The Antichirst has Returned and is my Cats Mortal Enemy (778 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.09 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by skalors1 (View user info) at 2006-02-27 13:31:24 EST
At 5 this morning, my girlfriend and I woke to the most unearthly sound in the world.
My girlfriend shot up and simply asked, "What the fuck is that?"
To which I responded "How the hell am I supposed to know?"
Really, how the fuck was I supposed to know? It could have been anything. Maybe my neighbor finally killed her abusive husband and then realized that she ruined her new blouse in the process. Iran could have launched its own pre-emptive strike in response to the knowledge that we are going to bomb the shit out of them in the next few weeks. It should have been a number of things; instead it was one of my cats and it was coming from the bathroom.
"Go back to sleep, Foo is just giving her some love," I stated, assuming that my older cat was giving her a good one two.
"Foo is right here." She replied while poking me in the side to go see what was wrong.
I stood up mumbling "What the fuck."
I didn't give a shit what was wrong with my cat. The only thing wrong was that it was 5 in the morning and I was awake, walking to the bathroom, and did not have to take a piss.
It was at that moment that I heard the little bookcase in the bathroom crash down. I rushed into the bathroom. I had no fear for my cat. In fact, if she had died I would have been extremely disappointed; that meant I would not experience the joy of tossing her out of the window myself. The only thought in my mind was that the next 30 minutes were going to be spent cleaning up the shit in the bathroom while my cat licked herself and occasionally looked up to give me a confused look while tilting her dumb little head.
Upon entering the bathroom, the scene in front of me was more comical than infuriating. Yes, my bathroom was destroyed. Yes, my cat stood on the floor wet, undoubtedly having fallen into the toilet at some point. She was looking up at the ceiling while letting out the most pathetic cries. I even spotted little paw prints all over the bathroom mirror. My morning was shot. I not only had to clean the bathroom but I also was going to have to struggle to give her a bath before I left at 7. Nevertheless, I laughed.
On the ceiling, straight from the depths of hell, was the biggest fucking fly I have ever seen. The antichrist had finally come and it declared Jihad on my bathroom. My cat was just a tool for his destruction.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-02-28 21:35:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ride the walrus.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:50:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you sure that wasn't Starlight Express Mortal Kombat? That was a kick ass video game...
Submitted by Jacobt26 (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Would have been a +2... I hate cats.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:30:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Are you sure that's not Starlight Experss Mortal Enemy?
Submitted by pragmatic (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any cat story gets a +2 from me.
Would have been better with a pic of wet pussy
HA HA HA I had to say it sorry
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:02:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2006-02-27 13:55:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-02-27 13:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-27 13:44:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
cats ARE the antichrist.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-27 13:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile (+1)
Submitted by r0fl (user info) at 2006-02-27 13:35:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You had a +1 until I realized the Cats instead of Cat's, and I'm getting sick of everyone using a Jihad reference.