A modest proposal to solve the immigration problem (1015 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 0.72 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Stabkill (View user info) at 2006-02-23 18:47:05 EST
America's been facing some problems, some minor, some big. One issue is illegal immigration. While the left is perfectly content to let Mexicans into our country illegally, people who want strong borders naturally want to keep them out.
Also, the liberal left feels the need to care about third world poverty. It's not our business, but they think we as a people should come together to help out countries like Nigeria, and AIDS-afflicted South Africa.
As I said in one of my last posts (http://ubersite.com/m/84186)I support the plight of the blacks. I want to help them as well, and I see that a lot of those countries are overpopulated.
So here's my plan:
We send some scouts or soldiers to countries in western Africa, maybe around Ghana or Nigeria, that general area. By bribing local leaders and by direct capture and control, we seize a choice selection of adult African males and bring them back to America.
In America, these Africans will work for their corporate masters for the joy of living here. They will have access to the finest healthcare, and be well-treated as indentured workers. Due to the numbers of Africans we will be importing, we won't be able to pay them, but the privilege of residing in America should be well worth it.
So anyway, we bar the borders totally, and station the army down there so nobody can get through. Since we have Africans working on all our low-paying jobs like house-keeping, labor, and cotton-picking, we don't need Mexicans! Everybody's happy!
I was thinking we might trade with the governments of these countries guns and weapons for their citizens to work for us. Sure, Amnesty International and the liberal crybabies would want to get involved, but we could eventually discontinue the trade after twenty years or so. By bringing in African women, we could breed them, and eventually weed out imperfections.
This new generation would have talents, such as dribbling balls, picking wheat and cotton efficiently, skill at football, and singing. All of these skills could be used to entertain us when they're not working. Maybe about three million Africans would be good...God knows we need enough labor in this country.
I can't see any problems. The African countries are no longer overpopulated, their citizens can work here, we don't have to deal with Mexicans, and we have a source of labor for shitty jobs!
There we go. Everyone's happy.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-24 19:33:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2006-02-23 22:10:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
Again lame satire, though this one was average. But the retarded 'left' thing you always go on about in your posts is still fucking stupid.
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Similar to the things I'd say with the left-bashing. Still kinda funny, but I am definitely not for bringing any more blacks to this country. Quite honestly, having worked around a great deal of them, I wonder how they ever did any work back then in the first place.
Regardless, Nobb is a tool and if the day comes where we must take arms up against our enemies from inside our own nation, it will be by my hand that a fucker like this gasps his last breaths of air with my knife sticking out of his chest.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2006-02-24 17:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I read this piece and immediately thought of Swift. Nicely done.
Then I started reading the reviews...
People get a grip. I am diametrically opposed to nearly everything StabKill(if that is your real name) has posted. But it doesn't change the fact that this great satire. Actually, this piece reminded me of Some of Razor's pieces and Domochevsky's Riot police series.. Again, nicely done.
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-02-24 13:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
HE'S LIKE CHAMELEON FRUM SPIDORMAN
Submitted by Aztune (user info) at 2006-02-24 10:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So funny.
So wrong.
Both for the same reasons.
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-24 10:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
blended in well with this one
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2006-02-24 09:22:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Crazy enough to work....
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:58:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i used to think differently on this subject but i HAve read BEEn reBuked.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:44:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not going to work I'm afraid.
For example, what are you going to do if they start fucking our white women?
Exactly, it's just impracticle.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:24:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-02-24 03:36:22 (#)
Ranking: -2
"It's not our business..."
It's this attitude that makes us generalize and hate americans.
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I thought it was the attitude of "Everything is our business..." that made everyone generalize and hate Americans.
Hmmm.... Catch-22....
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:19:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I hate to say it, but I think I'd rather have the Mexicans.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2006-02-24 03:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"It's not our business..."
It's this attitude that makes us generalize and hate americans.
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-24 01:08:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2006-02-24 00:37:00 (#)
Ranking: -1
How can he be right when he's being sarcastic? Unless you actually believe he's both serious and right, which I doubt you do, even for a nub off this site.
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You dumbass.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2006-02-24 00:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
How can he be right when he's being sarcastic? Unless you actually believe he's both serious and right, which I doubt you do, even for a nub off this site.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-02-23 22:25:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2006-02-23 22:10:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
Again lame satire, though this one was average. But the retarded 'left' thing you always go on about in your posts is still fucking stupid
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it's not stupid because he;s right.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2006-02-23 22:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Again lame satire, though this one was average. But the retarded 'left' thing you always go on about in your posts is still fucking stupid.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-02-23 21:52:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is fucking brilliant. WHY DIDNT WE THINK OF THIS BEFORE?!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-23 21:30:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think anyone has realized who's behind the username...
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-23 21:12:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha
Submitted by Dante_Alighieri (user info) at 2006-02-23 20:27:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, I thought this was really funny.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-23 20:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I get the distinct feeling that the inside of your cheek
has been caused severe pain by your tongue. . .
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-23 20:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:56:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
im assuming the reference to jonathan swift's satire 'a modest proposal' (let the irish eat babies so they dont go hungry) was intentional. if not, this deserves a -2
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Nope. It was after the Swift thing.
Since the English are greedy for fresh meat, and the Irish have too many children to afford, the answer is surprisingly simple!
The Irish can sell their children to the English for them to eat!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-02-23 20:03:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:56:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
im assuming the reference to jonathan swift's satire 'a modest proposal' (let the irish eat babies so they dont go hungry) was intentional. if not, this deserves a -2
Submitted by ampersand (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
So you want to trade ignorance for...ignorance and AIDS? I like it.
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:49:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
or we could just ship all of our mexicans to canada, and make the welfare recipients in this country do the shit jobs.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
garbage post
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:19:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"There we go. Everyone's happy."
:(
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:16:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The way i see it is that they will eventually get the vote and get the right to become citizens, they will then live in ghettos and be a burden on your welfare system and your crime rate will rise and...........well some of them will help you win lots of medals at olympic games.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:03:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't see anything about eating Irish babies here, so you get a +1
Submitted by Amorphous (user info) at 2006-02-23 19:00:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Genius idea! But you're still a racist.
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-02-23 18:49:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
While I think its a decent proposal, somehow I just don't think it would fly.