ShamRock Open- Good Gracious, Good Guinness (537 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.27 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by diamond0sea.at.yahoo.com (View user info) at 2006-02-22 20:14:00 EST
Jacob comes home in good spirits; it had been one of those rare days in which everything went right.
"Caty, I'm home!" he calls to his girlfriend. "Caty?"
The hallway walls are bare. All Caty's paintings, pictures and mirrors are gone. Vanished. Jacob steps forward into the living room. The loveseat, TV, and DVD player have all disappeared, leaving only blue carpet and whitewashed walls behind. Jacob hesitates before walking into the kitchen. All the furniture remains, but the dog's kennel and bowls have just . . . walked off. Everything is neat, clean, sterile. The refrigerator is empty. In the bedroom, Caty's clothes and toiletries are absent.
Jacob eventually understands and grabs the whiskey out of the cupboard. The bottle was the only thing of Caty's that seems to remain in his vast apartment. Kind of her to leave it, really. Jacob can't find a glass and drinks from the bottle, coughing after every swallow. He doesn't drink that often. After seemingly countless draughts, Jacob tires of whiskey and staggers to a nearby bar. With his body tilted sideways and his legs eternally tangled, Jacob walked on, thinking and muttering all the while.
"Things were never what they seemed with her. I thought everything was going so well. So fucking well. Ah, all for nothing, for NOTHING! She wasn't real, wasn't true. But she was so perfect, so perfect . . . "
And then the door opens, the door to eternal salvation, behind which Jacob will find peace and beat it into submission. Berate it until it stays with him in Caty's stead.
The bar is a world all its own, full of soft, dingy lighting and the smell of alcohol. He sits down at the counter with his head on his arms. In this moment, he epitomizes the Drunken Defeat. He doesn't know why he came to this place or how he got here. Well, just because he has nothing better to do. . . .
Jacob frantically tells the bartender that he'd like a beer, any beer. The bartender rolls his eyes and hands Jake a Bud. The people on the stools to Jake's right get up and scoot down. They order another round of Guinness and furtively glance at the broken-down soul.
"Sweet Guinness," Jake says aloud to no one in particular, "good Irish beer." He spins the Budweiser bottle, oblivious to the label and taste. "My Caty . . . she was Irish. With big green eyes and flowing red hair. Just fucking beautiful." Jacob takes two huge gulps of beer and finishes the bottle. "Another, man!" The bartender shakes his head. He isn't in the mood to play the sympathetic supplier. He doesn't like stereotypes.
"What's your name?" Jacob asks, grabbing the beer.
"Eric." Eric walks away. Jacob keeps talking in noticeably slurred speech.
"She was perfect, man. Perfect. She was Irish! Her fuckin' mam had a Gaelic accent! A goddamn Gaelic accent! Leprechauns and shit. Nothing was what it fucking seemed. . . .
"Everything went right when she was around. Naturally lucky, like all those fucking clichés say. Naturally fucking lucky. I've got no luck. None. I mean, she couldn't even fucking tell me she was going! Nice fucking surprise." Jacob's rancor shines through his nostalgia and his catharsis continues. "What kind of a bitch would do that? She was supposed to LOVE me. She was supposed to love ME! Me, me me!"
The people down the bar pay their tab. They with Jacob a happy St. Patty's day, pity and annoyance in their eyes.
"Today is St. Patrick's day? She LEFT ME ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY? How?" And so he breaks down and cries like a child, salty tears mixing with the carbonated hopps.
Jacob nurses beer after beer and the bar empties slowly. Eric is cleaning up. He collects the empty glasses and sets them to be washed. His irritation at Jacob has long vanished; Eric pities him in a distant way. The way in which he can still laugh at Jacob's nonsensical ramblings and random breakdowns. Eric slips another Bud in front of Jacob. Jacob thanks him profusely, admires his benevolence. Eric is his new best friend. Jacob thinks.
"You- you are a gooood guy," Jacob mumbles. "Good Guinness, good fucking bartender." Eric tries to suppress a laugh.
"You've been drinking Bud, man. You haven't had a single Guinness since you've been here." Eric laughs and takes away Jacob's empty bottle. Suddenly the Budweiser turns Jacob's stomach. He sees Caty and her laughing eyes, misses her already. He hurts and is filled with the hollow disquiet that follows artificial satiation. He drops his head back onto his arms as the world spins faster and faster and leaves him behind. "I guess nothing is what it seems."
User Reviews
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS IS CRAP!
-2!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-24 11:20:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked it.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:30:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
for all of you who said this didnt go anywhere, youre absolutely right. i couldnt think of a single thing to do with the title- i wrote this during driver's ed. BAMF deserves to win.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-23 16:26:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-02-23 14:25:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
This one felt a bit more rambly... less direction, more pitiful. You develop pathos for Jacob then poke fun at him for being a nancy.
it was OK
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2006-02-23 14:25:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This one felt a bit more rambly... less direction, more pitiful. You develop pathos for Jacob then poke fun at him for being a nancy.
it was OK
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2006-02-23 12:44:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
both this one and the other one struggled a good bit. you both get the same from me.
i think in this case the issue was simply that the character didn't really do anything. we see him getting drunk because his woman left him, but there's no real tension as to the given situation. if anything, have him kill his girl or something... body counts rule.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-23 10:55:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I guess the issue I had with this is similar to thecaes, it doesn't really go anywhere. It's put together well but leaves me waiting for the rest of the story, a revelation, or action of some sort.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-02-23 10:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this but I like BAMF's better.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-23 08:30:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-02-23 08:29:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Man, I'll likely take crap for this but I'm going to give you a 1.5 (feel free to adjust your rating on my post accordingly) and I almost didn't rate this at all...in fact I slept on whether to rate it or not last night. But I felt like maybe you were getting a little of the lesser known name syndrome so I figure I have to say something.
My problem was that the story just didn't suck me in, I couldn't have really cared less about Jacob throughtout the story. Also I think that there was really no tie in with the title...albeit a very tough title to deal with.
But I think you did an admirable job with a a crappy title (one I submitted by the way....funny how karma works) so I commend you.
This is no way a comparison of your story vs. mine just my thoughts own your post specifically. And as I said if you feel I'm being unfair I invite you to come to my post and take a poop on it.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-23 08:23:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-02-23 07:36:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I was waiting for a bigger punchline. There wasn't any payoff to this, you know? You never find out why she leaves him or anything, though I presume it's because he was a whiny little girl. Jacob moaned on and on and kind of got annoying to me -- I thought you were going for comedy, but then nothing funny happens at the end; just a sad observation.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-22 23:11:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hi, i'm katy.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-22 21:41:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY!! Wake the fuck up! This is good shit here!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-22 21:01:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn the bitch, anyway. Fantastic!