my girlfriend had buttsecks, and it wasn’t with me – or - life grievances I feel I need to address (PART 1) (11453 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: nonfiction
Rating: 1.55 on 207 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by scourgeoftheseas (View user info) at 2006-02-27 14:44:33 EST
It was one of those post coital conversations. They always seemed to be the place, before we got comfortable with one another, that we could talk about sexual fantasy, forbidden desires.
It wasn't easy to just ask over a muffin and a mug of tea if she would dress up like a pirate or tickle my balls with a feather.
Now, after having been together for a few years, I had no shame. I'd just walk into the room with little scourge and his first mates swinging and ask for head. It didn't often work, but that's not the point.
Those conversations were always the place to air the new ideas, appetites that you didn't necessarily want to throw out as topics of discussion at the drop of the hat. Or drop of the panties if you prefer.
Both tired from the exertion, skin flushed, feeling that mellow bliss that only comes afterwards. I liked to rub my hand up and down her tight stomach, the skin always felt so luxurious, like the sexual act did something to change its composition.
She'd often roll onto her stomach and I'd caress her back. The light massage always got us both ready again, but before that is when we would talk.
"What do you want to do to me?" she whispered. "Anything you want..."
Emboldened by the fact that we had just recently brought one another to a lovely climax, I had no shame in asking (no use being coy about things when you've just ejaculated inside of someone, right?) for anal access.
"No."
Period. That was it. We didn't even have a second go after that.
Though a crushing blow, the request itself did lead to a little more openness between us in sexual discussion. After you've asked someone permission to anally violate them, there just isn't really much left to be skittish about.
It would come up in conversation a number of times. Me asking. Her denying.
Not even for my birthday.
The reasons were the same that are probably given to anyone. That it would hurt too much, promises of ample lube notwithstanding, that it seemed dirty in some way...
I didn't give up hope though. This is part of the hero quest that is being a man. One of the goals on your epic journey through life. A sphinctery Holy Grail of sorts.
So I kept questing.
The horrible truth came one night after enjoying a couple of bottles of wine together.
The usual approach to the request by me, suave and charming, I was sure of success, my confidence would carry the day, plus there was the extenuating circumstance of her slight intoxication.
She had that flushed look of a woman with a belly full of happiness from the red red wine.
She had that hungry animal gleam in her eyes that meant I was going to be a sexually satisfied boy in a short span of time.
Oh Praise the Saints, I would soon visit forbidden ground!
I knew I could convince her this time! Her resolve had weakened a little over time and the stars were aligning that night...
"I don't think I ever want to do that again", she answered in an almost slurred voice.
Um, excuse the fuck out of me...
Again?
In the heated discussion that followed a few facts came to light.
One, my girlfriend had indeed had sex in the naughty place with a past boyfriend.
Two, she did not enjoy it whatsoever.
Three, the lack of enjoyment at the previous attempt equated to the improbability of any future endeavors of that nature.
Four, declaring that it was only right that I "get a turn" served only to ensure that there would be no intercourse of any kind for me that night.
User Reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-07-12 12:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and +0ing ALL of your posts!
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I forgot that during my "spamming" of your posts I mixed up ratings throughout the whole thing.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-07-12 11:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twat.
l
l
l
l
l
V
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-05-18 12:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-28 00:03:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Requires buttsecks below.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-27 23:34:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BUTTSECKS
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-27 23:20:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love this post.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-01-27 22:53:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
way to make it sound like you'd ever leave her satiated, scourge.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-27 22:29:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
first post to break 5 digits in hits.
whoo
doesn't seem that exciting.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-26 11:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
did you try to take my account, rob?
for shame.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-25 18:26:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
liar!
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|
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V
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-25 18:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'd like to see this be my first post to break the 5 digit hit mark.
you guys could have nominated THIS to B@W
but no. you guys hate me.
i'm leaving forever
username: scourge
password: waits324
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-10 21:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I almost stole this one.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-31 22:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've had it up to here with your shennanigans, I'm going through and +0ing ALL of your posts!
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 14:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LOVE MYSELF!!
SIGNED,
SCOURGEY
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-10-27 13:39:58 (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95020#2202073
banning attempt
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:33:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88572
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really really really hate to tell you this.
I've screwed a few chicks in the ass...and it smells fucking awful, and you have to go slow cause they're all "not too hard, you'll hurt me" and then they're all "don't put it back in my mouth..." and then they're all "mmmmphhhhphhhmmmhnph" cause I did put it back in their mouth. then they're all "I'm fucking done" and I'm all "I haven't busted a nut yet" and she's all "I don't give a fuck" so then comes the choloform and the rag, so while she's blissfully sleeping, I finish up.
ok really, buttsecks aint all it's cracked up to be. hahaha...I said "crack" and I was talking about ass plunging a little asian chick.
ahh shit here comes the cops....
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-03-30 19:14:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I AM RATING THIS POST WITH A +2 TO EXPRESS MY ENJOYMENT OF IT
AS SIMPLY READING IT AND ENJOYING IT IS NOT SUFFICIENT
GOOD
POST
SCOURGE!!!!
hehehehehehehe
Submitted by Deconstruction (user info) at 2006-03-05 23:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ashlee or whatever is back?
Explodes
+2 - im not sure if I've rated this 'afore.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-03-04 17:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know... does anal penetration count as cheating? If not, I'm all about it, but don't forget the cardinal rule; "you gotta lick it before you stick it." Oh, and bring your own lube. None of that warming bullshit either.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-03 22:19:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Ashlee. Can I poke your bum, it's only fair I get a turn.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-03-03 22:09:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ubmitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:46:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
same series of conversations between me and some chick I used to bang. She eventually gave in to the "you did it wrong the first time and I should have a turn" argument.
___
That's the same argument my boyfriend used... It's valid.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-03-03 10:02:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Average_Dan alert!!
Where are you baldy?
Berty, this is an old timey remembrance type of post. Long in the past this was. Aaah... the memories. Those were the good old days. The good old days of being denied buttsex and making not enough money to pay my bills and eat both.
The memories have me all choked up...
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-03-03 08:24:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The bloody fool. Why doesn't she just let you get it out of your system and be done with it? I mean one day she's going to have babies and that's going to hurt a lot more than buggery.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-03 00:23:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had the same thing happen to me. except it wasn't about anal, it was about a three way. she said that she had done it before, but she wouldn't do it with me because she 'cared about me too much'. at least i janxed In her eyeball before we broke up. Score: average_dan one, hooker ex girlfriends: none!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-03-02 21:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It is not a big deal, but people act like it's AMAZING or DISGUSTING or whatever, who cares? it's another hole in your lump of flesh (aka: body)
Submitted by angryrob (user info) at 2006-03-02 10:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol.. its only fair you get a turn. hahaha
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-03-02 09:11:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I used the finger slip method to prime my ex for buttsecks. Just put my finger in while we were banging, and when I felt confident, started wiggling it around a little, then eventually I lubed up and jammed it in.
I don't know how she managed to keep from getting any shit on me at all...I think she gave herself enemas or something.
Submitted by Kidmc (user info) at 2006-03-02 06:39:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Why not wait untill she`s asleep then Lube her up and dive in there!! .... Wooo Hoo she fuking kill you!! +1
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-03-01 18:31:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And the google link merry go round takes us to... http://www.theliberator.com/ *NSFW*
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-03-01 17:09:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2006-03-01 14:07:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
If she's your wife that means she is also your property so you can forcibly take what you want. It's a proven fact that a man cannot rape his wife (if she is a girlfriend that is a different story). Rape her fucking ass and show her who's boss you limp dicked faggot.
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depends on the state.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-03-01 16:51:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:58:12 (#)
Ranking: 1
"Fuck the Satan out of me," was her go-to phrase of choice.
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Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:51:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
did she scream "fuck me me in my butter churner" or something along those lines?
_____________________________
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! HAHAHAAAA! I can't breathe!
That's why I come to this website. HILARITY!
Submitted by JoeAverage (user info) at 2006-03-01 14:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If she's your wife that means she is also your property so you can forcibly take what you want. It's a proven fact that a man cannot rape his wife (if she is a girlfriend that is a different story). Rape her fucking ass and show her who's boss you limp dicked faggot.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-03-01 02:57:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not even for my birthday.
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FA! thats great. B@W maybe?
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-02-28 18:10:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'Not even for my birthday.'
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-28 17:17:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I know it's elastic and all, and that it's designed for babies to come out. But I just don't see the appeal in a woman that can fit a fist in her whoo whoo on a regular basis.
Maybe that's the reason some guys need teh buttsecks.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:35:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Her man told me to do it, that she liked it. Apparently she did.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:34:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:24:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
I just have to point out that I have never seen someone say "go fuck yourself" in a gentler, more polite manner...
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Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:43:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
scourge you guys should go and buy one of those dildo mold things and cast a mold of your dick. Then use THAT as a dildo.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
Oh god Crystle I love you.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:32:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahah
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:26:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well it freaked me out a little when you admitted that you did it. I seriously believed this to be an activity reserved to be performed by porn stars.
How did the woman respond? She ask for it, or you just thought, "Eh, lets see what all I can get in there." ?
I'm really a bit more intrigued with this notion than I probably should be.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:24:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just have to point out that I have never seen someone say "go fuck yourself" in a gentler, more polite manner...
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Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:43:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
scourge you guys should go and buy one of those dildo mold things and cast a mold of your dick. Then use THAT as a dildo.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:17:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scourge- that's really disturbing. It freaked me out a little when I did it... I don't do it regularly.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-28 16:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, nice to see that everyone continued to soldier along without me.
Michelle, fisting, really? I had a misguided notion that the only people who engage in activities of a fisty nature are porn stars. Well, porn stars and our own MistressFist.
You should have tried to open your hand while inside of the young woman and seen what happened. Or opened up your hand and just grabbed at something, like the Claw Machine, but with organs as the prize.
Now I've made myself feel a little ill.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2006-02-28 15:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this?
Gold.
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-02-28 13:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 but
sad, no happy end that's -1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Fuck the Satan out of me," was her go-to phrase of choice.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:51:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
did she scream "fuck me me in my butter churner" or something along those lines?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a Puritan girlfriend once. I used to tell her to keep her bonnet on while we shagged each other rotten.
I'll tell you this, though. That Quaker Oats guy costume, though cumbersome and uncomfortable, made me feel impossibly sexy. I've yet to feel that way since.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:43:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah yeah O, when's the last time you dated a puritan. really come on, you know you hunt the sluts down.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:35:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never asked, Michelle. They just present themselves and beg for it.
SUCH IS THE SATISFACTORY NATURE OF THE ORGASMATRON'S WANTONNESS. HIS FRAGRANT MAN-STINK MAKES HEARTS BEAT FASTER, AND HIS HANGDOWN TURNS EVEN THE MOST PURITANICAL WOMAN INTO A FILTHY BAWD.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:23:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when someone types out "teh buttsecks" it makes me think of beavis and butthead. saying it makes me need to laugh like beavis and butthead.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha, sorry jgreening. Think about a fmf then, with you as the m of course.
O-tron, when asking to anally violate a woman, do you say, "May I give you teh buttsecks?"
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with the fisting. I did it to one girl once and it freaked me out.
----------------
OK, chubby's gone.
Long gone.
Ewwwwww.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Because of this website, I can't NOT think of anal as 'teh buttsecks' in my mind.
Pronounced and spelled that way and everything.
"Thanks" Bart.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-28 12:05:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with the fisting. I did it to one girl once and it freaked me out.
A group for me is 5 or more. My husband and I have done mfm, fmf, mfmf and more.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 11:56:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i dunno i never counted a ffm threesome really as group play. now 4,5,6 and up and all that i count as a group. but like two girls and a guy i just see as there's places that things can go that there aren't appendages to fill completely (no fisting please) so toys are useful.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-28 11:34:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I use toys, just not in group play. When there's a group, there is generally no need for toys, since everything you need is right there.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-28 11:34:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Inion, Michelle.
Please.
Stop.
I'm at work now.
I can't have a chubby at work.
It's not professional.
OK, the boss is gone.
Keep going.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 11:31:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah but you said toys have no place. sounds a little boring ya know. try the sparkly blue wriggly ones. they're the best.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-02-28 11:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-28 11:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Who says I've never played with a girl before? I just prefer cock when it comes to DP and airtight.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 10:57:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well michelle then you've never played with a girl before. if there's only one available penis than other fillers are up for grabs.
Submitted by MistressFist (user info) at 2006-02-28 10:48:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahah excellent
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-28 09:52:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 09:39:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
hey lady, let me make you air tight, i've got some toys for ya and the bf can do your mouth.
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Toys have no place in an airtight.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-28 09:48:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:58:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
As for the Cards?
2004. 4-0 sweep.
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah baby.
=====
That was a masterful plan on the part of the team to help once and for all establish the Cubs as the losingest team in all of baseball. The RedSox were too close to the record that the Cubs had set for themselves that the Cards decided to take one for the greater good.
Yeah, that's it.
But, how old are you? I'm guessing late twenties/early thirties like a lot of the Uber populace. How many times in your lifetime have the Cards made it into the post season/ won their division/ won their league- gone to the Series/ won the Series?
The answer is, of course, an awful damn lot.
And that's without throwing 789 millioin dollars at every noobie player that comes through the ranks. They're not a big money team and they still manage to have a damn good team and a damn good season, every single year.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-28 09:39:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hey lady, let me make you air tight, i've got some toys for ya and the bf can do your mouth.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-28 08:29:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes ninja.
LadyPlural has multiple butt-plugs.
Excuse me while I do some... Uh... Exersizes.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-02-28 08:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Lady Plural has a butt plug?
Not just a butt plug, but a series of butt plugs???
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-02-28 08:00:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I reaaaally need to stop eating breakfast/lunch while I'm reading Uber.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-28 07:48:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:56:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:34:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Threesomes with friends never work though. Someone always ends up feeling jealous or awkward after.
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It's true. From what I've heard, of course.
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And it's especially true if the other chick just lays there, so you hop on the guy and take over. When you're done you realize she's left you 2 to go cry in the bathroom. Then they start dating.
Submitted by zoobie2000 (user info) at 2006-02-28 06:34:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-02-28 05:07:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-02-28 03:45:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Took a potentially boring post and turned it into humour
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Well hot dang, thorpe took the words right out of my mouth.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-02-28 03:45:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Took a potentially boring post and turned it into humour.
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-02-28 02:42:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-28 00:28:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plural...
Damn...
TMI.
Yet why do I wood?
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:48:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:46:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*shrug*
Teh buttsecks can be interesting, but the dear boyfriend is rather, uhm, sizable. Pain is one thing, but blood is (in my delicate opinion) a Bad Thing. And yes, we did use a large amount of lube. We've tried a few times since that memorable experience, but only once did it end in a satisfactory fashion on his part. A series of butt plugs of gradually increasing size over the course of a few hours solved the size issue.
I don't necessarily get off so much from the actual physical sensation as the control aspect. But then, I think that's at least partially the deal with the boyfriend as well. So go figure.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
same series of conversations between me and some chick I used to bang. She eventually gave in to the "you did it wrong the first time and I should have a turn" argument.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What's with all this buttsecks fascination anyway? the last time a girl asked me to fuck her up the ass (since it happens all the time and all), I said "uh... no thanks." when she pressed on and I challenged, "what's the point?" how could anyone find it appealing? I was eventually able to change the subject.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Melvin................
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:30:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's BOSH, dude!
Submitted by bonnee (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:21:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
respect the balls!!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-27 22:01:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Buttpoking is for idiots. Why waste a good pussy?
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2006-02-27 21:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually like it. But it is a drunk forbidden thing that you do when you are REALLY horny. My first experience was kinda painful, but I figured that I should give it another try. I did and now it is something that is a fun change. Sometimes after having sex for a long time you get a little sore and raw. Soooooo in order to continue with the fun goodness, you have to switch it up a little.
One of the key points is being comfortable with the person you are with. You have to know that they are not going to try to hurt you on purpose. Otherwise it would be kinda scary and you wouldn't be able to relax enough to enjoy it. Relaxation is the key and as someone else said lots of lube.
Rock on boys!!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-02-27 21:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-27 19:32:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha!
--------
indeed
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-02-27 21:24:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
To Pentameter, Leilani, and any girls who agreed with them (I stopped reading after a few reviews)
My experience with every girl who "hated" anal sex that I have been intimate with was that she had tried it with some other guy and it was not enjoyable... and then in the long run after some convincing and practice it turned out that the real problem is that the guy didn't know what he was doing, and the girl was nervous, and so it wound up all wrong.
Really everyone who does it right likes it.
Submitted by LadyJay (user info) at 2006-02-27 19:50:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
just found this on Dr. Ruths website ! hmmm..
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-02-27 19:32:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaha!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:58:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge, orientation be-damned! Everyone knows it's a joke. Right? Right?
As for the Cards?
2004. 4-0 sweep.
yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah baby.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:34:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Threesomes with friends never work though. Someone always ends up feeling jealous or awkward after.
----------------------------
It's true. From what I've heard, of course.
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, life in general.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:41:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Make it some random chick instead."
-------
Ash sounded interested.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:34:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've never really been interrested in anal sex. I'm willing to try just about anything once but that would be the type of thing I'd only try if the other person suggested it.
===
I have a suggestion to make.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:34:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:29:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
"She wants anal sex...I want her to lick my balls while I fuck her friend. That's fair right? "
More than fair, my internet chum, more than fair.
------------------------------
Assuming you meant a chick friend, I'll agree with you there. Threesomes with friends never work though. Someone always ends up feeling jealous or awkward after. Make it some random chick instead.
If you meant a guy friend, then uhh...sure man, whatever. I guess that's fair too.
I've never really been interrested in anal sex. I'm willing to try just about anything once but that would be the type of thing I'd only try if the other person suggested it. I had one boyfriend who really wanted me to try it but I never would with him simply because he wanted it so badly and that made me feel uneasy about the whole thing. He also used to try to wear my underwear when he'd get drunk. He was hot as hell but a closet homo if I ever saw one.
He's still a really good friend and I've still got a picture of him wearing a black bra and panties that do not fit at all so everything's hanging out and he's got his big feet in some heels that are way too small. I love that picture and I use it against him every now and then.
Submitted by PoTtY (user info) at 2006-02-27 18:27:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 on the title. Just...made my day.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
JayPeg. I thought you were trying to shake off the allegations leveled against you in regards to sexual orientation? Leaving reviews of that nature doesn't help you in the eyes of the uber poulace. Not me, I could give a fuck what type of genitals any given individual likes to play with, but you do have your detractors here.
I do have an issue with a comment you left on one of Lisas posts, however.
The St. Louis Cardinals rock your face off, man.
I must find and punish those who would say otherwise. And you said otherwise. At Chicago Ubercon it's on.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:55:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:38:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:29:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
More than fair, my internet chum, more than fair. If you shave the sack, the tongue feels even better on it.
-----------
Two days later, however, he's all whiny and emasculated because I'm laughing at the velcro like feeling on my taste buds.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OH HELLS YEAH!!! Ash likes the Oxy balls.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:48:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"get a turn"
ha ha ha ha!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:47:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor bastard.
Maybe you could lighten her mood by saying you'd take ne in the pooper, just to show her it's OK.
Or... Not... Ew.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:40:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:29:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
More than fair, my internet chum, more than fair. If you shave the sack, the tongue feels even better on it.
---
Auto +2 shorn scrote. Mine, that is.
I AM HAIRLESS BUT I AM MIGHTY.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:39:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ouch. Unlucky, man.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:38:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:29:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
More than fair, my internet chum, more than fair. If you shave the sack, the tongue feels even better on it.
-----------
Two days later, however, he's all whiny and emasculated because I'm laughing at the velcro like feeling on my taste buds.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:29:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"She wants anal sex...I want her to lick my balls while I fuck her friend. That's fair right? "
More than fair, my internet chum, more than fair. If you shave the sack, the tongue feels even better on it.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny... but I'm gonna be straightforward with you and say... it ain't all it's "cracked" up to be.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:03:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
===
Fucking a girl in the pussy is great.
But I don't like fucking a girl in the ass, even if she asks me.
Most guys fantasize about this but once you tried it a few times, it's really not worthy of convincing a girl.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree, except for the "even if she asks me" part.
I'm a profound believer in doing whatever she asks, as long as I get what I want in return.
She wants anal sex...I want her to lick my balls while I fuck her friend. That's fair right?
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:22:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear HV,
I hear that you are supposed to finish this report for me. Good luck and Godspeed. I hope you make it through.
Yours,
AshK
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:20:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:03:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:01:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
This is much more entertaining than the report I am supposed to be working on.
----
Tell me about it. I was doing your report and I got bored as hell.
---
Huh?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:03:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:01:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I figured your dick had a tiny eye-patch on it and you called it salty sam.
That image will stay with me for a while.
I think Michelle has really laid it all out pretty well (not trying to be punny). The key is taking it slow. It doesn't take much to get off the pleasure track and into painsville. There are some nice alternatives to the whole "ass pounding" scenario, too. Let her control the situation, try different muscle contractions (her), introduce something that goes "buzz" into the mix.
This is much more entertaining than the report I am supposed to be working on.
----
Tell me about it. I was doing your report and I got bored as hell.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:03:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:57:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:51:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking a girl in the ass is boring and pointless. Even if she likes it, which is not very common.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm not sure I follow what you're saying.
Is fucking a girl in the pussy as boring and pointless? Explain.
===
Fucking a girl in the pussy is great.
But I don't like fucking a girl in the ass, even if she asks me.
Most guys fantasize about this but once you tried it a few times, it's really not worthy of convincing a girl.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:01:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I figured your dick had a tiny eye-patch on it and you called it salty sam.
That image will stay with me for a while.
I think Michelle has really laid it all out pretty well (not trying to be punny). The key is taking it slow. It doesn't take much to get off the pleasure track and into painsville. There are some nice alternatives to the whole "ass pounding" scenario, too. Let her control the situation, try different muscle contractions (her), introduce something that goes "buzz" into the mix.
This is much more entertaining than the report I am supposed to be working on.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:00:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, but smudging my cock with turds just doesn't sit well with me.
Submitted by BrownEyedGirrl (user info) at 2006-02-27 17:00:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you should'nt have to suffer 'cause her last boyfriend didn't know how to do it...
if she's not going to let you try... tell her you'll try with the NEXT one!!
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:57:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:51:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking a girl in the ass is boring and pointless. Even if she likes it, which is not very common.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm not sure I follow what you're saying.
Is fucking a girl in the pussy as boring and pointless? Explain.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking a girl in the ass is boring and pointless. Even if she likes it, which is not very common.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:47:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:41:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oxymoron- When you put it in, you have to be slow at first and let her relax around you. Once she's relaxed, start off with a slow stroke so she can get used to it. After that she'll let you know if she likes, wants it faster, harder, GET THAT FUCKING THING OUT OF MY ASS.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, that's how we did it. I think it's the position we were in though. I don't know. I don't think it feels any diferent than vaginal sex, so I don't really care(now that I've tried it). I think it's more for her than him. Unless she's really loose I suppose.
Thanks for the vice.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:44:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yeah and as far as asses being engineered to fit a penis. you're half right, true anal muscles spiral open outwards and insertion the other way can be uncomfortable/painful if there isn't enough lube, but at the same time most men's penises aren't much bigger than a turd around. unless he's packing a louisville slugger, chances are it will fit in your colon. and even then, muscles, all of them, stretch over time and practice.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:44:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by no_one (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:36:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
They are not the same thing, I will contend. you are more likely to try something that you didn't think was great again. i.e. " I ate lobster once and didn't like it" vs. a painful experice, i.e. " I ate lobster once and it turns out I'm allergic and spent the night in the hospital" Women are built differently. For some women, It may feel good, but the ass was not engineered to fit a penis. For some girls, it may fit ok, but for some it could be rather painful, and no amount of lube is going to defy physics and allow something to fit where it doesn't.
Men do not have vaginas (you may be aware of this fact). Anal sex should feel rather similar to vaginal sex to a man. tighter maybe but that's about it. Gay men have anal sex because they find themselves liking men, but still want the sort of stimulation regular sex provides. It is a fantasy for straight men I guess I should say.
===
First point taken.
As for defying what could fit in there, you know about goatse, right? I refuse to link it.
I did not know that men do not have vaginas. What IS this thing on me that I've been fiddling with then? I know why gay men pound man ass, thanks. Some women want it too. Take our friend Michelle here whose email I'm going to respond to directly.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:43:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scourge - yes it is the deal breaker.
Larger than my forarm = RUN AWAY!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by no_one (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:14:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
Second, all you men on here seem to think a woman would say no because it doesn't feel good. I'd say it's more than that. What if she's saying no because it was painful. Anal sex is mostly just a mental thing. It's a fantasy. Why should she have to suffer just to see if you're any better at it than the last guy, so you can get your jolies? What if it turns her on to punch you in the balls? Would you let her, just to see if maybe she could make it feel not so bad?
----------------
because if you're a good lover or in love you should be willing to try things for your partner. being a close minded bitch in the bed room is a good way to make him/her want to sleep with other people. sacrifice. then again, i still firmly believe if you're bad at sex you shouldn't do it and i'm kinda thinking by this comment you're probably on the low end of the performance scale. you should quit now.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:41:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oxymoron- When you put it in, you have to be slow at first and let her relax around you. Once she's relaxed, start off with a slow stroke so she can get used to it. After that she'll let you know if she likes, wants it faster, harder, GET THAT FUCKING THING OUT OF MY ASS.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:38:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:25:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to think the same way regarding anal. I had a bad experience and was totally turned off by it after that. 2 years later, I'm often seen asking/begging for anal.
It's not always bad. The key is lots of lube.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Any other suggestions?
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:36:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge- email sent
Submitted by no_one (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:36:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:24:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by no_one (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:14:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
Second, all you men on here seem to think a woman would say no because it doesn't feel good. I'd say it's more than that. What if she's saying no because it was painful. Anal sex is mostly just a mental thing. It's a fantasy. Why should she have to suffer just to see if you're any better at it than the last guy, so you can get your jolies? What if it turns her on to punch you in the balls? Would you let her, just to see if maybe she could make it feel not so bad?
=======
2. Not feeling good and painful are kind of the same thing there skippy. If she wanted to punch me in the balls, I would have to get to kick her in the box. Anal sex is very enjoyable to some women.
Is anal sex mostly just a mental thing to gay men? They do it because they like it.
_________
They are not the same thing, I will contend. you are more likely to try something that you didn't think was great again. i.e. " I ate lobster once and didn't like it" vs. a painful experice, i.e. " I ate lobster once and it turns out I'm allergic and spent the night in the hospital" Women are built differently. For some women, It may feel good, but the ass was not engineered to fit a penis. For some girls, it may fit ok, but for some it could be rather painful, and no amount of lube is going to defy physics and allow something to fit where it doesn't.
Men do not have vaginas (you may be aware of this fact). Anal sex should feel rather similar to vaginal sex to a man. tighter maybe but that's about it. Gay men have anal sex because they find themselves liking men, but still want the sort of stimulation regular sex provides. It is a fantasy for straight men I guess I should say.
Submitted by Oxymoron (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:33:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'd just walk into the room with little scourge and his first mates swinging and ask for head."
-------
I try that one all the time, with the same results.
I was lucky enough to be asked to de-flower my GF's pooper. It started out great, she was really into it and having a good time until, about a minute into it, she moved and clenched. When the screaming subsided I was informed that we would never do that again.
A few months later I did the ole "OOPS" maneuver. IT WORKED! but only for about a minute again.
Ladies, you'll like this:
I don't ask for it anymore. A little while back I made a visit to the doctors and left with a great appreciation for not putting things up there.
So, I'm waiting for her to ask me again. Meanwhile she still loves a finger or two.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:33:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You can still have anal...Just let her slam YOUR asshole with her 10" vibrating rubber penis she keeps in her sock drawer.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:31:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MichelleNJ- Do you like the warming or the regular lube? Please email me with preference and directions to your home. scourgeoftheseas.at.hotmail.com
O- I thought this one might blow up. Poo poo pushing does very well here.
mbstateside- that was a big part of it indeed, sir. indeed.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:27:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The flow of the replies here has kinda got away from the Oringinal point.
Yes I can see why chicks wouldn't like anal and that is down to them but what your all failing to spot is why the man would want to.
Us guys are pretty primal when it comes down to it and I would say a BIG part of why he wants to do anal even just once is that none of us would like the idea of someone else having been where we are not allowed to go. Yes it's jealousy yes it's immature but it's there all the same.
This is not the greatest example but it's the best I can come up with right now. Imagine if you wanted to Go to Rome or Paris or (insert exotic/romantic location) but your significant other said Nah I don't want to go there with you. I've been there with and done that with an ex and I don't want to share it with you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:26:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:24:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
At any rate I would like to take this moment to note that this post marks the first time I have ever been on the Most Heated list.
----
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HA! And to think, you gave me all that grief about my "buttsecks phase."
"Why do your posts involve assplay, O-man?"
"How's about you stop being so focused on assfucking, O-dog?"
ANAL = RATINGS, my good man.
Understand it.
Live it.
Do it.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:25:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to think the same way regarding anal. I had a bad experience and was totally turned off by it after that. 2 years later, I'm often seen asking/begging for anal.
It's not always bad. The key is lots of lube.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by no_one (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:14:34 (#)
Ranking: 1
First, why, if you have an otherwise good sex life, would this one thing upset you so much? It can't feel all that different from regular sex, and if it is, she can do exercises to help that.
Second, all you men on here seem to think a woman would say no because it doesn't feel good. I'd say it's more than that. What if she's saying no because it was painful. Anal sex is mostly just a mental thing. It's a fantasy. Why should she have to suffer just to see if you're any better at it than the last guy, so you can get your jolies? What if it turns her on to punch you in the balls? Would you let her, just to see if maybe she could make it feel not so bad?
=======
1. I repeat. This was an incident from the past. I am now happily married to a different woman. My sex life with my wife is great.
2. Not feeling good and painful are kind of the same thing there skippy. If she wanted to punch me in the balls, I would have to get to kick her in the box. Anal sex is very enjoyable to some women.
Is anal sex mostly just a mental thing to gay men? They do it because they like it.
At any rate I would like to take this moment to note that this post marks the first time I have ever been on the Most Heated list.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:20:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AMPAM, AMPAM, one, two, three
AMPAM, AMPAM, Honalee
Stick it in your butt real tight
Then into your mouth, stretched wide
Taste that asshole, yum yum yum
Slide it in your cunny-cun
We're not done yet, second round
In your ass again I'll pound
Back into your mouth once more
MistressFist, you're such a whore
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:18:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome Orgasmatron.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:13:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:07:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
at least not in the bum end right peon?
-------------------
Anything that's bigger than my forearm requires SERIOUS contemplation (and lots of booze) before going ANYWHERE.
-----
So the bar is set at your forearm? And the dimensions of said forearm would be? I just need to know if you could accomodate my "Yard O' Be...
Oh wait. I already said mine wasn't a yard o' beef somewhere down below.
But really, the forearm? Damn. I mean, if it was just a bit smaller than the arm you go full guns, damn the torpedo full speed ahead type of thing, or is it on a graduated scale?
This big = OK for the vag.
That big = OK for oral.
Vienna sausage sized = OK for teh pooper
Submitted by no_one (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:14:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
First, why, if you have an otherwise good sex life, would this one thing upset you so much? It can't feel all that different from regular sex, and if it is, she can do exercises to help that.
Second, all you men on here seem to think a woman would say no because it doesn't feel good. I'd say it's more than that. What if she's saying no because it was painful. Anal sex is mostly just a mental thing. It's a fantasy. Why should she have to suffer just to see if you're any better at it than the last guy, so you can get your jolies? What if it turns her on to punch you in the balls? Would you let her, just to see if maybe she could make it feel not so bad?
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:13:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:07:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
at least not in the bum end right peon?
-------------------
Anything that's bigger than my forearm requires SERIOUS contemplation (and lots of booze) before going ANYWHERE.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:10:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Orgasmatron, that was truly a work of genius. Bravo sir.
esophagi maybe? Swallow hole. Yeah that works.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:08:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:01:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:57:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:07:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Pentameter- Donkey doesn't want it? Yeah, Holy Grail may be a bit of a stretch, but I would be willing to bet that 90% of men want to try it. Plus the line sounded good to me.
-------------------
Hahahahaha...Donkey does NOT want a ride on the Hershey Highway.
========
Or so he tells you. Any man who still sticks crayons up his nose is an avowed booty-luster-afterer. I swear this is true.
He may just fear the response he'd get. What would that be again? A sound punch to the neck maybe? Or a withering glance followed by rolling peals of laughter?
-------------------
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Actually, it would be a combination of all three followed by a sweeping dragon kick.)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:08:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I raced my lover's dirt road
I revved my engine right
No turns or twists or corners
Her road, it was a-tight
I raced my lover's dirt road
I drove right up her mile
My rubber peeled, I redlined
Her road I did defile
I raced my lover's dirt road
My oil dripped out slick
It landed on her dusty trail
The smell, it made me sick
I raced my lover's dirt road
One night so long ago
But then she set up roadblocks
Now a-racing I won't go
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:07:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
at least not in the bum end right peon? esophaguses stretch. esophagi? whatever...
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:02:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Prof Peon- What Uber man are you talking to? I thought you read stuff here? Every Uber man has a minimum of 12 inches in length and a girth resembling the smoked meat delicacy known simply as "Yard O' Beef" Hell a few of them use that as a pet name for their precious'.
--------------
That's how I know that all Uber men are lying about having anal.
WHAT THE FUCK I'M NOT TAKING ALL THAT!!?!?!????!!!!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 16:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:57:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:07:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Pentameter- Donkey doesn't want it? Yeah, Holy Grail may be a bit of a stretch, but I would be willing to bet that 90% of men want to try it. Plus the line sounded good to me.
-------------------
Hahahahaha...Donkey does NOT want a ride on the Hershey Highway.
========
Or so he tells you. Any man who still sticks crayons up his nose is an avowed booty-luster-afterer. I swear this is true.
He may just fear the response he'd get. What would that be again? A sound punch to the neck maybe? Or a withering glance followed by rolling peals of laughter?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:57:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:07:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Pentameter- Donkey doesn't want it? Yeah, Holy Grail may be a bit of a stretch, but I would be willing to bet that 90% of men want to try it. Plus the line sounded good to me.
-------------------
Hahahahaha...Donkey does NOT want a ride on the Hershey Highway.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What a thing of beauty this post has become.
Susie- she was already my hero. The offer wasn't made on the young ladies part. Just a simple rejection of my very reasonable request. Oh well...
HV- scroll through the reviews. This was someone different from a number of years ago. Not me wifey. And my penis has no name. He likes to be incognito.
Prof Peon- What Uber man are you talking to? I thought you read stuff here? Every Uber man has a minimum of 12 inches in length and a girth resembling the smoked meat delicacy known simply as "Yard O' Beef" Hell a few of them use that as a pet name for their precious'.
Thats what they all say anyway.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:55:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:51:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the problem is that butts smell like poop and i don't want the fragrance of poop wafting gently about the room while we are having sex. THERE I SAID IT!!!
plus, just.... ouch.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:47:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
putting a 10" dildo up anyone's ass isn't very nice unless they ask. and besides if you believe in the you first method of persuasion you should find a dildo equal to the size and length of the man in question. it's only fair that way.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ten, five, two, eight whatthefuckevah
IT HURTS IT HURTS HURTS HURTS
oh, okay, that's right, I get it.
Some folks are into the pain thing.
my bad.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:46:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:42:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, HV you silly little fellow. I lay no claim to anything anywhere near that big. I am a slightly above average penised man. It's not huge, it's not small.
It's just right.
With three little faint freckles on the head. Now you have some more mental imagery about my piece to help you blow your load quicker.
---
(ejaculates)
I figured your dick had a tiny eye-patch on it and you called it salty sam.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:46:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:54:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
First of all, the concept for this series is hilarious.
Secondly, your attachment on the bottom of this post is fucking great.
Thirdly, it is understood that I'm going to laugh at any man who wants to stab his girlfriend's poo.
When are you guys ever going to learn?
And since when did a woman's asshole become the Holy Grail?
-------------------------------------------------------------
Pentameter, you're my new hero. And I'm agreeing with Leilaini on this one too. If your gf/wife allowed you in the back door, would you in exchange allow her to go to town on your ass with a strap-on? No? Big surprise. Yes? Bullshit.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:37:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Um, my buddy has a 64 1/2 sitting in his garage. He actually bought it for a girlfriend. When she left the car stayed. Smart man put the title in his name. It's black now, though I don't believe that is the original color. I'm not sure they offered the 64 1/2 in black. Huh...
He's trying to sell it.
You should ask for a brake upgrade as well since they only had drums all the way around on the first generation Mustangs. With the extra power of the 302 you'd want the extra stopping power. And why stop at a 302? May as well go for the 351M or even go all the way and slap in a big block.
Am I to understand that for this car a man could add you to his harem?
------------
i said at the LEAST a 302 cuz that way some love and work probably went into it. and no he doesn't get me as part of his harem but if i was already doing him i'd let him do me in the ass if he really did give me a that car. actually i think if he gave it to me, like signed over the title for free and everything, he could plow me in the butt till the cows came home, or until someone gave me another better car/truck.
i do have a list of acceptable replacements.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:43:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some women like it. Some women like it an awful lot. The first woman I was with who I had anal sex with liked it probably too much.
As for a 10 incher, I think that if it was to be a trade off there should at least be some standards set. I wouldn't have been putting anything near 10 inches up her caboose, so ...
------------------
That's why girls say no..... It's too big.
I hate to break it too the Uber guys here but.... only small(er) guys get anal.
Unless of course, she's already stretched like a porn star.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:43:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
scourge you guys should go and buy one of those dildo mold things and cast a mold of your dick. Then use THAT as a dildo.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:42:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, HV you silly little fellow. I lay no claim to anything anywhere near that big. I am a slightly above average penised man. It's not huge, it's not small.
It's just right.
With three little faint freckles on the head. Now you have some more mental imagery about my piece to help you blow your load quicker.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:40:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:37:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
try offering to let her put a 10-inch dildo up your ass first and then maybe she'll change her mind. it's worth a try. see how you like it.
zero pleasure for a woman. Z E R O
===
Some women like it. Some women like it an awful lot. The first woman I was with who I had anal sex with liked it probably too much.
As for a 10 incher, I think that if it was to be a trade off there should at least be some standards set. I wouldn't have been putting anything near 10 inches up her caboose, so ...
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:39:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:37:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
try offering to let her put a 10-inch dildo up your ass first and then maybe she'll change her mind. it's worth a try. see how you like it.
----
Nooo..... The fair thing to do is put a dildo the size of scourges dick up his ass. Since she won't be taking a ten incher in hers.
Here is where scourge comes through saying "Yeah. 10 inches is NOTHING compared to me!" and then we all go "Yeah...okay scourge."
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
try offering to let her put a 10-inch dildo up your ass first and then maybe she'll change her mind. it's worth a try. see how you like it.
zero pleasure for a woman. Z E R O
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Um, my buddy has a 64 1/2 sitting in his garage. He actually bought it for a girlfriend. When she left the car stayed. Smart man put the title in his name. It's black now, though I don't believe that is the original color. I'm not sure they offered the 64 1/2 in black. Huh...
He's trying to sell it.
You should ask for a brake upgrade as well since they only had drums all the way around on the first generation Mustangs. With the extra power of the 302 you'd want the extra stopping power. And why stop at a 302? May as well go for the 351M or even go all the way and slap in a big block.
Am I to understand that for this car a man could add you to his harem?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:36:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like american muscle cars and classics. big loud powerful engines. german engineering is great, but bmw's are better at that than mercs and i don't like the body styles in them. i'd rather pay $90k for a reworked roadster than a new mercedes with all the trim.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:17:13 (#)
Ranking: 0
Totally agree. I'm too am of the school that one bad experience shouldn't ruin the whole game. I was more saying if she had tried it multiple times w/a few different methods, then why can't it just be accepted that she doesn't like it?
-------------------------------------------
You mean she's been have the buttsecks with Method's alters! I don't blame her for not liking it.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:33:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:31:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah i never said i wanted a mercedes.
------------
I don't know you anymore...
Actually my car isn't super fast, or at least not like the other Benz's out there. It can hold it's own but still it's sort of like a Toyota Corolla with all the options.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah i never said i wanted a mercedes. i'd rather have a fuckton of classic cars than one stupid rich white old dude car. you can start with a 64 1/2 mustang. i'll be nice and won't specify color. although you will have to find one that someone put at least a 302 in and a 5speed.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:17:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
You gotta have your priorities. If a girl told me "I will grant your every sexual fantasy for a year. But in exchange you have to crash your Benz." I'd kick her out of my house.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
If a girl ever told me that I'd have my way with her for a year then have a good laugh at her expense because I drive a shitty Mazda.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:26:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:21:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
a mercedes deserves to be crashed
----
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GIRL WHO SAID SHE'D BE MY GOLD DIGGER WIFE?!?!
WHAT?!?!
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
redskies- Please don't misinterpret this as any dismissal of the vagina as my favorite thing that exists upon the earth. Because that is what it is. To me the female body is like a buffet, and I don't want only the prime rib, I want the chicken too. And a chocalate/vanilla swirl soft serve sundae.
Ash- thanks for the suggestion. I am collecting them all and putting them in my hat. At the end of the day I'll draw an idea out and use either it or any other random crap that comes to mind in between now and the deadline of the comp.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:24:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:18:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
oops indeed. With the young lady in question I tried the old "OH MY, so sorry, my mistake" trick. I wasn't believed.
----------
let me reiterate the importance of a high alcohol consumption, HIGH.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:24:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:01:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
because women are chattel who exist on this earth to pleasure men only, and pleasure them any way a man wishes.
I thought that was implicit in this post, I mean it is predicated on the assumption that women are subservient to the sexual needs of men no matter how unpalatable and frankly unsanitary, no? ""
he still thinks this shit works.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:21:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a mercedes deserves to be crashed
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:17:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:13:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
HV - trading driving cars for buttsecks made me laugh because I love cars.
----
You gotta have your priorities. If a girl told me "I will grant your every sexual fantasy for a year. But in exchange you have to crash your Benz." I'd kick her out of my house.
---------------
Hell, I'd kick her outta your house for suggesting such blaspheme.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahhahahaha! Dare I say PWNED?!
Oh and..
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 11:40:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
On that note, do you have any suggestions for me as to how I can write with the title "Where's Me Lucky Charms?" for the Shamrock Open comp? I'm not a good humor writer by any means and I can't seem to put a serious spin on that title in my mind...
---------
Obviously it has to be an Irish serial killer (no, not cereal) who keeps his victims ears, nipples, balls, whatever as lucky charms and looses them in the john when he gets drunk at the local pub. Then he has to go on a killing rampage until a small white fluffy kitten returns his precious lucky charms. The kitten will, of course, show the killer the error of his ways and they will live happily ever after.
What other direction could you go?
sheesh.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:19:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still do not understand why any man would want to stick their cock up a lass's shitter. There's a perfectly good vagina which has all manner of cool uses.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oops indeed. With the young lady in question I tried the old "OH MY, so sorry, my mistake" trick. I wasn't believed.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:17:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post.
I can't blame women for saying no. I can't imagine I would find pleasure in having something stuck up my ass. Hold on.
(Goes to bedroom. Does not come back)
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:13:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
HV - trading driving cars for buttsecks made me laugh because I love cars.
----
You gotta have your priorities. If a girl told me "I will grant your every sexual fantasy for a year. But in exchange you have to crash your Benz." I'd kick her out of my house.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:11:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:56:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are guys always so shocked that the reason a girl doesn't want to have the buttsecks, is in fact, because she's DONE IT BEFORE and doesn't like it?
------------
because almost all things sexually are solely related to skill when it comes to enjoyment. personal preference is usually just a matter of tried it once with someone who sucked at whatever it was and that's why they say they don't like it. alot of people hate things in bed just cuz they had shitty partners. if you try it twice and you hate it it's most likely the act not a specific experience.
--------------------------
Totally agree. I'm too am of the school that one bad experience shouldn't ruin the whole game. I was more saying if she had tried it multiple times w/a few different methods, then why can't it just be accepted that she doesn't like it?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:09:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer the vag. because my wife doesnt allow me to enjoy anything else
-----------------------
Why did you marry her?
and if she changed, I am pretty sure that is grounds for divorce, I am putting it in my pre-nup.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:15:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no but she's less likely to notice or care that you've worked it in there, when she does that's when you say oops.
Submitted by weasul (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:15:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy butt sex. It's a different approach to a fun game.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:14:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:00:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
"oops it slipped"
try it the next time she's drunk.
--------------------------------------
I don't care hos drunk you are you can't "slip" in there, that needs to be worked in, and with a lot of lube.
I have always said it is better to ask forgivness than beg permission.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:13:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HV - trading driving cars for buttsecks made me laugh because I love cars.
O - you're right, it might be good with them, but when someone hounds you about it, it can make a person even less receptive to the idea and withdraw from it more.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:12:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:04:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear if I ever meet a Genie in a lamp my first request would be to find the mother fucker who ass banged my chick without thought or care for those who would come (no pun intended) after him and beat the living shit out of him.
--
yeh but without getting too far into it-- pun intended-- even if it's done tenderly,, gently and with tons of loving care and lube it still doesn't feel good to everyone.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:56:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are guys always so shocked that the reason a girl doesn't want to have the buttsecks, is in fact, because she's DONE IT BEFORE and doesn't like it?
------------
because almost all things sexually are solely related to skill when it comes to enjoyment. personal preference is usually just a matter of tried it once with someone who sucked at whatever it was and that's why they say they don't like it. alot of people hate things in bed just cuz they had shitty partners. if you try it twice and you hate it it's most likely the act not a specific experience.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:09:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:00:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
HV- "trekking where a man had gone before"?...Have you only had sex with women who were virgins?
----
Yeah. I don't seek them out or anything, they come to me.
Submitted by RamenNoodle (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I prefer the vag. because my wife doesnt allow me to enjoy anything else
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Pentameter- Donkey doesn't want it? Yeah, Holy Grail may be a bit of a stretch, but I would be willing to bet that 90% of men want to try it. Plus the line sounded good to me.
Sacrilicious- Ummmmm, I'll get back to you later on that one. With my anal chastity belt on.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:06:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
....yet you conveniently avoid my fair question. As expected.
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:04:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have EXACTLY the same problem. I my experience Women either like or dislike anal depending on that first time. If your unlucky enough to get the baggage of some cunt who had fun with her poo hole without thought or regard or the sacred nature of such your screwed it's as simple as that.
I swear if I ever meet a Genie in a lamp my first request would be to find the mother fucker who ass banged my chick without thought or care for those who would come (no pun intended) after him and beat the living shit out of him.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:04:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
See, I said the men would understand. Orgasmatron and HV both know. Both reviews, correct on all accounts.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:04:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She actually stuck a garden hose in my ass and turned the tap on while I plugged her with my love.
Good times.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:02:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
teh buttsecks...eh, it can be overrated - unless the front end is as wide as a mayonnaise jar...
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:01:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
because women are chattel who exist on this earth to pleasure men only, and pleasure them any way a man wishes.
I thought that was implicit in this post, I mean it is predicated on the assumption that women are subservient to the sexual needs of men no matter how unpalatable and frankly unsanitary, no?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:00:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
HV- "trekking where a man had gone before"?...Have you only had sex with women who were virgins?
As long as it wasn't very recently, as in during the course of my relationship <shrugs shoulders> why the fuck would I care if she has sexually experimented? And even during the relationship, well, my wife and I have talked, if she wants to have a go at another guy, or woman, well...alright. I don't imagine she ever would, but if she wanted to I suppose she should.
I've lived a very full sexual life, at that point in time that didn't include anal, though it has since been crossed nicely off the list.
O-town- Did she tickle your balls with a feather too? That little bitch.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:00:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:56:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are guys always so shocked that the reason a girl doesn't want to have the buttsecks, is in fact, because she's DONE IT BEFORE and doesn't like it?
---
Because it's like saying this:
Ensues: Hey HV. You have a nice car. Can I drive it?
HV: No.
Ensues: Oh that's cool.
HV: Yeah. After letting Tigerlilly drive it I don't let other Uber users drive it.
Ensues: Wait huh? Why not?
HV: Well I just didn't like it.
Ensues: That's not fair. You let her drive it and not me? Why?
HV: Because anal sex is nasty.
Ensues: What? We were talking about your car.
HV: Oh...
Ensues:....
HV: Sorry...I was TOTALLY thinking about something else.
Ensues:....
HV: Can I penetrate your rectum?
Ensues: Can I drive your car if you do?
HV:...
Ensues:...
HV: No nevermind...Anal isn't worth it.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-02-27 15:00:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"oops it slipped"
try it the next time she's drunk.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:56:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are guys always so shocked that the reason a girl doesn't want to have the buttsecks, is in fact, because she's DONE IT BEFORE and doesn't like it?
---
Because, dear, they've never done it with THEM. And maybe it'll be good WITH THEM.
Conversely, though, why are women always so shocked that the reason a man doesn't want to get married is, in fact, because he's DONE IT BEFORE and didn't like it?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:56:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why are guys always so shocked that the reason a girl doesn't want to have the buttsecks, is in fact, because she's DONE IT BEFORE and doesn't like it?
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:55:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what those 2 wise ladies said
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\/
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:55:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another +2 because since we reviewed at the same time, you'll get screwed out of one of our +2s.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My rule is, I'll try to have an open mind about anything that you would also be willing to do for me.
If I can take it, so can you. That's fair, right?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First of all, the concept for this series is hilarious.
Secondly, your attachment on the bottom of this post is fucking great.
Thirdly, it is understood that I'm going to laugh at any man who wants to stab his girlfriend's poo.
When are you guys ever going to learn?
And since when did a woman's asshole become the Holy Grail?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:53:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Look, I'm sorry...I tried to take it easy with her but she just kept bucking and yelling "more, more, you animal!" She was wearing a viking hat at the time and everything, so who was I to complain, or deny her?
Anyway, the point is she was lying - it's not that it was a bad experience, it was merely that the bar was set so impossibly high that attempting 'teh buttsecks' with another man would be an exercise in folly.
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:52:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of those reasons I am glad my girlfriend was a virgin.
I mean don't get me wrong, I would HATE for a girlfriend to deny me for anything I have done in the past, but still....Trekking where a man had gone before? That always rubbed me the wrong way.
PS. Anal is awesome. Just so you never give up. It's worth the effort.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:50:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:49:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
better dump her, she's damaged goods.
===
This situation is a long time gone. I'm married now.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:49:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Two women laughing at me. I expected nothing else from your half of the human race.
The men will understand my sorrows.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:49:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
better dump her, she's damaged goods.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:47:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahah
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-02-27 14:47:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahaha. poor little scourge.
would you want someone to stick a peener or peener shaped object in YOUR butt? methinks not.