The Shamrock Open - What's Behind the Kilt (762 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: competitions
Rating: 1.77 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-02-22 15:25:30 EST
Down at O'Grady's ol' Macklin sought ladies
That proud, sturdy chap loved his ale more than most
He took him a seat and he called for a pint
Roused the crowd as aloud he raised up quite a toast
Whoa-ho, up again, down again, tilt back the glasses held high in your hand
Whoa-ho, down again, up again, God bless our beautiful, fair Ireland
Macklin was cracklin' his knuckles together
When from 'cross the distance he spied him a lass
A girl from the Highlands in blouse and a kilt
He tried but could not pry his eyes from her ass
She sat down beside him, he bought her a Beamish
He noticed her voice was both husky and low
The scarf 'round her neck was as red as her hair
She ordered them whiskey then gave him a go
Whoa-ho, up again, down again, tilt back your glasses and revel, my friends
Whoa-ho, down again, up again, here goes ol' Macklin' a-courtin' again
They reveled and leveled the bar with their glasses
Put eighteen dead soldiers face down on the wood
Ol' Macklin ran both of his hands up her thighs but
She swatted them back, said "not here, dear, but soon"
The barman's bell rang at a quarter to one
The late hour found poor Macklin loop-legged in a fog
A cab it was hailed and she carried him into
His flat where he passed out, a victim of grog
Whoa-ho, up again, down again, tilt back your glasses and revel once more
Whoa-ho, up again, down again, this Scotshman's daughter's got something in store
Down they fell tumbling and fumbling together
Off went their clothes as they rolled in the night
Down they fell fumbling and tumbling together
'Til both of them, moaning, were lost in delight
Down they fell tumbling and fumbling together
Each one in motion, each seeking their fill
Down they fell fumbling and tumbling together
'Til both of them, spent and exhausted, lay still
Whoa-ho, up again, down again, tilt back your glasses and finish your drink
Whoa-ho, down again, up again, sometimes your partner is not who you think
Macklin came to to the hue of morning
Naked, hung over and cursing his luck
Beside him a dent where the woman had rested
"She's gone and I cannot remember the fuck"
But then from the bathroom he heard a faint tinkle
He walked to the door and he peered through the crack
She stood o'er the toilet and emptied her bladder
And that's when he spied the thick hair on her back
He heaved as he grieved for what surely had happened
And noticed his head was not throbbing alone
Behind him he reached and he found his ass sticky
The present unpleasant from his he-girl's bone
She flushed and she rushed out the bathroom to greet him
Ol' Macklin spied stubble all over her cheeks
"Don't be sad, there boyo" she said with a grin
"I ha'e'nt had Irish ass in near six weeks"
She laughed while she wrapped up her loins in her kilt
Up legs smooth as water she pulled up her socks
Her apple of Adam she bound with her scarf again
Kissed his cheek, showed herself out to the block
Beware all you micks
if you drink too much you just might
Wake up used, buggered by some Scottish cock
Whoa-ho, up again, down again, give 'em a peek 'fore you give 'em your tool
Whoa-ho, down again, up again, raise high your glasses for Macklin the fool
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-06-20 02:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-23 16:00:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:42:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's hardly fair to let him compete in these things anymore.
+2. Exceptional.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-23 15:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-23 13:41:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hmm... so my ex husband is scottish. guess it's been a while since he's had irish ass too.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-23 13:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can see your point, wardy.
I wrote it as a drinking song of sorts...the only trouble being that the rhythm is in my head and not in everyone else's. If I had a mic I'd have recorded it and added it as an attachment.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-02-23 12:34:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
if you're going to have some sort of rhyme scheme, there should also be some sort of rhythm to it. i found myself stopping all over the place trying to figure out the rhythm i should be reading it in, which definitely made it lose it's effect. i'll give you a point though because it was still alright.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-23 10:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*DING DING DING*
Orgasmatron guessed right! The answer I was looking for was Beowolf!
You win our fabulous prize of a worthless +2!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-23 08:46:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good, but missing something.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-02-23 06:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-02-22 16:43:04 (#)
Ranking: 1
i just don't think the verse tells a story that awesomely.
---
I agree
I don't think it's a matter of my own style preference, because conventional writing would have provided more interesting possibilities especially when you consider the title.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-02-22 21:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Lad I don't know where ye've been,
but I see ye won first prize"
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-22 19:43:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Buttslammers! They're everywhere!!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-22 18:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cough cough...one post a day, noob...cough cough...
Glad to see that Mr. Amorphous didn't mess with you.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-02-22 16:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not horrible by any means, but i just don't think the verse tells a story that awesomely.
Submitted by Paddles (user info) at 2006-02-22 16:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to log in just to rate this. PF2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 16:26:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So this is my "Buttsecks Period." Accept it.
You'll wish it was like this in a few months when I transition into my "Menstrual Blood Phase."
Ah, art. Impossible to tame, impossible to deny.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-22 16:21:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More of the buttsecks? Good lord my anal obsessed friend...
I'm going to memorize this for the St. Pats party I'm going to.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-02-22 16:17:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:32:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Best drinking song starring a tranny EVAR!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's not a big deal man. You still have greater than 1.9. I'm just saying it's always been my practice to more harshly rate something if the title contains an error. I go pretty lax on the text but the title should be correct.
No emo tears over here man.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:51:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha...docking me a point because I keyed the title wrong?
I've confused the two terms since the titles were assigned. I keep thinking "VH1: Behind the Kilt" for some reason.
Beneath, behind. The story/song/whatever turns out the same in the end.
I'll repost if people are going to be offended by this.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually I have to do this...I have to dock you a point.
Because technically you didn't use the right title.
It's "What's BENEATH the kilt." not BEHIND it.
I still think you will win, so this doesn't really effect it. If it does I'll drop some +2's.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:45:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha. I'd like to think one of us can take him down and then the bragging rights are even sweeter. How deep is your well o-man?
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's hardly fair to let him compete in these things anymore.
+2. Exceptional.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:37:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.geocities.com/dclor/scotsman.html
Here. There should be a link for the actual song on that page. It's pretty good.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:37:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
damn.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:33:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG 2 POSTS IN ONE DAY STUPID FAGGOT PUSHING GOOD POSTS OFF THE FRONT PAGE FOLLOW THE RULES NOOB
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:33:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never actually heard the song, but I think it's called 'the Scotsman' or something.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm swaying back and forth with my green tea over here. I loved the rhythm.
Best drinking song starring a tranny EVAR!
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:30:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of this song they play on the radio every once in awhile. Basically, a drunk scottsman falls asleep drunk on the sidewalk, two girls passing by lift up his kilt to check if it's true that nothing is worn underneath. They tie a bow around his dick as a present and when he wakes up he says to himself that he might not remember what happened last night but looks like his little laddy 'won first prize'. It's killing me that I can't remember the title.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-22 15:29:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dude.....
Dude.........