Article in Rolling Stone Magazine about my new car (2183 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.65 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Michael Jackson (View user info) at 2006-02-24 06:46:04 EST
BAHRAIN - Former Jackson 5 frontman, Michael Jackson, will no longer have to deal with using public transportation. The 47-year-old King of Pop has recently bought a 1988 Honda Accord from his friend Adam Linton, who graduated in 1997.
"It cost me 900 dollars," he said, eating his falafel take-out from last night, "It was well worth it."
The car, which he had named "Eleanor", has grey velveteen upholstery and its paint is in a lovely shade of Maroon.
"It comes with a cassette player, shamone," said Michael, "It came with a furry steering wheel cover, and automatic seatbelts, and air conditioning, and a spare tire."
The 47-year-old pop star now enjoys many other activities not possible before. He now enjoys going to the zoo, playing on the computer, eating Bahraini food, riding horses, going fishing, eating Hostess Snack Cakes, driving his new car through empty parking lots, looking for trolls under bridges, and walking across the beach on rainy days.
But, however, he had to pay the price for owning this versatile, head-turning automobile.
"One of the locks don't work," said Michael, "Someone ignorant could easily hot wire the automobile and drive off, leaving me hopeless."
"The car also doesn't have no windshield wipers," said Michael weeping, "What am I going to do on rainy and snowy days?"
Michael has apparently made his licence plate read "HIDDEN101". He also had to get another drivers licence.
"My driver's license expired way back in 1994. I needed another one. I waited in line at the DMV for 2 1/2 hours," said Michael.
Michael no longer needs to ride the city bus to get to the museum or to the park to sit on a bench and uh... feed the ducks. He no longer has to ride the train to visit a thrift store to look for some flashy clothes. He no longer had to pay ridiculous amount of money to ride the taxi.
"Luckily, no one recognizes me no more, because I got Botox® and a hair transplant, and I lost 30 pounds," said Michael.
"I feel 100% alive," said Michael, "I am glad about these changes I made, and they will hopefully be here for a lifetime."
User Reviews
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2007-03-08 23:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I HATE HIM SOO MUCH
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-03-30 15:44:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this? Little Thorpe is in the back!
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-05 22:30:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're pretty but your posts aren't interesting with a revealed identity behind them.
Thanks for ruining MichaelJackson for me.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-02-28 13:21:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOU'RE DANISH!
YoU'RE A GIRL!!
WOO
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-02-24 17:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me feel all sentimental inside.
Then cracked me the fuck up when I saw myself in the back of the car.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-24 16:26:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay! We love MJ!
Nice ride you got there. It makes my car look like poo.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-24 16:09:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-02-24 08:40:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
<sigh>
WE LOVE YOU MICHAEL!!!
(Even though hanging out with the sand-niggers and doing business with that shady Adam Linton character seem to have played havoc with your typically impecable grammar.)
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-02-24 14:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-24 14:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 liscense plate
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-02-24 14:02:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why you'd buy anything from that fucking homo I'll never know.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-02-24 13:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor Thorpe.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-02-24 13:09:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It comes with a cassette player, shamone," said Michael, "It came with a furry steering wheel cover, and automatic seatbelts, and air conditioning, and a spare tire."
==
Does it also have cup holders?
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-24 10:28:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shamone!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-02-24 10:14:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThatsGodToYouBitches (user info) at 2006-02-24 09:35:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It comes with a cassette player, shamone"
That makes it all worth it
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2006-02-24 09:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beatjunky (user info) at 2006-02-24 09:33:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84504 heee heee!
"he also enjoys trips to the zoo" ^^^^^^^ shamone!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-02-24 08:47:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-02-24 08:40:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
<sigh>
WE LOVE YOU MICHAEL!!!
(Even though hanging out with the sand-niggers and doing business with that shady Adam Linton character seem to have played havoc with your typically impecable grammar.)
--------------------------
This was written by some emo kid reporter at Rolling Stone Magazine! Don't blame me for bad penmanship :<(
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-24 08:41:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We used to have almost that exact same car.
A reg. Classic.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2006-02-24 08:40:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<sigh>
WE LOVE YOU MICHAEL!!!
(Even though hanging out with the sand-niggers and doing business with that shady Adam Linton character seem to have played havoc with your typically impecable grammar.)
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-02-24 08:15:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the booster seats.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-24 08:07:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shamone!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-02-24 07:36:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-24 07:33:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the added "shamone".
Priceless.
You can drive with me ANYTIME Michael.
--------------------
I say "shamone" whenever I get excited or go to the bathroom!
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-24 07:33:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the added "shamone".
Priceless.
You can drive with me ANYTIME Michael.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2006-02-24 07:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:49:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
I MISSED YOU MICHAEL!
SHAMONE +3!
AHEEHEE!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-02-24 07:28:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WE LOVE YOU MICHAEL!!!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-02-24 07:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-24 07:06:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey, MJ!
Leave that Thorpe alone.
</Pink Floyd ripoff>
----------------
The irony, I just finished listening to P*U*L*S*E...
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-24 07:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey, MJ!
Leave that Thorpe alone.
</Pink Floyd ripoff>
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:59:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You should all show sum respect to the freak +1 he he
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:55:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
I would never remake Thriller. That would be like destroying a great work of art, like the Mona Lisa or the Berlin Wall
---
AWWW MICHAEL - I assure you that it would be done IN GOOD TASTE and have wonderful acting by me!!
Michael: There's something I've got to tell you.
Michael's Girl AS PLAYED BY ME, BRIAN BLESSED: YES MICHAEL MY GOOD FRIEND WITH THE DELICATED FACIAL FEATURES!!
Michael: I'm not like other guys.
Michael's Girl AS PLAYED BY ME, BRIAN BLESSED: OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT!!! THAT IS WHY I HAVE A GREAT MANLY LOVE FOR YOU!!!
Michael: No I mean I'm different.
Michael's Girl AS PLAYED BY ME, BRIAN BLESSED: SPEAK UP MICHAEL - I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU!! YOUR EAR HAS FALLEN OFF!!!!!
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:57:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good deal
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:55:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would never remake Thriller. That would be like destroying a great work of art, like the Mona Lisa or the Berlin Wall
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:52:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:51:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
<weeps> what's with all this shouting you two, my delicate ear drums are ringing :<(
---
SORRY CHAPPIE!! I'LL TRY AND KEEP IT DOWN!! WHAT'S THAT HILDEGARDE? THE MUZZLE??!! NO!!
<muzzle is attached by the courageous Hildegarde>
There we go - much quieter. Have you considered my request Michael good chap? I COULD BE A WEREWOLF IF I SHAVED A LITTLE!!!!!!!! Sorry Hilde!
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:51:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
<weeps> what's with all this shouting you two, my delicate ear drums are ringing :<(
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:49:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BRILLIANT WORK CHAPPIE! WOULD YOU CONSIDER RE-MAKING THRILLER WITH YOURS TRULY? I'M A BIG FAN OF YOUR ALBUM WHERE YOU TELL OTHERS HOW BAD YOU ARE!!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-24 06:49:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I MISSED YOU MICHAEL!
SHAMONE +3!
AHEEHEE!