST that these films be remade with ME BRIAN BLESSED STARRING!!!!!!!!!
GET YOUR PENS AND PAPERS OUT - YOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:47:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-22 19:03:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
This alter sucks nigger dicks - I couldn't even read it because all those fuckin capital letters kept poking me in the eye...
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THAT WASN'T THE LETTERS POKING YOU IN THE EYE JON-BOY!!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-22 19:03:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This alter sucks nigger dicks - I couldn't even read it because all those fuckin capital letters kept poking me in the eye...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-22 17:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry Brian
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-22 16:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:44:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-22 11:50:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I tentatively approve of this alter. It made me laugh a few times.
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How convenient, since it's yours.
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FUCKING SCANDALOUS!! Listen to me Miss 4es in a name, I would certainly be funnier than this! Brian Blessed is a good celebrity- but he could be funnier than this!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:01:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
EXCELLENT POST, I SAY!
YOU WOULD HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB IN BATTLEFIELD EARTH AS WELL, INSTEAD OF TRAVOLTA, THAT HACK
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-02-22 14:23:07 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Just what we needed. Another cutesy "Look, I'm pretending to be a celebrity" alter.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-22 11:50:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I tentatively approve of this alter. It made me laugh a few times.
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How convenient, since it's yours.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-22 11:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tentatively approve of this alter. It made me laugh a few times. Don't agree about Connery though Brian, he was class in Highlander.
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. I HOPE ONE DAY YOU TRY TO EAT YOUR CAPS LOCK BUTTON, CHOKE ON IT, AND DIE.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AH MY AMERICAN PAL - THE CAPS LOCK SHOULD BE RENAMED THE BRIAN BLESSED BUTTON!!! HAVE YOU SEEN FLASH GORDON? MY FINEST WORK!! I LOVED SHOUTING DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVEEE!!!
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+2 for this.
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:11:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
See that CAPS button on the left of your keyboard?
Stick it up your ass, dipshit.
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AH MY AMERICAN PAL - THE CAPS LOCK SHOULD BE RENAMED THE BRIAN BLESSED BUTTON!!! HAVE YOU SEEN FLASH GORDON? MY FINEST WORK!! I LOVED SHOUTING DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVEEE!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
See that CAPS button on the left of your keyboard?
Stick it up your ass, dipshit.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking alters
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:49:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:48:22 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:46:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
'Chez' Guevara eh?
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Yeah; he lives in the woods.
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YES MY FINE PAL NELLY!!! IF YOU'D SEEN ME IN MOTORCYCLE DIARIES -A FILM WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN SET IN NOTTINGHAM WITH YOURS TRULY PLAYING THE LEAD - THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT WOULD HAVE LOOKED!!!!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:48:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:46:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
'Chez' Guevara eh?
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Yeah; he lives in the woods.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:46:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
'Chez' Guevara eh?
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:36:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not an actor!