A Day at the Metro - Paintings that scare me (1265 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl (View user info) at 2006-02-22 09:43:51 EST
Yesterday, I visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. I hadn't been there in a while, so it was interesting to see the exhibits, paintings and weapons used from hundreds of years ago.
To look at the age on some of the paintings and sculptures, I was amazed that these things stayed around so long, and the colors so vibrant. Looking at Picasso's signature on a painting, or a massive iron gate gilded with religious figures, or even just the small statue of a Virgin with Child filled me with a sense of awe I don't usually get.
Anyway, these are some of the things that grabbed me, things that I thought were cool, or just what I liked.
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The Sortie Made by the Garrison of Gibraltar, by John Trumbull, 1789
John Trumbull is more famous for depicting the American revolution (I used a bunch of his paintings in my Revolution story, http://www.ubersite.com/m/79582) but he made this painting in 1789 after witnessing the Battle of Gibraltar. The Spanish had besieged a British force within a small fortress, but the British attacked and slaughtered the Spanish. In the left of this picture the British fight hand-to-hand against the Spanish, armed with crowbars, axes and other weapons.
What strikes you about this is that in a crowd of British officers, essentially high-fiving each other after the victory, one steps forward with his hand outstretched to comfort a dying Spaniard, who refuses the aid. The humanity of the medal-decked officer was astounding, but the Spanish soldier just wanted to die in peace.
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Portrait of a Cardinal, by El Greco, 1600
I'll tell you, this painting scared me as soon as I walked into the room. It's a large bearded man (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Rad1101) in black glasses. I thought for a moment some wiseass had drawn the glasses on as graffiti, but a caption read that glasses were very popular in the 1590s. I did not know.
He is the head of the Catholic Inquisitorial Court, and though he looks calm, his rigid right hand is meant to signify his strictness. A crumbled petition lies on the floor beneath him. I wept in terror. I'll admit it.
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Don Andres and his Dog, by Bartolome Murillo, 1665
As a dog-person, I liked this one. It's just a very simple portrait of a Andres, a Spanish lord, nothing remarkable, but there's one distinguishing quality - the man's dog is sitting next to him, almost smiling as Andres strokes his head. Though the dog lived maybe only ten years or so, a fleeting moment in time, everyone who sees that painting knows what he looks like...it's a nice way to be remembered.
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A Hungarian knight's battle-sword
In the Arms and Armor section, there's a lot of ancient swords, guns, pistols and massive suits of armor. I saw this suit of armor with a "protective cup," so to speak, that was curved upwards as though it were a large metal erection. I suppose if the wearer got "excited" during a battle, the penis needed somewhere to go.
But of all the things I saw, there was a sword that I liked the most. It was made for a skilled warrior in Hungary, and it was slightly curved, with an extremely sharp edge. Even today, it looks like it could still kill. I wondered for a moment how many men had fallen under its blade.
Though they were exhibits in a museum, they bore the traces of battle. Helmets had long scars in them from lances. Guns were blackened at the muzzle, and most likely all of those swords had been drenched in another long-dead human being's blood at one point, many years ago. It puts it a lot more into context if you think that way...I just pondered how many it was that the wielder killed with that sword.
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Broken Eggs, by Jean-Baptiste Greuze, 1756
This one was good...a girl sits crying over her broken eggs, while her mother scolds her boyfriend, who's looking a bit embarrassed. The eggs symbolize her virginity, which the boy has taken, and the mother is right pissed. A younger baby brother tries to repair the eggs, showing the innocence and naiveté of childhood.
I liked this a lot...they always say that people back then had better morals. I'd think with all the religious sexual suppression, scenes like this happened a lot. The scoundrel of a boyfriend has a "who, me?" look about him as the mother of his girlfriend points at the broken eggs and yells at him.
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Woman with Parrot, Jean-Desire Courbet, 1866
This just freaked me out. It's a naked woman, spread-eagled on a bed, holding...a parrot. A parrot, for god's sake. I think I saw something like this in a fetish porno once...no, that was just the Metropolitan Museum of art.
What was going through Courbet's mind as he painted this Woman-Parrot liaison? This is where I give up, and just say that everyone who lived back then was full insane.
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The Fortune-Teller, Georges de la Tour, 1630
Ah...a scene almost like today. A smug, know-it-all rich-kid teenager gets the piss taken out of him by a few girls, and their gypsy mother. While the mother distracts the kid by trying to get him to have his fortune told, her daughters/servants reach a hand into his pocket. All the while, he has the most idiotic expression of superiority on his face, entirely unaware that his wallet's getting jacked.
Stuff like this I like, stuff that shows the human side of people ages ago. Real people's problems, that can be drawn in relation to today: who hasn't got scammed by some people out on the streets? Things happen, you took your girlfriend's virginity and her mom found out, and is none too pleased. You pet your dog, and love it. You got a parrot, and took off your clothes, and...maybe not that.
Some of these pictures are so well-made it looks like they're photographs. They can be very realistic...I encourage you, Uber, to visit a museum someday.
Anyway, what's the point of describing all this if you can't see them...I present: the paintings.
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User Reviews
Submitted by lickityspeed (user info) at 2006-04-23 08:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i agree. art is cool. you got me thinking it's been way to long since i visited an art museum.
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2006-02-22 23:02:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed this, thank you.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-22 19:00:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 18:39:04 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not going to bother to explain it, you know exactly what it means. Sphagnum, you are the epitome of everything that's bad on Uber. You exist purely for the purpose of flaming others with your "insightful" comments. You're an ignorant hypocritical idiot, content to post shit every day while taking out your neanderthalic rage on others.
But then again, why take the time to have an internet fight? Arguing on the internet is like running in the special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.
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Pay no mind to Sfagnum, he's just a pathetic rent-a-cop from Australia who posts shit every fucking day - even Shlongy's gotten bored of -2ing him.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 18:39:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:43:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:19:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the witty insight into my work, Sphagnum. God knows you'd never set foot inside a museum, you're perfectly content sitting on your computer posting masterpieces like your last post. A link and a picture of a dinosaur...absolutely beautiful. And when I had my 100th post filled with my links, you gave me this:
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:49:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=19539
Right back at you, sweetheart.
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While you're at it, explain this one too.
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I'm not going to bother to explain it, you know exactly what it means. Sphagnum, you are the epitome of everything that's bad on Uber. You exist purely for the purpose of flaming others with your "insightful" comments. You're an ignorant hypocritical idiot, content to post shit every day while taking out your neanderthalic rage on others.
But then again, why take the time to have an internet fight? Arguing on the internet is like running in the special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 13:50:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-02-22 13:26:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for you and the courage to post this. I've been in a lot of musea and it's impressive what they produced, thought and did back in the days.
By the way the parrot was the translator for the nude model didn't speak French other than Ohlala.
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It makes me wonder if people skill have those kind of repressed skills today, or did the environment back then make it more receptive toward art.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-02-22 13:26:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good for you and the courage to post this. I've been in a lot of musea and it's impressive what they produced, thought and did back in the days.
By the way the parrot was the translator for the nude model didn't speak French other than Ohlala.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:43:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:19:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the witty insight into my work, Sphagnum. God knows you'd never set foot inside a museum, you're perfectly content sitting on your computer posting masterpieces like your last post. A link and a picture of a dinosaur...absolutely beautiful. And when I had my 100th post filled with my links, you gave me this:
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:49:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=19539
Right back at you, sweetheart.
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While you're at it, explain this one too.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:20:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:49:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=19539
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Just revising my rating and returning the favor.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=16703
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What does this review mean? I'm confused..
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:19:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the witty insight into my work, Sphagnum. God knows you'd never set foot inside a museum, you're perfectly content sitting on your computer posting masterpieces like your last post. A link and a picture of a dinosaur...absolutely beautiful. And when I had my 100th post filled with my links, you gave me this:
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-06 10:49:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=19539
Right back at you, sweetheart.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 12:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-02-22 11:02:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
no im sorry lets have cupcakes and orange soda instead
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Yes, lets. That sounds a lot better.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-02-22 11:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"Yesterday, I visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City."
I stopped reading there.
You're OBVIOUSLY a raging homo.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-02-22 11:17:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Some -2's carry more weight than others, depending on how long the person has been here.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-02-22 11:02:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no im sorry lets have cupcakes and orange soda instead
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:57:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How does one -2 bring down the effects of over ten +2s to a 1.58?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:49:33 (#)
Ranking: -2
BAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA
NERD
LEMME GUESS U WENT TO STARBUCKS LATER
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
U R MA NEW ARCH ENEMY
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GOOD FOR YOU HABEEB. NOW WE ARE ENEMIES. PREPARE TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:49:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA
NERD
LEMME GUESS U WENT TO STARBUCKS LATER
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA
U R MA NEW ARCH ENEMY
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Art rocks.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:48:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Go art woo. Habeeb is MY favorite artist, but I couldn't find anything of his at the Met. Strange...
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those works would be located in the "FUSION FUSION FUSION" wing of the museum.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:13:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:09:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe we should make Wednesdays Art Post Wed. That would be a great preamble to SPT.
Anyone else like the idea of APW?
Love the Met., by the way.
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That's a good idea...I'll post something on it next Monday or so, people are already posting today.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:09:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe we should make Wednesdays Art Post Wed. That would be a great preamble to SPT.
Anyone else like the idea of APW?
Love the Met., by the way.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you see the Frank Lloyd Wright room? I want to live either there or in the European painting galleries.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:01:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the 'wealthy, naive man' in that last painting is Caulaincort's great-great-uncle Guy de Manloveoui.
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There's a definite resemblence, and the effeminate pouting of the lips and hands at his hips suggest an inclination toward men...like Caulaincourt.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 10:01:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the 'wealthy, naive man' in that last painting is Caulaincort's great-great-uncle Guy de Manloveoui.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:56:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:53:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
The Met is a great place. I love going to Art museums and any kind of museum, really.
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Ireland has a lot of fairly cool museums. It just amazes me that a tiny little figurine can survive a thousand years through war and destruction, and end up in a glass case at the Metro.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:55:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:52:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
It isn't art unless it has a yellow sun in the sky wearing sunglasses and saying something condescending.
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We must MS Paint these wonderful pictures. They are nice, but need FUSION FUSION FUSION. If Beeb won't, I will.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:53:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The Met is a great place. I love going to Art museums and any kind of museum, really.
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:52:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wEEPS tha t BAD MAN SCARES ME!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It isn't art unless it has a yellow sun in the sky wearing sunglasses and saying something condescending.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:51:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hooray for art!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:51:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:50:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was going to be about the Paris underground.
Don't they call it the Met?
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Don't know, the only met in my area is the NY met.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:50:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought this was going to be about the Paris underground.
Don't they call it the Met?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:48:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Go art woo. Habeeb is MY favorite artist, but I couldn't find anything of his at the Met. Strange...
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:47:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
w00t!
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-22 09:46:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like art reviews. the met is awesome. i must plan a trip there soon.